sex in affairs

[promises]

Well now that I'm thinking about "sizes" instead of the pile of Monday work in front of me...xMM was not micro sized, or there probably would not have been a second time. What's the point of your A if you can't even *feel* the sex??

 

 

ha! I just picked up reading this thread just now and the first word of all the post I saw was, "micro sized"... oh, that gave me a good laugh. Thank you!

[wanting more]

My A sex was amazing.

 

I like to wear longerie(my SO thinks its a waste of money) I love the long romance. I love the build up, the excitement xMM was a great lover. He took his time, never less than hour foreplay. He looked in my eyes while having sex. Always made sure I was happy and content. Made me feel like I was the most beautiful, desirable woman. We'd have sex 5 times a night when we were together.

 

But 2 things I learned (or assumed) about my great lover

 

1. He was so adventurous because he couldn't be at home. (as his BS said "I'd never let him do those things to me, sex is to be had one way, normal missionary way, any woman who does All that is trashy)

(by the way, I wasn't into animals and weird shi*)

 

2. Im assuming as adventurous as he was and ready to try anything, he was also trying it with other women, maybe not at the same time as me, but when He and I were talking about sex, he offered up things he'd done a couple times And id bet money it wasn't with his BW, cause it sure wasn't missionary.

[BrokenPrincess]

BY the same token I suspect BP would go into wild hysterical bonding if her H took a lover or if he tried to divorce her.

 

You're right. But I want to get there without that!!

 

I'm not doing a good job really explaining my H. This is not about needing a ton of attention, just very basic affection. He is very shy + not affectionate, a very bad combo for me, someone who is warm & touchy-feely. Until this year, the last time my family saw him kiss (even peck) me was at our wedding. We see my family at least 1/wk. He refuses to hold my hand, even after (pre cell phones) we ended up separated at a crowded event for hours. His sister teases him mercilessly that he has no idea how to even give a decent hug. He's such a wonderful person, I just gave up on pushing the issue & dealt with it, I guess until now.

 

XMM is not a smooth playboy lol. This was both of our first (and last!) affairs. Trust me, he wasn't lying...we stumbled thru those early weeks figuring out how this all works. There was no EA before we first kissed and the next day, we spent it in work meetings, then dinner & kissed goodbye at the airport. Aside from professing we both had no idea the other had feelings, we didn't discuss anything at all until a few weeks later. This might sound weird, but the kiss & everything after just felt natural. It wasn't a frenzied, nervous feeling like I would've expected.

 

When we finally slept together, I was nervous I'd be self conscious with a new person and then get emotionally attached or clingy or jealous but you know what? None of that happened. I felt safe & comfortable & natural with him (and of course tingling all over!) And after, I was surprised I felt the same. He actually confessed the same feelings. We both couldn't stop smiling when we were together.

 

The sexual chemistry was an amazing complement to the other qualities in xMM that I really appreciated vs my H. But at the end of the day, the A is over and I have a wonderful, caring H.

 

So I want to get that natural "fit" and have my body reacting to my H! I want to have that closeness with my H and I wish it could come from a positive place, not from the threat of losing him.

 

Wow this is long....sorry I'm rambling in my bed. Turns out this has been very therapeutic...thanks for giving me the outlet

[wanting more]

xMM BS told my SO the missionary story. My SO had read some texts that were detailed about my A sex.

 

My SO and xMM BS started talking to make sure each other knew about the A and my SO had a lot more details

 

That's when I heard about the missionary Position and it being the only way

For sex

 

 

And yes, xMM commented about doing something sexual a "couple" times before that I'm pretty sure his BS would never do.

 

Yeah. I realized now that diamond I thought I found was really just a piece of glass with jagged edges that cut me deep.

[wanting more]

Too funny. I didn't say she was a cow. Just maybe more reserved than me

[wanting more]

The perennial standard line by MOW or MOM is that my H or W sucks in bed.

 

Could it be that MOW and MOM also suck in bed? And that is why the wife or H are uninterested?

 

Nope!!! I don't suck in bed.

[wanting more]

But what does that say about the BW who told my SO (not knowing I was listening) "oh my god, theres no way I'd let him (her husband, my xMM) do those things to me, it's unnatural".

[BrokenPrincess]

It is too much of a coincidence that all folks having affairs have spouses that suck in bed.

 

Or maybe the spouses just suck in bed together.

[wanting more]

Well, maybe you are one of the few with first hand knowledge. However, most of the time the info regarding sex and life at home comes from the wandering MOW or MOM and they generally manipulate the data to their advantage.

 

My exwife had an Internet affair with an overseas OM. I also have first hand knowledge because she saved all the emails of the affair and I hacked her email account and read them all.

 

She presented a very distorted picture to the OM. She lied about sex constantly.

 

She had phone sex with OM and then would jump into bed with me horny as a kite and I would finish her off not knowing that she has just gotten off the phone with her Internet OM. That was great sex as she was very motivated to reach for the big O. Was this info discussed with her OM? Of course not?

