?? wife walked out

[ataloss8270]

Ashamed shalisha is right about what she is saying. Do you see the women's prospective on this. It took me a month to really look at me from my wife's side of things. That's when I came to the conclusion that it is what it is, there's nothing I can do about this situation. To work on myself and find the natural, confident, happy me for me. I know if I can find that person deep down inside of me there is no need to keep someone in my life to be happy, but to want someone in my life because they make me happy. Because if I love myself, true unconditional love will come within me, and I can express that love towards someone else.

 

I feel this is what you need to do to become truly internally happy. You don't need your wife to be happy. And right now your wife doesn't want you because you don't make her happy. I know I've done alot to my wife to bring her down emotionally, that is why I am giving her space, and allowing her to make the decision to file. While I continue to work on my own self image, self respect, and self-esteem for me. If she decides to cross paths with me later on down the road awesome, if not then I have prepared myself for the next bigger and better relationship that comes along. I am making myself #1 in my life right now, well next to my kids. And today my wife and I spent the day together, and I decided to not to worry about the relationship BS or how much I missed her and just be the natural me, nothing force and nothing fake. I put out the natural me, the man that is deep down inside of me, past the insecurities, the pain and hurt from my past, and the fear of the future. And we had a great day with the kids. My wife may and may always think it was a front, but it wasn't it. I was pure today and it felt great! And if she thinks it BS and we don't reconcile, then I will find someone who I can treat well with the new me I am finding deep down I side of me. At least we can be friends for the kids and have family days with them.

[ashamedhusband2012]

update 1-15

also thanks for you input shalisha i know i didnt handle myself well in regards to the circumstances you pointed out but i couldnt help my feelings

right now im doing everything correctly

 

UPDATE: so the wife came home yesterday, we are back on speaking terms but sleeping in different rooms, (well im on the sofa for now)

we have agreed that i need to stay her for 3-4 months till i can get my stuff together and find a place ,communication is good

 

i had dinner ready for her when she came back last night, helped her around the house and made coffee for her this morning, she realized the fridge was empty yesterday said she would go do groceries today (she know i had no $ yesterday), but b4 she had the chance i asked for a cash advance at work and went and did the grocery even bought her the stuff she likes (she was very happy about that ) i hope she realized that i dont want to depend on her and need to take care of me and us and can be a good provider

i know its going to take a lot to get me out of this hole, because i dug myself pretty deep

 

right now all i can do is keep up with my goals, working out and focusing on work, on top of that cooking everyday and cleaning around the house and making little details for her, im no longer bugging her, by texting or calling her, i hope that she will see that a guy that works out, focuses on work handles his finances ,cooks, cleans, puts family first is not found around the corner, advice that ive got from friends is that just asking how her day is and wishing her a good day,remaining calm, keeping myself clean and well groomed, having nice details for her (stuff she likes, etc) will make her see that the change is real and she will give it another chance, if not it will work with the neighbor they said, lol

 

for now i gotta keep everything on track and stay positive

Edited January 15, 2013 by ashamedhusband2012

[shalisha42]

update 1-15

also thanks for you input shalisha i know i didnt handle myself well in regards to the circumstances you pointed out but i couldnt help my feelings

right now im doing everything correctly

 

UPDATE: so the wife came home yesterday, we are back on speaking terms but sleeping in different rooms, (well im on the sofa for now)

we have agreed that i need to stay her for 3-4 months till i can get my stuff together and find a place ,communication is good

 

i had dinner ready for her when she came back last night, helped her around the house and made coffee for her this morning, she realized the fridge was empty yesterday said she would go do groceries today (she know i had no $ yesterday), but b4 she had the chance i asked for a cash advance at work and went and did the grocery even bought her the stuff she likes (she was very happy about that ) i hope she realized that i dont want to depend on her and need to take care of me and us and can be a good provider

i know its going to take a lot to get me out of this hole, because i dug myself pretty deep

 

right now all i can do is keep up with my goals, working out and focusing on work, on top of that cooking everyday and cleaning around the house and making little details for her, im no longer bugging her, by texting or calling her, i hope that she will see that a guy that works out, focuses on work handles his finances ,cooks, cleans, puts family first is not found around the corner, advice that ive got from friends is that just asking how her day is and wishing her a good day,remaining calm, keeping myself clean and well groomed, having nice details for her (stuff she likes, etc) will make her see that the change is real and she will give it another chance, if not it will work with the neighbor they said, lol

 

for now i gotta keep everything on track and stay positive

 

She's back there because you badgered her. Her sleeping in a separate room is proof. I assure you, because you have not heard or honored anything she said when she left you (i.e., stop calling me, i need space... etc.), she will be unhappy with you.

