Do many hispanic men have that controlling instinct?

[Juvie]

I've seen it happened to my aunt. My uncle would react if she would merely cursed him out or verbally challenged him. Just for means words being said, he would yelled out ''Shut up already, I'm warning you''. Then he would either throw her a sandal, shake her or strike her with a newspaper. At times spanked her for that while still saying ''SHUT UP''. The same thing happened to another hispanic couple and my older female cousin who married a Mexican man. All it takes is a woman yelling at them and saying mean things for them to hit them. They seem to have that ''Keep her in line'' instinct.

 

I've dated American, British men and even being once engaged to a Japanese man but none of them ever dared to even talk to me in that way nor threatened to hit if I said mean words. Yes, we had a few arguments and I've send some to hell (yes I'm guilty of cursing) but none reacted the way those hispanic men in my family did. I wouldn't have allowed it either. Talk to me that way and I'm gone. And if it comes to blows just because they didn't like something I said, well then hopefully they'll have fun getting jail time for assault charges. Hitting is hitting to me. Doesn't matter if she's rude. No one has the rights to try to control your temper by being violent nor making you shut up into submission.

 

But seriously is that how most hispanic men are like?? I would like to know there are some good ones that don't have that urge to hit a woman.

Edited December 16, 2012 by Juvie

[M30USA]

I was married to a controlling Hispanic woman. I suspect there is something about Hispanics, in general, which makes them highly emotional and also eager for gain (which goes hand in hand with control). They also tend to be overbearing and intrusive in family situations and other peoples personal lives. Just my experience. YMMV.

Edited December 16, 2012 by M30USA

[Juvie]

I was married to a controlling Hispanic woman. I suspect there is something about Hispanics, in general, which makes them highly emotional and also eager for gain (which goes hand in hand with control). Just my experience. YMMV.

Sorry to hear that. Good thing she's your ex now.

 

Or it could have possibly be that your ex didn't want to marry an hispanic man because then she would have been treated like that and so chose you instead; as a way of protecting herself from a controlling hispanic man, she pick a calmed non-hispanic one (you) but sadly was affected too much in her early life by those men and turn that anger on you, which still doesn't excuse it.

 

Some of hispanic female friends are also into white men but want nothing to do with hispanic men. I'm too very leery of hispanic men. There was one interested in dating me recently but I turned him down.

Edited December 16, 2012 by Juvie

[M30USA]

I've concluded the same. I think Hispanics want to marry outside their race because they realize you can't have 2 people with firecracker, explosive personalities. Just doesnt work. So they marry a non-Hispanic, thinking they won't have to deal with that same trait in a spouse.

[Juvie]

It's because Hispanic women get heated extremely fast, as a man you have to put a stop to situations asap before it gets out of hand.

 

Women of most other backgrounds are much more docile and hence warrant a more subtle approach.

So mean words being said is a good reason to be hit? It's not like you're being attacked to the point you have to defend yourself.

[Shaun-Dro]

It's because Hispanic women get heated extremely fast, as a man you have to put a stop to situations asap before it gets out of hand.

 

Women of most other backgrounds are much more docile and hence warrant a more subtle approach.

 

I'm messing with a Latina chick right now: young and fiery! I always put her in place but never threatened her or laid a hand on her and vice-versa. The good thing with these dames is that all that wild energy transfers beautifully between the sheets.

[NYC-BigKat]

I've seen it happened to my aunt. My uncle would react if she would merely cursed him out or verbally challenged him. Just for means words being said, he would yelled out ''Shut up already, I'm warning you''. Then he would either throw her a sandal, shake her or strike her with a newspaper. At times spanked her for that while still saying ''SHUT UP''. The same thing happened to another hispanic couple and my older female cousin who married a Mexican man. All it takes is a woman yelling at them and saying mean things for them to hit them. They seem to have that ''Keep her in line'' instinct.

 

I've dated American, British men and even being once engaged to a Japanese man but none of them ever dared to even talk to me in that way nor threatened to hit if I said mean words. Yes, we had a few arguments and I've send some to hell (yes I'm guilty of cursing) but none reacted the way those hispanic men in my family did. I wouldn't have allowed it either. Talk to me that way and I'm gone. And if it comes to blows just because they didn't like something I said, well then hopefully they'll have fun getting jail time for assault charges. Hitting is hitting to me. Doesn't matter if she's rude. No one has the rights to try to control your temper by being violent nor making you shut up into submission.

 

But seriously is that how most hispanic men are like?? I would like to know there are some good ones that don't have that urge to hit a woman.

