Help!! My boyfriend is treating me like dirt, and I think something is going wrong!!

[dbaird12]

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Okay. I just am needing a little advice on what to do about my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and living with each other for about 2 years and 363 days. Just to explain how close that our relationship is, I can't remember the last day that I haven't been in our house with him. He has a little boy that is 6 from a previous girlfriend, who treats me like a mom. We are very close. Anyways, I think that he is the dominant one in the relationship and has a bad temper. He will call me names when he gets mad at me, and tells me how bad I have made his life. Here lately our relationship has took a turn for the worse, when before all our relationship was, was a breath of fresh air. He saved my life, and I am grateful to him for that. But I do not deserve the treatment he has given me the last few months. Back in April, we found out that I was pregnant, and in May found out I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks, when I was supposed to be 12 weeks. We were both devastated. I am still, but when I try to talk to him about it, it is like he has almost forgotten, he keeps telling me I am on his last nerve, and if the job I've been offered doesn't start soon, that we are over. This just stresses me out to no end, and I don't know what to do. When I found out I was pregnant he was telling me how much he wanted to marry me, and have another addition to our family. Now, even when I mention marriage, he flat out says, "yeah right, I'm not marrying you". It does hurt my feelings and I try to tell him that so that he will be nicer, but he won't even let me get the sentence out. He doesn't say I love you very much anymore either, and I asked him once, why? and he said "Because I just don't". I work 40 hours a week and he is a security guard supervisor on Sat. and Sundays for 12 hours a day, so we really don't get to spend too much alone time. We do have financial problems, and that also is "My Fault", so alot of the lack of money blame is put to me. I am almost sick of it, but I love him so much, and his son, and I am not going to walk out on a relationship that I have put so much effort into. And the fact that we were going to have a baby is a big deal for me.

 

Anyways, the problem lately is that I got on the computer today and he was logged into yahoo!messenger. I looked briefly at the archives and found he had been talking to a 17 year old!!!! The conversation apparently had started about 1 hour after I left for work. He even emailed her a picture. There was nothing sexual in the conversation, but the fact that he sent her a pic got my blood boiling. He is 25. Way too old in my book, almost 8 years, and she is a minor. This apparently is the first they've ever spoken, I guess they just met in a chat room. I asked him about it while he was napping, if he chatted with girls on the net, and he said I chat with alot of people, both guys and girls. He never came out and said it, but I don't want him to know that I was snooping in the chat archives. He said what he does is none of my business, and I am a stupid bi#$@ for looking in our computer's history for sites that he has been to. I did it because I had a weird feeling about him and that is what I found out.

 

I just need advice w/ him, if I should blow up about this and open his archives for him to prove this, or if I should ask him about emailing the pic to the 17 year old, or what should I do?

 

Help!!!

[overseas2004]

I dont think there are any questions you should be asking us or this guy anymore.

 

I would never ever ever allow someone to call me a stupid b***. The fact that you put up with this shows that you have zero self esteem. I don't know where you lost it but you better go searching for your self esteem rather than the internet archives. It will be way more important to your future to find your self esteem than find out what this loser security guard who is turning out to be a pedophile.

 

I have had a lot of experience with men. I have found that in that experience men will do to you what you ALLOW them to do to you (nothing less and nothing more).

 

I dont know if you can get his respect back (he has lost it obviously) and I don't know if you can get your self respect back (because you have lost it as well). I only suggest that this be your number one project.

 

And by the way, if you got your self respect back you would probably get his back as well. If you had self esteem then you would never allow him to say these things to you. You would have left a long long time ago.

 

Show some charachter. Pack up your sh** and leave. Dont let someone treat you like this. You don't deserve it. There are plenty of men out there who will not treat you like this.

 

If you don't listen to me you could even end up worse. He may start hitting you. He sounds abusive and that is the usual downward spiral that someone who behaves like him takes. He sounds like real trailer trash.

[overseas2004]

If you do decide to leave feel free to write me whenever on the PM. I will be there to support you 100 percent of the way.

 

I BEG YOU TO LEAVE!!!!

[youcandealw/it]

based on what you have said i think you should leave the guy.it sounds like he does not care about your feelings what so ever.sometimes it is hard for a person to leave a relationship that they have invested in for so long ,but in the long run you will be so much better off.when there is emotional abuse in a relationship it is abuse, plain and simple.if the guy does not want to change the way he treats you or go to counseling about his demeanor,my advice is leave him and go on with you life.good luck!

[overseas2004]

Listen he does not need counselling he needs manners and class. I wish everyone would stop with the counselling and prozac for every problem here.

[Confused123]

ok, this man is clearly a dic&. I recommend you take the advice over overseas's and pack your stuff and don't look back. Many times people get themselves into situsation and let people treat them in ways they would never normally imagined. This guy needs a good lesson and you are just the girl to give it tom him. Be strong, once you are out of this you will look back and wondering what took you so long.

