Is a divorce imminent?

[grgbarnes]

I am new to this forum but wanted to "ask the audience" about my particular situation. I am a healthy, fairly successful 34-year old male who was recently married a year ago and am constantly thinking about divorcing my wife.

 

Let me start from the beginning: We met via a mutual work friend when we lived in different cities; I was making great $$ at the time and flew her to see me or visited her 2-3x a month for over a year. We finally decided to move in together after we were engaged and we rented a home for a year in my city. She was hell-bent on moving back to her family, job and friends, so I quit my job and moved to her hometown (a blue collar, ugly town) so she could have her world back. My job turned out OK, so that isn't an issue, either.

 

Here is the question: I love sex. I stare at women at my gym, on the street, on TV, wherever. I mark every day that we make love and it averages about once every 15 days or 2x a month. I thought I needed stability and loved her very much, and thought we were good for one another...but sex is non-existant and mediocre at best. I like our home, the neighborhood, even her friends and family are passable, but I have 0 chemistry with my wife, in fact, I'd rather go masterbate than have relations with her. I think another issue is that she is short (5'3") and weighs about 140-145 lbs., up from 120 lbs. when I met her...

 

I also make about 2x what she makes (I make $100K to her $50K...). What am I to do, no BJ's, no partying, nothing, she wants to stay home or just kick it at a beach or whatever...we NEVER even kiss more than a peck on the cheek or lips...no tongue for months...

 

Am I crazy...? She is strong-willed, but we do have a good friendship and relationship, in general...I like to work with her on the house, travel, exercise (when she does) and visit winieries (we're in San Francisco). I just feel like my only pleasure is being a buddy, and I think she has limited or no attraction to me, either.

 

Do I get a divorce? I can name 50 women I have had better sex with, some just for a night...

 

I am confused and lonely in my own house. Do I go to counseling?; see a shrink?;

 

Please advise.

[Samson]

34 yr old making $100M and after one year of marriage decided it was the wrong move!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

What the F*k kinda job do you have?

 

But I digress.............

 

 

GET OUT NOW: You can (through some strange twist of fate) afford it.

[supermom]

Have you talked about this with your wife? It sounds like the friendship is there but the sexual chemistry isn't. What about a sex therapist?

 

Maybe your wife feels the same way. Maybe if you both agreed, your divorce if it came to that, would be a friendly one, and you two can remain the good friends that you are

 

good luck, but if you love her, use divorce as the last resort..

[PUHLEEEEZE...]

Get Dr. Laura's book: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. Read it. Ask your wife to read it. It won't work if there are any of the 3 A's going on in your relationship (Adultery, Abuse, Addiction), but from what you write, it may just help her see the light...

[Matilda]

I'm guessing at one point there was sexual chemistry between you and your wife or you wouldn't have married her. When did this chemistry disappear, and what led to it's disappearance?

 

What does your wife have to say about your sexual relationship? Is she happy with the current frequency of sex?

 

If it is really just a sex issue, that could be relatively easy to fix, if you both love each other and are committed to each other. But I do wonder if there might be more to this than that. Does she understand how important sex and appearance are to you? And do you understand that she may feel degraded because you don't find her attractive?

[Karlise13]

I am confused as to why you got married in the first place.

 

That aside...the deed is done and it doesn't sound like a happy world you're in.

 

I am not sure why you stressed that you make double her income. I mean, how does that factor into marital happiness?

 

She could be making 600K annually and you'd probably still not like being with her. Financial worth doesn't make anyone enjoyable to be around (unless you're there expressly for the material perks....)

 

Sounds like a hasty decision gone sour. After a year the sex is nil? I'd personally have a HUGE issue with that.

 

If she is not attracted to you, it's best brought out into the open. I think you guys need to re-negotiate the terms of your marriage. Perhaps she's fantasizing about divorcing you too.

 

I'm a big believer in chemistry. If the chemistry was there at one time and you still feel great love for a person, I'm all about working it out and making efforts to stay together.

 

However, if you think the chemistry was NEVER there and NIETHER of you is attracted to the other....and it doesn't sound like you really love her, honestly...sounds like a lukewarm 'liking' kind of thing....I'd maybe think of ending this now.