sex in affairs

[Marly F.]

BrokenPrincess:

 

Seems to me like your husband has no idea how to be affectionate. That's why you don't have any "chemistry".

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Really? that's what you got from Pittman? Did you skip his intro? how he divides it into four categories? he is the first I read who mentioned serial cheating woman, who do it not for love but for power? Accidental cheaters who succumb to peer pressure and then decide to either make a hobby, confess to the wife, or delusion ally decide they are now madly in love with the stranger in their bed?

 

Idk.....I think you might have missed his irony, sarcasm.....and humor.

 

Oh yes...... The Business Trip affair???? Wow, us men (in that instance) have no choice (or character) once split up when the boss has chosen his mate.

 

Serial cheating women thanks to daddy issues or a philandering husband who treated them like meat. These poor people are victims of circumstances and have absolutely no choice.

 

And women don't like sex (and many men too), they just want as many partners and conquests as they can and to be desired.

 

The last example of a male who after working faithfully for the wife's father for years and considering him a father figure, then being shunned from promotion took it out his wife and kids by starting an affair with a tailor in the shop because he snapped or wanted to get even. Wow talk about pulling one out of a hat.

 

All anecdotal......

 

I can tell you from all I've read on these sites, it is mainly because of the sex.....

[CantgetoveritNY]

 

I can tell you from all I've read on these sites, it is mainly because of the sex.....

 

If that were true then why all the ones that have very long EA's before it turns into a PA? Most A's start as EA's. Not as ONS that then turned into a long term A.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

If that were true then why all the ones that have very long EA's before it turns into a PA? Most A's start as EA's. Not as ONS that then turned into a long term A.

 

First EA's usually start based on what's missing at home. And EA's usually only happen with people not searching for one, but stumbling it to one (there are very few serial EA'ers and certainly wouldn't call them narcissistic). For the woman it is an emotional connection and for a man it is in all likelihood a lack of sex or a wife who has morphed into mommy mode over the years that attract men to strike up an EA.

 

These men are not players able to bed every woman that look sideways at them, they believe to wooing and romancing and yes it then may go PA and that is because they want SEX.

 

Read the Marriage & Life Partnership section and the majority of those posting are men complaining about a lack of sex & adventure in their life. A more popular site were it is non-stop posted about is Talk About Marriage. It is always about little sex at home ad nauseum.......

[OpenBook]

Read the Marriage & Life Partnership section and the majority of those posting are men complaining about a lack of sex & adventure in their life. A more popular site were it is non-stop posted about is Talk About Marriage. It is always about little sex at home ad nauseum.......

 

Yes because that's the issue right in front of their noses - and that's the way most men deal. But I suspect it's more than sex that drives MM into the arms of OW. It's the underlying sense of neglect that their W's have failed to make the M the top priority in their lives.

 

If they had their druthers, MM would vastly prefer to get it from their W's instead of having to look elsewhere for it.

 

But unfortunately it seems the W repeatedly fails to acknowledge that underlying need.

 

Ergo ipso facto she eventually becomes a BW.

 

Simple, really.

[woinlove]

Yes because that's the issue right in front of their noses - and that's the way most men deal. But I suspect it's more than sex that drives MM into the arms of OW. It's the underlying sense of neglect that their W's have failed to make the M the top priority in their lives.

 

If they had their druthers, MM would vastly prefer to get it from their W's instead of having to look elsewhere for it.

 

But unfortunately it seems the W repeatedly fails to acknowledge that underlying need.

 

Ergo ipso facto she eventually becomes a BW.

 

Simple, really.

 

Not that simple. Men who are fully invested in the M themselves rarely cheat. Often they have pulled away, whether because their W is pregnant, ill, they lost their job, they have built up resentments, they can't communicate effectively, they lost a parent, a child, they were never invested, they are afraid of aging, etc. Rather than looking at the other spouse, I think a lot more can be learned about the reasons for cheating by looking at the WS. Start there. Sometimes it is simple, but often one has to do a lot of soul-searching. Sometimes one even needs professional help.

