Perfect guy but I don't think I can be with him anymore. What would you do?

[rainboweyes]

I'm not sure that I'm happy in my relationship anymore.

 

My boyfriend isn't as affectionate or including of me publicly as I would like. I've discussed it with him and he tries but it's like he has to awkwardly make a point to include me when he remember, like an afterthought.

 

He talks more than me. I prefer to listen, think and then say what I have to say or ask questions, therefore, I can get runover, drowned out or ignored in conversations.

 

He seems SO INTERESTED in other people. I could be sitting there morphing into the Hulk and he wouldn't notice. If I want to get included in a conversation, I have to interrupt, raise my voice, talk quickly....it's not my style.

 

I just ...feel like I can't take it anymore. His attention to other people, particularly single, attractive and successful girls our age on social media gets on my nerves too. It is innocent on his part, as these are people who he wants us both to be friends with, but.. it's just too much.

 

I don't think he should have to tame his friendliness, curiosity and passion for people in order to be in a relationship with me. But I don't want to have to keep on dreading socializing with him or not wanting to be part of his social media circle in order to avoid pissing myself off in one way or another.

 

I should add that he is THE MOST supportive, affectionate, attentive guy ever in private. He will talk to me for hours undistracted, supports me in every possible way. Would do anything for me.

 

But this is the ONE thing that really makes a difference to me. I was always left out and ignored as a kid. And while I am doing therapy and personal work to overcome these issues, working on rebuilding my own social network, he is rather extreme in his behavior. ..to the point where we are going on vacation and he is messaging this single girl on facebook, who he only met ONCE, who is going the same place and trying desperately to get her to hang out with us (he cc'd me in the message).

 

I am entirely alone in the world. No parents, siblings or friends even. I am really scared to be alone again.

 

But I'm not happy.

 

I don't know what to do. Other than this issue, he is the perfect guy for me. We have the same goals, dreams for the future and values. We have unlimited fun together. We help each other grow.

 

I just don't think I can deal with this issue anymore.

 

What should I do? Please help.

[Mr. Lucky]

My boyfriend isn't as affectionate or including of me publicly as I would like. I've discussed it with him and he tries but it's like he has to awkwardly make a point to include me when he remember, like an afterthought.

 

He talks more than me. I prefer to listen, think and then say what I have to say or ask questions, therefore, I can get runover, drowned out or ignored in conversations.

 

He seems SO INTERESTED in other people. I could be sitting there morphing into the Hulk and he wouldn't notice. If I want to get included in a conversation, I have to interrupt, raise my voice, talk quickly....it's not my style.

rainboweyes, why is it his responsibility to change his "style" and not more incumbent on you to improve your social skills ??? He sounds like a friendly, outgoing guy. If you want to be more involved in conversations, there are specific strategies - eye contact, tone, knowledge, body language - for becoming a better conversationalist. Methinks thou art barking up the wrong tree...

 

Mr. Lucky

[M30USA]

Sometimes we are unhappy for reasons that have little to do with other people. Does this apply to you? Only you can answer that.

[standtall]

You two do not sound very compatible...you might want consider looking into it more.

[todreaminblue]

I'm not sure that I'm happy in my relationship anymore.

 

My boyfriend isn't as affectionate or including of me publicly as I would like. I've discussed it with him and he tries but it's like he has to awkwardly make a point to include me when he remember, like an afterthought.

 

He talks more than me. I prefer to listen, think and then say what I have to say or ask questions, therefore, I can get runover, drowned out or ignored in conversations.

 

He seems SO INTERESTED in other people. I could be sitting there morphing into the Hulk and he wouldn't notice. If I want to get included in a conversation, I have to interrupt, raise my voice, talk quickly....it's not my style.

 

I just ...feel like I can't take it anymore. His attention to other people, particularly single, attractive and successful girls our age on social media gets on my nerves too. It is innocent on his part, as these are people who he wants us both to be friends with, but.. it's just too much.

 

I don't think he should have to tame his friendliness, curiosity and passion for people in order to be in a relationship with me. But I don't want to have to keep on dreading socializing with him or not wanting to be part of his social media circle in order to avoid pissing myself off in one way or another.

 

I should add that he is THE MOST supportive, affectionate, attentive guy ever in private. He will talk to me for hours undistracted, supports me in every possible way. Would do anything for me.

 

But this is the ONE thing that really makes a difference to me. I was always left out and ignored as a kid. And while I am doing therapy and personal work to overcome these issues, working on rebuilding my own social network, he is rather extreme in his behavior. ..to the point where we are going on vacation and he is messaging this single girl on facebook, who he only met ONCE, who is going the same place and trying desperately to get her to hang out with us (he cc'd me in the message).

 

I am entirely alone in the world. No parents, siblings or friends even. I am really scared to be alone again.

 

But I'm not happy.

 

I don't know what to do. Other than this issue, he is the perfect guy for me. We have the same goals, dreams for the future and values. We have unlimited fun together. We help each other grow.

 

I just don't think I can deal with this issue anymore.

 

What should I do? Please help.

 

 

 

never embarrass your partner in public by being pissed off or sulky try to join in and tackle it later in a nice way with honesty that is complete honesty

 

 

 

when you are in that private time with him where he is undistracted loving affectionate supportive and attentive let him know exactly how you feel in conversations if it isnt intentional it will automatically change you cant expect him to read your mind...he has a lot going for him adn a lot to offer you....couldnt you offer him back the truth on hwo you feel and what is upsetting you? it isnt hard......and its a lot better to share than to eb pissed at someone who is lovign towards you every other time....i dotn think you are being fair....but thats my opinion......if his actions are unintentional to your knowledge how can you possibly hold that against him.???????..deb

[LoveMyWifey]

There is no such thing a "just friends" between guys and girls IMO. He is flirting with them.

