Is this what marriage is?

[Ssy]

I got married at the age of 22 and my husband was 24. The past two years of our marriage have been the worst years of my life. We have a 3 year old daughter and he doesn’t know that having a child goes beyond just playing with her, tickling and picking her up from school. He doesn’t know how that you have to feed her, buy her clothes, pay her fees , hospital and doctor bills and pay the nanny that has to look after her when you are unable to.

2 months into my pregnancy I asked him to prepare for the 4 months I’d be on unpaid maternity leave. During the 9 months he didn’t pay for the doctor visits or buy anything to prepare for the for the arrival of the child and I took it as he is preparing for the time when I’ll be on leave at work.

When the baby arrived he didn’t pay for the baby’s hospital bills (mine were paid by my medical aid), baby food or clothes. Yet he still couldn’t help me with the baby during the night or the day first after my C-section, but playing pc games the whole night was OK. He had asked me not to involve my family and he wouldn’t involve his, because he would look after our child. I had to go open credit accounts to support my child, because she didn’t have nappies and food. I had to go back to work a month before my leave ended to be able to pay bills. When I signed my child as the beneficiary of my policies he told me he would sign his other child (with another woman)as the beneficiary since I didn’t make him the beneficiary of my policies.

When we decided we should get a car because we didn’t have one, I took it in my name and he promised to help with monthly installments, but when I asked for the money a few months down the line he said “It’s not his fault I decided to buy things I can’t afford.” Keep in mind that I was paying half for every expense we had except the rent and electricity (That later changed because he couldn’t afford it anymore). We earn more or less the same amount. When I tried to help with his other child he said I should stay out of it as his other child is his problem not mines. Things got so bad at some point he hit me and said I push him too far.

When things got tough he would leave and sit at some bar until the early hours of the morning saying his life is stuck in a loop(Having to go to work and coming home) while other people are living the good life out there. He met a girl at this bar and they started chatting on his phone during the evening when he was home or

When things got tough he would leave and sit at some bar until the early hours of the morning saying his life is stuck in a loop(Having to go to work and coming home) while other people are living the good life out there. He met a girl at this bar and they started chatting on his phone during the evening when he was home or he would go out to lunch or the bar with her or she would get him tickets for some event so they could go together. He said they were just friends and I believed him. She sent a message that I shouldn’t worry because she is not dating my husband.

One day I got tired of waiting around for him to realize he’s married and has a child and responsibilities and I started doing martial arts and yoga and I got myself a motorbike. I felt I needed to do something beside sitting at home and doing nothing. I stopped sleeping with him especially when he started telling me that it was my duty as a wife to have sex with my husband (Kind of ruined sex for me). I suggested counseling and3 weeks into it he didn’t like the guy because he says he concentrated on me more than him.

I told him how I felt and I asked him to move out of the flat. He refused so I told him I’d move out. He organized for us to go to another shrink to try save our marriage. I agreed, but now I don’t know why because I don’t want to be married to him anymore. I’ve seen the type of person he is and I don’t like him anymore and as far as sex goes I don’t want him to touch me. I still went to the counseling (Which I know won’t work because I don’t want to fight for our marriage).

He called his parents and told them I wanted to leave him and they drove 1200KM to confront me. Telling me that the way I’m acting shows that I never wanted to be part of this family and my problems are petty and the fact that I’m not sleeping with my husband has a bit of Satanism in it. They won’t even talk about promises that were made before the marriage. I need to stop acting like a child and appreciate everything my husband is doing for me. They said I should also realize that everything bought in the marriage stays in the marriage and since I’m the one who wants to leave and he’s the one staying in the marriage. My husband sat there and never defended me instead he kept adding fuel to the fire. After they left he told me that everything has been sorted and He hopes his family did not waste they money coming to solve our problems and that we should have sex. When I refused he just had sex anyway. The next day I left and moved into a flat. My baby is currently visiting his grandparents for the holidays.

My family doesn’t understand, he doesn’t understand and his family doesn’t understand why I left. I don’t ever want to go back. I’d rather die than go back. I don’t know where to go from here. Should I file for divorce or wait for him to years from now. All I know is I don’t have any support on y side at the moment, and the one person I thought was my friend just told me he has feelings for me so now I’m all alone because I can’t deal with him right now.

 

The be st my family could say is I'm married now so I can't just pack up and leave

Please advise???? (Sorry it’s an essay)

[movingon12]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You need to divorce this man asap and get him paying child support (preferably back dated if possible). Forget what your family is saying. What you had was not a husband, what you had were 2 children to look after. It will take time but you've made the right decision, stay strong!