Interpreting Workmates - Insecurity Issues?

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

I was bullied an awful lot when I was at school. It was rarely physical, mostly taunting and sarcasm. The mind games were the worst. It was a real struggle to know if someone was being genuine with you or just making fun of you, and your reaction to this would change the outcome of the whole thing. Needless to say I got it wrong a lot, I took my classmates at heart when they were actually making fun of me, and I found out later that a lot of the humour they took from it was from my misunderstanding events. It has affected my life ever since, at college, Uni and the workplace.

 

Tonight a colleague make a joke about my "comb over." While I don't have a comb over, I am aware my hair is slightly receding on one side and I do try and part my hair to the side to create the effect of a straight across hairline. The effect is it is slightly thicker on one side than the other but I've never considered noticeable unless you look closely. No one has ever said anything to me about it, even my gf who is always brutally honest, sometimes to the point where I get very offended, so when this colleague said this, I took it very personally. He's a nice guy and we get on well enough, though we don't talk often, just if our paths cross. If that wasn't enough, another work colleague overheard and joined in, joking that I should ask my hairdresser for my money back...

 

Work has been great since I've started there 3 months ago, in the sense that no bullying has taken place at all, which is a 1st for me. But when something like this occurs I have to wonder if I should be taking it seriously, or lighten up a bit. Part of thinks if I'm lighthearted about it, history will repeat itself and I'll be ostracised for not being clever enough to see when I'm getting the piss taken out of me...

[skydiveaddict]

I have to wonder if I should be taking it seriously, or lighten up a bit.

 

Lighten up a bit. Tease them back.

 

The jokes, personal digs and teasing at my workplace are relentless and crude. Just throw it back at them. It's really just all in fun anyway. Don't sweat it.

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

Lighten up a bit. Tease them back.

 

The jokes, personal digs and teasing at my workplace are relentless and crude. Just throw it back at them. It's really just all in fun anyway. Don't sweat it.

 

I know I shouldn't take it seriously, but it's ingrained in me now from school. I guess it's this thing I have; this fear of being disliked, of people talking behind my back. It's happened often enough in my life and its crushing. This is why bar work doesn't suit me, I'd rather a job I can be absorbed in and not have to talk to others. I'm very socially anxious, and sooner or later that insecurity will give me away in work and I may become the pariah I was at both school and college. I feel I can't take the risk of letting my guard down.

[skydiveaddict]

I'd rather a job I can be absorbed in and not have to talk to others.

 

That's not going to happen so you have to learn new social skills. I'll use your example of being teased and how you might deal with it:

 

Skydive: "Hey Unthought, nice combover" (lol)

 

Unthought: "Thanks sky. The last time I slept with your girlfriend she said the same thing". (lol)

 

See? It's easy to do and you will soon be accepted as "one of the guys" and your social anxiety will go away.

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

That's not going to happen so you have to learn new social skills. I'll use your example of being teased and how you might deal with it:

 

Skydive: "Hey Unthought, nice combover" (lol)

 

Unthought: "Thanks sky. The last time I slept with your girlfriend she said the same thing". (lol)

 

See? It's easy to do and you will soon be accepted as "one of the guys" and your social anxiety will go away.

 

Hmm, see I'm just not that kind of guy. I hate stuff like that, actually. I'd prefer a different kind of interaction. Not that I'm not a fun guy, I just don't like joking around like that. So, what'd you do if you're just different like that?

[skydiveaddict]

So, what'd you do if you're just different like that?

 

I was different like that. But I was unhappy, so I changed almost everything about me.

 

But, if you're happy with who you are now, then you will have to put up with the way the rest of society operates. You'll have very little success trying to change that.