How do I get him not to hate me? How do I get him to come home?

[sem103]

I'm new here and stumbled onto this site while researching reverse physchology.

 

Any insight , support, kind words, ideas anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated. Especially similar stories and how they worked out.

 

My ex hubby and I have been apart since February 2002, our last communication was in court July of 2002. He was the one that left me. So since I don't know the site lingo yet I guess that makes me the LBS (left behind spouse). It has been really hard we were together 7 years no children. I am now 40 and he will turn 32 in November.

 

Why am I here? Well, I know it sounds crazy but I want to be with him. Even after all this time.

 

Yes, I have dated and was even in a relationship with a man from September 2002 thru January 2004.

 

I know all relationships are complicated to one degree or another. Here goes anyway.

 

The relationship had some bumps, he didnt get along well with my children (2 boys now 18 and 22), he had trouble holding a job, telling the truth, and just not using his head. Thru the years these things improved but still we argued and argued and argued over the same things.

 

The first time he left was in May 1999 and came back in 2 weeks. Then when I bought a small business he left again in June 2000 August 2000 April 2001 July 2001 November 2001 he would stay gone about a week each time and either blow money, find someone to have sex with or something. Then finally February 2002. I never left, it was my house and my belongings I couldnt leave. I guess in a sense there had been a power shift I was the strong one in the beginning then it shifted sometime in 2000.

 

I was no angel I did my fair share of yelling and screaming and demanding.

 

Basically now he HATES me and wishes I would fall off the face of the earth. Won't speak to me. I tried in January of 2004 and March of 2004.

 

He got married in March to a woman he met about 2 months after leaving me and here is what I call the kicker. Words get back to me cuz I quit looking for info a long time ago. She cheats on him, he is not happy, he has let himself go very bad doesnt care how he looks, has gained weight and rumor has it he cheats on her.

 

Now I really sound crazy, I need all the help I can get.

 

Anyway, now that he is down so to speak, I feel like if I am going to make a move it needs to be now.

 

I myself have managed to hang onto home and car. Keep a job. And I have modified behaviors that I know aggravated our problems. Now my children are grown and no longer at home.

 

Maybe I just can't stand the thought of him hating me I dont know but I want to turn the tables.

 

When things were good this man is my soulmate. Now that I have grown and maybe he has it could be wonderful like it was in the good times.

[blue636]

Sounds like you might not know if you want him back. Maybe a few dates or casual get-togethers will help you determine that, and also help you find out if he has changed or "grown up" at all.

[sem103]

I agree Blue but I gotta get him to talk to me first cuz right now he hates me. Any ideas?

 

At this point I feel like a letter is my only option but what would I say in it. I wouldnt have a clue what to say to turn the tables.

[treegirl]

Be patient... if your meant to be together.... you will find love with each other again.

 

Love TreeGirl

xoxo

[blue636]

Right off the bat I don't see how he could possibly hate you, but if you insist...

 

I'd suggest an apology letter accompanied with a thoughtful gift. If he turns it away then you can rest on the fact that you did your best and leave him for good. Should he decide to accept your peace offering then it would be solely up to you to take it from there. From what I've been learning, patience is apparently the key but it's very difficult.

 

I wish you all the best.

[Scott S]

He got married in March to a woman he met about 2 months after leaving me and here is what I call the kicker. Words get back to me cuz I quit looking for info a long time ago. She cheats on him, he is not happy, he has let himself go very bad doesnt care how he looks, has gained weight and rumor has it he cheats on her.

 

 

Looks like he has some serious issues on his hands right now. Are you sure you want to wade back into this? A rebound from a rebound?

 

In any event, you can't make someone love you or even like you. If the issues that came between you haven't been resolved, they will come between you again. If he does accept the peace offering, then you'll both need to work on those, whether in couples counseling or otherwise. If he doesn't, thne you need to accept that, let go & move on.

 

Best wishes to the both of you!