pedwin Posted August 14, 2004 Share Posted August 14, 2004 Hello everyone, I called and talked to the OW tonight. I shouldn't have called her on Friday the 13th. She gave me lots of info. I have no animosity toward her because she never knew I existed. She told me they use to do it at work. He calls me now from work as a good faith measure to let me know where he is. WELL THAT'S JUST GREAT BUT WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING??????????? He also told her he wanted a baby by her.GOD HELP ME!!!! It's a good damn thing he's out of town. She also told me she still had nude pictures of him. He's suppose to call me shortly this should be a very loud conversation. He had told me that he ended it 4 years ago. She told me that he called her when he changed jobs and gave her his new beeper number. He told her to always stay in touch no matter where she was. AM I STUPID OR WHAT???? She also told me that they use to take a bottle of wine and go to a hotel and play sex games. She said he paid for everything, I said no he didn't I DID! OK girls I need some input here. pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
seriously confused Posted August 14, 2004 Share Posted August 14, 2004 Are you serious you called her and had this chat with her? I would say that if this is what he wants to do, run around on you then you need to tell him you are done with him. That's it, that's all. Why would you not tell him to go to hell. If you are paying for his little flings in a hotel room then you have unknowingly helped him to cheat on you. And you can't sell yourself short like that. If he wants to make a fool out of you that way, it's time to move ahead from cat Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedwin Posted August 14, 2004 Author Share Posted August 14, 2004 Hi there, Thanks for writing. Go back and read my other posts. He did this for 6 years with this girl. write me back after you read the other posts. pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
veronese Posted August 14, 2004 Share Posted August 14, 2004 Pedwin - you poor thing. What a conversation. Do you thing she was being truthful?? Was she angry with him too? Do you believe her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedwin Posted August 14, 2004 Author Share Posted August 14, 2004 Yes girl, she was telling me everything. The more wine she drank the more she talked. 3 hours worth!!!!!! She told me that they use to go to hotels and play sex games. I could stangle him!!!! What kind of books do you write? pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
veronese Posted August 14, 2004 Share Posted August 14, 2004 Honey, don't be asking about my books at a time like this! Where's H? When's he home? When's he calling? How are you feeling? Link to post Share on other sites
veronese Posted August 14, 2004 Share Posted August 14, 2004 What are you going todo???? Pedwin - stay calm, and stay strong Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedwin Posted August 14, 2004 Author Share Posted August 14, 2004 He's camping with his children. He called earlier and I had her on the other line. I told him I had talked to her and I told him she told me about him giving her his beeper number. I told him I didn't want to talk to him right now. He said he would call me after he got the kids in bed. He hasn't called. He is a conflict avoider and he hasn't called. He doesn't want to get into this conversation I can tell you that. He is truly a habitual liar. Most men who cheat have a personality disorder. Once a personality is formed it usually stays that way. They have to really want to change and spend many years in therapy before they can change. I don't think I have ever been so upset and very, very sad. pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedwin Posted August 14, 2004 Author Share Posted August 14, 2004 what time is it where you are? I couldn't sleep if you paid me. I'm to mad!! pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
veronese Posted August 14, 2004 Share Posted August 14, 2004 According to the OW when did they finish? I've got to go to bed so I'll wait for your reply. I'm sorry I can't stay longer. Have you got someone you could call to come round to you? I really feel for you, it's gut wrenching. Time for decisions now girl.... I'm not going to have much opportunity to write this weekend so don't think I've wandered off. Keep posting as often as you need. Please take care. I can't quite believe what I'm seeing - I'm speechless at this news. Is he worth YOU? Big hugs xxx Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedwin Posted August 14, 2004 Author Share Posted August 14, 2004 I don't know anyone up here. No he's not worth it but I have no where to go. no job, no money. He controls everything and don't think he doesn't know it. I have got to do something because I am totaly sick. He acted like he was a single man. THEY MADE LIFE PLANS TOGETHER. He never told her he was married. sick, sick, sick pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
veronese Posted August 14, 2004 Share Posted August 14, 2004 He's a real pig Pedwin, he's just a good actor. What's the betting my husband did the same? There's no advice anyone can give you right now, you're going through too much. Remember to eat. Try to sleep (impossible I know) Thinking of you... xxx Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedwin Posted August 14, 2004 Author Share Posted August 14, 2004 I forgot to tell you that he use to pick her up for lunch. Take her to her house. have sex and get her back to work in an hour. I was home taking care of his daughter. I just called his cell phone but he won't answer it. nice guy. pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
veronese Posted August 14, 2004 Share Posted August 14, 2004 How are you????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedwin Posted August 14, 2004 Author Share Posted August 14, 2004 Awful!!! I talked to him on the phone last night. He told me that it happened a long time ago and I was torchering myself. He said he and the kids have been having a great time and he didn't want me to be in a bad mood when they come home because it causes them stress. He said we either need to get past this or go our separate ways because he was tired of all the fighting and turmoil. He then said he was to tired to talk and was going to bed and would talk to me today. I told him he wasn't to tired to sit in hotel rooms and play sex games but he was to tired to talk about it. He hung up on me. Pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted August 14, 2004 Share Posted August 14, 2004 Sounds like he got busted big time and doesn't want to deal with it Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedwin Posted August 14, 2004 Author Share Posted August 14, 2004 Hi Kat, Thanks for writing. He thinks because it happened 4 years ago I should just let it go. But I just found out about his 6 year affair. He wants to play but he doesn't want to pay. When all else fails he uses the kids. Don't be angry and ruin their visit. He didn't worry about his kids when he was cheating for 6 years and I was at home taking care of them. He's just a spoiled bastard. pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedwin Posted August 14, 2004 Author Share Posted August 14, 2004 Hey Kat, what's your story? I see you've been on for a while. Pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
