Onsy Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 Hi, I´m trying to decide if I should completely forget about a 2 year old relationship with a girl or try to give it a last go and work things out... any one who can shed some light on this decision is tremendously appreciated. The reason I´m doubting to put any more effort into the relationship to try to sort things out is mainly because I´m scared of falling into that state again where the only thing I can think of is how to make things work, which is what it feels as if I´ve been doing for the last 2 years. It makes me depressed and keeps me awake at nights with little sleep. Before I start, this is a long distance relationship, 2 hours with bus, so 80% of the communication goes online with texts. The main issues for me is, I´m going to put it very bluntly and short, we have never had sex. Never any real intimacy at all besides holding hands very rarely, and I feel as if there is very little affection coming from her side, as if she seems more or less indifferent and very unsure what she wants in life. I had never asked her about intimacy or sex, or how she feels for me until a couple of months ago throughout these 2 years since I met her because I did not want to put any pressure on her, nor do I want to be seen as someone who is only in it for sex. She said that the thought of having intimacy or sex is disgusting (I also know she has never had it with anyone before). Then she asked me if I could be in a relationship without sex, and I said yes, which was stupid of me, since it wasn´t an honest answer, however she then said that if we both agree on that we wont have it, she might do it anyway... without the pressure... I get the feeling however that there is something else that is just wrong, there has to be affection, or some sort of love to develop into having closer intimacy, and that is also lacking. Throughout the years I´ve also found her on different dating sites... even on bisexual sites. I asked her about this aswell and she just said that she sometimes wonder how it would be to be in a relationship with a woman... The feeling I have from all this is that she is very uncertain what she wants in life and does not like changes or new things happening, but I can´t deny that I still see great potential in the relationship. I have stopped communication with her for 2 months now. She writes "I miss you" from time to time. Which path should I take? Link to post Share on other sites
sweetkiwi Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 Oh man. She doesn't like penis. You have penis. Im sorry man book look elsewhere. Its not giving up. Its letting go. And from the sounds of things its not letting go of much. I have a lot of lesbian friends. This is how they all started out. Trying to date guys but not liking their plumbing..... Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 Not worth it. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 (edited) Hi, I´m trying to decide if I should completely forget about a 2 year old relationship with a girl or try to give it a last go and work things out... any one who can shed some light on this decision is tremendously appreciated. The reason I´m doubting to put any more effort into the relationship to try to sort things out is mainly because I´m scared of falling into that state again where the only thing I can think of is how to make things work, which is what it feels as if I´ve been doing for the last 2 years. It makes me depressed and keeps me awake at nights with little sleep. Before I start, this is a long distance relationship, 2 hours with bus, so 80% of the communication goes online with texts. The main issues for me is, I´m going to put it very bluntly and short, we have never had sex. Never any real intimacy at all besides holding hands very rarely, and I feel as if there is very little affection coming from her side, as if she seems more or less indifferent and very unsure what she wants in life. I had never asked her about intimacy or sex, or how she feels for me until a couple of months ago throughout these 2 years since I met her because I did not want to put any pressure on her, nor do I want to be seen as someone who is only in it for sex. She said that the thought of having intimacy or sex is disgusting (I also know she has never had it with anyone before). Then she asked me if I could be in a relationship without sex, and I said yes, which was stupid of me, since it wasn´t an honest answer, however she then said that if we both agree on that we wont have it, she might do it anyway... without the pressure... I get the feeling however that there is something else that is just wrong, there has to be affection, or some sort of love to develop into having closer intimacy, and that is also lacking. Throughout the years I´ve also found her on different dating sites... even on bisexual sites. I asked her about this aswell and she just said that she sometimes wonder how it would be to be in a relationship with a woman... The feeling I have from all this is that she is very uncertain what she wants in life and does not like changes or new things happening, but I can´t deny that I still see great potential in the relationship. I have stopped communication with her for 2 months now. She writes "I miss you" from time to time. Which path should I take? if she has been in relationship that has disillusioned her and or had sexual abuse or molestation in the past could be a reason why she is experimenting with bi sexuality..... the lack of intimacy could be more deep rooted in her past that you think ....the fact she says sex is disgusting but hasnt had it ...to em that says soemoen has shown her that sex is disgusting someone has done or said something.......thats a guesstimate.....she does need therapy....i find casual sex disgusting...i find making love with a partner who loves to make love awesome...smilin...i have deep rooted trust issues when it comes to sexuality i have had therapy though and realize i need a faithful partner who i can open up to ....and that is a loving male....i have had loving males in my past who have cared deeply about me so i am lucky......i have those memories which gives me belief in males..... there are males good ones, out there i know that...went through many years of disillusionment....stayed in a relationship where my sexuality could be expressed even though the trust was gone...it started with trust....from my side i always work on trustign soemone.....i do my own therapy .....i pray........but....that long term decade and half relationship ended because of unfaithfulness......no amount of effort or praying could help it....wasnt meant to be.....your friend is in a period of disillusionment, maybe.... maybe she will go one way and that not be male..mostly i have found it becomes oen ro the other with people i have known in therapy and in life...........she sounds like she is damaged however the confusion ....her attitude towards you the i miss you texts.....so i dont agree with she doesnt like dick statemnt....she isnt sure of anything......she does need to talk to someone until she receives some sort of therapy for her issues with sex....sex isnt disgusting its a natural expression of love and tenderness....i say this because its when you hav issues with sex....you can find it to be very cold....and mechanical when you have issues you need a supportive partner in this case, a straight up one .... UNLESS therapy is sought she is not suitable for a relationship with anyone.she will only hurt them..someone has done damage she needs to fix that damage.....then....she might be ready....i dont know how long that will take....it took me years of mistakes and feeling confused and lost....therapy gave me the right path for me as did prayer.....god knows where i should be .........i still pray to this day to deal with things.....especially when i have flashbacks....and that helps me now.....i am older though much older....in the mind..every thing i go through has made me older...i was an old soul from a young age...i am enlightened to what i need in a relationship oen fo those things is a guy who can express hwo he feels and nto be loaded down with pity i dont need that.a hug yeah a show of support not pity...i find it humiliating..i dont need kid gloves.....makes me uncomfortabel would rather be told straight up how a guy feels.........but i am not for everyone....takes a special sort of understanding to take me disclosing my past.......so i find it hard to date....but i get there............as i said years and years later.....be straight forward with this girl if you want to pursue a relationship be upfront and honest and say hey why dont we do therapy together if she opens up to you if she doesnt she isnt right for you..... allow her to be open take everythign she says to you and dont take it to your heart if she is with you the dark days are over find the positive in that.....if you cant handle her dont try you will only disillusion her more and you will be hurt in the process.that hurting an innocent for a female, causes feelings of shame and guilt...............deb Edited December 16, 2012 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
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