 

As to ipso facto, some people go through periods of no sex whether do to illness, stress, medical issues and neither cheats. People are not as simple as A means ipso facto B. Not everyone is like you or anyone else.

Edited December 29, 2012 by woinlove

[Toodamnpragmatic]

People who are not serial cheaters, personality disordered, or not terribly unhappy cheat. Some just want more........or different or they are bored with themselves, with their life. Why is that such a stretch for you to believe it does happen for the above reasons?

 

Okay I was rushing my response when I said Happy...... Men are bored because they are NOT HAVING ENOUGH OR VARIED SEX and that was the premise of the thread (or how it morphed). Yes people cheat..... I however stand by my comments that the vast majority of those that do cheat are narcissists and serial cheaters. Others that do carry on affairs (not ONS) are profoundly unhappy in their marriages and for men (and some women too) it is primarily because of the lack of sex at home......

Edited December 29, 2012 by Toodamnpragmatic

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I think you have just clarified where you are coming from.

 

You must be a person, (sorry don't know if you are male or female) that believes that most of the responsibility for a good sex life lies with the wife. They old adage of "being a lady in public but be a whore in the bedroom".

 

It's a whole lot outdated and more than a little misogynist.

 

The responsibility for a rich varied sex life should be shared by both partners, and allowance for someone not being up to the task at certain times of life is what a real loving relationship is about because that is real and true. Life isn't fair sometimes, and crap happens, people get sick, people get depressed, and people have to not expect someone to meet all their needs all the time. Some of the time is a realistic goal.

 

If one's needs are getting met in the long term, it's time to make a decision and decide if it's tolerable or not. If it's not, then you do the lessor destructive thing, ideally.

 

I am just responding to the OP and of course my views on what constitutes a happy marriage. Sorry if off topic, but the OP asked about affair sex being the best (or eck maybe that is how the thread morphed)..... I just as I have always maintained that the majority of people in decent (re: happy) marriages with kids will not stray if their spouse remains attractive (yes superficial) and sex remains fun and frequency in tact.

 

I think you are straying from the thread (maybe me too?). You know what??? I doubt I am misogynistic if I say the man doesn't hold up his part in the bedroom etiher......

 

Of course it is both partner's responsibility. I was just stating and I repeat my opinion that men (who otherwise would never) cheat is because they want SEX that is missing from home.....

[HonestNeurotic]

If the MM I am having an affair with were having enough physical attention at home, I am certain he would never have even sought me out. We met on a cheating site. Ashley Madison. I had no IDEA that there were so many people out there that wanted to cheat. I also think that guys are more prone to just be bored. Or - they have to high of expectations. i.e., they don't like our bodies after we've had a child an maybe put on a few pounds or have stretchmarks even if we're not fat. Or they don't want to invest the time with their wives like they do chasing some new skirt.

 

I think it's different for everyone. For those that have an emotional drama side to their personality, then it's often that "being in love with falling in love".

 

For me, I just want want some good sex. I'm a woman. I like good sex. I do not like emotional entanglements. Surprisingly, it seems like a lot of MM's want to add this emotional "thang" to it. People seem to confuse sex with "love". I don't feel that I'm doing anything "forbidden" - so that doesn't make it for me. i.e., make it good sex. If I had good sex at home, I wouldn't have an affair. Everything else in my marriage is great. and for the record - we have no children whose lives I may possibly mess up. I place no blame on my spouse for the lack of sex in our marriage - I knew that before we married. Everyone that I know that got married for sex hasn't lasted at all. Sex and love are just not the same. They can be the same, but they are separate things.

