Methods of discovery

[Realist3]

How did you find out about your WS?

 

A lot of people suggest key loggers, PI's, GPS on the vehicle, voice activated recorders, phone trackers. All of these are easily defeated.

[Decorative]

The OW's parents hired a PI. He easily showed my spouse and their daughter were lying to her parents about his marital status. So they contacted me with the evidence.

 

After the false recovery, I used a key logger. One of my spouse's degrees is in computers, and he could not locate it. The company that makes it guarantees it cannot be located. That's how I busted them.

 

It was very easy. Cheaters get overconfident, I've learned. And can overestimate their ability to hide.

[KathyM]

In my sister's case, her husband confessed his affair to her, which enabled her to forgive and to reconcile, believing his remorse to be genuine. Perhaps it was genuine at the time, but many years later, he cheated again. This time, the OW called my sister to inform her.

 

In my other sister's case, who was the OW, we (her sisters) called the BS and informed her, since we wanted the dirty bastard to stay away from our sister, who was only 17 years old at the time.

 

As far as other people I know who have been cheated on, the cheating husband was acting very antsy around his computer, and trying to keep his wife away while he was on the computer. This was the case with two BSs I know, which caused them to be suspicious and do further investigation, whether led them to the evidence of the betrayal.

[BetrayedH]

I used a GPS. Worked the first time.

 

Then I got very creative. Found where she hid her passwords. Successfully guessed at several others. Hypervigilance is an extrordinary phenomenon.

 

That said, I certainly agree that detecting continued lies after a Dday can be very challenging, especially when the sources are revealed. But it ain't impossible. If someone desperately wants to know what you're up to, they can find out.

 

But many, many cheaters overplay their hand, counting on trust to keep them safe. Once there are enough red flags, a quick investigation easily confirms enough of the truth to result in Dday #1. My wife continued to underestimate my hypervigilance but it took 7 months to catch her in a dealbreaker lie.

[Furious]

How did you find out about your WS?

 

A lot of people suggest key loggers, PI's, GPS on the vehicle, voice activated recorders, phone trackers. All of these are easily defeated.

 

 

As much as a cheater tries to cover their tracks, they really cannot control the random things that can expose them.

 

My husband had a long distance affair, I did not have access to his work computer or his work cell phone records. In many ways it was a sure thing and unlikely that I would ever find out.

 

But I did find out, and the PI I hired had solid evidence within days.

 

I doubt General Petraeus never imagined he'd get caught.

 

If you're truly a "realist", expect the unexpected.

[wanting more]

1st d-day was because I was flying back from a trip and xMM met at the airport and someone saw us

 

2nd d-day was because xMM left his phone on his desk (work office at home) and when I texted him it buzzed and she looked and saw my name.

[Realist3]

I agree that cheaters can be very sloppy in terms of hding their tracks. I sure was... a strand of hair in my car.

 

But in terms of the rest of those methods I deal with them almost every day.

 

She found out about the GPS on the vehicle shortly before we started seeing each other when she got new tires.

 

The key logger and phone tracker were not a big issue with the purchase of a Kindle and another phone.

 

The PI was a little bit trickier, but that solution ended up being effective for the others as well. The PI was only hired three times, but we were already ahead of him. The elementary school proved pivotal and effective. We both volunteer regularly.

 

Tomorrow we are having lunch. She will park at the school, leave her phone in her PTA inbox and forward her calls/texts to the phone I bought her. She will walk in through the front door and exit the back door to my vehicle. Then reverse order after lunch.

[Realist3]

1st d-day was because I was flying back from a trip and xMM met at the airport and someone saw us

 

2nd d-day was because xMM left his phone on his desk (work office at home) and when I texted him it buzzed and she looked and saw my name.

 

That is our biggest issue. We are both fairly well known. Having lunch means driving 30-40 minutes away. We limit our public appearances. Even Starbucks is not safe.

[Owl]

That is our biggest issue. We are both fairly well known. Having lunch means driving 30-40 minutes away. We limit our public appearances. Even Starbucks is not safe.

 

Why bother? I thought your wife knew and didn't care?

[Realist3]

Why bother? I thought your wife knew and didn't care?

 

 

My wife does know, but her husband doesn't; neither does anyone else, save for a couple of my friends.

[Decorative]

I agree that cheaters can be very sloppy in terms of hding their tracks. I sure was... a strand of hair in my car.

 

But in terms of the rest of those methods I deal with them almost every day.

 

She found out about the GPS on the vehicle shortly before we started seeing each other when she got new tires.

 

The key logger and phone tracker were not a big issue with the purchase of a Kindle and another phone.

 

The PI was a little bit trickier, but that solution ended up being effective for the others as well. The PI was only hired three times, but we were already ahead of him. The elementary school proved pivotal and effective. We both volunteer regularly.

 

Tomorrow we are having lunch. She will park at the school, leave her phone in her PTA inbox and forward her calls/texts to the phone I bought her. She will walk in through the front door and exit the back door to my vehicle. Then reverse order after lunch.

 

I am not sure what the purpose of this is. Are you bragging?

 

Your wife already knows. Your side of the affair is supposedly a facet of an open marriage. You are hiding from her spouse.

 

Are you attempting to give tips to people who have been able to already figure this out? I guess I just don't know what your purpose is. Do you want kudos for deceiving another human being so you can have lunch with your OW?

