another other woman

[eicats]

Hi All.

 

I found this site today and have been hooked most of the afternoon on reading your experiences. I may have a slightly different take on the other woman situation.

 

I am a recent widow. I lost my husband just over 8 months ago. My entire world was shattered. I can not describe to you all what that feels like and I hope none of you ever find out. I have another forum which has been my lifeline for that topic so I won't go into to much here about my husband.

 

When I first lost my husband the last thing in the world I thought I would ever do was have feelings for anyone else and certainily if I did it would be a long long time.

 

Well, life has a way of showing you that you are not in charge. Through a project at my home that lasted months I met my MM. We spent a good solid 8 weeks of occassional calls and weekly lunches. The calls always started business and then went into personal. The lunches were getting to know each other better and becoming friends.

 

He knew my situation from day one. I was very much in the still crying daily stage when we first met. As such, he was a pretty big flirt but was not going to make the first move. Not only could it have jepordized our business relationship, but he did not want to offend me and wasn't sure of the signals I was sending.

 

From the moment he walked in my door, I was deeply attracted to him. He was the first man since my husband that I was drawn to. He did not have on a wedding ring. I called some girlfriends and said wow, you guys aren't going to believe this, but this guy was just at my house and man, there was some serious chemistry there.

 

Anyway, obviously the affair started. This is not the 1st time for him. He has been married 12 years. In that time he has slept with 4 other women besides me other than his wife. 3 were one night stands. 1 was a relationship based purely on sex that lasted about 6 months. His wife has had one confirmed affair in that time. I personally believe she is doing the same thing he is at present, or at least contemplating it.

 

I know all of the reasons having an affair with a married man is a bad idea under any circumstances. They may be slightly worse with mine because I am so vulnerable and needy at this time in my life. But, I find myself knee deep in it now.

 

We see each other mainly during daytime hours. He may or may not leave his wife. I believe he in many ways wants to but there is the children issue and the confort zone issue. He told me from the get go that he was unhappy in his marriage, but would not leave her for me. I agree with that totally. Oh, don't get me wrong, I would love for him to leave her, but because he is unhappy there.

 

Anyway, I'm pretty confused over it all. I am in love with him. Well, that's my basic story. Any and all feedback is appreciated.

[Grinning Maniac]

I'm just curious. Why exactly would you choose to be with someone that is impossible to trust? Do you think that you will somehow "win" and this guy won't hurt you?

 

I'm sorry about your husband. That must be very tough. I can't even imagine. But understand that you are setting yourself up for a whole new world of hurt.

 

I'd advise you to run, regardless of what your heart may be telling you.

 

My $0.02.

[The_Analyzer]

I agree with Grinning Maniac. You already know of this mm's history with other women. Chances are he will do to you what he has done to his wife and others. Save yourself from any further hurt and cut the ties now. I'm sure thats easier said than done since you feel that you love him. Better to do it now though. Good luck.