sex in affairs

[Charlie Harper]

Great sex abilities, make people have unintended affairs. If someone finds a partner who is super good in bed is normal they will want to do it again, and again, and again... hence you get into an affair. One night stands work when sex is good or normal, or a release, but not mind-blowing.

Also there are persons who like good dancers, have ability to "perform" very well in bed, for those persons sleeping around, having or trying to have ONS, is very difficult because they are soo good in bed. Also women talk so if there is someone who is super hot in bed, chances are that he will be asked out a lot (LOL), the other way is true (super hot women in bed)

[Spark1111]

Sometimes women that are good in bed are anorgasmic. What a paradox?

 

Seventy percent fake it a lot! Isn't that sad?

[Realist3]

And only those that are good at sex have affairs.:D:D

 

Those that are not good in the sac need not apply.:cool:

 

lt is all relative. Good sex is just better than the sex you are currently having.

[BrokenPrincess]

But, the questions remains:

If sex was better with MOM why are you with your H?

 

Because sex isn't everything for me. H is a wonderful man, phenomenal father, treats me like a princess, great family values, strikingly handsome, and devoted to me. Sounds like a perfect life, right?

[18Years2Late]

This is why you get better sex with the posow.

 

If you talked this way with your BW you would get to better sex at home.

 

Excuse me...posow?

 

If u mean what I normally mean when I type "pos"...I would ask nicely for u to not use such a derogatory and generalizing statement about those of us on this board whom u have never met...and have no idea what kinds of "peices" we are...thank you...

[18Years2Late]

I will admit that I usually have "mundane, infrequent boring sex" at home; however it's been like that with my H since the beginning. And I've never enjoyed kissing (H or anyone). Over the years, I've concluded that I must just have a low sex drive.

 

Until xMM...our first times were really good, not mindblowing, but you could tell we didn't know each others styles & preferences. Then every time just got more & more amazing. I ached to (&did) kiss him for hours. Our bodies fit together more naturally than with H.

 

I don't know if this was because it was "new" because honestly, I can't remember ever feeling this physically responsive to my H. I was attracted to xMM the first time I saw him, but because we're in different states, all the hours & days of talking and foreplay definitely contributed to the rush once we could finally physically touch each other.

 

I'm really struggling with this now that my As over, and I'm really making an effort to get this excitement & attraction with my H. Sometimes I feel like I'll never feel that again in my lifetime. In fact, I actually silently cried myself to sleep last night wondering if this is how it's going to be for the next 50 years.

 

Nope...doesn't have to be like that for the next 50 years...or even the next 2 years...I felt exactly like you do/did with sex with H and xMOM...but I'm getting a D...bc I'm tired of crying myself to sleep and I deserve to be happy...AND so does my STBXBH...so do you...

[BrokenPrincess]

Let me get the straight.

 

Your H is a great guy and you still had an affair.

 

Why?

 

Exactly. I've thought about this nonstop since my A ended. I wasn't unhappy in my marriage either. The true answer that I think is the reason is too repulsive to post.

[beenburned]

There is nothing too repulsive to post here!

[aed]

Exactly. I've thought about this nonstop since my A ended. I wasn't unhappy in my marriage either. The true answer that I think is the reason is too repulsive to post.

 

why is it too repulsive?

[CantgetoveritNY]

Frozen,

 

My wife said that the sex was in some was better and some ways not as good. She told me about this at a time that she was being honest without regard to my feelings. Before she started to feel bad about what she had done. She was being raw and honest.

 

She said that she only reached climax once. But that it did not matter. That she felt such love and romantic feelings for him and from him that, like another poster said, a kiss from him was better than to climax with me.

 

She has always been a very sexually oriented person though. So she still needed me, sexually, during the affair. I recall in retrospect that she initiated sex with me more than otherwise during the A and was more receptive to my advances. She explained later that was because as "amazing and spiritual" as the sex with him was she did not climax and felt the need to get that more that usual. B/c the AP did get her motor running. A passionate phone call from him might turn into a booty call for me. How is that for cake eating!