 

But, it does not matter. One cannot compare sex with a NEW person with sex within a long term relationship. It makes no sense to try to compare.

 

Agreed. No need to compare.

[Decorative]

Or maybe the spouses just suck in bed together.

 

I am sorry if I missed where you said this earlier- but did you and your spouse ever have hot sex?

 

Or was it the idea of him, but the chemistry has never been there?

 

Because I do know of guys I dated that on paper were perfect and fabulous. But I just didn't get a rush from them physically - even though my brain was telling me how great they were. And they were great. And I sometimes felt bad about that.

 

I think real chemistry is impossible to fake. And it's there or it's not- and it's not something that you grow into- it's an animal thing.

 

In my experience.

[Charlie Harper]

 

I think real chemistry is impossible to fake. And it's there or it's not- and it's not something that you grow into- it's an animal thing.

 

In my experience.

 

Same here, real chemistry and bonding makes sex OFF THE CHARTS.

[ladyinthemts]

That is my point. It is too much of a coincidence that all folks having affairs have spouses that suck in bed. I think it is an almost universal excuse to cheat that is sometimes true and sometimes false.

 

I think that it's a sad excuse. Sex was not a problem for us and had nothing to do with the affair. My H actually admitted he was severely disappointed in the sex in the A, saying, "I thought, did I just destroy my marriage for this?"

 

He confessed communication was a the problem and she got to him because she made him feel heard. Ironically, I was feeling the same way.

 

It is too much of a coincidence, I agree. I think people aren't digging deep enough. And if sex is the problem, that's kind of shallow. There are ways to make sex better, besides cheating. You should check sexual compatibility before a serious commitment like marriage.

[BrokenPrincess]

I am sorry if I missed where you said this earlier- but did you and your spouse ever have hot sex?

 

Or was it the idea of him, but the chemistry has never been there?

 

I think real chemistry is impossible to fake. And it's there or it's not- and it's not something that you grow into- it's an animal thing.

 

I instantly found my H attractive when I met him, and I felt like I'd known him forever. And he really has only gotten more handsome with age, and I love seeing him with our son. But I could probably count on one hand the times my legs have gone wobbly after we've had sex.

 

I can think of 2 other partners I've had where I did have the hot animal attraction. One was a FWB I met during college (not bf material, sexy 6'7" full sleeve tattoo bartender. We actually tried to date a couple times but we just were too different. But he was respectful, we got along fine, and in the bedroom, I could not get enough)

 

The other is xMM. When we were just coworkers, he once tucked my hair behind my ear so he could tell me something, and I swear I felt a shock go from my head straight down to my toes. I was pregnant at the time and wrote it off to wacky hormones.

 

I get it about that intense chemistry, and in the case of xMM versus the old FWB, he is someone I would want to be in a relationship with as well. We have similar hobbies, careers, and he made me laugh harder than anyone I've ever been with, including H.

 

But my H is a better man than him. I just want to have that feeling again where you're so exhausted with pleasure that you can't move one inch, even though you're upside down on the bed & your panties are swinging on the fan.

[pyroguy]

I feel really bad for your husband. I guess you shouldn't settle, but I think maybe you watch too much TV or listen to too much of the bravado here. Nobody or very very few have all these legs quivering, can't move sessions all the time...not even the two hottest porn stars...I don't care what anyone claims..

 

 

You also prove what seems to be the fate for many non Brad Pitt/ top male porn star combo husband's. There are simply too many women that seem to want perfection today. You every right to want what you want, but I can't fathom what non-perfect man gets out of a relationship with a woman anymore. Way too many of these stories out there, where the husband is the great guy, but the wife ends up screwing around with the supposed more Alpha:rolleyes:. Then, she creates al these exuses and attaches all these bad traits to the husband.

 

If woman just want the full sleeve tatoo guy, can they do men a favor? stay with them. If they are a problem for you that should be your problem, not some innocent great guy, who will have most of his life stolen from him by a women who essentially uses him.

 

Sorry to sound mean, but as a man I'm sick of these scenarios. While your reaction may tell otherwise i bet your husband is in reality more of a MAN than both those guys. I would ask you to start realizing it, but you can't help what you feel and think. However, you can set him free to find someone who will have passion for him and/or be satisfied with him. Contrary to what you and maybe many other women think there is some very attractive woman out there that would cherish him

[BrokenPrincess]

Then, she creates al these exuses and attaches all these bad traits to the husband.

 

Pretty sure I did not attach bad traits to my husband. I have said he has great values, is a wonderful husband, sweet, attractive, willing to do whatever it takes to make me happy in the bedroom. I am struggling with figuring out exactly what it is that would make it better for me.

 

If woman just want the full sleeve tatoo guy, can they do men a favor? stay with them. If they are a problem for you that should be your problem, not some innocent great guy, who will have most of his life stolen from him by a women who essentially uses him..

 

Are you projecting here? I said the tattoo guy was a FWB from college that I was not interested in even having as a boyfriend back then.

 

Sorry to sound mean, but as a man I'm sick of these scenarios. While your reaction may tell otherwise i bet your husband is in reality more of a MAN than both those guys. I would ask you to start realizing it, but you can't help what you feel and think.

