My girlfriend cheated on me... what do I do???

[HurtConfusedLost]

Hey guys can you help me out please?

 

I'm 25 and my girlfriend is 26. We met through my roommates a couple of years ago, and we went on a couple of dates, but nothing serious. We have mutual friends, so we hung out on numerous occasions outside of the dates. I ended up getting with several other girls after her, and she eventually moved to Northern California. Two months after she moved, I moved to the same city coincidentally. I was with someone else at the time I moved up, but broke up with that girl to get with my current girlfriend.

 

We've been together for the past 3 months, and were dating for 2 months prior to that. These past few months have been really good.

 

But in the beginning of this year, when my girlfriend and I started dating again, she told me that there was "someone else" and she said that she needed time to think about things. The guy that she was talking about was this guy that she had been interested in for 5 years, on and off, but nothing ever became of them because of bad timing. Her roommate even previously referred to him as her "soul mate". A week after our talk, she said that there was nothing between them, and we resumed dating. A month after that, she had the hardest time telling me that one night she ended up drinking and doing some muscle relaxers and slept with him. She wouldn't tell me his name though, because she said it didn't matter. From what I knew of her, this was so uncharacteristic of her. I was hurt and angry, even though we weren't exclusive at that time. She said that she wouldn't do it again, and we eventually moved past it and kept on dating. I periodically had my doubts though, and voiced my opinions.

 

A month after that little fiasco, we made it "official". Things were moving quickly, but it was great, and I was beginning to trust her. I was living in another city for a short time to cut down on my commute. Last month, she said that she loves me, and she's said it several times. We even started talking about moving in together, it just felt right. I moved back to the city a month ago, and we have been hanging out every single day. About two months ago, she finally told me who it was that she had slept with. The "soulmate" it turns out, is close friends with her roommates, and I had met him before. She said she didn't want to tell me because she knew there would be tension, since I was always over there visiting her and he was over occasionally visiting her roommates (upstairs).

 

OK so skip to the present. Last week, I was telling her about this conversation I had with a friend whose boyfriend had cheated on her. I told my girlfriend what I had told my friend, that she should evaluate what's important in that relationship and her feelings for him. After I had told her about the conversation, she had this weird look on her face and it was bugging me. She eventually said, "I'm selfish" and she proceeded to tell me that she had cheated on me in the first month that we were together, with the same guy who I mentioned earlier (the "soulmate"). He gave her some muscle relaxers, and she felt weak so she laid on his bed, and I don't know who started it but she just gave in I guess. When I heard the news, I flipped out and was so angry, and hurt. I felt like a fool. She didn't seem to be like this, and if I had known or even had some inkling I would have dropped her. She's never cheated on any of her ex'es before, either. I have been cheated on before and I swore that I wouldn't take it again. I personally don't cheat, I think it's wrong, and if you're doing it then you're just wasting your time and the other person's time. Anyways, we broke up that night, but we've been talking about it for the past week, pretty much every single night after I get back from work. The night that she told me, she even ran to my place after I had left her house because she wanted to talk to me. I want to stay away from her but at the same time I can't because I think I love her. And everytime we talk, she says that she "f-ed up", it was a mistake, what she did wasn't "her", she won't put herself in that position again, she'll never do anything to hurt me, she's done with muscle relaxers and drinking and getting messed up, and that she only wants to be with me. She said that at the time that she cheated, she was denying her feelings for me, and she didn't think we would work out (She's had an unpleasant past: Her last boyfriend left her, when she was in the hospital after a bad motorcycle accident, and she went into depression; and an ex before that was a psycho), and she was suprised at how fast her feelings had grown for me. After many hours of berating her for her actions, and knocking a few holes in the walls, she keeps on coming back to tell me that she only wants to be with me, and she even mentioned something about marriage. (Yes, marriage-talk scares me) She said that she doesn't want that guy, or any other guy, and she only wants to be with me. Everytime we talk about it, she cries and I think that she really regrets what she's done.