[CantgetoveritNY]

You become more and more frustrated and finally you reach out outside the marriage. And you meet someone whom you are sexually compatible with, who perhaps also is sexually starved for the same reasons. This makes for the best sex ever. :love:

 

I'm sorry but you are wrong about that. It might be the best sex ever for people trapped in marriage with sexually incompatible partners. But people that got married b/c they were so sexually compatible, they have the best sex ever. No guilt AND no inhibitions. The best of both worlds. My WW used to come home from her trysts with her MM to get satisfied with me. He satisfied her need for emotions but could not do for her what I did in bed. She said if she had left me for him she would have wanted to keep sleeping with me. Unfortunately people that get married b/c the sex is so good then often find that they are incompatible emotionally.

[CantgetoveritNY]

If the MM I am having an affair with were having enough physical attention at home, I am certain he would never have even sought me out.

 

True in your case and many others. But just as often there are people, like my WW, that had great sex at home but were seduced by emotional attachment.

 

Everyone that I know that got married for sex hasn't lasted at all.

 

 

Getting married b/c you love the sex you have with your marriage partner is no guaranty of fidelity. My marriage is proof of that.

 

You own marriage is proof that getting married for other reasons is just as likely to end in the tragic circumstances we both find ourselves in. If you never get caught maybe you won't end up suffering. But if you do, you will not be able to live with the knowledge of the pain you have caused your BH. Unless you are an unfeeling psychopath. Think about how your BH will feel when he finds out? How do you feel about that?

[HonestNeurotic]

My husband knew when we got married that the lack of sexual attraction and his low libido were not what I wanted. But everything else about this man is perfect. We have a great time together. We also have a great time individually with friends or family.

 

He knows I'm sleeping with somebody. We just don't talk about it. Don't ask - don't tell. My first husband was a sex addict. A good man. But certainly not the right life partner for me. Sex is not in the top ten reasons of why I got married. We're both emotionally distant type people. I stayed single a long time, and we dated four years before I agreed to get married. He really is my best friend. It works for us.

 

And of COURSE getting enough sex at home is not always the reason that a spouse will stray. Some can just never have enough.

 

I will also admit - I like the attention. I'm not saying that it is right, what I am doing, I am just being frank and forthright. i.e., I am "cheating" on my spouse. Here is why. This is what I think about it. Maybe it's helpful. I dunno. That attention thang I think is my own midlife crisis.

 

I do know that I am strongly leaning towards ending the affair that I am currently involved in. Because the MM is starting with this "I am falling in love with you" and a host of other standard lines that people seem to use to seduce another. I don't understand it, cuz I was honest and clear that I wasn't looking for anything other than sex. Emotional Affair seems to be what he is looking for. Which rather surprises me. Why I learned of LS in the first place. I never heard of a guy that sex only in an affair was just not enough. I don't want to be leading him on.

 

FWIW - my first husband and I never cheated on one another. We were married almost 17 years. 3 children. But I didn't love him, and we should never have gotten married. Best sex ever. But MM is running an awfully good second, and I really don't want to have to end it. Most assuredly selfish of me.

[CantgetoveritNY]

 

He knows I'm sleeping with somebody. We just don't talk about it. Don't ask - don't tell.

 

I will also admit - I like the attention. I'm not saying that it is right, what I am doing, I am just being frank and forthright. i.e., I am "cheating" on my spouse. Here is why. This is what I think about it. Maybe it's helpful. I dunno. That attention thang I think is my own midlife crisis.

 

FWIW - my first husband and I never cheated on one another. We were married almost 17 years. 3 children. But I didn't love him, and we should never have gotten married. Best sex ever. But MM is running an awfully good second, and I really don't want to have to end it. Most assuredly selfish of me.