 

Please re-read my last paragraph where I stated that my husband is a better man than my xMM.

[pyroguy]

You, like most women today,just don't get it. Men woud like to be desired too..not just you women. Tell your husband how the tatooed guy made you feel, and tell him what you think of him. I'm willing to bet he will feel like a complete loser a****. Projecting? maybe, but I'm willing to bet.

 

That you say good things about him is irrelevent. Your actions speak otherwise. His persona, his body, whateever isn't enough for you.

 

I will say it again IMO, you are wasting his life...robbing him. It's cruel. Let him go.

[nofool4u]

Because I have no desire for other women. I'm very selective, almost to a fault. I found one that very few can compare, both physically and mentally. When you are already driving a Ferrari a Corvette doesn't have much appeal.

 

What about when the Ferrari gets 200K miles on it?

[nofool4u]

You sure do have a wild imagination.

 

She views sex like driving from point A to point B. Get there as quickly as possible.

 

She is that way with YOU. The same old guy she has had sex with for years.

 

Just like you with another woman, I bet you'd see a much different wife if you were able to view her with another man.

 

 

I would say that over the past year I may have come 10% of the time with her because she is so quick.

 

Uh, thats the beauty of having a woman who can orgasm quickly, its not over until the big daddy squirts.

 

 

She needs 5 minutes and I need 30.

 

Unless you are close to being impotent, men don't need 30. I can go 30, can control it, but I don't NEED 30. Do you have hardly any sensation around the head or something?

[nofool4u]

LOL! I try and slow her down, but she just can't help herself.

 

Most men would take that as a compliment. Others, I guess, see it as an excuse to cheat. Go figure.

[nofool4u]

Exactly. Why the need to leave?

 

You tell us. You are the one that said you will leave when your 7yo is out of the house.

[nofool4u]

Excuse me...posow?

 

If u mean what I normally mean when I type "pos"...I would ask nicely for u to not use such a derogatory and generalizing statement about those of us on this board whom u have never met

 

Let me see if I understand this correctly.

 

People are telling their despicable stories of cheating, better sex than your spouse, etc. etc., therefore knowing the potential to offend. But when someone uses the acronym, POS, boy, that just aint right??

 

The cheaters on this board expect BS's and those who are betrayed to have thick skin, but not the other way around.

[BrokenPrincess]

You, like most women today,just don't get it. Men woud like to be desired too..not just you women. Tell your husband how the tatooed guy made you feel, and tell him what you think of him. I'm willing to bet he will feel like a complete loser a****. Projecting? maybe, but I'm willing to bet.

 

That you say good things about him is irrelevent. Your actions speak otherwise. His persona, his body, whateever isn't enough for you.

 

I will say it again IMO, you are wasting his life...robbing him. It's cruel. Let him go.

 

You think that I, like most women today, don't get that my H wants to feel desired and would feel terrible if I told him I've have better sex with other partners? You don't seem to think very highly of the modern woman.

 

Regardless of sex, of course I love him more than any other partner and he is more than enough. Until my A, I thought I just had a very low sex drive. So if anything positive comes out of this whole mess, I am trying to get that with my H. I HAVE taken some actions to make this happen, but I didn't post all the graphic details on this online forum!

[nofool4u]

Regardless of sex, of course I love him more than any other partner and he is more than enough.

 

If that were true, uh, er, well.....?

 

 

Until my A, I thought I just had a very low sex drive. So if anything positive comes out of this whole mess

 

Nah, let me correct you on that. There is absolutely NO positives of having a cheating spouse. None.

 

 

I am trying to get that with my H.

 

Trying to get that with him? You just got telling us he is more than enough.

 

 

I HAVE taken some actions to make this happen

 

By this I assume you are no longer in an affair and you don't engage in any types of social interactions where you get all hot and bothered by another man?

[Charlie Harper]

There is absolutely NO positives of having a cheating spouse. None.

 

 

Yes there are a lot of positives on cheating.

 

1) You can be happier if you go into an A and then divorce, the security of knowing that you can attract someone else is a boost to the ego and self image and esteem.

2) Cheating sometimes gives the BH or BW the momentum to make changes and also

3) Sometimes makes the WS realize what it may lose and returns home to put more effort in the relationship.

 

Not all situations are the same but there are advantages and disadvantages in all situations..

 

Glass Half Empty or Half Full ???

[sayyes19]

Great sex abilities, make people have unintended affairs. If someone finds a partner who is super good in bed is normal they will want to do it again, and again, and again... hence you get into an affair. One night stands work when sex is good or normal, or a release, but not mind-blowing.

Also there are persons who like good dancers, have ability to "perform" very well in bed, for those persons sleeping around, having or trying to have ONS, is very difficult because they are soo good in bed. Also women talk so if there is someone who is super hot in bed, chances are that he will be asked out a lot (LOL), the other way is true (super hot women in bed)

Wouldn't the person have already entered the affair if they are testing out the great sex that the other person is providing?