 

What bothers me is that when my wife and I first met, our sex was "amazing and spiritual" to her PLUS she climaxed. Like three times a day (back then.) So now it is not like that I feel in danger that she will find that with another guy. I'm ok, let me rephrase, I love our sex life now and don't feel the need to recapture the infatuation sex we had. Sure it would be great but I don't see that as realistic. Am I wrong?

[BrokenPrincess]

Being needy is not repulsive. To certain extent we are all needy.

 

Thanks Pierre, but I don't think that was the primary reason that pulled me in.

 

My xMM is fairly similar to my H (but much older): family values (until this obvious transgression), very sweet, people pleaser, supportive, also treated me like a princess. The guy NO ONE hates. Both of them are much sweeter people than I am. XMM actually waited 2years to propose to his W until he was 27 because the divorce rate was like 90% among people who married younger than 27. Who does that?! And then, after all this time, ends up in an A??

 

To be honest, after we finally admitted our attraction to each other and both felt like if things were different (not married with kids) we actually would probably be a great couple in real life. Coworkers had actually made dimilar comments about us well before we ever crossed the line. But neither of us had delusions of leaving our spouses or being "divorcees" and wanted to cake eat indefinitely.

 

But what I think drew me in are a couple things about my xMM that my H doesn't have. And I think it would make me physically sick to post those things and see them in black & white because my H is the kind of husband girls dream of. And I am a selfish b*tch that doesn't really deserve either of them.

 

Ok Monday morning spill your guts session over. This thread hit a nerve after last nights sex/crying episode. Sorry OP for the supreme t/j!!

[BetrayedH]

Brokenprincess, please do start your own thread when you are able. I think you can get more help here than you expect.

 

You aren't a selfish bitch. You made bad decisions but they don't have to define you or your life. Everyone makes poor decisions. If you admit your mistakes, learn from them, and resolve to make better ones in the future, THAT can be what defines you.

[pteromom]

I think everything that has been said is true, in different cases.

 

Sometimes, the OW really is open and sexual and the wife at home is simply not. Sometimes, the WH is putting energy into an affair when he could be having wonderful sex with his wife.

 

Sometimes, an affair could morph into a satisfying relationship, and sometimes, it would die in "real life".

 

Sometimes, one could reinvest in one's marriage and fix things and have the best sex ever, and sometimes, there are incompatibilities that make it difficult to build a good sex life.

 

Sometimes, it's the OW's sexual abilities that make the sex great, and sometimes it's the excitement of being bad.

 

I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all answer to these questions.

[BrokenPrincess]

I don't think this is a t/j at all. This was about the affair sex and the difference in the size of the penises. Therefore, it has everything to do with the thread.

 

LOL Thanks for lightening the mood. But for the record, H is bigger than xMM.

[Decorative]

The OW had several medical conditions that made sex painful and difficult for her, and she was hospitalized multiple times for other issues over the course of their affair ( I have confirmed this part - and unfortunately for my poor eyes- read a medical report describing the sad state of her lady garden.).

 

Meanwhile- we continued as we always have throughout our marriage to have sex 4 or more times a week. And that's always been pretty damn hot.

 

My spouse says the secrecy and urgency made the sex they did have good. But that it wasn't how the sex between us has been, and she wasn't as, um, shall we say, adventurous as me ( also confirmed by reading emails between them, where ironically ? She calls me a slut. LOL )

[Charlie Harper]

I think everything that has been said is true, in different cases.

 

Sometimes, the OW really is open and sexual and the wife at home is simply not. Sometimes, the WH is putting energy into an affair when he could be having wonderful sex with his wife.

 

Sometimes, an affair could morph into a satisfying relationship, and sometimes, it would die in "real life".

 

Sometimes, one could reinvest in one's marriage and fix things and have the best sex ever, and sometimes, there are incompatibilities that make it difficult to build a good sex life.

 

Sometimes, it's the OW's sexual abilities that make the sex great, and sometimes it's the excitement of being bad.

 

I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all answer to these questions.

 

100% true.