 

Wow. How complex. Thanks for sharing the details. I feel like my WW craves attention. Borderline narcissistic. Not completely b/c she, like you, sees her faults. Can admit that she is selfish and feels bad for what she has done. But her MM showered her with over the top attention. Even though she was not attracted to the short fat bald guy, she slept with him. To keep the attention coming. Even though she did not climax, she enjoyed the sex b/c he showered her with attention all the time. God that hurts me. That she did that with him and enjoyed it. Even if the only reason she enjoyed it was b/c of her emotional attachment. Even though she came home to me to get real sexual satisfaction. You don't think your H would feel the same? I guess not. You and he are married for different reasons. Because she married me to have good sex it hurts so very much that she would then do that with someone else. If she married me b/c we were such good friends maybe I would not be so hurt. Like you don't want to be friends with your AP. That would hurt your H. It does not bother me that my WW was in love with her AP. But is close to killing me he saw her naked much less had sex with her. Ugh! What would you or your xH have done of there was an affair but the affair sex was unsatisfying?

[Marly F.]

My husband knew when we got married that the lack of sexual attraction and his low libido were not what I wanted. But everything else about this man is perfect. We have a great time together. We also have a great time individually with friends or family.

 

He knows I'm sleeping with somebody. We just don't talk about it. Don't ask - don't tell. My first husband was a sex addict. A good man. But certainly not the right life partner for me. Sex is not in the top ten reasons of why I got married. We're both emotionally distant type people. I stayed single a long time, and we dated four years before I agreed to get married. He really is my best friend. It works for us.

 

And of COURSE getting enough sex at home is not always the reason that a spouse will stray. Some can just never have enough.

 

I will also admit - I like the attention. I'm not saying that it is right, what I am doing, I am just being frank and forthright. i.e., I am "cheating" on my spouse. Here is why. This is what I think about it. Maybe it's helpful. I dunno. That attention thang I think is my own midlife crisis.

 

I do know that I am strongly leaning towards ending the affair that I am currently involved in. Because the MM is starting with this "I am falling in love with you" and a host of other standard lines that people seem to use to seduce another. I don't understand it, cuz I was honest and clear that I wasn't looking for anything other than sex. Emotional Affair seems to be what he is looking for. Which rather surprises me. Why I learned of LS in the first place. I never heard of a guy that sex only in an affair was just not enough. I don't want to be leading him on.

 

FWIW - my first husband and I never cheated on one another. We were married almost 17 years. 3 children. But I didn't love him, and we should never have gotten married. Best sex ever. But MM is running an awfully good second, and I really don't want to have to end it. Most assuredly selfish of me.

Oh my God. Is this how people view me? I don't want to end up like this.

[HonestNeurotic]

What would you or your xH have done of there was an affair but the affair sex was unsatisfying?

 

I dunno. I might have been relieved. I knew for many years that I didn't love him. I did try really hard to. I am glad that he has someone more suited to him. Had I not met my now husband, and he we weren't just so in tune with each other on these other levels, I wouldn't have even gotten married. I like being alone. It works for me.

 

The attention thang I will get over. It's rather a novelty. I'm not the girl that guys chase. In fact, I've had to remind him to stop putting me on some pedastal. I ain't all that. The time before I last saw him, he said something and I just burst out laughing so hard and it kinda hurt his feelings. I don't think he's trying to be insincere, I just don't think he's clear headed. His perceptions of who he thinks I am are off. He says all the lines that MM say to their OW. He doesn't need to do that for me, so I don't get it.

[CantgetoveritNY]

 

I knew for many years that I didn't love him. I did try really hard to. I am glad that he has someone more suited to him.

 

 

HN - this is my worst fear. That my WW is trying to love me but will never. I want nothing more than to grow old with her. I married her b/c she is the only woman I knew I could be faithful to for the rest of my days.

 

I never thought I'd find a woman that I could say that about. I was 40 before I met her and wanted to marry. She was so perfect for me. I could and still do think she is the one that I could do the marriage fidelity thing with.

 

However, she has not been faithful to me. She may not even want to continue to be married to me if I can forgive her. I was ok being alone too. But I met her and thought, Wow! This could work long term for me. But great sex aside, she says not so much. Ugh!