 

You only care about your need to not feel abandoned. Your post on here did not mention anything about you respecting her or her right to not want to be with you.

 

Based on your chronological posts of how you badgered her and wouldn't let up, I see that you're very selfish and self absorbed. You've only agreed to "change" because she has decided to leave you.

 

You're desperate and it she knows it. Desperation invokes pity from your partner - not love. Trust me, she didn't come back of her own volition. You're walking on eggshells because you know it as well.

 

Desperation, neediness, terror, badgering, bullying, concession don't work. They are all a means to get you what you want. The other person is a second consideration. You're also very immature I might add.

[ashamedhusband2012]

She's back there because you badgered her. Her sleeping in a separate room is proof. I assure you, because you have not heard or honored anything she said when she left you (i.e., stop calling me, i need space... etc.), she will be unhappy with you.

 

You only care about your need to not feel abandoned. Your post on here did not mention anything about you respecting her or her right to not want to be with you.

 

Based on your chronological posts of how you badgered her and wouldn't let up, I see that you're very selfish and self absorbed. You've only agreed to "change" because she has decided to leave you.

 

You're desperate and it she knows it. Desperation invokes pity from your partner - not love. Trust me, she didn't come back of her own volition. You're walking on eggshells because you know it as well.

 

Desperation, neediness, terror, badgering, bullying, concession don't work. They are all a means to get you what you want. The other person is a second consideration. You're also very immature I might add.

 

the honest reason she came back is because she didnt want to rent herself another apartment as she wants to keep this one, (we have a nice 3 bedroom apt for $830) not because i badgered her, if i had done that she wouldnt of come back, trust me i know my wife

right now and for the past 5 days or so , i have been respecting her space and not bugging her, we can sit down and watch movies together i wont try and push our relationship on her as this will only make things worst, she needs her space and i respect that, like i said now im handling everything very well showing her that i respect her and her needs,, i told her that i dont want her back unless she wants to come back but the door to the apt and my heart is open, i love her and she know, im not acting desperate at all, i dont call her or text her, i dont tell her i love her, etc, she already knows this, im just taking care of her, she can think whatever she wants about that i dont care, end of the day im doing this for myself,, and i want to show her that i dont need her even though i love her, show her that i can respect her and give her whatever she wants

Edited January 16, 2013 by ashamedhusband2012

[shalisha42]

the honest reason she came back is because she didnt want to rent herself another apartment as she wants to keep this one, (we have a nice 3 bedroom apt for $830) not because i badgered her, if i had done that she wouldnt of come back, trust me i know my wife

right now and for the past 5 days or so , i have been respecting her space and not bugging her, we can sit down and watch movies together i wont try and push our relationship on her as this will only make things worst, she needs her space and i respect that, like i said now im handling everything very well showing her that i respect her and her needs,, i told her that i dont want her back unless she wants to come back but the door to the apt and my heart is open, i love her and she know, im not acting desperate at all, i dont call her or text her, i dont tell her i love her, etc, she already knows this, im just taking care of her, she can think whatever she wants about that i dont care, end of the day im doing this for myself,, and i want to show her that i dont need her even though i love her, show her that i can respect her and give her whatever she wants

 

"the honest reason she came back is because she didnt want to rent herself another apartment..."

 

Knowing that's the only reason why she came back would make anyone with self-respect feel like garbage, yet you are so elated. That tells me how desperate you are. She knows it.

 

You are not respecting her. You're still trying to kiss her butt hoping she'll want you by doing all of these things for her. She sees right through it. Again, this is all about you - to make your fears go away.

 

Trust me, you're desperation and terror that she's going to leave you comes through your pores. You may not be acting on it (which you really are by going out of your way to do things that you normally didn't do and also the fact that you're obsessed) but it's in the air.

 

This is still all about you - not her. As soon as you think you've got her, you will go back to your old ways.

[ashamedhusband2012]

"the honest reason she came back is because she didnt want to rent herself another apartment..."

