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After a Break-Up trying to improve...


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So I have the physical and material parts covered. I am working out, making my looks as good as I can. Buying new clothes etc. What I need some advice on is personality type things. For example one of the core reasons my ex broke up with me was because she felt like I didn't care for her anymore. So maybe how do I learn to show more appreciation?

 

Personality is hard to learn where to improve on because you cant directly see it....So maybe if you could just give me advice in general as to how to improve your personality or character after a break up?

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Redbirdinabrightsky

Learning to show appreciation is what you are after? That is a behavior in a relationship.

 

Your personality, is developed between the ages of 1-7, and it will stay the same for life unless you have a brain injury.

 

Behavior modification is perhaps a more apt way of pinning down what you are after, and the specific behavior in question can be a learned one. Have a plan, stick to it. Behavior modification is no overnight fix-all, but there are things you can do, a huge host of things you can do, to show a woman you appreciate her.

 

Changing personality is out, character, that is another matter. Character lessons are a toughy. I think you will be best served to actually get into a relationship, and simply ask the woman flat out what will make her feel appreciated, or feel like she is important?

 

Maybe that is a place to start. My own observation is this; showing too much appreciation can backfire, it can get sappy after a while. Maybe the girl you were seeing was a bit too far towards "needy" on the appreciation/attention spectrum? And because of that, you were showing her enough appreciation, and it was her problem, not yours?

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that is very possible....it seems my ex did demand that I was always somehow showing her she was awesome. But is there anything I can currently do to change my character? Or do I basically have to wait till my next relationship.

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Redbirdinabrightsky

I'm sorry but I guess it is tough too know what you mean, or what anyone means when referring to character, for me this is because it is not exactly a psychology term.

 

For myself, character is a wavy, amorphous, thing that is about right or wrong, a sort of moral code.

 

Maybe your question can be rephrased?

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