Different rules for gay and straight?

[sheap]

My eldest daughter is 19 and gay. We've known this for about a year but up until recently she hasn't had a relationship with anybody.

 

She met a girl about 3 weeks ago and they seem to be getting on great and last week announced that they are in a relationship.

 

My dilemma is this:

 

My husband are going away for a night at the weekend and she says this girl will be sleeping over....

 

at first I didn't think consider this a problem until my husband asked me what will happen when our younger daughter is 19, meets a boy and wants him to sleep over after only 3 weeks together?! Could we have one rule for our gay daughter and a different one for our straight one?

 

Now I don't know what to do, do we ban her from having the sleepover as we most likely would if she were straight and wanted a boy to stay over or is it different?

 

I'm new here by the way, so Hello :-)

[mammasita]

I would apply the same rules. Why should your 19 year old be an exception because she is gay? Bottom line is that its a one on one, intimate and physical relationship and if you wouldn't allow a boy to stay over while you were gone, you shouldn't allow your 19 year olds girlfriend.

[GorillaTheater]

I would apply the same rules. Why should your 19 year old be an exception because she is gay? Bottom line is that its a one on one, intimate and physical relationship and if you wouldn't allow a boy to stay over while you were gone, you shouldn't allow your 19 year olds girlfriend.

 

Couldn't have said it any better. And to soothe any possible hurt feelings, I'd explain it to your 19-year-old just as you have here; that you wouldn't be able to permit your younger daughter, once she's 19, to do the same with a boy, and although it took you a moment to figure it out, you have to be consistent.

[Radu]

I would apply the same rules. Why should your 19 year old be an exception because she is gay? Bottom line is that its a one on one, intimate and physical relationship and if you wouldn't allow a boy to stay over while you were gone, you shouldn't allow your 19 year olds girlfriend.

 

 

This ... though to be honest, if i were a father of a teenage girl i would feel more comfortable with the sleepover of her girlfriend [romantic ... not platonic] than with the sleepover of her boyfriend [also romantic].

That's because i know she won't get pregnant from another girl.

 

My parents applied double standards, only in reverse.

HS dance when i was 18, i had to be home by 8 in the evening, and they used the fact that i had a cellphone [new thing in 2000] to bug me the whole 3hs i was there.

Just a few yrs later, my sister was allowed to stay till 2 in morning, in a disco with much worse reputation.

When i first pointed out the hypochrisy of it, they said i remembered wrong [and did this for quite a while]; eventually they admitted to it, but i got the 'get over it already' speech.

 

Always have the same set of rules for both kids, the above example might seem stupid but it simply jogged my memories with other cases where there were 2 sets of rules for us and the fact that they refused to admit it for so long is what caused a fracture in my relationship with them.

Edited December 20, 2012 by Radu

[Gunny376]

Simple!

 

Two Words!

 

(1) R-E-S-P-E-C-T

 

(2) T-A-C-T

 

They both mean the same things? They're simple!

 

1. Talk to me, treat me, ask me, respect me, as though I were you! Think as I would if I were you? Think about me! Think about my feelings! Think about my back-ground! Think about how much I love you! Think how about much I care about you! Think about me!

 

Think about how much I cherish you! What you mean to me?

[shoesies05]

I think that so long as you can trust that your daughter will be honest with you about whether or not she is in a platonic or romantic relationship with a girl that sleep overs don't need to be banned overall... but I didn't know too many 19 year olds that had sleep overs unless it's because they were going out all night or something.

 

So i would say don't let her let this girl sleep over because it's a romantic relationship and you don't approve of it... she probably will understand. If not- she will someday hopefully.

[Wolfcub]

But why wouldn't you allow either one of your daughters to have their friends overnight once they are over 18? Its legal, its fun. If you don't allow them in the house, they will go elsewhere. Do you think it will be better for any of the involved - girls, girlfriends, boyfriends, you? Better make sure they know all about safety - including choice of reliable friends, safe sex, etc. Gay or straight, they grow up. As long as that friend is acceptable as a personality, I see no reason why you should oppose. If its somebody to whom you wouldn't trust a dead fly, then certainly, do protest and explain your daughters why.