 

Knowing that's the only reason why she came back would make anyone with self-respect feel like garbage, yet you are so elated. That tells me how desperate you are. She knows it.

 

You are not respecting her. You're still trying to kiss her butt hoping she'll want you by doing all of these things for her. She sees right through it. Again, this is all about you - to make your fears go away.

 

Trust me, you're desperation and terror that she's going to leave you comes through your pores. You may not be acting on it (which you really are by going out of your way to do things that you normally didn't do and also the fact that you're obsessed) but it's in the air.

 

This is still all about you - not her. As soon as you think you've got her, you will go back to your old ways.

 

i respect your opinion, even though you dont know me, but no, im not going back to my old ways, and its not about me its about her, if she sees through it than more power to her, like i said i dont care what she thinks

i want her to know and feel that im here for her and her needs, im putting my happiness on the side for her to be happy, i told her that,, now im just showing her, and the change im making is for me not to get her back (once agin im not desparate i know i can survive and do well on my own), if its enough for her then it will work, if not, then it wont i cant predict the future, i have to stay focused and positive on mine, keeping her in mind

 

and it did make me feel like garbage i also told her that... you are right on that

Edited January 16, 2013 by ashamedhusband2012

[shalisha42]

i respect your opinion, even though you dont know me, but no, im not going back to my old ways, and its not about me its about her, if she sees through it than more power to her, like i said i dont care what she thinks

i want her to know and feel that im here for her and her needs, im putting my happiness on the side for her to be happy, i told her that,, now im just showing her, and the change im making is for me not to get her back (once agin im not desparate i know i can survive and do well on my own), if its enough for her then it will work, if not, then it wont i cant predict the future, i have to stay focused and positive on mine, keeping her in mind

 

and it did make me feel like garbage i also told her that... you are right on that

 

We'll see.

[ashamedhusband2012]

We'll see.

look i used to be afraid of the pain because i didnt want to get hurt,, i WAS hurt but i no longer am,, my wife is one of my motivations, my past failures give me strength and the pain i feel is my main motivation, only i can defeat me and i will not LOSE

ive come this far im not going to give up now,, hard work pays off , im no longer hiding from it, im waiting for it

im not going to let anyone steal my dreams, i will protect them, i have no natural talent so i know i have to work hard for my dreams, and not only that but i have to work twice as hard to make up for lost time,, im ready yesterday scared of nothing, determined focused and full of ambition,, no one can take that from me

 

its not about how hard you can get hit, its about how hard you can get hit and keep going, pain will come, but i know how i react to it will determine my future success

Edited January 16, 2013 by ashamedhusband2012

[shalisha42]

look i used to be afraid of the pain because i didnt want to get hurt,, i WAS hurt but i no longer am,, my wife is one of my motivations, my past failures give me strength and the pain i feel is my main motivation, only i can defeat me and i will not LOSE

ive come this far im not going to give up now,, hard work pays off , im no longer hiding from it, im waiting for it

im not going to let anyone steal my dreams, i will protect them, i have no natural talent so i know i have to work hard for my dreams, and not only that but i have to work twice as hard to make up for lost time,, im ready yesterday scared of nothing, determined focused and full of ambition,, no one can take that from me

 

its not about how hard you can get hit, its about how hard you can get hit and keep going, pain will come, but i know how i react to it will determine my future success

 

May I ask you a few questions?

 

Why is it so important for you for your wife to come back?

What is the worse thing that could happen if she didn't come back?

 

Please don't tell me that you're okay with her not coming back? I know that's not true at all. So just be honest. Why do you want her back? What is your deepest fear about her not coming back?

[ashamedhusband2012]

May I ask you a few questions?

 

Why is it so important for you for your wife to come back?

What is the worse thing that could happen if she didn't come back?

 

Please don't tell me that you're okay with her not coming back? I know that's not true at all. So just be honest. Why do you want her back? What is your deepest fear about her not coming back?

 

the reason i want her to come back as a couple is because i love her,

the worst thing that could happen if she didnt come back in my life is that life would go on,

she is important to me because i know how much she is worth and i doubt i would find another woman like her, i guess thats a fear i have

but i love her with all my heart

[shalisha42]

the reason i want her to come back as a couple is because i love her,

the worst thing that could happen if she didnt come back in my life is that life would go on,

she is important to me because i know how much she is worth and i doubt i would find another woman like her, i guess thats a fear i have

but i love her with all my heart

 

 

Hi Thanks for answering. I know I sounded a little (a lot?) harsh before, but I just wanted to snap you out of the frantic behavior which only serves to push her away. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. I'm an expert author on this topic.

