tkgirl Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 I want to be happy for him but... I just found out this guy who I was once pretty close to and have know for a loooooooong time (5 years), is going to be a dad AND is even getting married! Here's the story: We've had a sort of strange "relationship" (?) - lots of sex, plus some good times doing stuff we both enjoy together etc. But he never seemed like the relationship-type and I found his free-spirit attitude very attractive, so I let him "do his thing". Even though at times it would hurt me in the process - I'm one of those women (like most, I believe!) that have a hard time not getting emotionally attached after while when you continue to sleep with someone. Anyways... I finally wised up and decided that it just wasn't healthy for me to keep seeing him. So... I made it a point to move on and avoided contact with him. Almost a year had passed then all of a sudden we kept running into each other and it was like old friends. Pretty soon he's calling again, wanting to hang out and whatever. And foolishly I think that maybe at this point we could "just be friends", that I had gotten him out of my system. But as soon as we were alone together, it felt so familiar, and comfortable at the same time. It was obvious the attraction was still there and things started happening, but I was able to stop it before it went to far (something I couldn't do in the past) I told him how we just can't pick up where we left off and needed to take it slow etc. He seemed to respect that, at first - but to him a waiting a week was taking things slow and he became more persistant. I finally realized that hanging out with him again wasn't going to work - like I said I wasn't going to go "back there" again. So basically I told him this and that was that. That was three months ago, and now I get this news! So who is this girl? And was he seeing her while trying to get with me? I mean, how far a long could she be that they are already announcing the baby and getting married. If it's someone he met after me (I doubt it though), isn't that awfully quick to be making such life long decisions? I realize the baby is coming regardless, but marriage too? Or if it's someone he was seeing before three months ago, then what was he thinking when he was coming around trying to get with me again? I'm sorry this is so long, but I really hope I receive some responses to help me gain some perspective on all of this. Or any advice on how I can let it all go - maybe I won't ever be "happy" for him, but at this point it's hard for me to even accept the idea of him being a dad and getting married and.. you know! THANKS! for taking the time to read all of this! Link to post Share on other sites
kswiss Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 hey i know how your feeling. I'm was in the exact same situation, and i really have no advice because i'm still feeeling the emotional effects. All i could say is keep your head up and stay strong. Things happen and don't happen for a reason Link to post Share on other sites
overseas2004 Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 The things that are getting on your nerves here first are 1. why would he not settle down with you...what makes this girl kind of special thing and 2 I thought he was a free bird into a free lifestyle ... what's this marriage stuff now? Am I right? Well I can relate to it. I had a bf who was going out and drinking with his buddies every night so I gave him his walking papers. Four months later he gets his new girlfriend pregnant and they got married. The key here is that in both cases there is a baby and I think that may be the reason why your ex is getting married. I would not fret over it too much. I doubt he was looking for a wife when his gf got pregnant. It just happened. And the same result may have occured if you were the one to get pregnant. Anyway it sounds like its good to be rid of this guy anyway. What do you need someone like that for. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 maybe I won't ever be "happy" for him, but at this point it's hard for me to even accept the idea of him being a dad and getting married and.. you know! When we find it hard to accept something, people react in different ways. Some prefer to try and forget the whole thing, seek distraction and get on with life. Others need to understand, from your post I suspect this applies to you. You may never be sure but the important thing is that you explore your feelings, settle on the explanation which makes most sense to you and understand why you have reacted the way you have. Then it will lose the power to hurt and you will be able to let it go and maybe even wish him well. I suggest you think about what aspect of the situation bothers you most. For example, did you decide that you couldn't take the risk with him because he isn't the relationship type and now you realise that maybe he is? How does that make you feel? Are you bothered because you may have made a wrong judgement or are you in love with him and feel you have missed your chance? Is it hurt pride that he's committed to another so quickly when he didn't with you? Do you feel deceived - that he was lying to you, pretending he wanted you while seeing someone else? It sounds like you may feel all of these things to some degree but from the confusion, some will hit home more than others, either because they are true or because they tell you something about yourself. That's your starting point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tkgirl Posted August 13, 2004 Author Share Posted August 13, 2004 but then again, I'd really like to NOT think about it anymore... know what I mean? I mean, I think I'm over him. That's why the last time he came around, I was able to turn him down and then move on. I guess what bothers me the most is that he probably was with this girl before coming around me again, so I just have to wonder how solid their relationship could be. The whole thing just makes me sad... for the baby and for the "other girl" (but not for him!) And believe me, I wouldn't trade places with her for a million bucks! Anyways, thanks everyone, for all the incite! Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 Yes it sounds to me like you are over him. You had a close call, be reassured that your instincts were sound. You may not have known exactly what the problem was but you knew it wasn't right. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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