veronese Posted August 14, 2004 Share Posted August 14, 2004 Have you spoken to him since that call pedwin? So he doesn't want you to be in a mood when he gets back with the kids? What a bloody cheek! And then he hangs up because he's tired? That he could sleep at a time like this says it all - no conscience, no compassion, no heart. If he expects you to shut the hell up and carry on like normal he can't have a grasp on reality. Have you told him the extent of the information the OW gave you? Does he seriously believe that because it was so long ago it therefore becomes irrelevant? He sounds so arrogant and conceited - he needs to give the time to this issue if he expects your marriage to have any chance of surviving. How dare he say that if you cant put it behind you it may be better to go your separate ways! Yes indeed buddy, maybe it is better you go your separate ways! If the tables were turned wouldn't you be so ashamed you'd be behaving differently to the way he is? God pedwin, don't let the bastard bully you into submission. If he's worried about the kids he should organise some place for them to stay so that you both can talk about it. I'm so angry with him and i don't even know him! When is he back? How come the OW didn't realise he was married when they were together? Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted August 14, 2004 Share Posted August 14, 2004 I am so sorry you are going through this. IMHO it does help when you speak to the OW, I called my Husbands and talked to her, (well 1st time I ended up threatening her) but I did talk to her and apologized later. My husband cheated once and once only, but I found out about it 1 1/2 yr later (this past feb). Did your husband stop this affair already or is it ongoing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedwin Posted August 14, 2004 Author Share Posted August 14, 2004 I talked to him a minute ago. He said that he is different now and know what he wants. I asked him why did he want her to stay in touch with him no matter where she went. He said I guess I thought there might be a chance.(THAT WAS ONLY 4 YEARS AGO) He said but I don't feel that way now. GOD I COULD STRANGLE HIM. Yes he is very arrogant. He thinks that I'm suppose to believe him because he says so. The OW knew him when he was married before. He told her he was getting a divorce. He never told her about me. When he couldn't spend time with her he used the excuse of the bad divorce and his kids. Like me she believed every word he said. You would have to meet him. He can sell ice to the Eskimos. He has this sweet way about him and these big brown cow eyes. He looks at you like a little lost puppy dog and you believe him. She waited for 6 years and then she got married. When he called her 4 years ago she was engaged. So he wished her well and told her to call him and stay in touch no matter where she was and no matter what her status was. In case she got a divorce he would be there. My God!!!! This is a sick one. He just got finished telling me that he loves me and only me. He says he has spent the last 4 years trying to make our marriage a good one. He said we have been through so much he hates to throw it all away. He said the best is yet to come. I am so angry I could spit. My ex husband killed himself because I left him. He was an alcoholic and we had been married for 16 years. I had met this bastard and he was everything I had ever wanted. NOW IT WAS ALL FOR NOTHING!!! There's a man dead and a woman losing her mind. ReRe! Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedwin Posted August 14, 2004 Author Share Posted August 14, 2004 I feel like a caged lion. I have no job (and haven't worked in 10 years) I have no money. I have no family that I would feel comfortable staying with. I have a rare blood disease and I have got to have medical insurance. My meds are$1014.69 without insurance and $80.00 a month with insurance. I am totally lost. There is no way out for me. I either have to stay here and be used or join my ex husband. Pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
ringo Posted August 15, 2004 Share Posted August 15, 2004 the counseling thing since you found all this out? I mean - together - not separate? If so, did anything (good) change in your marriage as a result? I've always heard Dr. Phil say "you can usually predict future behavior by exploring past behavior". Did you think when your H was cheating on his first wife w/u that he would do this to you in the future? I look back know, knowing what I know about my H and feel stupid. He was literally a male slut when I met him, thus why I wouldn't date him. Although my views changed when I got to know the "real him". But then he cheated on me when we were dating... still I stayed. NOW LOOK AT US! What I don't understand is these men tell us that "they've changed" and they "want to make the marriage work", etc. They tell us what they think we need to hear - but how can they really prove this to us? Their actions can be proof, or lack thereof in my H's case - still, we are looking for security where it no longer exists. I don't know about you, but I feel more angry at myself for being so STUPID and blind that I am at my H. I can't give you words of advice, as I'm going through much of the same thing myself. However, I am here for you if you ever need someone to lean on. You've got to be strong and don't let this man take EVERYTHING from you. AKA - don't kill yourself over him! Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedwin Posted August 15, 2004 Author Share Posted August 15, 2004 ringo, did you get my email address? I sent you a private message. we can talk then pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted August 15, 2004 Share Posted August 15, 2004 Originally posted by pedwin Hey Kat, what's your story? I see you've been on for a while. Pedwin Hi Pedwin, I was involved in an abusive relationship. I fell pregnant and I tried to leave but it didn't work. In the end if was more than just physical and emotional abuse, there was sexual assault and cheating as well. I came here to find help with my trust issues. I have a new man now and I love him to bits and we have made sure we have open communication and that we both know where the line is. Loveshack has helped me through the tough times, when all I had going against me was my own brain and throughts. I wish you all the best. Sometimes life doesn't like us Link to post Share on other sites
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