2 Years = Break up "Wants to find herself" Want your !

[Damian12]

Hello all!

 

Going to make this simple and quick.

 

Me and my girlfriend been dating for almost 2 years. Living together for 1 year. Known each other for 4 years. Both 26 years old now. Barely any fights and arguments. Good connection, good spark, good chemistry, good communication, good physical contact, almost everything GOOD! I was very happy at this point. Living with her, healthy(going to gym 3-4 times a week), making good money, good family connection, going on small trips and doing new activities. I was the happiest man in the world. She was very happy herself as well. 1 Year After. She started not liking her career...Started to hate it...Want to change her career. Not knowing what to do. Not only that, herself too. Want to become more independent and a stronger girl for herself. To not rely on anyone. She started to change herself, finding a guide to help her. Physics, books and Tarot Cards. She started to stop doing her daily activities and her basic routines in life. She really just started to really try to find herself as a person. Finding her passion in her life. I wanted to help her as much as I could, but there is only so much I can do as her boyfriend. I did my best to support her. Every time she wants to do something, I'd tell her "GO DO IT, I THINK THAT'S A GREAT IDEA" I'd almost never shut her down in her ideas. But would just give a small opinion in my mind. Until one day, she decides that she needs to leave me...she was crying very hard when she told me she had to go. She said she was on a mission to go find herself. Atm I was very sad too. I lover her very much, to this day I'm typing this out, and its very hard for me, because my mind cant stop thinking about her. I thought everything was going good, everything that she ever wanted was in front of her...but guess not anymore! Then after 2 good years, and all of a sudden it change in the past 1 month. Then it ended. She moved back home with her parents house.

 

So my question is to anyone who reads this is. Is this a true fact that some people actually go through, that they give up a relationship to do this? Can't they find themselves while in a relationship?

 

My situation/healing: I'm fine myself atm, I work 50hrs a week, go to gym 4 days, see my old friends and see my family. Keeping myself occupied and trying not to think about her, or contact her. I stopped facebook, skype and text msgs. And I will move on again when I'm ready.

 

Thank you for reading!

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Hello all!

 

Going to make this simple and quick.

 

Me and my girlfriend been dating for almost 2 years. Living together for 1 year. Known each other for 4 years. Both 26 years old now. Barely any fights and arguments. Good connection, good spark, good chemistry, good communication, good physical contact, almost everything GOOD! I was very happy at this point. Living with her, healthy(going to gym 3-4 times a week), making good money, good family connection, going on small trips and doing new activities. I was the happiest man in the world. She was very happy herself as well. 1 Year After. She started not liking her career...Started to hate it...Want to change her career. Not knowing what to do. Not only that, herself too. Want to become more independent and a stronger girl for herself. To not rely on anyone. She started to change herself, finding a guide to help her. Physics, books and Tarot Cards. She started to stop doing her daily activities and her basic routines in life. She really just started to really try to find herself as a person. Finding her passion in her life. I wanted to help her as much as I could, but there is only so much I can do as her boyfriend. I did my best to support her. Every time she wants to do something, I'd tell her "GO DO IT, I THINK THAT'S A GREAT IDEA" I'd almost never shut her down in her ideas. But would just give a small opinion in my mind. Until one day, she decides that she needs to leave me...she was crying very hard when she told me she had to go. She said she was on a mission to go find herself. Atm I was very sad too. I lover her very much, to this day I'm typing this out, and its very hard for me, because my mind cant stop thinking about her. I thought everything was going good, everything that she ever wanted was in front of her...but guess not anymore! Then after 2 good years, and all of a sudden it change in the past 1 month. Then it ended. She moved back home with her parents house.

 

So my question is to anyone who reads this is. Is this a true fact that some people actually go through, that they give up a relationship to do this? Can't they find themselves while in a relationship?

 

My situation/healing: I'm fine myself atm, I work 50hrs a week, go to gym 4 days, see my old friends and see my family. Keeping myself occupied and trying not to think about her, or contact her. I stopped facebook, skype and text msgs. And I will move on again when I'm ready.

 

Thank you for reading!

 

Hey man welcome to LS. Great place to vent frustrations/get whats on your mind onto paper.....Now, I don't know your girl personally, so I cannot make a soild ruling on this.