 

Back to being alone I guess. Not the worst thing, right? The worst thing is finding out your "one and only" is getting naked with a fat bald guy b/c he told her she was pretty. While I was distracted with our children, my job to support her, our life together. Anything is better than that right HN? Or not?

[HonestNeurotic]

Just a observation but your posts are more like the male point of view on infidelity, instead of most women's pov.

 

I don't take it as a diss at all. I am very guy like. Very independent and that's not a trait most men care for. But I don't want to use anyone. I'm not angry at guys or anything. I sincerely was trying to be practical. Feeling that I was honest when beginning the affair where I stood and what he can expect from me. I'm not unattractive nor overweight. Average - though eccentric, perhaps a tad bizarre for a girl. I tend to make normal men feel uneasy.

 

I guess I still have a hard time believing that the majority of men really fall in love and remain monogamous with one partner forever. The sex part outside of marriage doesn't bother me. The "love" part does. I will say that one week on that Ashley site was an eye opener. Ladies - our guys are out there in full force. That site is for married people looking for other married people. 400 responses in 24 hours. Pretty sure there are 50 guys to a girl there. Which shows, I don't think that women typically want to just have sex without some emotional attachment in an affair.

 

I've never been one to be with men that want to sweep me off my feet or whatever. Lust? sure. Romantic love stuff? Nope. My husband always comes first. Though his needs are few. If he ever changes and wants more sex, or he asked that I not have an affair, I would.

 

I just got an email from MM. Now I'm the love of his life. Oh. My. I will have to say goodbye to him. I truly don't believe that people fall in love really fast to that depth. This is for the OW out there - it's not love. They might THINK it is - but that's impossible. I don't lie about who I am to this dude, but he doesn't see all of me, how I live, my friends, my family. He sees this one little part of me. The sexy me, looking my best. I guarantee a few weeks of living with me and I would look the same as his wife to him. I am sure that he really BELIEVES that he is in love with me and I am all these things he thinks I am. But I assure you, I will fall from that pedestal in a heartbeat. Time to nip it in the bud.

[road]

My husband knew when we got married that the lack of sexual attraction and his low libido were not what I wanted.

 

FWIW - my first husband and I never cheated on one another. We were married almost 17 years. 3 children. But I didn't love him, and we should never have gotten married. Best sex ever. But MM is running an awfully good second, and I really don't want to have to end it. Most assuredly selfish of me.

 

 

The honest truth is you still have not learned how to pick the right man to marry.

 

Did you tell Husband 2 that you were going to go and have affairs because of he would not be getting the job done before you accepted his ring?

 

What did H2 have to say about this?

 

You need to work on getting your BH up to standard in the bed room or divorce him. Don't cheat on him divorce him. Let him and you find someone else if you can not be faithful.

[WhatsTheAnswer]

I have read several WS's say the best sex was with the OW/OM.

 

I am curious about what made the sex better?

 

Looking back with hindsight(if affair is over), do you now feel it was the affair situation that caused this reaction, or the OW/OM themselves?

 

Feel free to be honest with your answers, as I truly want to know!

 

It was I deed the best sex ever for me. And i have my share of sexual partners over the years. It wasn't just about the clandestine nature of it it was definitely that my AP and I were open to any and all kinds of sex. She had many fetishes that she could not explore with her H she was shocked how I open I was to let us both explore them fully. She reveled in living out her fantasies. My AP found pleasure in almost any sexual act or fetish. It made for a liberating sex life. The amazing part was she had very little sexual history. She had married her high school sweetheart so she didn't really "learn" what she liked from other relationships. The fetishes were just always present in her. We discovered things about her she never knew (like she was a squirter for one). She could never explore these fetishes with her husband because when she tried to bring them up to him he would say she was getting too kinky for him. We could let our emotions express themselves through a host of physical acts. It felt very freeing. I would be honest and list some of what we enjoyed here but I am not sure i would be censored lol. She was an amazing lover.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