 

When I used to hang out with married women in my 20´s, I found that if you connect with them emotionally and really listen and BE with them, theyr could hace the handsomest, richest, great husband on earth, and they would not care, sometimes they were bored of a "perfect life", bored wit routine, bored of no drama or exciting things, some of them bored with sex, and most of them from feeling lonely. They new the H was a great parent, provider, sweet good, husaband and a nice person, but it was not enough.

 

Sometimes I would do something reckless and that would lead to sex, it was so weird... and I guess having an affair qualifies as a BIG RUSH.

 

Also if you get great sex, it morphs into a need-want-crave relationship and no reason will make you think you are doing wrong.

[Decorative]

:laugh::laugh:

 

I am puzzled!

 

My ex-wife had an affair with a man with a micropenis. But, he was 3000 miles away:eek:.

 

So was it a really long micropenis?

 

*sorry. could not help myself. Had to go for the joke. LOL *

[BrokenPrincess]

Well now that I'm thinking about "sizes" instead of the pile of Monday work in front of me...xMM was not micro sized, or there probably would not have been a second time. What's the point of your A if you can't even *feel* the sex??

 

Also, on behalf of my xMM, aside from the better quality of our A sex vs wife, he also appreciated the frequency. Although we didn't see each often due to distance, we definitely tried to maximize the time we had together...breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner and well into the night. Sometimes we fell asleep in the middle because we were both so tired but didn't want to disconnect from each other. During our first overnight trip, he said he had never had that much sex in his entire life (not even high school or college, I asked lol)

 

Even if you want to claim its because we had no other distractions, xMM did go on vacation twice with his W during our A, and she still went to bed at 10 each night (just like at home) and he spent the evening chatting with me instead.

[jlola]

I don't know if this has anything to do with topic, but here goes. I do not have children, but everyone I know who do have kids always complain they fight over things. I have watched one child lose interest over a toy, leave it alone only to want it again when another shows interest.

 

I now own 2 little dogs over a year old. I buy two of everything. But they seem to gravitate nd fight ONLY over one of the toys they have. Ignoring the other one. I have laughed over this situation many times. Even with dogs it seems they want what the other has. Their freely available toy is not so prized as the one the other dog presently wants. I watch this happen time and time again.

 

I guess it is the nature of humans and even animals to want what we feel is wanted by someone else.

 

Also, I cannot understand this "better sex" with AP. I read this all the time. But it seems many people who are both married in affairs seem to no passion in their marriage sex, but have a lot in their affair sex. If you are great at sex, then why is your married sex so bd. Or does everyone marry people they are not sexually compatible with? I think it is more likely people get lazy in marriages.

 

One of my best friends told me the best sex in the marriage was hen she found out about other woman. then she put her best foot forward cause she knew their was competition.

 

To think back on it, the best sex I did ever have were in relationships that were somewhat "insecure". The other was a long distance relationship.

I have done a lot of soul searching I know it was not because these guys were so great. But because I had time limitations. All these relationships were with people I did not see on a regular basis and I put these men on pedestals and made them into(now I realize) men who they never were.Making themselves 100% available to me shot term and taking it away again(intermittent) made me chase something I now see clearly I would not want long term. But the mind plays tricks.

 

I thought I knew them well, but really did not. I think competition, time restrain and fantasy makes people keep rose colored glasses on.

 

And wanting what you cannot have seems to make whatever it is that you want,even more valuable till that too becomes readily available and mundane. Even with puppies this fact is obvious.

[2.50 a gallon]

My Ex chased me for 3 years, she was very sexy, foldout material, and used it to snag me. For 3 years it was any where, any time, any place, and way you want. My thought going into the marriage was if I have to chose just one woman to spend the rest of my life with, why not chose one that is built and has a slutty attitude.

 

Right after the honey moon our sex life took a U-turn. As she put it, "I am your wife, not your slut"

 

Affair Sex: A month after we broke up I had a few romps with the next door neighbors wife for revenge. She was an associate OM's wife. We shared a bedroom wall, and it was some of the erotic sex I have ever had as we knew he could hear us through the wall, as he kept banging on the wall to get us to quiet down

 

That was my first step over into the dark side with married women. Having been a player, and not knowing the lay of the land in the metropolis and wanting to keep my sex life alive, I found married women to be easy, especially the ones that I worked with. My experience was similar to Charlie Harper's, they were dieing to get some attention. All you had to do was listen and pay them some compliments. And once they found out I went south of the border, which their husbands refused to do, it was they who began hitting on me.