 

Now let me ask you: When I say way do you want her back and you say you love her, I understand that - but what does that mean?

 

I'm going to give you some examples where I did deep. They may or may not resonate with you. But when I say dig deeper, I want you to really think about the "why" okay? I know you love your wife, but I want to know what drives you to want to win her back?

 

For instance, if someone asked me, Shalisha, why do you want to be rich? On the surface, my answer would be: So I can buy really expensive things, go on trips, never have to worry about money again, never have to work again. Those would be surface answers.

 

But when I dig deeper and say: But what would that mean if I had all those things? I'd say, I'd be showing the world I'm not a failure. I'd be thumbing my nose up at people who said I'd never make it; It would mean I'd be seen by the world as "someone" and recognized. I want to be admired and held in esteem. I want to be seen as important.

 

So in my answers, a current theme there is pride and envy.

 

That's just a small example. So dig deep. Here's another example: When my boyfriend dumped me and dated my "rival" I wanted him back because yes, I loved him or so I thought (I was convinced I loved him), but the real thing that drove me was:

 

My pride. I was humiliated beyond belief that he had dumped me for some "lower class" uneducated girl. I couldn't believe it. Here I was, this great, sophisticated (or so I thought) girl, who KNEW that she was superior to all others and how could he have possibly chosen her? I suffered the humiliation and shame of everyone in the neighborhood knowing that he dumped me for her.

 

So my pride was the motivating factor in wanting him back - not love. I wanted him back so that other girls could envy me. So that I could prove to the neighborhood I really was "somebody" and I was "above" this girl.

 

Boy, was my ego out of whack. I pursued him for years thinking I was in love with him. It's amazing what pride could do!

[shalisha42]

the reason i want her to come back as a couple is because i love her,

the worst thing that could happen if she didnt come back in my life is that life would go on,

she is important to me because i know how much she is worth and i doubt i would find another woman like her, i guess thats a fear i have

but i love her with all my heart

 

 

Here's a hint: You said you doubt you'd ever find another woman like her. Why is that? That is the kind of deep digging down I'd like to hear. If you don't mind? I really want to help you through this but in order for me to do so, I really need to hear what primal emotions are driving you.

[shalisha42]

i know and understand that perfectly, thats the way she feels now i cant change that today or in a month

 

,,but i know my wife and i know the ways to her heart the changes im doing are for myself, and it never is too late, giving up is something else, i told her i wont give up, the old me would of just said "**** it" and rolled over, but the new me refuses to lose in any situation, her mom is behind me and told me to fight for her, she hopes she will turn around, in the meantime im here for her for whatever she needs, i also know that she isnt the only girl in the world, i could get better but its not about that for me, right now i need to take care of myself and not focus on ther girls

 

some positive advice would be nice

 

 

Whoa... "I could get better"?? Are you serious? On a few occasions you've put yourself above this woman - another post you told her no man would ever want her because she's too emotionally messed up - boy do you have it twisted. Don't you think she knows your condescending attitude towards her? You can't **** it buddy. You're too full of yourself and she's tired of it. How arrogant. You sound like a Scorpio - maybe a libra - but I'm betting a scorpio.

[shalisha42]

update 12/30

 

we spoke face to face, still havent had the opportunity to clear up all of the air though,, as soon as the convo reaches a certain point she always resorts to leaving,,

 

i told her i feel great, more determined, focused, etc than ever,

that i ilove her and if she would be willing to give me 2 months of her time, she has being staying at her friends (female, i know where she is) initially she said no (she is still pissed off), i told her i cant make her love me, and that all i want is to show her i am a man she can be married to i am working on so many changes in myself not to win her back, but as a promise i made to myself (wich is true),, and that after the 2 months we can review,, also i told her for me to get those 2 months i am willing to send her flowers to her job everyday (she didnt like that, lol) i can write her 1000 love letters, i can show up with a mariachi outside her friends house,,,, all of that beacuse she means that much to me, and in any situation in my life i am going to take the same approach do as much as i can and give it all ive got, and that i want the whole world to know how much i love her,,,, they way she left she didnt give me an option, so i wont give her one with this,,,, i will fight for those 2 months just out of respect for all of the sacifices, efforts, etc she has made in the past, and beacuse i love her

 

more badgering...

