RebeccaHill Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 I'd like to address this to everyone and welcome any responses. I have noticed over the years how hard it has been to find really good friends. I am very considerate and a good listener but I find that people I try to make friends with never seem to be interested in me as a person. When I meet people I genuinely express interest in them, what they like, I ask about their interests, type of employment, etc. I take the time to listen and be a good friend. Unfortunatley this is never reciprocated. No one ever seems to stop talking about themselves long enough to say "So, what about you? Tell me about yourself and what's been going on in your life!". People are so self absorbed. I've cut off friendships because I got so tired of hearing all about them and catering to their needs - it amazes me how so many people want the world to revolve around them and not others. I also notice that when people finally shut up from talking about themselves and I begin to initiate a conversation and talk about something I'm interested in - I'm suddenly ignored or their cell phone rings and they take the call.... I'm not a boring person - I just find people don't pay attention or listen to me - I am sick of feeling insignificant. I read where Dale Carnegie said you can test a friendship to see if someone is really your friend and has good intentions about you. You tell a friend something like "I've got a job interview tomorrow that I'm really excited about". Then you leave it at that. You wait and see if the friend offers a day or two later to ask "So, how'd your job interview go?". If they remember this and ask then they are truly concerned about you. I've tried this with people and I was amazed that only one person remembered days later to ask me about that and he was my own brother. No one else remembered or bothered to ask. I had a friend over several weeks ago - a male friend. We went out to dinner and I swear he could hardly swallow his food or take a breath without breaking his stride yakking. He went on and on and on talking about how great he was, had advice on everything, yadda yadda. I swear I felt if I got up and placed a full length mirror in my place he'd still continue talking. When he finally shut up I said "You know what movie I'd like to see?" ...... and I kid you not - his attention was turned and he was staring in to la la land - he didn't hear a word I said. I sat there waiting for him to go "Huh, I'm sorry what did you say?". He never even did that - he began talking about himself again. Finally I yawned and said I was falling asleep and he needed to leave. I am a gentle person who always puts others first but I'm starting to turn into a b**** because I'm fed up with self absorbed people. Is it just me or are people in general too wrapped up in themselves these days? Link to post Share on other sites
azgirl Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 I COMPLETELY understand what you are saying. One hundred percent. People really don't care about anybody but themselves lately. Read my post "Fed up with a friend." Aside from my other gripes about that woman - she is TOTALLY one of those people who just stares at you as you talk and you know she is not REALLY listening, just waiting for you to stop so that she can start talking again - about herself, of course. And interrupting????? OMG don't get me started on that. I would be in the middle of a story, or even a sentence and if I so much as paused she would interrupt me!!! Furthermore, she would acknowledge that she had interrupted me, but instruct me to let her finish before going back to my story! So, I know exactly how you feel. On one hand it makes me glad that I am ending my friendship with someone like this, but on the other, it makes me wonder if there are any decent people out there and if it is worth going out and trying to creat new friendships. You know?? Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 I also want to know when "blatent honesty" became more important than common courtesy. I would never be proud of rudely "telling it like it is" Why is this something people aspire to now? Sure you should be honest- but consider the person's feeling! Think before you speak! "Those jeans don't flatter you" accomplishes just as much as "You look fat in those jeans" Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 A good friend is hard to find, that's for sure. I prefer having male friends to female friends, for the most part. Most of the girls I've found to hang out with are really into drama, and playing guys, and are back stabbing. Of course, I didn't find those things out until later. You have every right to get fed up and angry, but just remember that there are those of us out there who really DO want to be a good friend, and to have good friends. LS is a good place to meet people. Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 That's why I love Yellow Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 Originally posted by RebeccaHill I'd like to address this to everyone and welcome any responses. I have noticed over the years how hard it has been to find really good friends. I am very considerate and a good listener but I find that people I try to make friends with never seem to be interested in me as a person. When I meet people I genuinely express interest in them, what they like, I ask about their interests, type of employment, etc. I take the time to listen and be a good friend. Unfortunatley this is never reciprocated. No one ever seems to stop talking about themselves long enough to say "So, what about you? Tell me about yourself and what's been going on in your life!". People are so self absorbed. I've cut off friendships because I got so tired of hearing all about them and catering to their needs - it amazes me how so many people want the world to revolve around them and not others. I also notice that when people finally shut up from talking about themselves and I begin to initiate a conversation and talk about something I'm interested in - I'm suddenly ignored or their cell phone rings and they take the call.... I'm not a boring person - I just find people don't pay attention or listen to me - I am sick of feeling insignificant. I read where Dale Carnegie said you can test a friendship to see if someone is really your friend and has good intentions about you. You tell a friend something like "I've got a job interview tomorrow that I'm really excited about". Then you leave it at that. You wait and see if the friend offers a day or two later to ask "So, how'd your job interview go?". If they remember this and ask then they are truly concerned about you. I've tried this with people and I was amazed that only one person remembered days later to ask me about that and he was my own brother. No one else remembered or bothered to ask. I had a friend over several weeks ago - a male friend. We went out to dinner and I swear he could hardly swallow his food or take a breath without breaking his stride yakking. He went on and on and on talking about how great he was, had advice on everything, yadda yadda. I swear I felt if I got up and placed a full length mirror in my place he'd still continue talking. When he finally shut up I said "You know what movie I'd like to see?" ...... and I kid you not - his attention was turned and he was staring in to la la land - he didn't hear a word I said. I sat there waiting for him to go "Huh, I'm sorry what did you say?". He never even did that - he began talking about himself again. Finally I yawned and said I was falling asleep and he needed to leave. I am a gentle person who always puts others first but I'm starting to turn into a b**** because I'm fed up with self absorbed people. Is it just me or are people in general too wrapped up in themselves these days? Sheesh! You! You! You! YOU can't find any good friends. YOU can't get others to listen to you. YOU can't come in second to a phone call. Is it just me or are so many people just downright rude these days? It's YOU! Okay, calm down. I was just kidding with YOU! Yes, I agree with you -- I think overall people are more short with each other nowadays. Everything is rush, rush, rush, and we don't all take time to develop true friendships or, especially, to put in the effort to maintain a friendship. So many of us don't have anyone else to talk to on a regular basis (no regularly occuring fellowship) that when we do get someone to actually listen to us, we dump all over them. Those of us who are listeners don't have a chance! I think that's why I love LS so much and have hung around for so long----no one can't shut me up here! Although I know some of you have tried! Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 Is it just me or are so many people just downright rude these days? It's YOU! Sorry RHill, Hokey is funny when she gets all fiesty. Anyway, truly, I wouldn't know what to do with my day if I didn't have Fay to e mail back and forth with, and talk about all kinds of girlie stuff. I LOVE YOU TOO, FAYE! Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 What you have noticed in your life may be a sign that you are talking too quietly to be effectively heard by others. Ask someone that you know will give you objective feedback on your voice. If you are talking too softly or quietly (for the situation) take some lessons with a speech therapist and let your real voice be heard. You may even want to call up a speech therapist and get their feedback on your voice. Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaHill Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 CRAIG - CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? No, I'm not the quiet, shy type - I have given speaking engagements for my company in front of an auditorium. Speech ain't the problem here buddy - it's people in general who are too wrapped up in themselves to shut up long enough to let others talk. I'm a lady and a professional in my career- not a loudmouth. It's not my nature to walk over others who are talking just to be heard - then I'd be like the people I'm complaining about. Can you hear my real voice now? Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 People have always sucked. Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaHill Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 Since Craig said I should open up and let my real voice be heard - I have got to ask this. HokeyReligions! Why on earth would you put a picture of yourself getting banged from behind? Looks painful! Don't get all upset - I'm just kidding. Whatever floats your boat. Link to post Share on other sites
fredBloggs Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 sounds a lot of bollocks to me Link to post Share on other sites
Nocturnalkitee Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Fayeballe If a true friend told me that what I was wearing did not look good on me, I would not take that as being rude or negative. I would look at it as someone who cared about me and my appearance. RebeccaHill What I have discovered is that people who talk about themselves all the time are insecure and they need validation. Once you have confirmed that they are good enough "conversation over." Link to post Share on other sites
edgecrusher96 Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Originally posted by HokeyReligions Yes, I agree with you -- I think overall people are more short with each other nowadays. Everything is rush, rush, rush, and we don't all take time to develop true friendships or, especially, to put in the effort to maintain a friendship. I agree that it can be quite hard to make friends, not only because people are short with each other, but because friendship is extremely underrated in favour of romantic or sexual relationships. I think once you reach your 20s, your friends tend to fall by the wayside and drift apart because they are too preoccupied with pairing up. When people are in relationships they tend to lose touch with their old friends and not put in any effort to maintain the friendships, which is quite sad in my opinion. I think that this is the main reason why I find it harder to make friends now than in the past... all the women my age are busy checking out guys and are not interested in getting to know another female. Most of my female friends are mainly older people I've known since childhood or adolescence, who were already married or divorced since I first knew them. The friends that are single when I got to know them are the ones that drift away once they find boyfriends. It's a shame that friendship is regarded as inferior to a relationship - this way of thinking has crept into our language in the form of phrases such as 'more than friends' and 'just friends' (which suggests that friendship is something merely insignificant and not worth anything). Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Originally posted by Nocturnalkitee Fayeballe If a true friend told me that what I was wearing did not look good on me, I would not take that as being rude or negative. I would look at it as someone who cared about me and my appearance. Wow- I forgot this thread! Anyway- NK- I agree that they should be honest- it's the word choice that makes the statement rude. Whatever happened to euphamisms? Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Unfortunatley this is never reciprocated. No one ever seems to stop talking about themselves long enough to say "So, what about you? Tell me about yourself and what's been going on in your life!". People are so self absorbed. I've cut off friendships because I got so tired of hearing all about them and catering to their needs - it amazes me how so many people want the world to revolve around them and not others. I also notice that when people finally shut up from talking about themselves and I begin to initiate a conversation and talk about something I'm interested in - I'm suddenly ignored or their cell phone rings and they take the call.... OMG I agree.... People think I'm like that sometimes but I just worry a lot so I'm constantly thinking about things I'm worrying about and asking for advice but I ALWAYS listen and pay attention to their lives and them as well. But I am sooo tired of a particular friend of mine who only worries about herself and her problems and uses me to get information on her dilemas and it's just sickening already. Like another poster wrote she waits for any pause to cut in and say her story and by the time she finishes I already forgot what i was going to say. lol Or at my job everyone walks around saying goodmorning how are you and before I get a chance to answer they are around the corner. Or I say hey how are you on the phone and they say I need you to do this and this....I'm like ok? wtf? Link to post Share on other sites
Aingealag Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 I totally understand... I have been saying that to my boyfriend for ages. I seem to be a good friend for someone when they have problems. So they dump their sh*t on me and leave to have fun with other people. Great huh. I don't know what it is either. I am not a boring person, and if people around me would be interested in me for a change, they would find that out! Take care, and good luck with the search for a real friend :-) Link to post Share on other sites
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