 

I'm dominican & I got people in my family like that but its mostly the older ones not me. Its a old custom thing with latinos of how households should be runned or something I think.

[M30USA]

It's because Hispanic women get heated extremely fast, as a man you have to put a stop to situations asap before it gets out of hand.

 

Women of most other backgrounds are much more docile and hence warrant a more subtle approach.

 

That wisdom came about 5 years too late, bud.

[M30USA]

So mean words being said is a good reason to be hit? It's not like you're being attacked to the point you have to defend yourself.

 

Reality doesn't matter to such people. If people like this FEEL something, it doesn't matter. If they FEEL the sky is neon green, it might as well be.

[MrCastle]

This thread is absolutely disgusting. You know, it's 2012, soon to be 2013. Are we still living our lives based off stereotypes? Really?

 

I'm a hispanic man and I've never even thought about laying my hands on a woman. I've been stalked two different times for being "the greatest guy" the woman had ever known because I supposedly treated them so well.

 

I absolutely love and respect women and can only be with those that are independent and have their own say when it comes to our relationship. No controlling behavior, no threats of violence, I don't even raise my voice in arguments. Not just with women, but with anyone.

 

People that still live life based on archaic stereotypes need to step out of the house more.

 

There are bad seeds in every ethnicity. Stop being ignorant.

Edited December 18, 2012 by MrCastle

[Juvie]

This thread is absolutely disgusting. You know, it's 2012, soon to be 2013. Are we still living our lives based off stereotypes? Really?

 

I'm a hispanic man and I've never even thought about laying my hands on a woman. I've been stalked two different times for being "the greatest guy" the woman had ever known because I supposedly treated them so well.

 

I absolutely love and respect women and can only be with those that are independent and have their own say when it comes to our relationship. No controlling behavior, no threats of violence, I don't even raise my voice in arguments. Not just with women, but with anyone.

 

People that still live life based on archaic stereotypes need to step out of the house more.

 

There are bad seeds in every ethnicity. Stop being ignorant.

Glad to hear you're a different hispanic man. Maybe I'm sounding too negative but to have an understanding where I'm coming from, that's what I've seen during most of my childhood and teen years.

 

Indeed there needs to be more hispanic men like you.. it would be cool. And I'll eventually get over that bad experience but it will take a bit of time.

[MrCastle]

Glad to hear you're a different hispanic man. Maybe I'm sounding too negative but to have an understanding where I'm coming from, that's what I've seen during most of my childhood and teen years.

 

Indeed there needs to be more hispanic men like you.. it would be cool. And I'll eventually get over that bad experience but it will take a bit of time.

 

There are bad in every bunch though. Those tank top (also referred to as "wife beaters") wearing white rednecks that hit women or think a woman should be barefoot and pregnant.

 

Middle eastern and asian men who have outdated views on women's rights and think women are supposed to be subservient to men, etc.

 

All ethnicities have bad ones, but for every bad one is a hundred good ones, being overlooked.

 

Every hispanic I know is like myself. This is a cultural thing and not a racial thing. My family and I were born here. I grew up in a middle class household. I'm a college honor student. I couldn't speak spanish if my life depended on it and I failed it back in high school. I grew up being taught men and women are equal and to treat them accordingly. However, you would rule me out just by looking at me. That's wrong. I've dated many white women, and quite a few of them have ended up hurting me in one way or another; that doesn't mean all white women are bad, and it hasn't stopped me from dating them. Judge people as individuals, not as a race.

[M30USA]

Middle eastern and asian men who have outdated views on women's rights and think women are supposed to be subservient to men, etc.

 

Are you being biased against Muslims? Careful the standards you enforce.

[MrCastle]

Are you being biased against Muslims? Careful the standards you enforce.

 

Nope. I'm just saying, believing hispanics have something culturally ingrained in them that makes them controllong is just as ignorant as assuming all middle eastern men disrepect women or so on and so forth.

 

Like I said, both genders, and all ethnicities have bad apples, but to use those few to label an entire ethnicity or to think it's almost genetic that everyone in that ethnicity shares the same views is just plain ignorant.

[M30USA]

Nope. I'm just saying, believing hispanics have something culturally ingrained in them that makes them controllong is just as ignorant as assuming all middle eastern men disrepect women or so on and so forth.

 

Like I said, both genders, and all ethnicities have bad apples, but to use those few to label an entire ethnicity or to think it's almost genetic that everyone in that ethnicity shares the same views is just plain ignorant.

 

At my place of employment, which is the 2nd largest in the country for its field, we were given in our training manual a description of certain tendencies and/or traits to be aware of in specific races/nationalities. My employer has some pretty heavy duty executives and HR staff. Are you saying they are stuck in the dark ages for doing this?