[shalisha42]

i understand that, but how can i stay calm, when she is asking me to leave in a month... obiously i had to put her in her place, im not a piece of paper you can ball and throw in the garbage,

 

as far as saving the marriage i wanted too, still do,,, but she doesnt anything i say will not convice her,

i also think she is traumatized, beacuse any rational person will not handle the situation this way,, and maybe i didnt love her that much, just got used to living with her,, im not calling her anymore, she knows where she lives , the door is always open

 

i gave her options i offered to sleep in the other room and give her the bed, i asked for 2 months,

she didnt give me any options,, but now i bet she realizes she should of handled the situation differently so she could have better cards to play with...

 

Who are you kidding? The cards are in her favor. You love her - she doesn't love you. You're the one that wants her back. She wants out. How do you figure she doesn't have a good hand to play?

[shalisha42]

Sorry to say it sounds forced and manipulative. You are still trying to convience her to feel how you feel. Just make it short and sweet. Say something like, "I understand where you are coming from, and I understand your fears. I apologize for what I have put you threw and I hope someday you may find it in your heart to forgive me. But it is time for us to move on with our lives and someday maybe we may met in the middle and reconcile." And leave it at, but don't just say it, believe it. Move on with your life, she may over time forget about all the bad things and begin to remember the good times and miss you. But don't spend your life waiting for that moment. Move on for now. You may find someone even better for you than her. Even my wife said to me "you know I may even be the one who kicks myself in the future for leaving you". And unlike you we have to be very involved in one another's lives for 17 more years, because our daughter is only 17 months. Believe that you will have a great life with or without her. Improve yourself my friend, for you so you will have a great life.

 

He doesn't need to say anything at all! He's already said the same thing a gazillion different ways. He's still trying to control and manipulate her to get her to come back and see that he's "changed"

[shalisha42]

Ashamed- similar story to mine, it's been a month in a hotel for me. I'm moving to an apartment tomorrow until our marriage/sep/div plays out. I think it was gunny who said "her sack is filled up with all the wrong I've done in the last 25 years". So no deal breakers by either of us. I've e mailed, Lm on her cell saying we can work it out but she only relied asking when I was going to dep in our account. I still love her, she was crying and t old me she loves me. So it's been a month, I figure to give it one more push, flowers, dressed up meet her at my house. But I don't want to be a doormat. I've learned from this site women are not logical, rational like men- generally speaking. I want to go nc, but that could put final nail in coffin. I know her well, she wants me to beg and plead. I did that in my 20-30's, I don't do that anymore. I want it to work out, but it takes 2 to make it work. Things are hard now, but regardless, things will get better. HANG IN THERE!

 

Women are not logical/rational like men? Apparently you haven't been following ashamedhusband's post. Does that sound logical and rational to you? Also, I know you did the same thing when your lover left you. Men act just as irrationally as women when the love of their lives have left them.

[shalisha42]

update 1-15

also thanks for you input shalisha i know i didnt handle myself well in regards to the circumstances you pointed out but i couldnt help my feelings

right now im doing everything correctly

 

UPDATE: so the wife came home yesterday, we are back on speaking terms but sleeping in different rooms, (well im on the sofa for now)

we have agreed that i need to stay her for 3-4 months till i can get my stuff together and find a place ,communication is good

 

i had dinner ready for her when she came back last night, helped her around the house and made coffee for her this morning, she realized the fridge was empty yesterday said she would go do groceries today (she know i had no $ yesterday), but b4 she had the chance i asked for a cash advance at work and went and did the grocery even bought her the stuff she likes (she was very happy about that ) i hope she realized that i dont want to depend on her and need to take care of me and us and can be a good provider

i know its going to take a lot to get me out of this hole, because i dug myself pretty deep

 

right now all i can do is keep up with my goals, working out and focusing on work, on top of that cooking everyday and cleaning around the house and making little details for her, im no longer bugging her, by texting or calling her, i hope that she will see that a guy that works out, focuses on work handles his finances ,cooks, cleans, puts family first is not found around the corner, advice that ive got from friends is that just asking how her day is and wishing her a good day,remaining calm, keeping myself clean and well groomed, having nice details for her (stuff she likes, etc) will make her see that the change is real and she will give it another chance, if not it will work with the neighbor they said, lol

 

for now i gotta keep everything on track and stay positive

 

Here's another statement you made in your post that again shows just how much contempt you have for this woman. You said...