It was I deed the best sex ever for me. And i have my share of sexual partners over the years. It wasn't just about the clandestine nature of it it was definitely that my AP and I were open to any and all kinds of sex. She had many fetishes that she could not explore with her H she was shocked how I open I was to let us both explore them fully. She reveled in living out her fantasies. My AP found pleasure in almost any sexual act or fetish. It made for a liberating sex life. The amazing part was she had very little sexual history. She had married her high school sweetheart so she didn't really "learn" what she liked from other relationships. The fetishes were just always present in her. We discovered things about her she never knew (like she was a squirter for one). She could never explore these fetishes with her husband because when she tried to bring them up to him he would say she was getting too kinky for him. We could let our emotions express themselves through a host of physical acts. It felt very freeing. I would be honest and list some of what we enjoyed here but I am not sure i would be censored lol. She was an amazing lover.

 

Pretty sure you can.... Always wonder what one thinks is crossing the line in terms of kink and others think nothing of. There is a poster on another site who was disgusted at oral, a little spanking and anything outside missionary and argued that he was the normal one........

[HonestNeurotic]

Road sed

 

The honest truth is you still have not learned how to pick the right man to marry.

 

I disagree. I have the best time with him, and he I. It's not easy for odd people to find someone to partner with.

 

Did you tell Husband 2 that you were going to go and have affairs because of he would not be getting the job done before you accepted his ring?

 

Yes. He knew. And there were no rings or romantic proposals. We're both emotionally distant people.

 

What did H2 have to say about this?

 

Nothing. See - when we're old - sex ain't gonna be the thing that keeps us together. It's compatibility. Like interests. We can talk for HOURS with each other. We are also the kind of people that don't see sex as love. It's a bodily function. Husband number one was a sex addict. At LEAST twice a day. For 17 years. Porn. Wanted to swing. Way too much sex. No substance at all. Nice man. Just not intellectual.

 

You need to work on getting your BH up to standard in the bed room or divorce him. Don't cheat on him divorce him. Let him and you find someone else if you can not be faithful.

 

Work on him? You can't make someone like something they don't care for. Me - I'm never eating broccoli. SHoving it down my throat only makes me want it less. So he doesn't like sex. He should live all alone and have no partner in life? Or he has to choose one that doesn't ever want sex but the rest of them - their mind, their energy level, etc. is not compatible? Nope. we thought LONG TERM. In fact, marriage was just kinda to make the family happy. It's harder to get out of a mortgage than it is a marriage. We don't care at all. Got married three times. All for the benefit of friends and family all over the world. It makes no difference at all to us. Well, it was nice to add him to my insurance plan at work, and vice versa.

 

I had one affair besides this one in our marriage. I've taken no time at all from my spouse. And, as I said earlier, if he asked me to not do it, I wouldn't. My libido has really gone down with menopause.

 

Now - please don't take that as some kind of sanctimonious justification for my behaviour. I understand that society frowns on this. I just have a difference in opinion on so called "morality" as defined by most people. I feel badly cuz the MM I am seeing, well, this is apt to cause disruptions in his life should it continue. So I will be ending it. I'm hermit girl, and it's unlikely that I will meet someone.

 

As for choosing a life partner - well - sexual performance isn't even in the top ten for me. I post here only to share - not for kudos or acceptance. I have never really fit into this world, and don't expect to.

[CantgetoveritNY]

 

I am very guy like.

I just got an email from MM. Now I'm the love of his life. Oh. My. I will have to say goodbye to him. I truly don't believe that people fall in love really fast to that depth. This is for the OW out there - it's not love. They might THINK it is - but that's impossible. I don't lie about who I am to this dude, but he doesn't see all of me, how I live, my friends, my family. He sees this one little part of me. The sexy me, looking my best. I guarantee a few weeks of living with me and I would look the same as his wife to him. I am sure that he really BELIEVES that he is in love with me and I am all these things he thinks I am. But I assure you, I will fall from that pedestal in a heartbeat. Time to nip it in the bud.

