anp0123 Posted December 14, 2012 Share Posted December 14, 2012 Just a back story.. I have been with my fiance for 5 1/2 years. About a year ago we started going through a rough patch when a f*** buddy from 14 years ago started texting and calling my fiance. He would not response to the phone calls or texts. This caused a lot of arguments between us becuase I wanted to know exactly why she was contacting him. It turned out her husband got locked up for several years and I guess she needed a friend - and she was also pregnant at the time. I eventually moved out, but we were still together but living apart. During our separation something started to develop between my fiance and the other woman once again. I don't want to know the details - but they developed a short romantic relationship. It lasted for approx. 2 months and then he broke it off with her completely & we have renewed our relationship. The problem now is that this woman keeps calling and texting. He does not respond to her phone calls or texts (I pay our cell phone bills so I have access to all call records). I have questioned him about why she is continuing to call when he has made it clear to her that I have moved back in and he doesn't want anything to do with her. I still have so much anger and frustration built up as result of the situation. Last Friday night we were out with friends when I saw that she called & texted his phone several times. Of course I got upset and opted to leave & stay at a friends house. Well, last night he had a few drinks with one of our mutual male friends & the other woman started to text him. I confronted him once again & asked whats going on. He suggested on changing his number so she can stop harrassing and calling him & I. However, late last night he just so happened to drunk dial her after she textd him earlier in the night & talk to her twice for only about 2 minutes. So, my question here... am I over-reacting? This was a completely isolated incident in my fiance's lapse of judgment with this woman. Other than this incident, he has been 100% faithful to me. He is not hiding his phone and I know of his whereabouts. So, he's not being sneaky at all. This woman lives approx. an hour away. I have asked him point blank what he wants & he says that he wants to be with me forever. I'm just having a hard time dealing with the situation especially since she continues to call and text him several times a week. I want to move on so bad from this and improve as a couple but it's hard when this woman won't stop texting and calling. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted December 14, 2012 Share Posted December 14, 2012 He hasn't changed his number why? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author anp0123 Posted December 14, 2012 Author Share Posted December 14, 2012 He hasn't changed his # yet because his brother in law's brother's girlfriend is step sisters with this woman. I know it's confusing but I don't know how to explain it simpler. So, in other words, she'll be able to get the # anyway from his friend - the woman's girlfriend's step sister. No matter what, she'll get his # & never stop the calls & texts. But then again, he drunk dialed her last night & spoke for 2 mins only. So, not sure what to do now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anp0123 Posted December 14, 2012 Author Share Posted December 14, 2012 She has 5 kids - 2 are under the age of three and the others still very young. So, it's not like she can just take off and leave for a booty call - plus work in the morning. He swears up and down that they never went as far as to have sex. But, men lie so who knows the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Alexanda Posted December 14, 2012 Share Posted December 14, 2012 Well if he really wanted to change his number he could and that excuse is for not changing it is LAME. Well it sounds like you dont even trust your bf and when you marry him you will still be dealing with this same crap. So he either does something to cut off contact with this woman or you need to decide whether to stay with him or not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author anp0123 Posted December 14, 2012 Author Share Posted December 14, 2012 He suggested changing his #, not me. I told him that there's no use really cause his bro in law's bro will give the # out. It will just be a hastle for nothing since she'll get it shortly after. Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted December 14, 2012 Share Posted December 14, 2012 What does the OW say in her text messages to your fiancé? Link to post Share on other sites
Author anp0123 Posted December 14, 2012 Author Share Posted December 14, 2012 Just like I miss talking to you and stuff like that. She's a heavy drinker and calls him when she's over at her step sister's house (our neighbor) to hand out and drink with her. He declines just to stay away from the drama. Link to post Share on other sites
notthemrs Posted December 14, 2012 Share Posted December 14, 2012 Well, to start, has he expressly and clearly stated to this woman that she is NOT to contact him? That would be a good place to start and it doesn't sound like he has....why not?! If he can't (or won't) change his number, he can see if his service provider can block her number so her texts and calls won't get through. If she still doesn't let up, he could also threaten to take out an order for protection/restraining order.....that should make her back off. However, it sounds like he likes the attention and/or doesn't think it's a big deal. But it's a big deal to you, and so if he loves you, respects you, and wants to spend his life with you, he should have no problem at all taking the steps to ensure there is no more contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author anp0123 Posted December 14, 2012 Author Share Posted December 14, 2012 He figures that this isn't a issue because he's stopped it and told her that he doesn't want her anymore. And he figures that he should ignore her. I asked him why he hasn't told her to f*** off & he says that she knows He says that he was having a bad lapse of judgment and going through difficult time. I'm worried that once a cheater, always a cheater. So, I'm seeking a counselor to talk to so I can get over the issue or move on. He hasn't called her in months & months (drunk dialing) so I figured that we were moving past the BS. I'm devestated that he called her last night (though for only a very short amount of time. I have no idea why he called her last night. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted December 14, 2012 Share Posted December 14, 2012 The problem now is that this woman keeps calling and texting. He does not respond to her phone calls or texts (I pay our cell phone bills so I have access to all call records). Then you should also know you can create an online account and have her number completely blocked from calls and texts. I think almost all carriers provide this. But really, he should want to do it himself if he knows it is a problem with you. If he doesn't want to do that, or has a problem with you doing it, I'd tell him to take a hike. So block her number, or better yet. Tell him you are going to have her number blocked. Gauge his reaction to that. If he is taken aback by it, or is apprehensive, there is your answer. If he says, "yes do it" without hesitation, then there is your other answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author anp0123 Posted December 14, 2012 Author Share Posted December 14, 2012 I just checked with T-Mobile and they do not have the ability to block specific text messages and calls. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anp0123 Posted December 14, 2012 Author Share Posted December 14, 2012 It's not acceptable to me at all - drunk dialing or not. I just received a text from him stating that he'll do whatever it takes to work out this problem... counseling and blocking her phone #. But, I'm still paranoid cause I keep thinking about all the pain I went through before that went along with this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 Well if he really wanted to change his number he could and that excuse is for not changing it is LAME. Well it sounds like you dont even trust your bf and when you marry him you will still be dealing with this same crap. So he either does something to cut off contact with this woman or you need to decide whether to stay with him or not. I agree. If you're in a relationshyip and the SAME issue of distrust keeps coming up and nothing changes...that's the problem. The problem isn't about if he is really cheating or not, the problem is, why has he done NOTHING to stop this situation and do you really want to marry into this kind of thing, where for the rest of your life you'll have to deal with wondering what's going on between him and an ex or insert some random future woman., The changing number excuse is lame! His step-sister doesn't have the right to give out his number, so if he wanted to change it, he could and ask her to not give it out to anyone unless he's authorized it. Also the fact that this ex of his is friends with his step-sister who is also your neighbor makes the story even more bizarre...as yea she might live an hour away, but if she is often next door to you, then doesn't that count? As for "drunk calling" on your fiance's part. I call BS! What did he say to her? Unless he was yelling at her about not calling, then it's ridiculous. Being drunk doesn't make you call people you don't want to call. Let's be real. When people drunk dial, it's usually an ex or someone they have some interest in (but are too scared or know it wouldn't be wise to ring up when sober) that they drunk dial. Not some dreadful person they have zero interest in. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 He could have another cell phone you don't know about. You state in one post that she has 5 kids and lives an hour away; and then you state that she hangs out with her step sister, who is your neighbor. Something smells fishy......I'm betting there is more to this than you know. I know sometimes the OW can get territorial and become stalkerish, but considering he has not, on his own, gotten tired of the texts and calls....and it is YOU who is the one who has issues....I think there is more that you don't know about. My inkling is telling me this as well. I don't really buy that this woman is just so insane that she keeps texting and calling a man who has made it clear he doesn't want her. Me thinks of course the OP's fiance spins it that way to her...but when he's "drunk" he's calling the ex and he has never changed his number or seemed to do anything firm about this, he must like this attention! Even if he doesn't do it habitually, it appears to me as though he is doing something to make her think she has a shot. She could potentially be crazy...but lots of times this person isn't totally delusional, but has been given a reason to feel like they can call/text. If he has cheated with this woman before or another woman...then your spidey senses that make you uncomfortable are probably on to something. However, I'm sure you want to believe him, but if something feels off and it bothers you that much, I don't suggest you try to talk yourself out of being critical about it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 He could have another cell phone you don't know about. You state in one post that she has 5 kids and lives an hour away; and then you state that she hangs out with her step sister, who is your neighbor. Something smells fishy......I'm betting there is more to this than you know. I know sometimes the OW can get territorial and become stalkerish, but considering he has not, on his own, gotten tired of the texts and calls....and it is YOU who is the one who has issues....I think there is more that you don't know about. If he had another cell phone why would the stalker be texting him on the one that the fiance knows about? Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain34 Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 Once a cheater, always a cheater. Most of us here have been the OW and they always come back when there's a fight or things are tough. Why aren't you married yet? 5.5 years is a long engagement. He should not ask you if he should change number, he should have DONE it along time ago. Link to post Share on other sites
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