 

"i hope that she will see that a guy that works out, focuses on work handles his finances ,cooks, cleans, puts family first is not found around the corner..."

 

First of all, a husband is supposed to be doing those things in a relationship. You're not doing her a favor! By making this statement, you are saying that it would be hard for her to find someone who does that "for her." Why would it be hard for her to find someone who should be doing that at a bare minimum. It's like someone asking me why I stay with my husband who cheats on me and my response is - because he has a job and he helps pay the rent! He's ****ing supposed to do that **** at a minimum. You're the one that didn't have the job!

 

Are you kidding? You look down on this woman and you can't even see it. No wonder she feels like **** when she's around you.

[ashamedhusband2012]

Here's a hint: You said you doubt you'd ever find another woman like her. Why is that? That is the kind of deep digging down I'd like to hear. If you don't mind? I really want to help you through this but in order for me to do so, I really need to hear what primal emotions are driving you.

 

thank you for offering help i really need it the other posts you quoted i was not thinking rational so i said and did what i shouldnt of i know that, right now im trying to do everything right

 

the reason i said i doubt i would ever find another woman and why i love her is:

 

i see the sacrifices she has made for me, she understands me, respects me, she accepts my good and bad habits, she has made this apt our home, she has multiplied the love i gave her, she is an independent strong woman, she isnt needy or clingy,she knows what she wants and she makes efforts to keep me happy,, more than that she puts a smile on my face and my heart

 

i would really like your advice on how to regain her heart, i think there is still a chance

Edited January 16, 2013 by ashamedhusband2012

[shalisha42]

thank you for offering help i really need it the other posts you quoted i was not thinking rational so i said and did what i shouldnt of i know that, right now im trying to do everything right

 

the reason i said i doubt i would ever find another woman and why i love her is:

 

i see the sacrifices she has made for me, she understands me, respects me, she accepts my good and bad habits, she has made this apt our home, she has multiplied the love i gave her, she is an independent strong woman, she isnt needy or clingy,she knows what she wants and she makes efforts to keep me happy,, more than that she puts a smile on my face and my heart

 

i would really like your advice on how to regain her heart, i think there is still a chance

 

Okay, so in order to help you, I need to understand where you are exactly:

 

Did she move back in temporarily (I think you said until 3 months until you can find a place) is that true?

 

You are sleeping in 2 different bedrooms right?

 

Also, are you initiating things, i.e. bringing up conversations about how you've changed?

 

What does a typical day look like for you and her assuming she has moved back in? How do you start your day, how does she start hers? How do you end your day, how does she end hers?

[ashamedhusband2012]

Okay, so in order to help you, I need to understand where you are exactly:

 

Did she move back in temporarily (I think you said until 3 months until you can find a place) is that true?

 

You are sleeping in 2 different bedrooms right?

 

Also, are you initiating things, i.e. bringing up conversations about how you've changed?

 

What does a typical day look like for you and her assuming she has moved back in? How do you start your day, how does she start hers? How do you end your day, how does she end hers?

 

yes shes back teporarly, 3-4 months or so till i find a place and pay some debts i owe

 

im sleeping on the sofa for now yes

 

im not bringing up conversations about how ive changed or about our relationship, i tell her to have a good day everyday and ask her how her day was, i offer to watch a movie, tv , other stuff, we can sit down and eat, she doesnt hate me

she start conversations with me about how she had a headache, etc , just little stuff

 

a typical day i get up at 7:15 every morning, shes more like 745-8:00 am

i make myself a coffee and i make her one too, i pick up the stuff from the sofa and organize it again, i bring her her coffee in the bed, i take a shower, then start making my breakfast, by this time she goes in the shower, she likes to eat toast in the morning so i put 2 slices in the toaster for her and a plate with a knife on the side, for wathever she wants to put in it,, i dont tell her its there or nothing,,, like today she didnt have enough time to eat it, so i put the slices in a sandwich bag for her, i pick up all of my breakfast stuff and wash the dishes, (today i noticed her cheking me out, and she will ask me how she looks before she leaves) i wish her a good day and she is on her way,,, i come back 1 hour b4 at 4 pm, she usually finishes at 5 pm but she works late somedays, depending on what she has to do, i make food so when she gets home she has something to eat and not worry about cooking,,, im not by her side i tend to my things, working out, and i work twice on the evenings as well tuesday and thrusday,, as for ending the day we might watch some tv ( id ont want to push her to go for walks with me or other stuff for now) she goes in the bedroom we say good night and i give her a hug,, the first night she was back i gave her the hug told her i had missed her and that i was happy she was back, she blushed and smiled,,,,thats pretty much it nowadays