 

The sex was awesome as they really got into it. The correct word would be uninhibited. They did and even asked me to do acts and positions that they refused their H's. They were bored with playing the part of the good wife and with me were able to let the slut side of them come out. It was a side of them that they never would have let their H's see, as they wanted to maintain the appearance of being a good wife, like my Ex after I married her.

[BrokenPrincess]

Did you ever tell your H the details of these encounters?

 

Hey H, you know how I always feel like you're suffocating me when we kiss (although I've never liked kissing anyone before either) Well, great news! I found someone I ache to kiss for hours & hours on end! Turns out I LOVE kissing him! Oh, and my ambivalence about having sex with you? Well, with this guy, I WAKE UP ready for more & can't have enough of his skin touching me. In fact, HE can get me completely excited & tingling just over texting! Not to mention what happens when we get on video calls!

 

Umm, no.

[Realist3]

Did you ever tell your H the details of these encounters?

 

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, her husband would absolutely love to torture himself over the deatails for years to come.

[BrokenPrincess]

No, I am not in love with xMM, much less deeply in love. I refuse to allow that.

 

I stay with my H because I love him and he is a wonderful husband and father. He loves to have sex with me...I just need to figure out how I can feel the pleasure and excitement I had with xMM with my H. My H knows I am not enjoying it as much as he does and keeps asking how he can make it better for me, but I am still struggling to articulate what's missing.

 

Last night I tried to tell H about building intimacy besides sex, holding hands, talking, hugging me, telling me I look nice, and he said that was just a stupid excuse not to have sex. I started crying and told him that really hurt because I was trying to explain that I need some physical affection, not just touching me at the moment he's ready to have sex. He ended up leaving the room & I cried myself to sleep. And missing xMM more than ever.

 

So, OP, although I continued to take a t/j detour, it does come back to my affair sex...it was so good partly because of the anticipation and emotional foreplay leading up to the physical part.

[Spark1111]

No, I am not in love with xMM, much less deeply in love. I refuse to allow that.

 

I stay with my H because I love him and he is a wonderful husband and father. He loves to have sex with me...I just need to figure out how I can feel the pleasure and excitement I had with xMM with my H. My H knows I am not enjoying it as much as he does and keeps asking how he can make it better for me, but I am still struggling to articulate what's missing.

 

Last night I tried to tell H about building intimacy besides sex, holding hands, talking, hugging me, telling me I look nice, and he said that was just a stupid excuse not to have sex. I started crying and told him that really hurt because I was trying to explain that I need some physical affection, not just touching me at the moment he's ready to have sex. He ended up leaving the room & I cried myself to sleep. And missing xMM more than ever.

 

So, OP, although I continued to take a t/j detour, it does come back to my affair sex...it was so good partly because of the anticipation and emotional foreplay leading up to the physical part.

 

your honesty is breathtaking. I applaud you for it!

 

if a man can realize this one thing; if he can realize the way to a woman's sexuality is nothing like a man's biology and preferences....he will bet ALL the sex he wants or needs.

 

Some me just get it!Lucky for them.

[Spark1111]

:laugh:

Your H is naive.

 

Don't worry this is right on topic regarding affair sex.

 

Many women need attention and admiration to feel horny. Many need romantic words and courting 24/7. My exwife was like that and I knew it. I could tell her she was gorgeous 1000 times and she would blush and resonate every single time. She would never develop tolerance to adulation and admiration. In that regard I knew my wife quite well and she was very horny all the time as long as I paid attention to her.

 

If I acted aloof she would panic and suspect i was having an affair. So if i wanted sex I knew what to do and she as all over me. I could teach your H a few tricks.:p

 

I also knew this works well in potential OWs and MOWs.

 

Then I can only surmise you are one of the lucky ones. we try to teach this to men we love. they often grow defensive, insecure, and surly at our correction.

 

if you get how women think and respond and what turns us, you Will get all the sex you want.