[MrCastle]

At my place of employment, which is the 2nd largest in the country for its field, we were given in our training manual a description of certain tendencies and/or traits to be aware of in specific races/nationalities. My employer has some pretty heavy duty executives and HR staff. Are you saying they are stuck in the dark ages for doing this?

 

Absolutely. Very politically incorrect and again, we're on the brink of 2013 here. This isn't 1975, this is 2013. Surely enough time has passed for people to stop judging others using archaic, dated, inaccurate, and most of all, offensive stereotypes? One would hope. Apparently not, judging by the first page of this thread. Maybe one day.

[sweetjasmine]

This thread is absolutely disgusting. You know, it's 2012, soon to be 2013. Are we still living our lives based off stereotypes? Really?

 

I'm a hispanic man and I've never even thought about laying my hands on a woman. I've been stalked two different times for being "the greatest guy" the woman had ever known because I supposedly treated them so well.

 

I absolutely love and respect women and can only be with those that are independent and have their own say when it comes to our relationship. No controlling behavior, no threats of violence, I don't even raise my voice in arguments. Not just with women, but with anyone.

 

People that still live life based on archaic stereotypes need to step out of the house more.

 

There are bad seeds in every ethnicity. Stop being ignorant.

 

I'm sorry, Mr. Castle, were you not copied on the memo? You know, the one all of us Hispanics got telling us that we're supposed to act like wild animals that need to be tamed and strictly controlled, lest we snap and abuse poor white people who know what's good for us. Get with the program, hombre, before I slam a cast iron pan on your head. It's those uncontrollable emotions, you know. If only I were rational and docile like all the other races and ethnic groups. Then maybe my white husband would let me out of my cage.

[MrCastle]

I'm sorry, Mr. Castle, were you not copied on the memo? You know, the one all of us Hispanics got telling us that we're supposed to act like wild animals that need to be tamed and strictly controlled, lest we snap and abuse poor white people who know what's good for us. Get with the program, hombre, before I slam a cast iron pan on your head. It's those uncontrollable emotions, you know. If only I were rational and docile like all the other races and ethnic groups. Then maybe my white husband would let me out of my cage.

 

What you say? Please excuse me as my english is very poor. I'm having one of my seven children help teach it to me. At least I think he's mine. You know latinas, you can never trust them to be faithful. They are completely ruled by their fiery emotions.

[M30USA]

Absolutely. Very politically incorrect and again, we're on the brink of 2013 here. This isn't 1975, this is 2013. Surely enough time has passed for people to stop judging others using archaic, dated, inaccurate, and most of all, offensive stereotypes? One would hope. Apparently not, judging by the first page of this thread. Maybe one day.

 

Actually, my company is involved in patient care. Therefore, by characteristic, it is beneficial to study the generalities of races/nationalities. If you DON'T, you are actually giving sub-par patient care. Ever think about that? Certain nationalities have their own customs regarding communication styles, male/female roles, and death beliefs. To walk up to a family without this knowledge is to walk into a potential landmine. I don't think you understand what you're saying on this one. I'm just going to leave it here.

[MrCastle]

Actually, my company is involved in patient care. Therefore, by characteristic, it is beneficial to study the generalities of races/nationalities. If you DON'T, you are actually giving sub-par patient care. Ever think about that? Certain nationalities have their own customs regarding communication styles, male/female roles, and death beliefs. To walk up to a family without this knowledge is to walk into a potential landmine. I don't think you understand what you're saying on this one. I'm just going to leave it here.

 

How does that knowledge help in the dating world? Please enlighten me on how assuming ignorant stereotypes of various ethnicities helps you in your dating life. That's what this thread is about. Hispanic men allegedly being controlling because it's in their "blood" or "culture", due to the hispanic women being "emotional" and "fiery"

[M30USA]

How does that knowledge help in the dating world? Please enlighten me on how assuming ignorant stereotypes of various ethnicities helps you in your dating life. That's what this thread is about. Hispanic men allegedly being controlling because it's in their "blood" or "culture", due to the hispanic women being "emotional" and "fiery"

 

Are you a woman or man?

 

If you were walking home late at night and saw a man coming the opposite way on your sidewalk, wouldn't you walk the other way to avoid him? Of course you would. Is that stereotyping males? Of course it is. But sometimes stereotypes help us to function in the world and can help us be safe.

