I acted super crazy, and (obviously) I still want him back now...

[lavitabella]

My boyfriend and I have been together almost two years and are each others firsts loves. We've had a good relationship over all, but obviously sometimes (like all relationships) have had our ups and downs. I admit that I have been a part of the problems sometimes- last year I was battling a major depression and felt suicidal, and I also used to be extremely impulsive with my anger and emotions and when I got angry I would act on it, which I now can say that I have changed that about myself. Although I don't often 'freak out' or get mad, there are still certain circumstances where I get so angry I can't help it. The day we broke up was one of those instances.

 

I had had a special date night planned out for us, which he knew about a few weeks in advanced. He had been acting somewhat distant, I'm not sure, but then the night of he basically suddenly said he 'couldnt go' because of homework/work, and kept saying that to me when I told him 'oh just come on'. He told me to 'come over instead', which I usually do. Well, boy was I pissed off. I started freaking out via text and called him and then hung up on him. I also told him that I was done with his sh**, just because I was so fed up and he had been being not as attentive to me lately as I was to him. He ended up saying he would have went if I would have been patient, which I was at first though..

 

Anyway, so I waited a few days for him to apologize and he didn't. I eventually couldn't take it anymore and after 5 days I contacted him. He then told me 'we were broken up because I dumped him' and I had 'let it settle for 5 days before contacting him' so how could I not have meant it? I told him I was hurt and upset that he ditched me and was sorry for what I said but he didn't really seem to care. After that, I started to go a bit crazy. I would call him continuously and send him text messages. I even went to his house in the hopes of having make up sex to win him back over.. Well, we did it but he wasn't very nice to me that whole time and said he wanted a 'break' from me. I did not handle this well and just cried almost all night. He did say he would contact me again, so I left and waited.

 

I tried as hard as I could, but I gave in and contacted him again about a week later. I left a message on his phone, and he actually texted back asking how I was. We started texting for a few days, but my craziness came out again and I kept calling him and texting him and pleading with him to take me back, and getting upset when we weren't having the same conversations as we used to and because he didn't seem to care about me/how I was doing (I had 3 exams during this). I really wish I would have played things cool, because now it has blown up into my face and he told me that we are officially done, he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, to leave him alone, get out of his life, bunch of mean things, etc. and that he WAS going to ask me to hang out because I was acting 'normal' but now my chances are gone. He basically said that 'I act crazy' and he knows that 'I will never change' ... I KNOW I acted crazy but the thought of losing him made me lose control and I just wanted to cling on to him in the hopes he would forgive me and listen to me. I'm obviously not crazy all the time and he knows that. I actually treated him very well.

 

Its a few weeks since 'I dumped him', and a few days since the last time he insulted me and I've texted/called begging. He basically said to me that "our relationship wasn't real "because I "lied about who I was", which I didn't. He thinks I can't control my emotions, or I'm crazy, or I don't know.. We have had way more good times than bad, but I guess it's finally gotten to be enough for him. He's contributed his fair share of problems to the relationship too. But I want him back is the problem! I love him with all of my heart and I would do anything for him. I've reevaluated myself and know that I have parts of me that I need to seriously change. I've changed a lot for the better since being with him but he doesn't want to see that right now. He's always really loved me and been good to me and forgiven me for my mistakes and I've always done the same for him.

 

I'm going into NC now, and I have been finding it easier to keep a cool head and not cry or obsess. However, I also did that at first before I broke down and called him.. I need to do whatever will give me the best odds of getting his interest back! Do you guys think that I have a chance at all? :/ I mean, 2 years is a long time and I really don't think he will be moving on anytime soon, so I'm hoping that if I don't contact him he'll come back to me, somehow... I'm praying to God anyway. Any input or advice? (Please don't tell me how crazy I was, I already know..) What should I do/say if/when he does contact me again?

[blotter]

Did you officially break up with him that time? Did you actually say to him that you wanted to break up, to end the relationship? If not, it sounds like he has been thinking about ending the relationship for a while and used the opportunity as an excuse to end the relationship. Regardless it sounds like he is done with the relationship and is moving on with his life. Listen to his words, not what you want to hear.

 

"he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, to leave him alone, get out of his life, bunch of mean things"

 

Doesn't sound like he has any interest in continuing a relationship. Best to go NC and move on from this relationship to new and better ones.

[lavitabella]

I wouldn't say it was official by me, I was just so frustrated and mad with him and that the one thing I had asked him to do special lately (had to book tickets in advanced) and he was trying to say 'lets just stay home'. He took it as serious though, and said something like 'things were great for a while but then stuff like this happens' or a variation... He told me that I thought he was a 'joke' for telling him we were done and then trying to get him back and that I basically did what I did so I had to live with the results for now (whether I wanted to or not). I wish I just gave him space to begin with.