 

If it were another girl, like one of my exes, or just any other girl period, I would have just dropped the whole thing. Because I hate b.s., and I try to cut out people who give it to me. But with her I feel so weak; i feel like i'm less of a man for having these feelings for her even after what she's done, but I can't say goodbye. I am torn. I want to leave her but I feel like I can't, and I feel like I can't trust her but something inside me tells me I should give it a try. What should I do? Do you think she's telling me the truth? Should I believe her? Should we stay together?

 

And I also want to kick that mother****er's ass for being a no-class bum. But he's friends with her roommates, and I totally like the roommates and I don't want to smear that ****er's blood on their driveway. Should I kick his ass? I don't want to go to jail though. Dammit.

[Fritz]

OK wait a sec.. he gave her "muscle relaxers" at least once (twice or did I read that wrong?) and she's slept with him at least twice while you've been dating each other? Why the hell is she still even near this guy? "Soul mates" don't manipluate each other to get a role in the hay. She needs mental help here. I'd be running for the hills if I were you. Even if you weren't exclusive one of the times I'd have serious trust issues here.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

There are huge red flags here. Not only does she cheat on you twice while she is with you but gives you this ridiculous justification that the OM gave her muscle relaxers each time so she let him screw her. In addition, she keeps this from you for a long time. It is clear that it is easy for her to fool you. What is that old saying: fool me once shame on you; fool me twice shame on me. I think you would be a fool to stay with her. Find someone else who respects and honors your committment to a relationship. What idiot would say I took muscle relaxers twice from a guy so I let him screw me both times? Why would you even consider marrying such a woman who allowed this at least twice to your knowledge while she was with you? Do you really want to worry for the rest of your life living with a person like this? Open your eyes. I wish you luck.

[billybadass36]

First, drop her. I've been cheated on in my past, and I make it abundantly clear whenever I get involved with anyone that exclusivity is not just a courtesy, it's a requirement. If that's a problem, then I just walk away. No questions asked and no regrets. I'd rather be alone than have the gut-wrenching feelings of doubt, distrust and jealousy that goes along with dating a person you can't trust. Again, I always give everyone the benefit of the doubt at first, but I never give second chances. Pretty draconian, but I can't stand feeling distrust and jealousy.

 

Second, this guy's an acquaintance of yours. He assumedly knows that you were dating this girl. His drugging her (yes, what he did was drug her) to get her to sleep with him is a criminal act as well as a complete slap in your face. Now, this isn't going to sound PC to most of the people on this board, but I'm old school and slightly stupid, and it'd make me feel a whole lot better if I dented this clown's face. Seriously, the dude's a criminal. He pretty much spat in your face. He's practically BEGGING for a beating. Also, he won't press charges because you can always inform the authorities that he date raped your girlfriend. Nice, eh? And, who cares about pissing the roommates off because you've already dropped this girl? Again, this is not the conventional advice that you'd hear on this board, but I'm not the conventional pu..y either. Bottom line: the only way this guy will stop doing what he's doing (since nobody else is stopping him) is to be on the receiving end of a savage beating. My two cents only and this is not an endorsement of violence as a means of retribution but merely as a negative reinforcement tool to modify a criminal's behavior. I crack myself up.

 

Oh, and about a month ago I was on here whining about a guy that kissed (just kissed) my girlfriend in front of me while she and I were WASTED. He was supposedly a "friend". Well, he got tossed down the driveway and was informed that if I even hear of him even talking to my gf again, I'm going to drive across the state (he's from out of town) or whereever he is and tear is ever-f---ing head off. Similarly if I ever accidentally "run into" him again. I informed him that I'm just going to assume he's trying to shack up with my gf and I'm going to come out swinging. Probably not the smartest solution, but it makes me feel good to know this little weasel is probably pissing in his panties right now....I'm a pretty ripped 240lbs and he's a svelte 150, maybe....So, that being stated, take the above advice with a grain of salt.