Edited January 16, 2013 by ashamedhusband2012

[shalisha42]

yes shes back teporarly, 3-4 months or so till i find a place and pay some debts i owe

 

im sleeping on the sofa for now yes

 

im not bringing up conversations about how ive changed or about our relationship, i tell her to have a good day everyday and ask her how her day was, i offer to watch a movie, tv , other stuff, we can sit down and eat, she doesnt hate me

she start conversations with me about how she had a headache, etc , just little stuff

 

a typical day i get up at 7:15 every morning, shes more like 745-8:00 am

i make myself a coffee and i make her one too, i pick up the stuff from the sofa and organize it again, i bring her her coffee in the bed, i take a shower, then start making my breakfast, by this time she goes in the shower, she likes to eat toast in the morning so i put 2 slices in the toaster for her and a plate with a knife on the side, for wathever she wants to put in it,, i dont tell her its there or nothing,,, like today she didnt have enough time to eat it, so i put the slices in a sandwich bag for her, i pick up all of my breakfast stuff and wash the dishes, (today i noticed her cheking me out, and she will ask me how she looks before she leaves) i wish her a good day and she is on her way,,, i come back 1 hour b4 at 4 pm, she usually finishes at 5 pm but she works late somedays, depending on what she has to do, i make food so when she gets home she has something to eat and not worry about cooking,,, im not by her side i tend to my things, working out, and i work twice on the evenings as well tuesday and thrusday,, as for ending the day we might watch some tv ( id ont want to push her to go for walks with me or other stuff for now) she goes in the bedroom we say good night and i give her a hug,, the first night she was back i gave her the hug told her i had missed her and that i was happy she was back, she blushed and smiled,,,,thats pretty much it nowadays

 

Okay great. That all sounds perfect - just don't tell her how much you're glad she's back because she's not. You have to remember that. Also, you'll make her uncomfortable with comments like that. In addition, when you're by yourself, take about 10-15 minutes per day, doing mental imagery.

 

First get very clear in your mind exactly what you want in this relationship. Do not tell her this. This is for you. Then, relax when you're alone and close your eyes and mentally picture this outcome.

 

See and feel what it will feel like when you actually are in a mutually loving relationship and she wants to be with you. See you both laughing, holding hands on the beach, her eyes looking into yours with renewed love and respect and admiration for you! Vividly picture this during your mental imagery exercise.

 

I learned this from this book called Pyschocybernetics and Also the book The Secret. Mental imagery and relaxation really work. But you have to act as if the outcome is already there! Know and feel that this is the reality. This will do 2 things:

 

1) You won't be uptight and anxious thereby causing you to do and say things that can and will pressure her

 

2) You'll be confident so you won't bend over backwards trying to do everything for her for the wrong reasons (i.e. so she won't leave you or so that she can see that you've changed) Your motives have to be because you want to change, not so that she sees that you've changed.

 

I have lots of good stuff on mental imagery and manifesting the things you want. I'll check to see if we have a PM button on here. If so, I'll PM you and send you these things in PDF format. Okay? In the meantime keep focusing on you and do your visualizations morning and evening.

[GuyInLimbo]

Again with the texting! Don't people TALK anymore??

[shalisha42]

Again with the texting! Don't people TALK anymore??

 

Who texted who? I missed something. BTW, nope. People don't talk anymore.

[GuyInLimbo]

i doubt i would find another woman like her, i guess thats a fear i have

 

That, right there, is bullsh*t. Yes, that's your fear and it's a legit feeling. But it's bull. There are 9 BILLION people on this planet. And she's the best one for you? Nonsense. You're going through the stages of grief, and I'm sure you'll eventually get past this fear. Man to man, I'm telling you to move on and you will find MUCH better.

 

And stop texting so much.