 

I am very sorry to hear about your miscarriage, it must be a very painful thing to deal with. However, try and realize that everything in life happens for a reason. Maybe, you were no meant to have children with this man. I understand that doesn't make the situsation any better, but, just I turly believe everythingin life happens for a reason. Hang in there. Pack you bags and don't look back... Good luck

[frmdsouth]

"Figure out who you are, separate from your family and the man you're in a relationship with. Find who you are in this world and what you need to feel good alone. I think thats the most important thing in life. Find a sense of self because with that, you can do anything else."

[oldandie1950]

Originally posted by dbaird12

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Okay. I just am needing a little advice on what to do about my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and living with each other for about 2 years and 363 days. Just to explain how close that our relationship is, I can't remember the last day that I haven't been in our house with him. He has a little boy that is 6 from a previous girlfriend, who treats me like a mom. We are very close. Anyways, I think that he is the dominant one in the relationship and has a bad temper. He will call me names when he gets mad at me, and tells me how bad I have made his life. Here lately our relationship has took a turn for the worse, when before all our relationship was, was a breath of fresh air. He saved my life, and I am grateful to him for that. But I do not deserve the treatment he has given me the last few months. Back in April, we found out that I was pregnant, and in May found out I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks, when I was supposed to be 12 weeks. We were both devastated. I am still, but when I try to talk to him about it, it is like he has almost forgotten, he keeps telling me I am on his last nerve, and if the job I've been offered doesn't start soon, that we are over. This just stresses me out to no end, and I don't know what to do. When I found out I was pregnant he was telling me how much he wanted to marry me, and have another addition to our family. Now, even when I mention marriage, he flat out says, "yeah right, I'm not marrying you". It does hurt my feelings and I try to tell him that so that he will be nicer, but he won't even let me get the sentence out. He doesn't say I love you very much anymore either, and I asked him once, why? and he said "Because I just don't". I work 40 hours a week and he is a security guard supervisor on Sat. and Sundays for 12 hours a day, so we really don't get to spend too much alone time. We do have financial problems, and that also is "My Fault", so alot of the lack of money blame is put to me. I am almost sick of it, but I love him so much, and his son, and I am not going to walk out on a relationship that I have put so much effort into. And the fact that we were going to have a baby is a big deal for me.

 

Anyways, the problem lately is that I got on the computer today and he was logged into yahoo!messenger. I looked briefly at the archives and found he had been talking to a 17 year old!!!! The conversation apparently had started about 1 hour after I left for work. He even emailed her a picture. There was nothing sexual in the conversation, but the fact that he sent her a pic got my blood boiling. He is 25. Way too old in my book, almost 8 years, and she is a minor. This apparently is the first they've ever spoken, I guess they just met in a chat room. I asked him about it while he was napping, if he chatted with girls on the net, and he said I chat with alot of people, both guys and girls. He never came out and said it, but I don't want him to know that I was snooping in the chat archives. He said what he does is none of my business, and I am a stupid bi#$@ for looking in our computer's history for sites that he has been to. I did it because I had a weird feeling about him and that is what I found out.

 

I just need advice w/ him, if I should blow up about this and open his archives for him to prove this, or if I should ask him about emailing the pic to the 17 year old, or what should I do?

 

Help!!!

 

Honey, as this is a really rough spot to be in, it is time for honest review. Find a safe place for you and

get this insecure guy at a distance from you. No way is how this guy treats you appropriate in a sharing

relationship. So! all relationships have challenging patches but with hard work and "Honesty" from both,

issues are resolved. That is so easy to say, i know but you sound like a lovely, caring woman and you

deserve a loving, supportive partner. I spent a lot of time loving, caring for and sharing with a woman

who just never really gave back to the same degree. Sure it was really hard when i really found out the

truth and i was upset that she had just being doing what she thought was enough to keep me.

First i was sad then angry but now i know that was just the way she is.

We are apart now and it is not easy but i am getting on with what ever time i have left in life.

Good Times are calling you forward!!!

If you care for you as much you care about others it will work out

[Confused28]

Please leave this relationship. This is not a kind, loving man, this is an abuser. I understand where you are, and I know how hard it is to leave. I have been in a relationship like this. I remember going into the relationship with very high standards, and then I began to accept all sorts of things that were totally wrong..... he called me every name you can think of, even the C word (c*nt). He hit me a couple of times (something that I thought I never would put up with, but did), and he yelled at me, lost his temper instantly and was very jealous and controlling, all the way down to what I wore, he said people would stare and make comments because I was so provocative. I got breast implants and that was an entire 3 month long fight because he was so threatened by me getting them, thinking I would be too attractive. Wow, after I got out of that relationship, and got into another good one, I looked back and was like OMG, I can't believe I put up with that. I deserve so much more! So, do you! I know when you are in a relationship it is hard to see what it really looks like from the outside in. But, aside from the way he treats you, he also is having relationships on-line...... oh no Girl..... that is no okay! Especially with a minor, that puts the frosting on the cake!

 

Have more respect for yourself and don't let him eat up the best years of your life. :-) Take Care, Confused28

[12313203984]

i know what it's like to be in a relationship where you feel like you're a bit second best sometimes, but this is ridiculous.

he doesn't have any respect for you and he doesn't deserve any woman. Leave him!!

as hard as it might be, you'll never be entirely happy until you move on.

Difficult i know. So goddamn difficult.