Is there any books I could read?

[Heather]

To get me through my situation? I know Tony and Taressa know about whats going but I am not sure about anyone else. I am the one with the fiance that just got locked up and I am expecting our 2nd child.

 

I am not very depressed anymore but, I know it is still there. We are going to be able to see each other everyday and that will help alot but, it is still going to hurt to take him back to the det. center and night. I know I will just want to cry and take him home with me even though I know I can't!

 

I was just wondering is there any books that could help me? I love to read and I need something to take my mind off the situation anyway. I don't need something that helps with the pain from a break-up but just something that helps ease the pain of being alone! I know he is still there for me but, not being able to kiss him before I fall asleep and when I wake up is still going to be really hard! Also I don't know how to get my daughter through this either. She has been acting up alot lately and I know its because he is not around! Number one because I am not as hard on her (she gets away with alot with me ) and number two because she is upset that her daddy isn't there to play with her and stuff like that.

 

If anyone has any suggestions I would greatly appreciate it! I feel like I could use some help getting through this, and helping my 2yr old daughter get through this.

 

Thanks in advance!

 

Heather

[Tony T]

The number one authority on loneliness in psychological circles is Dr. Clark Moustakas, an author of many dozens of books including one entitled "Lonliness." It was published over thirty years ago but you can buy a copy online at a swap site: http://www.webswap.com/item/listing/2010625.html

 

If you want to know more about his work, you can simply enter his name into a search engine, make sure you spell his name right, you and will find a number of sites that deal with his work.

 

One super great book I re-read about once a year is "Looking Out For Number One" by Robert Ringer. It's not as harsh as the title suggests. It's a great book for learning the basics of living day to day life and interacting with people in a rational and sane manner. There are two great chapters on friendship and romantic love. If you can follow his simple rules, you can be completely successful all the time. It's about the best book I have ever read about anything. It was published in 1976 but it's still in print today and can be purchased at all the big online bookstores or ordered at your local bookstore.

 

I think in your state of mind you should be reading some books on topics that are entertaining or that you want to know more about. Watch lots of educational television. Do special things with your daughter. You will have plenty of time together when he gets out of jail, probably enough to get sick on. So why not use this very special alone time to do things that you want to do for yourself. Explore new interests, new areas, new friends.

 

If you do not develop yourself as an individual before entering into a very close realtionship, you can easily get so lost in it things can get extremely unpleasant. Once the two of you are together again, don't be so dependent upon him to complete your humanity. Build yourself up emotionally and intellectually so your contributions to the relationship can be varied and unique.

 

By further expanding your own self, you will more healthfully expand your relationship and make it much more interesting for the both of you.

 

Consider not reading about loneliness...but about all the positive and wonderful things you can learn and do to make your life better...for yourself.

[Taressa]

Hi Heather,

 

Your circumstances surpass the standard lonely situation; perhaps you might consider getting involved in something new that would bring new people and new circumstances into your life to keep you feeling grounded and connected with life...

 

- a short course through a local community college

 

- a short term volunteer project through school or church

 

- an exercise program with your daughter through a healthclub or YMCA.

 

And although it will hurt you, do take a firm hand with your daughter; your teaching determines her character.

 

Hang in there, Heather; this will end one day and you will be together as a family.

 

Remember too that this pregnancy and the hormones involved will be throwing your moods way out of wack somedays. Patience, friends, and family will see you through. You will be okay. You and your daughter will be okay.