[Almond_Joy]

I'm not sure that I'm happy in my relationship anymore.

 

My boyfriend isn't as affectionate or including of me publicly as I would like. I've discussed it with him and he tries but it's like he has to awkwardly make a point to include me when he remember, like an afterthought.

 

He talks more than me. I prefer to listen, think and then say what I have to say or ask questions, therefore, I can get runover, drowned out or ignored in conversations.

 

He seems SO INTERESTED in other people. I could be sitting there morphing into the Hulk and he wouldn't notice. If I want to get included in a conversation, I have to interrupt, raise my voice, talk quickly....it's not my style.

 

I just ...feel like I can't take it anymore. His attention to other people, particularly single, attractive and successful girls our age on social media gets on my nerves too. It is innocent on his part, as these are people who he wants us both to be friends with, but.. it's just too much.

 

I don't think he should have to tame his friendliness, curiosity and passion for people in order to be in a relationship with me. But I don't want to have to keep on dreading socializing with him or not wanting to be part of his social media circle in order to avoid pissing myself off in one way or another.

 

I should add that he is THE MOST supportive, affectionate, attentive guy ever in private. He will talk to me for hours undistracted, supports me in every possible way. Would do anything for me.

 

But this is the ONE thing that really makes a difference to me. I was always left out and ignored as a kid. And while I am doing therapy and personal work to overcome these issues, working on rebuilding my own social network, he is rather extreme in his behavior. ..to the point where we are going on vacation and he is messaging this single girl on facebook, who he only met ONCE, who is going the same place and trying desperately to get her to hang out with us (he cc'd me in the message).

 

I am entirely alone in the world. No parents, siblings or friends even. I am really scared to be alone again.

 

But I'm not happy.

 

I don't know what to do. Other than this issue, he is the perfect guy for me. We have the same goals, dreams for the future and values. We have unlimited fun together. We help each other grow.

 

I just don't think I can deal with this issue anymore.

 

What should I do? Please help.

 

This dynamic sounds similar to me and my bf's when I started seeing him. And you sound very much like me.

 

You need to create your own support system, independent of your bf, I think. That's what I worked to do the last time I was single, because it is hard as hell to be **truly** alone and me personally, I never felt it fair that my SO be my only source to really fulfill my social needs. But that's what had happened in my previous relationships because I didn't have a social support system independent of my bf. It doesn't sound like you're lonely necessarily, but you claim you have no friends. If you have friends of your own that you go out with, it won't matter as much whether you're a hit with the folks your bf socializes with. You won't feel like you have to fight to have your voice heard in a group of people you may or may not want to know very well anyway.

 

I also think that in social settings...it's really not your bf's obligation to involve you. When me and my bf go out on couple dates or with friends, we're sitting next to each other but we don't really talk to each other at all lol. We socialize independently. I don't look to him to introduce me, involve me or initiate conversations for me. That's my responsibility.

 

Staying in a convo as a listener in a social setting isn't easy - I really do understand that. But you're the only one that can do the heavy lifting to make it easier - the onus is not on your bf to make you feel more connected and involved in social settings.

 

Also, fyi, sometimes I don't have it in me to fight for the spotlight in a convo when we're out. So I don't - I just people watch. And that's been perfectly ok. Either people come up to me and start convo, or I get to sit back and listen to all sorts of interesting things get discussed . Either way is a win for me.

 

Now the talking with single girls would bother me a bit too. That vacation example you mentioned is a bit too much - your bf may do well to learn some boundaries - but that isn't the primary issue I think. The main thing you can do is put yourself out there and meet people and make friends, so that you don't feel so dependent on your bf to be your medium for socialization with other people.

 

 

Good luck!

[rainboweyes]

thankyou so much everyone for your replies.

 

I agree so much- it is MOSTLY my problem but he has a few tweaks to make too. We have discussed this, I told him how I feel and we agree that we both need to make more of an effort.

 

"Put yourself out there" is something that I hear all the freaking time now... frustrating for someone who is very introverted. So true that I put ALL of my social interaction responsibility on him. He can't be everything to me! I get it. I'm going to have to ramp up the effort.

 

His issue with giving other chicks too much attention is a problem. He agrees with me.... then still goes and does it. He does this with guys as well though, so he seems to think you can act the same way with single, attractive young women when you are in a relationship.

 

I really don't know what to do.

 

I wish my parents weren't dead so I'd at least have some advice, support and a place to stay.

[Mr. Lucky]

I wish my parents weren't dead so I'd at least have some advice, support and a place to stay.

A place to stay in case of .... ?

 

Would you consider breaking up with your BF over this?

 

Mr. Lucky

[kamani]

His attention to other people, particularly single, attractive and successful girls our age on social media gets on my nerves too. It is innocent on his part, as these are people who he wants us both to be friends with, but.. it's just too much.

 

I didn't like this. As Lovemywifey said, it's more like he disrespects you. No girl would like it.

 

he is rather extreme in his behavior. ..to the point where we are going on vacation and he is messaging this single girl on facebook, who he only met ONCE, who is going the same place and trying desperately to get her to hang out with us (he cc'd me in the message)

 

Again this is not what a gf wants. Tell him firmly that you don't like it at all.