I'm going through a VERY INTERESTING and hard time. give me .

[Jessie1989]

PLEASE Read. I would enjoy anyone's advice.

I'd really appreciate any input at all. Good or bad.

 

There's a much older man I met and started dating long distance. He insisted I was introduced to his parents. The relationship took a very long time to become sexual because HE slowed things down. I was totally naked on top of him, kissing, sucking, ... and begging to have sex at one point. He just held me tight, and told me to go to sleep, I wasn't ready. All while he had a throbbing hard-on, (so that was definitely not the issue.) It has become more sexual, but is still long distance.

 

We talk often and he makes me think everytime I get off the phone with him. Later going back and looking things up or remembering just the sound of his voice, making me dizzy with butterflies.

 

Only lately, he has started to tell me A LOT how he wants to settle down and get married/have kids, but doesn't say to me. We don't have an exclusive relationship. (I'm ok with that at this point and it goes along with his "let's take things slow" attitude.) He says he really likes me but also has hang-ups about our age difference and our distance. I'm in my mid 20s and he just entered his 40s. He tells me about feeling guilty, calls himself "Old Man" and was very interested in making sure I have a good relationship with my father for awhile, (I do btw, my dad has always been there for me and still is). He tells me he has to be the cautious one in our situation because he doesn't want to hurt me, than minutes later while on a different topic blurt out marriage things, is intrigued by the idea that I once thought I was going to marry an ex.

 

A big hang up may be that he wants to have children relatively soon, the way he talks, but he never comes out and asks me about children and I never really bring up these topics to begin with. Just kind of get taken for the ride in conversation, not really sure where he's ever going with all this, not wanting to be presumption.

 

When I originally met him I told him I just wanted to fall in love and settle down and get married. That loving my husband had always been my life goal, while his as a child had been his career. He told me then I was too young to do that and that I needed to explore. He tells me I will make someone a great wife but we never bring all this stuff up because I said it months ago.

 

Independently my living situation is about to change, one of his friends claims he's going to take me away to where he lives . But he could be saying the marriage thing to multiple other women!! What does all this mean? What should I do when he next visits?

Edited December 17, 2012 by Jessie1989
Autocorrect

[justwhoiam]

I'm not sure what is going on with this man. How much is the distance? What do you do for a living? Would you move to where he lives?

 

I guess he's in love with you and tried to protect you not making love with you, as you're younger than him and he probably knows that you're in love with him. If it were just sex, it would then be easy to get parted. Like a one-night stand. But it's not that for him. He sees you as his potential partner. The age difference can be a problem to him, because he may think you need something different, like clubs, like enjoying life with not many responsibilities... He's in a point and time in life where he'd like a family, stability, etc. And he's aware you might have different goals. So the main point is: what do you want? How far would you go for him?

 

The first thing I would do if I were you, but that's just me, I would make things clear with him. Do you want to date him casually while he dates other women too? If you're both in love, that'd be silly to me. And I think he did the right thing not having sex with you, while he has no commitment with you, especially if your involvement is beyond a simple fun time. You don't want to end up hating him for using you or hurting you, he clearly doesn't want that.