 

In my case, I was completely unaware of the stereotype about hispanic families as being smotheringly close and intrusive. I never heard about this because I lived in a highly politically correct area which is probably much like what you believe. As a result, I wasn't aware how this ethnic trait would affect me since I married a hispanic woman. I am very private and independent and I don't like people butting into my business. I wish--how I wish--that someone had informed of these stereotypes so that, even if they were FALSE, I could have at least had time to THINK about them and weigh their merit on my own.

[MrCastle]

Are you a woman or man?

 

If you were walking home late at night and saw a man coming the opposite way on your sidewalk, wouldn't you walk the other way to avoid him? Of course you would. Is that stereotyping males? Of course it is. But sometimes stereotypes help us to function in the world and can help us be safe.[/Quote]

 

Once again, nothing to do with dating.

 

In my case, I was completely unaware of the stereotype about hispanic families as being smotheringly close and intrusive. I never heard about this because I lived in a highly politically correct area which is probably much like what you believe. As a result, I wasn't aware how this ethnic trait would affect me since I married a hispanic woman. I am very private and independent and I don't like people butting into my business. I wish--how I wish--that someone had informed of these stereotypes so that, even if they were FALSE, I could have at least had time to THINK about them and weigh their merit on my own.

 

And herein lies the problem. This is not an ethnic trait. It is a perceived ethnic trait, or, a stereotype. Stereotypes don't help progress race relations and instead keep people misinformed and ignorant, as evidenced by the replies on the first page of this thread.

 

I too am a very private person and don't like intrusive people. my family is the same way. That goes against this "trait" you speak of though, so what happened, did I not get that gene? Am I a genetic defect for not being intrusive or, as OP spoke on, controlling and temperamental? I'd say no.

 

People are individuals. Judge them accordingly.

[MrCastle]

The other thing that needs to be clarified is that there is a big difference between cultural and racial/ethnic stereotypes. You want to talk cultural, that is different, and a case can be made for that.

 

For example, if you want to talk about how people that live in poor neighborhoods identify with the same culture, that's one thing. If you go to one of those neighborhoods, you may see blacks, hispanics, whites, whatever, that talk the same, believe similar things, dress the same, listen to the same music, etc. It's not their race that determined that, but their upbringing, their environment. That's their culture. That's all they know.

 

So for me, growing up in a middle class community, I was raised to believe certain things, behave a certain way, etc. Based on what was around me. I'm a middle class kid like any other middle class kid you're going to meet. Because of the environment I was raised in, not because of my ethnic background.

 

The problem is when you try to slap that kind of stereotype on races. As if there is actually something in my blood, in my dna, that causes me to have traits that other races would not. That's when it becomes a problem.

 

When I'm seen as loud, uneducated, controlling, temperamental, etc, because a guy who looks like me acts that way, even though he was raised in a completely different environment than I was, that's a problem.

 

If I see a black person in a ghetto, wearing baggy clothes, speaking in slang, I'm not going to believe that a black raised in a middle-upper class suburban home acts the same. As if somehow the need to wear baggy clothes and speak slang is an inherited genetic trait in african americans.

 

That's the problem. Don't look at the skin color of the people, look at their individual background. I don't identify with these perceived stereotypes of hispanics because I grew up differently. It's not something that's passed down no matter what environment you were born in.

 

If a hispanic grew up in a household where being controlling and excessively macho was accepted, then they will continue that mold. But that's on that individual hispanic. I grew up in a household where things like that were not tolerated. I wasn't raised believing that men are in charge and women better listen to and respect the man, or else. That's just not what I grew up being taught, so I don't identify with it. But you're going to look at him, and look at me, see that we both have similar physical qualities, and automatically assume that we have the same personality type. That's what makes it ignorant.

Edited December 20, 2012 by MrCastle

[M30USA]

I too am a very private person and don't like intrusive people. my family is the same way. That goes against this "trait" you speak of though, so what happened, did I not get that gene? Am I a genetic defect for not being intrusive or, as OP spoke on, controlling and temperamental? I'd say no.

 

People are individuals. Judge them accordingly.

 

That's good.

 

I never said all stereotypes are true for all people within a race/nationality.

 

What I did say is that it's good to be aware of stereotypes, that way you can potentially see certain things coming, or be more ready if they happen.

 

Obviously, if you STOP at that stereotype and lack the discernment to see people as individuals, then that just means you're plain old stupid. That's the only thing you can criticize. To critize stereotyping is to criticize the basic human tendency to recognize patterns and trends in life. You might as well say, "Stop stereotyping people who are overweight by saying they are more likely to develop high blood pressure." It's a fact that they are. So you might as well be aware of it. However, you can still have high blood pressure and be normal weight or underweight. But knowing certain trends is still beneficial--as long as you possess sound judgement and know when to break from trends, as you say.