Why is my father indifferent towards me?

[Sabina0407]

That's what I've been feeling for years. My earliest memory is him praising my older brother about his school grades and being too busy with his guitar lessons while I had to cross the street and walk to my school alone. I was only 7 then. My lunch got stolen that day but luckily my arts teachers shared her lunch with me. That's where I started becoming street-smart.

 

Now I'm going to graduate this year and the very least I would want is him to be there. I get good grades to but all he ever says is ''That's good'' and then goes back to watching TV. He wouldn't even notice if I were missing for hours nor if I were going to a sleep-over party but if my brother was absent he notices it right away. The only time I recalled him worrying about me a bit was when he said ''Watch out for the cars'' as I'm leaving.

 

Why is he like that to me? Most of my female friends' dads aren't like that. They want to know about their daughters' whereabouts, who they're doing with and are happy about what college they will go to. Some are even a father's little girl.

Edited December 15, 2012 by Sabina0407

[KathyM]

Some men have a hard time relating to daughters. They relate well to sons because they think of them as an extension of themselves who they have more in common with, but daughters, they don't know how to relate well to them. So they think their daughter is their wife's domain and should be left to the wife to raise and to guide. I'm sorry, but sometimes that is the case. Most men feel protective and caring towards their daughters and take pride in their accomplishments also, but some men just don't know how to relate to a daughter and they don't have the same expectations of the daughter than they do of their son. It might be a cultural thing if your dad came from a more patriarchal society, or he may have grown up in a family where the daughters were not valued or respected.

[Sabina0407]

It might be a cultural thing if your dad came from a more patriarchal society, or he may have grown up in a family where the daughters were not valued or respected.

I guess.

 

I hope he doesn't forget my graduation. It would mean a lot to me if he shows up since he was never present on any school field trips nor even father's day events. Other occasions I would want him there is on my later graduation (when I get through with college) and if I were to be engaged one day.

[KathyM]

I guess.

 

I hope he doesn't forget my graduation. It would mean a lot to me if he shows up since he was never present on any school field trips nor even father's day events. Other occasions I would want him there is on my later graduation (when I get through with college) and if I were to be engaged one day.

I think you should talk to him, and make him feel like you need his guidance and input. Ask him for his advice on something. Tell him you'd really like him to be at your graduation (or whatever event is coming up). If he knows how much it means to you, he might make an effort. You may be expecting him to do these things automatically (show an interest, come to these events), but for some men, they may have more trouble relating to daughters or have a different concept of daughters that is more engrained in a patriarchal society. So you need to communicate to him what you would like, and you need to help him to have a bigger role in your life. Ask for his opinion and advice when you can. Maybe even consider becoming interested in sports yourself so you can relate more to him. My father was a little bit the same way as yours. He grew up in a family of several brothers, and it didn't feel natural for him to relate to his daughters. So us daughters related to him on the level that he could cope with--sports. We watched the baseball games with him and all became baseball fans and sports fans. We played sports with him outside in the back yard. That was something he could relate to and we could have a way to spend quality time with him. When I became an adult, I still went to baseball games with him and talked baseball with him. I'm sure that meant a lot to him to be able to relate to his daughters in a way that he could. You might try it, if that is the way to relate to him.