a whole other side of the world.

[poisondivide]

i never thought i'd be someone who had to write something like this. i've always been 100% committed in every relationship i've been in; even if i was unhappy, i literally cannot think about another person in a romantic or sexual manner when i'm with another person. honestly, i can't even consider another person's attractiveness objectively unless i try really hard.

 

i've been with my boyfriend for over two years, and we live together. we're happy. i have a lot of problems that require him to help take care of me, but he's always been amazing. we love each other, are committed to each other, and we are best friends as well.

 

uhm. wow, this is hard. i have a very close, male friend. he's my platonic soulmate, pretty much. for about a week now, every time we talk, i find myself feeling just... odd. at first, i didn't think anything of it. i seem to find my feelings changing, even though i still think of him in a completely platonic light. does that make sense?

 

i can't imagine ever leaving my boyfriend for anything in the world (even these feelings), i honestly love him. but i find myself increasingly observing my best friend in an objective romantic way, which i have never ever done before. i realized that if we'd met under different circumstances, i would probably like him. maybe even love him. my boyfriend is my other best friend, and as close as we are, i can't help but realize that this guy would be my romantic soulmate as well as my platonic.

 

i thought about how i'd feel if he ever got into a relationship, and realized i'd feel very, very jealous and my eyes water. i'm not sure if this is because he's my best friend and that would let us talk less, or... something else. i'm not very good at reading my feelings, and in my twenty years of life, i've never done or felt anything like this. i feel a bit disgusted with myself.

 

reading threads like this, i know people are often asked "well, how would you feel if your SO was in your boat?"

i'd feel terrible. i feel like i'd die. my view of romance is a bit childish despite my age (i get embarrassed just at holding hands), and i believe in true, pure, committed love. i am just... so confused. even if nobody has any advice, maybe i'll feel better just getting all of this out of my system. it's not like i can't tell either of them. i hope this is just some kind of phase and it will pass.

 

 

i'm really sorry for the wall of text, there's just so much to say. if you want to reply to me, i'd really appreciate it. i'll answer any questions as best as i can. :c thank you.

[umirano]

At 20 you are still very young. 'All your relationships' sounds like a lot, but it isn't Probably more than 90% of all women at this age are then not with the guy they 'end up' with (whatever that means given a divorce rate of somewhere above 50%).

 

What I suggest to you is to calm down, take a step back and observe yourself. If things get more serious, just be truthful, and let everyone concerned in on what's going on. Specifically, you can't stay with your current BF if your feelings change, or if you get very attached to this platonic friends of yours.

 

To hurt as few people as possible, and to hurt them as little as possible, clarify for yourself your own feelings first, and then, once you are certain that you need to make a change to your love life, come clean to everyone. You don't have to feel bad for your feelings or changes in them. But you are responsible for how honest you are with the ones that are attached to you.

 

Good luck!

[whichwayisup]

i've been with my boyfriend for over two years, and we live together. we're happy. i have a lot of problems that require him to help take care of me, but he's always been amazing. we love each other, are committed to each other, and we are best friends as well.

Your only option is to detach from you 'soul mate' friend and focus on your relationship with your boyfriend. You're way too emotionally attached to him and it's unhealthy because if he was your true platonic friend, you'd wish him well and be happy for him if he met and fell in love with someone, had a great relationship. Instead, you say you'd feel jealous and hurt.

 

You have a good relationship at home, a boyfriend who looks after you too, so you have a lot to lose if you were to start something up with the 'soul mate' friend. Don't go there, ever..Unless you're prepared to lose your security blanket (boyfriend).

 

Are you sure you're completely in love with your boyfriend? And not just hanging onto him because you need him? Give this some thought.. If you didn't have your bf to rely on, could you make it without him? Or would you have to move back home to be with your parents.

 

Anyway, I"m not sure what you want to happen..

[Pierre]

i never thought i'd be someone who had to write something like this. i've always been 100% committed in every relationship i've been in; even if i was unhappy, i literally cannot think about another person in a romantic or sexual manner when i'm with another person. honestly, i can't even consider another person's attractiveness objectively unless i try really hard.

 

i've been with my boyfriend for over two years, and we live together. we're happy. i have a lot of problems that require him to help take care of me, but he's always been amazing. we love each other, are committed to each other, and we are best friends as well.

 

uhm. wow, this is hard. i have a very close, male friend. he's my platonic soulmate, pretty much. for about a week now, every time we talk, i find myself feeling just... odd. at first, i didn't think anything of it. i seem to find my feelings changing, even though i still think of him in a completely platonic light. does that make sense?

 

 

It is normal to be attracted to members of the opposite sex if your relationship is older than two years. Wait till you are with the same person for ten years :laugh:.

 

The issue of not being able to look at others in a romantic manner only happens early on within the first two years. Once your relationship becomes stable and calm you will notice other people.

 

The fact that you think the guy is hot is no big deal. However, allowing yourself to become romantic and having sex with him is not acceptable to your spouse at home.

 

This is the part where most MOWs and OWs say "I never intended for this to happen". This is BS as of now you are aware of what you are doing.

 

Make a point to distance yourself from this man before you become an OW that says: "I never intended for this to happen":laugh::laugh:.