 

I can almost promise you most will come on here and say if its a sudden change of "wants space, needs to find herself" type situation, there is something she might not be telling you. Whether that be someone else she is seeing/likes someone type thing. I had a situation this year where my ex of three years went through similar things. She didnt like her job either and never went out and did anything with her friends, life, etc. I always told her GO OUT AND DO STUFF and I never once stopped her. One day she says she wanted to take her own "personal journey" and didnt know who she was outside of us, so she started going to therapy. Why couldnt she have went to therapy WHILE still with me????? Same is why couldnt she find herself while in a relationship?? She said would come back to me and swore that she would and cried more than I ever have seen her do before. Cried for weeks about wanting to come back to me, but says she needed to do this and how she wanted to marry me and everything....Then, she changes it on the flip of a hat and says she is not in love with me anymore blah blah and that she likes someone currently and realizes that I'm not the person she wants to be with. It's REALLY hard to phatom that because she was CRAZY over me. I had NO clue what was going on. I still honestly do not believe she fully means that, but said it because I started to get angry after a cat-mouse game for a month with her. I went though battles with people on here about saying "I know for a fact its not anyone else" and sadly it was. I know you said that you were doing many activities correct? Was that enough where things were not getting too routine? Many people want that change and most immature ones won't work on with you, they will just leave. Do NOT rule that out and prepared for such an answer...maybe

 

Lets be a little more positive....girls are weird lol. There is something in their genetic code that says "If I'm confused with something, I'm going to freak out!!" I've seen it before and for this side of the healing, she might just need to be by herself to figure it out. The best action you can do is to be suppotive but DO NOT contact her unless she contacts you. Never beg, plead, etc for her to come back. When she does contact you, be open with her, but again NEVER look needy or desperate. That s*** will set you back almost lightyears. I think I might be with my ex again now currently if I read LS before I wigged out lol. I think a vast majority of people on here have made that mistake and paid for it later. Keep doing what you are doing, and when she is ready, I promise you she will come back. They always do.

 

It's hard not to think about and mine has been three months currently, and me worrying has caused me to lose my job, apartment, most of my friends, etc. PLease man do NOT let that happen to you. You seem like a person with his head on straight. Come here and vent, there are some WONDERFUL people here willing to help. I can name the best ones on here if you so choose.

Edited December 16, 2012 by ConfusedHumanBeing

[movingon12]

Sounds like the quarter life crisis to me. People get stuck in a rut in their early twenties, end up in a job, home, relationship, life that isn't really making them happy. They look at their lives and think - is this it now? Is this my life? By the time you're 26 you can pretty much see what direction your life is going in, and where you're going to be in 10, 20, 40 years time. I guess she looked at the path she was on and realised that's not what she wanted. I did the same thing when I was 28. And yes, I did eventually find what I was looking for. And my job, home, relationship, life now is a million miles away from what I had when I was 26.

 

It's not that there's anything wrong with you, it's just they relationship she had with you isn't working for her anymore. In just the same way that her job wasn't working for her anymore.

 

People change in their 20s, if you're in a relationship, and you're VERY lucky, you both change in the same way. But usually you'll change in different ways. Appreciate the good times you had and let her go.

[movingon12]

Keep doing what you are doing, and when she is ready, I promise you she will come back. They always do.

 

This is not true.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

This is not true.

 

Sorry god didnt mean to offend you

[movingon12]

Sorry god didnt mean to offend you

 

I'm not offended.

 

I'm just pointing out that it's not true. Most exes don't go back. It's a mistake to leave people with false hope. It's much healthier for everyone if they assume they need to get on with their lives, rather than hang around waiting (almost certainly in vain) for their ex to change their mind and come back.

 

IF in the future things work out, great. But the vast majority of the time it doesn't, and the sooner a person can accept this, the sooner they will be happier.

[Damian12]

Thank you ConfusedHumanBeing for your reply.

 

Well, regardless if she is seeing someone else or not. I don't really care. Because we aren't together anymore anyways. But I do know is, that she always wants more in life. "Grass is greener on the other side". My life you could say is the more simple minded. I appreciate and enjoy life the way things are. I couldn't ask for more! We've had talks that she wants to have a life purpose. Everyone does. The reason why she quit her job was because she just didn't like it. She was making more money then me sometimes per week! But it's not always about money for her, its true. Its about enjoying what you do, and get paid for it. She doesn't just want to enjoy...SHE WANTS PASSION IN WHAT SHE DOES. Something definitely clicked in her mind at one point.

 

When she left my apartment, she left a lot of her stuff here. We didn't move everything back to her parents house yet. She only took what she needed. Which was clothes. Not nice going out clothes or anything, but just enough to stay warm. She stopped playing video games(she was a gamer), she left all her makeup stuff and products (meaning, shes not even going look good and go out), she left all her skincare products (she used to care about her skin so much), she stopped doing yoga that she gotten me into, stopped working and doing her business, she left her cat at my place and last thing she left me! And to me, I think she is going through some rough time and is really focused on her mission...

 

She has always been in a relationship type of girl. The longest she has ever stayed single was about 3 months. She told me she always had her boyfriend to help her out and do things for her and whatever blah blah. But now she doesn't want that anymore. I think she wants to prove that she can live life without a guy in her life. To prove that she can take care of herself. Being independent and strong. Not being taking advantage of.