Bnr32 Posted December 19, 2012 Share Posted December 19, 2012 (edited) hi guys first of all, i would like to thank everyone on here for being so helpful to all the other heart broken souls. i have done some research and have gone through alot of stories and have learned alot. my story is this. girl friend and i have been together for 8 years year 1-4, we didn`t live together year 5-7, we lived together year 7-8, we were in a 12hr long distance relationship i felt that we were the most loving couple ever, she feels the same, we were both very involved, we are soul mates....... by the age 22-23 she asked my future, plans and sort of asking to settle down. i said i haven`t explored enough but i love you so much that i cannot leave you, so we stuck on, we still love each other so much.. her entire family moved back to asia and suffering from some financial situation, that she needs to help out, she asked if it`s best for her to move back and help the family and try out the life in asia. after alot of thoughts, i said may be it`s a good idea for u to go back, cuz she wasn`t doing well by her self in north america as well, and couldn`t support her self even, so it would be a great contribution to her family with her around. and she always think i wouldn`t settle untill i explored first, she said she rather i **** around now then **** around when we are married, i kinda got the understanding that she will wait till i finish exploring, so we made a deal, 28 we will get marry and from now till 28, we would have an open relationship, we made the plan together and that both of us agreed on, what we didn`t do was set rules and guide lines......`learn that after` 1.5 years later she finally left me, but within that one and half year, we did everything we could together to sorta just spend the best time together till we finally split....in the mean time she was organizing her move back, i supported her even tho i really didn`t want to but i can`t be self-fish so i let her try out the life in Asia. we even agreed to prove everyone wrong by making LDR work !! cuz everyone at that time said no it wouldnt work...... nov 04 2011 she finally left, the day she left i completely broken down and asked for her back, the first 6 months, she was very very depressed cuz she knew no one in asia, she was lonely, and i know shes very emotional sometimes when shes alone !! but i did give her alot of emotional support, i wasnt physically there, but i am always on the phone with her, supported her and give her alot of confident !! she came back in feb 2012 and by then she got a job in the airline, her dream job !! she asked again what my plan is, i said we should keep the open relationship because during that time, she got her dream job in the airline, i can`t be self-fish and ask her to ditch that and come back...so i kept on saying stick with our plan till she can transfer back to north america, then we will marry each other and start our family, but in the mean time we HAVE to stick to our open relationship plan.......... n 9 months later she would get the flight benefit and we could see each other 1`s a month almost, cuz i can fly back and forth with her. so we both agreed on keeping this open relationship but little did i know, she doesn`t like it even tho she agreed, but she agreed cuz she want me to be happy and she want me to explore before i get married. through out may and june she kept asking if i have done playing yet, i couldn't really get her a solid answer, she was unhappy, but didn`t show anything or didn`t express that she wasn't happy even thought we talk oh phone, viber, tango everyday............ during those months.....i went out dated a few girls, then realized that i could be more sweet..... lets just say, i had enough, i explored ! i m ready to settle..... July .....she sent me a few videos of her kinda drunk and self expressing her feelings, that she was up set, un happy, and she feels guilty going out dating guys when she is still attached to me........... i comfort her and said how about i come back in aug to spend some time with you, at the same time i had job interview that i was trying to become the manager at work.. so she said no don`t come back since she is coming to me in OCT and i am going back in NOV, so we would have alot of time to spend with each other. at that time, i was un happy, i wanted her to be happy, and because after a few exploration, i knew i wasn`t 100% a good BF, and that i learned that i can be better....i was ready to settle.... i worked alot and saved up for a ring, wanted to present to her in OCT when she comes back for my birthday, OCT came and she didn`t come back instead she went to AUSTRALIA, with her friends.............. iwas unhappy but knowing she found friends in asia, i was very happy for her............ and since i will go back 2 weeks later anyways i don`t mind that, i can present the ring to her when i see her in NOV NOV came, i went back gave her the ring the 2nd day, i said this is our promise ring, not an engagement ring....... she was so over whelmed and refused and said she had moved on.....her feelings arnt the same any more, and that she had feelings for this other guy that is in NYC, them 2 will still be a long LDR as well and it would be impossible to get back to where we were again........... during that week, everytime we talk we would end up very emotional, so we couldnt have a proper conversation....and i would keep forcing her to try to love me again..... i came back to north america, really without an answer so 4 days later, i bought another plane ticket to go back to asia for the weekend, and this was a very special weekend NOV11, our 8years anniversary, i asked her frd to ask her out, and instead i showed up, gave her a hand made gift and bits that she likes, had a good conversation. still she said she moved on and said no to getting back, i was over whelmed and kept bugging her day and night even thought i stayed with her those 4 days. the past months i have been talking to her like shes still my gf, but i could feel shes completely cold to me, i kept asking her to try, she wouldn't give in. last week she finally said she had enough n that i was being way too aggressive, and that she just need time..........i cant accpet that, because i know if i don`t do it now....i will never get her back, as this guy she has feelings for will go see her during xmas........i couldnt let the love of my life go away......but she said the more i push, the more she will go away so we haven't talk since and i said i will call her to have a proper, respectful conversation with her after xmas. -after many night and days of analyzing, i know there are areas i can do better, and same for her like proper communication, if u are un happy about it, say it so we can work it out.......... -during the 8 months apart i realized shes the one, and realize how to treat her better because i had explored and found better ways to make her happy. (not that i was bad to her) -i realized i was being too aggressive after she said she lost feelings....but that`s cuz i cant let her go....... -i do not want to give up because we haven`t even try to work things out -i know i cant force her to love me but love is a feeling tthat doesnt`come naturally , so ithink i should do something.. -i will not GIVE UP !! even tho alot of ppl would say just move on and find another one, i am 25, so is she, we are still young but i am a strong believer that nothing can`t be worked out, and i much rather build a solid relationship from bad mistakes then keep on changing gf`s to FIND a perfect.....why can`t be be together, and shape each other into being perfect for each other. my questions is..........what do i do now, i will call her next week but what do i say....i dont want NC because i don`t want her to loose me in her mind. Edited December 19, 2012 by Bnr32 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 19, 2012 Share Posted December 19, 2012 Honestly? You should split up, because you are just a non-commitment guy, really, aren't you? What we call a cake-eater.... When she wanted a promise from you, you could not give it. Now it looks like you've lost her, you want what you can't have. You are not reliable material. Cut her loose, let her go, and move on. She needs someone reliable, dependable and solid, and really, you enjoyed playing the field a little bit too much, to stop when she asked you to... leave her alone, and consider her an ex. You need to go NC, because please believe me when I tell you, as a woman - she's moved on and gone. Don't try to yank her chain and pull her about more. She will never trust you to be with her 100%. Link to post Share on other sites
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