I Think I Was Verbally/Mentally abused by my parents, but I am unsure

[MissSantana99]

I know this might be a good question to ask a psychiatrist and I am planning to go to one after the holidays, but I am really just curious because sometimes my parents can be good to me and do wonderful things to me. But here is my story:

 

I am an only child and I lived with two parents who both had troubled childhoods. A lot of times, they bitched at me about everything that was wrong with me, from my weight to how my hair looked. They always called me, "fat", "chubby", and that "I needed to go to the gym and tone down my belly". They even told me that I am going to be 500 and they are going to have to make the door to my bedroom bigger. I was no skinny supermodel by any means, but I was never that big. My dad told me at Thanksgiving that my hair will never look as good as my mom's and that mine looked like crap. It made me angry and want to cry, but it seemed to piss him off more. I could never do my hair myself because they would never try to help me learn how to do my hair because they would yell at me if I was doing it wrong. They were never patient towards me.

 

I was diagnosed with autism as a child and because of that, I was always picked on and it was very difficult for me to make friends. One summer, my parents forced me to find someone to go camping with me and my cousin agreed to go. However, she called me up and told me that she needed to do something at Bible school that Sunday and wouldn't be able to go. They torn into me, telling me that the reason that I had no friends was because I was a snob and that I was too lazy to make them. I was really hurt because I tried so hard, but people at my school were mean to me. I cried myself to sleep that night because I didn't know my parents could be that mean to me.

 

Also, when I was learning how to drive, every time I made a mistake, my mother would SCREAM at me. She would scare me and make me feel worthless. She would scream at me when my parents would fight and I would cry about it because their fighting scared me. She called me a dumb *** one time because I misinterpreted something that she said. And on that subject, one summer, when we were at the lake and we had forgotten the life jackets because my friend and I had to leave them at home, she went "duh" at me and tried to make me feel stupid. She told me that I lack common sense and that I am too lazy to do anything. This is when I was 14.

 

As an adult, they still say things that hurt me. They constantly tell me that I need to lose weight. They even say mean things about my husband behind his back. They have called him fat, a big *** baby, and someone that is less than a man. He has treated them with nothing but respect and dignity. He has helped them out and has never done anything bad to them. I am just wondering if they are abusive or they are just mean parents. Even though they said mean things to me in the past, they have always spoiled me as well with material things. That is where I am confused. As a result of their bullying, I have very low self esteem and I always constantly misinterpret what my husband says. I just want to know so I can work on my issues. Thanks so much and sorry this is a novel lol.

[Axee]

I hear you... I am in the same boat.. Not sure

[alexandria35]

MissSantana, the things your parents said to you were definitely verbally abusive. However they probably never intended to be abusive, they likely loved you but just didn't know the proper way to parent. Perhaps they were treated the same or worse by their own parents. You should go to therapy to deal with your past hurts and to learn how to create healthy boundaries with your parents now that you are an adult. You have to teach them to treat you and your husband with respect. They will rebel at first, thinking that you have lost your mind in standing up to them. Eventually they will probabl accept the new boundaries but if they don't you may have to seriously curtail your relationship with them for your own mental well being.