 

It sounds like you understand very well how people in affairs fool themselves into thinking they have found their soulmate. It seems you are being very careful to be able to get what you need from your AP without hurting your H or yourself. But why not chose single men for your needs? You are blind (or uncaring) to the fact that by picking a MM you are likely going to hurt him bad, maybe destroy his marriage, hurt his children, cause his BS to despise you. All kinds of carnage. Sure the MM was looking for trouble by being at that website but as you say, the ratio was at least 50 to 1 that he would not have found trouble. What you are doing is selfish and not nice.

[HonestNeurotic]

Yes - the ratio is 50 to 1. MARRIED MEN. That is the purpose of this site. Discreet affairs. Married people looking for married people to cheat. Life is short - have an affair. That is their motto. I never figured that emotional guy would be there. Men have to pay for the service. I put this information out there for those wives that want to check on their dudes.

 

Single guys usually want a relationship of some sorts. They have more free time not living with a partner and having a home life with a wife and children to participate in. Though I would prefer someone with grown children because being a father is more important.

 

Not blind - nor uncaring. Why I am ending it. Most guys on that site are very clear in that they only want sex, they are married, though most just want the one night stand thang. Scads and scads of lovers is not my style either. Too much risk. My only sibling, my brother, died of AIDS in 2004. Suffice it to say that I am uber aware of disease and risky behaviours.

 

So - unless I meet someone else, it is highly unlikely that I will be in affair again. I don't hang out socially with work people, beyond what is considered PC for my position. I would also NEVER have an affair with someone that I worked with, nor anyone that might travel in the same social circles as my husband and I.

 

I had a four year affair with an MM -my age, no kids grown or otherwise. He moved. He was also getting bored with me and wanted to see another woman besides me. After a year had passed, I missed the sex, and a girlfriend told me about the Ashley site, so I thought I'd try it out. (they don't charge women) It was a social experience in human nature to be sure, but I won't go back there.

 

Because yes, I am very selfish. I am also a nice person, and do not want to ever hurt anyone. To me, I never hurt MM #1's wife because his wife never knew about me. I took no time from her time with him. I only saw him when his wife was out of town, and never in their house. I respect that is HER HOME. Never in my home either. Ever. Having the narrow parameters I do makes it unlikely that I will have another affair. We saw each other mainly in the summertime.

 

Which is okay. I've had my share of good sex in life. I thought that I could have something similar to MM#1's setup. And now I see that is not possible. I just hope that Emotional Guy will be okay with NC. Maybe he will even look at it as a wake up call to get back "in love" with his wife, as I know he cares for her. Every woman deserves to be loved in the way she needs to be loved. Yes, I made a mistake. but I'm not going to make it worse.

[HonestNeurotic]

Nope. So I ended it today.

 

You're not snarky. Heck, I can understand that people would/could be seriously pissed at my attitude and actions.

 

Pretty sure that MM#1 was no different at home. He was not all into me. I was just convenient. Safe. One line of text with date and time. Rare phone calls for a minute or two. Pretty sure he wasn't thinking of me. His world revolved around HIM. I don't feel any guilt over that one. In fact, as a woman, I think she should leave his sorry ass and find someone that really loves her not just for her money. He said awful things about her.

 

But this one I just ended today - well, it was more typical of what I have been reading here. The sex part doesn't bother me, it's that emotional part. It's not just cuz I don't want it, it's cuz I cannot see how it cannot lead to a world of hurt for him and his family. I think I really opened his eyes up, cuz I know that he knows that he did love her madly at one time. Maybe they can get back to that. Who knows? Not I. NC 100%.

 

But it was GREAT SEX. But I got art projects to work on, so I got someplace to put all that extra energy.