 

Some people are more invested in figuring out the truth, once they are aware there is a problem.

 

I can read that you are impressed with yourself for your plan to deceive. I can see how that might add a little something extra to your meeting tomorrow. A little James Bond action, I guess.

[eleanorrigby]

I found a movie rental receipt that was not our acct.

I went to that blockbuster, showed the woman at the counter the receipt and told her I thought my husband was having an affair and could she give me the persons info related to that acct.

 

She agreed because she said "I hate that cheating sh*t". I was given the addy, name and phone number. The telephone number was in another state. I called anyway and told the woman what I thought was happening, luckily, she blurted out her daughters first name telling me I had to be mistaken her daughter was no home wrecker because she (the mother) was an ordained minister.

 

Called my husband and asked "who is *****?!?!?" Me having her first name, mothers name,was very helpful, had I not been given all that info I think he would have tried to gaslight me further. But they knew the jig was up.

 

The OW's mother called her that evening as well to give her a come to Jesus moment, the OW was a bit perturbed with me for interfering with her personal life like that. She would have preferred that I contact her directly rather then involve her mother and family in another state.

 

I am forever grateful to that lady at Blockbuster, she risked her job to help out a complete stranger. Had she not done that I think I would have spent another 6 months to a year being gaslit and wondering if I was going insane.

[KathyM]

Seems like an awful lot of effort to hide this, and always have to worry about what might make your affair come to light.

[BetrayedH]

He would like to know more of our tricks so he can help his OW avoid being caught.

[Realist3]

The purpose was to inquire about how you found out. Some were told, others have become investigative.

 

We have all sorts of advice given about how to discover. Well, those methods are not always effective. In fact, if someone has any wits about them those methods are virtually deemed moot, and a waste of time and money.

 

If anything I'm letting BS's know that those methods they may attempt may not work.

[Decorative]

He would like to know more of our tricks so he can help his OW avoid being caught.

 

Oh. Snap.

 

I bet that's it!

[KathyM]

He would like to know more of our tricks so he can help his OW avoid being caught.

:sick::sick::sick::sick::sick:

[Realist3]

Seems like an awful lot of effort to hide this, and always have to worry about what might make your affair come to light.

 

It is a lot of effort at first blush, after a bit it becomes routine. The phone and the Kindle were no brainers and cheap. Defeating the GPS and the phone tracker required a little bit more imagination.

[Realist3]

Oh. Snap.

 

I bet that's it!

 

Oh snap... wrong!!!!!

[Decorative]

It is a lot of effort at first blush, after a bit it becomes routine. The phone and the Kindle were no brainers and cheap. Defeating the GPS and the phone tracker required a little bit more imagination.

 

Make no mistake- if someone knows there is really an issue and wants to find out- they will.

 

Maybe neither one of your spouses truly gives a crap.

 

That would be amusing.

[96nole]

As much as a cheater tries to cover their tracks, they really cannot control the random things that can expose them.

 

My husband had a long distance affair, I did not have access to his work computer or his work cell phone records. In many ways it was a sure thing and unlikely that I would ever find out.

 

But I did find out, and the PI I hired had solid evidence within days.

 

I doubt General Petraeus never imagined he'd get caught.

 

If you're truly a "realist", expect the unexpected.

 

That says something when even the head the F*CKING CIA can get caught.

[Realist3]

She's going to leave when her kids finish high school. Then they won't have to hide.

 

I have never asked her to leave, nor do I expect her to do so. I'm certainly not pining for 10 years from now.

[Decorative]

The purpose was to inquire about how you found out. Some were told, others have become investigative.

 

We have all sorts of advice given about how to discover. Well, those methods are not always effective. In fact, if someone has any wits about them those methods are virtually deemed moot, and a waste of time and money.

 

If anything I'm letting BS's know that those methods they may attempt may not work.

 

You are such a true friend to betrayed spouses everywhere!

 

I think the problem is- your wife doesn't care what you do, and increasingly, it appears neither does her husband.

 

This dynamic is getting clearer and clearer.

[Realist3]

Make no mistake- if someone knows there is really an issue and wants to find out- they will.

 

Maybe neither one of your spouses truly gives a crap.

 

That would be amusing.

 

Usually someone doesn't hire a PI is they aren't interested.

[Furious]

I agree that cheaters can be very sloppy in terms of hding their tracks. I sure was... a strand of hair in my car.

 

But in terms of the rest of those methods I deal with them almost every day.

 

She found out about the GPS on the vehicle shortly before we started seeing each other when she got new tires.

 

The key logger and phone tracker were not a big issue with the purchase of a Kindle and another phone.

 

The PI was a little bit trickier, but that solution ended up being effective for the others as well. The PI was only hired three times, but we were already ahead of him. The elementary school proved pivotal and effective. We both volunteer regularly.

 

Tomorrow we are having lunch. She will park at the school, leave her phone in her PTA inbox and forward her calls/texts to the phone I bought her. She will walk in through the front door and exit the back door to my vehicle. Then reverse order after lunch.

 

 

Your life must really be boring, if you have to play this espionage game just to have lunch with the OW.

 

For all you know she's giving you a bunch of lies about her husband's jealousy and the three PI investigations, gps tracking and all that, just to feed your ego.

 

I've done plenty of volunteering at my children's schools, and if you think your OW can waltz through the front door and then out the back door to your car in the back, and no one in the school notices this, you must be very naive.