My 8yr old son is becoming a living nightmare! How do i handle him?

[HollieG]

My son is 8yo and has started to develop very mischievous ways and i feel like i cant handle him. My son idolizes his dad, My husband knows how to handle him and he is very well behaved just by my husbands presence but for the most part my son knows that what i say goes but he will constantly try to break every rule he can find and for almost two years now i have received calls or letters from his school saying that he is in trouble for attacking other students or being insulting to the teachers. I feel like an awful mom when i hear this because i tried so hard to raise him right.

 

I am also 4 months pregnant and my son isn't happy about it, He keeps saying that his dad will prefer this baby over him and that we are going to trow him aside etc. I feel like i've done everything wrong with raising my son, He can be such a challenge especially as my husband works shifts and is gone a lot. Is there any advice you could give me on what the hell to do because i'd really be grateful.

[amaysngrace]

What does the school say about his behavior?

 

What does his dad do to support you and empathize with your son for his fear of being second to the baby?

[turnera]

The first thing I would suggest is to step back and take a look at his structure.

 

Does he have rules about what is acceptable, both at home and at school?

 

Does he know what the consequences are?

 

Are you APPLYING the consequences regularly and consistently? Please give us examples.

 

For example, my DD22 knew, growing up, that if a teacher called me about her behavior, she would expect punishment from ME that night. In the form of no dessert, or no TV or computer time, or going to bed early without access to any entertainment in her bedroom.

 

Do you do that?

 

That's a good start.

[sb129]

The impending arrival of a new baby can really shake up kids especially if there are no other siblings.

 

He has been the centre of attention for a long time- and thats about to change, and I bet he is feeling insecure about it and taking it out on you- although that doesn't explain the 1yr and 8mth that you weren't pregnant!

 

My daughter is only 3, so we have been able to to make the arrival of her baby sister next year sound really exciting by telling her that she will be a wonderful big sister and that we're really excited about having her help us.

I would imagine that maybe an 8 year old boy might not buy that the same way, but maybe there are ways that you and his Dad can reassure him- maybe by starting something that just he and his Dad can do together regularly, that the baby won't be part of.

 

You and your H need to be 100% on the same page regarding discipline- he needs to know that your rules are Daddys rules and vice versa.

 

Does your H work long hours or is he away from home a lot?

[standtall]

Hollie...You are the parent and you're in control completely.

 

1. Make sure that you and your husband are on the same page when it comes to parenting...acceptable behavior, respect.etc, and what the consequences will be. You will not accomplish much if you're constantly undermining each other...you must re-enforce each other.

 

2. Make sure that he knows what problem behavior/speech is and what is not. Tell him the consequences of his speech/actions and then deliver the consequences every time with no compromise or discussion. Do not get angry or give long speeches, or lighten up when it comes to the punishment. Be calm, firm, and unchangeable. If you do this, I will guarantee that he will modify his behavior. Right now, he is continuing his misbehavior because there is not penalty for it...plain and simple.

[marianne123]

HollieG, my son is nine and is also going through a similar problem. There has been lots of cheeking at school and disrespect, at home too. Unfortunately the kids at school seem to encourage his silly behaviour which gets him into more trouble when he sees the appreciative crowd. We, as parents tho - are NOT on the same page. What's the case with you? I suppose with your husband working away a lot he's missing his dad; do you think this is part cause of his bad behaviour?

I agree with other members - punishments need to be seen through and no letting it go. He needs to be without something that he loves for a short time.

I wish there was more advice i could give to you, I just hope the fact that I'm in a similar situation will help you feel a little better.

[venusianx13]

My son is 7, and while he has no issues with his behavior at school, his behavior when at home sounds very much like that of your son. I agree heartily with the poster who said that you and your husband need to be on the same page with discipline. When you exact punishment for misbehavior, do it without emotion, and stick to it. I often felt guilty for making my son go to bed early or for exacting some other form of punishment, and so I'd give him "one more chance" or modify the punishment. I definitely see where that was a mistake now. No longer does he get more chances or lesser punishments.

 

I also put in an email to the school counselor, because quite frankly... I'm afraid of what it's going to be like when my son is in his teens. Perhaps a school counselor could also help in your situation?

[manup]

My son is 8yo and has started to develop very mischievous ways and i feel like i cant handle him. My son idolizes his dad, My husband knows how to handle him and he is very well behaved just by my husbands presence but for the most part my son knows that what i say goes but he will constantly try to break every rule he can find and for almost two years now i have received calls or letters from his school saying that he is in trouble for attacking other students or being insulting to the teachers. I feel like an awful mom when i hear this because i tried so hard to raise him right.

 

I am also 4 months pregnant and my son isn't happy about it, He keeps saying that his dad will prefer this baby over him and that we are going to trow him aside etc. I feel like i've done everything wrong with raising my son, He can be such a challenge especially as my husband works shifts and is gone a lot. Is there any advice you could give me on what the hell to do because i'd really be grateful.

 

Get him into sports, you have an aggressive kid and he needs an outlet to take out all of his aggression. Instead of beating up other kids he'll wrestle other kids or run at them in football etc... It's normal for boys to act out when they don't have outlets. And think about the poor kid all cooped up in school where he's bored to death. Schools cut recess and p.e. and wonder why kids act like this, it's a real shame. I would recommend wrestling if there's a program at his school.