 

I can't help but feel he still truly loves me and does care for me, but is just so mad at me right now because he thinks I'll always be like this when things are not going my way. He knows how much I love him, too, so I hope that he won't just forget about that. I was worried he would forget me, which is why I called/texted so much afterward. I know he said those things to me like leave him alone, etc, but tbh, I've said variations before to him at really rough times, and we've always gotten through it. I know people say things they don't mean when they're really mad and he is def. no exception.

 

Anyways, I am going to keep what you said in my mind... but for now I'm just really hoping that NC for a few weeks will help things. I'm going to start volunteering, hanging with friends, reading, working out... I am determined to become a new person. I really hope this will work out in the end because he is my first love and I want to be the best I can be for him and don't want to lose him yet

[geegirl]

I believe he was starting to check out of the relationship, emotionally for awhile.

 

It would be in your best interest to work on yourself, and keep NC.

[KatZee]

I have to agree with Geegirl. He was already acting distant before your "freak out" so chances are if it hadn't been THIS event that broke you up, it would have been the next.

 

Keep NC and maybe do some IC. There's definitely reasons you can't control your anger or emotions and those should be explored.

[valeriepm]

I started a similar problem with my ex of three years a little over a month ago. We had an argument, I got very emotional, and said I wanted to be by myself - he took this as breaking up, even though I tried to explain the situation to him the day after. For two weeks, I acted crazy. I texted/called, pleaded, begging him to forgive me. During those two weeks, he got back together with me and broke up with me twice. He has since ignored me. Last time I saw him in person (went to his house, in person, demanding a proper breakup) he was extremely angry and said similar things your ex said to you - you're crazy, leave me alone, I don't love you anymore, etc. I left and I haven't contacted him since (8 days). The breakup seemingly came out of nowhere.

 

I think the best thing we can both do is respect their decision - give them space and don't contact them for any reason. If they loved us as much as we loved them, they're anger will subside and they'll realize how out of hand the situation became. We simply have to take this time apart to improve on our issues in order to better ourselves - this will make us stronger as individuals and also make us a better partner in a future relationship (whether that's with our ex or someone new).

[lavitabella]

I have grown a lot in terms of controlling my anger, however I have strong feelings that the reason that I am the way I am is because of the fact that I was abused most of my life by my father (emotionally, verbally, sometimes physically) and I did not have him there at all as an influence or a friend (despite the fact I live with him). I also have experienced abuse from my step mom (again, physically, verbally, emotionally) since I was in grade 8. My mother had me when she was young and thus she didn't know how to handle me properly at times and I was grounded a lot and disciplined harshly compared to my siblings now. My dad is also a super-freak and has melt-downs and spazzes about everything so I probably learned from him too.

[lavitabella]

I started a similar problem with my ex of three years a little over a month ago. We had an argument, I got very emotional, and said I wanted to be by myself - he took this as breaking up, even though I tried to explain the situation to him the day after. For two weeks, I acted crazy. I texted/called, pleaded, begging him to forgive me. During those two weeks, he got back together with me and broke up with me twice. He has since ignored me. Last time I saw him in person (went to his house, in person, demanding a proper breakup) he was extremely angry and said similar things your ex said to you - you're crazy, leave me alone, I don't love you anymore, etc. I left and I haven't contacted him since (8 days). The breakup seemingly came out of nowhere.

 

I think the best thing we can both do is respect their decision - give them space and don't contact them for any reason. If they loved us as much as we loved them, they're anger will subside and they'll realize how out of hand the situation became. We simply have to take this time apart to improve on our issues in order to better ourselves - this will make us stronger as individuals and also make us a better partner in a future relationship (whether that's with our ex or someone new).

 

 

your whole post makes me feel better to know that I am not the only one who has acted crazy when trying to get him back. We seem to be a lot alike in this aspect! haha! I really hope, for both my sake and yours, that our boyfriends are willing to get past this and give us another try.. I love this guy so much and he is perfect for me... I just wish that I didn't mess things up. All I keep doing is replaying the bad times in my head and how I could have acted different or what I should have done instead.. I'm sure in time he will get over the fight/whatever happened, but I am really unsure as to whether he will even talk to me after that. Ugh. I wish there was a way to make things right and know if it can work out instead of sitting here and just thinking about it.

[lavitabella]

I have to agree with Geegirl. He was already acting distant before your "freak out" so chances are if it hadn't been THIS event that broke you up, it would have been the next.

 

Keep NC and maybe do some IC. There's definitely reasons you can't control your anger or emotions and those should be explored.

 

sorry, what does IC mean ? hehe