Breaking tough news

[Always Good]

Im looking for advice on breaking harsh news and feelings to my wife. We have been together for 6 years but married for 4. I knew we werent ready to get married. When I left Hawaii for the Military I still wanted to be with her. The only way to do this was to get married. The military does not take girlfriends into consideration at all. We got married in the county court house and got base housing. This was four years ago. Big mistake, I know.

 

Since weve been married our incompatability has revealed itself on many levels. We have no common interest, we rarely agree on anything of substance, and we dont have common goals.

 

I basically raised myself and developed into a very independent person. I have a problem compromising and taking her concernes into consideration when making decesions. She on the other hand is dependent on me and is very considerate of my needs. I feel like a jerk-off. I dont feel we have connected the way a husband and wife should. My fault. Ive never cheated on her or anything like that. From the outside it would seem like we have a decent marriage.

 

I have been harboring unhappy feelings for years now. I asked her if she was happy with me and brought up divorce on time and she broke down into tears. She blamed herself. This was about a year into the marriage. I felt so bad I decided to give it a shot. Nothing really changed. I cringe at the thought of bringing that topic up again. As time goes by our lives and financial affairs become more and more entangled.

 

We are approaching a pivitol event in our lives. I am getting out of the military and we are moving back to Hawaii. I have a job lined up and plan on buying a house there. This would further complicate things. I feel so bad, I worry about what will happen to her. I feel like im stringing her along. She could be investing her feelings and time in a realtionship with someone that would put in the same amount of love and effort. Im not that guy. I do love her and care about her I just dont want to be with her anymore and have felt this way for a long time. I regret ever starting up with her. I feel like I put her in this situation and I stole a chunk of her life. She could have done so much for herself in the time we have been married.

 

I need advice on how to break this tough news as well as timing. We are moving back to Hawaii Sept 15 2004. We dont have any kids. I am willing to help her financially to transition into independence but I dont want it to seem like there a chance of rebound. I want it to be as civil as possible, I cant stand vindictiveness between EX's. I guess im really **** up huh?

 

Help from men and woman greatly appreciated.

 

AG

[ringo]

there is no good time to give bad news. You just have to sit down together and let it out. However, you can becareful in choosing your words to do so.