What attracts you to abusers?

[White Wedding]

I've been in five relationships. Every single one of them turned into abusers. They'd seem normal at first, totally fine, but as the relationship progressed they'd start displaying abusive tendencies. I dated the same type of people at first but then I dated someone wildly different from everyone else and they ended up being the worst of all.

 

I mean is there something about me that's subconsciously attracted to abusers? Or is there something about me that makes normal people not interested so when I am interested in someone and they're interested too it's inevitably an abusive person?

[M30USA]

Abusers, by nature, have unstable personalities which tend to fluctuate from high highs to low lows. Many people are attracted to the high highs because that's all they see in the beginning. Better to find someone who you can be at peace with, rather than who is exciting. As my grandmother used to say, "Still water runs deep." Don't overlook the non-exciting people. They are often the most interesting people when you get to know them.

[Tiberius]

Maybe you subconsciously enjoy the domination? It was similiar with me.

[M30USA]

Maybe you subconsciously enjoy the domination? It was similiar with me.

 

Agreed. That's why abuse victims need counseling as well, in order to prevent attracting future abuse.

[Jamesblame]

Until just recently I've been leaping from one abusive relationship to the next.

 

I loved the intensity in their behaviors and loved loved LOVED that they hated me as much as I hated myself. They reinforced all my negative self-schemas and I loved them for it.