Im sick of hearing the past is the past

[DarrenK]

I might also add that you are picking the wrong people. In any relationship there are red flags. If you choose to ignore them, it's on you. Liars cheaters, abusers, always send us red flags.

 

We choose to ignore them though. You just pretended they weren't there and now you don't want to take responsibility for the fact that you ignored obvious red flags.

 

The past is the past. Now learn from it, stop being bitter, and pay attention to red flags.

So you attack me ?? Tell me there were red flags???iasked the right questions I treated her right I loved her was honest!!so what would you say to her? I'm curious what would you say to her ....?i don't care what you say I didn't deserve this and I tried to avoid women like her for years I tried to marry someone with values and morals of love sexuality .i was an AMAZING man husband father step father foster dad !!so don't flip this on me and say I need help ive been to 2 indavigule counselers and 1 marriage counseler and guess what they all said to leave her she had no right to treat me so bad and to lie! So no what ...I'm the bad guy because I post to adults online for advise ? I seem upset because I feel judged for being sad and upset? Of course I'm upset I've spent years with this women and stayed faithful and was treated horrible but in your eyes I'm the guy that's to blame.

[Got it]

So you attack me ?? Tell me there were red flags???iasked the right questions I treated her right I loved her was honest!!so what would you say to her? I'm curious what would you say to her ....?i don't care what you say I didn't deserve this and I tried to avoid women like her for years I tried to marry someone with values and morals of love sexuality .i was an AMAZING man husband father step father foster dad !!so don't flip this on me and say I need help ive been to 2 indavigule counselers and 1 marriage counseler and guess what they all said to leave her she had no right to treat me so bad and to lie! So no what ...I'm the bad guy because I post to adults online for advise ? I seem upset because I feel judged for being sad and upset? Of course I'm upset I've spent years with this women and stayed faithful and was treated horrible but in your eyes I'm the guy that's to blame.

 

Darren. Stop. Why do you feel the need to give a tirade to defend yourself? If you don't agree, then you don't agree. You don't need to justify yourself especially to someone on the internet.

 

You are allowing others' opinions to deeply affect you and you have control over that. I can tell you that you are really six legged boogeyman. Does that make it true? But I declared it as a fact!

 

Stop, breath, and look at the responses analytically. You are trying to solve a problem not win a popularity contest. You know the saying about opinions and a**holes? Well it is tenfold on the internet.

 

Take what you need from the posts and leave the rest. You are expelling so much energy into strangers.

 

Based on everything that is posted, how is help with you reconciling your mind and your heart on what to do? Do you have a next step? Do you currently have an IC to walk you through this right now. I think that would be a great immediate next step for you.

[stillafool]

Hey to those that continue to say past is past to me and say I had no right to know .......here's a few more details I found out !she slept with a known gang member and he sold drugs and carries a gun at times I saw pictures of him and friends throwing gang sighns and in pictures with her kids !!!!yeah her kids were around him 6 months before me got clamitia from him! And stayed friends she also had a one night stand with a drug dealer and she ****ed him with her kids and dad visiting down stairs ??! And guess what this guys now in jail for rapeing 10 women !! And CNN did a story ABOUT HIM !!not a troll I swear I will post link if don't believe !!so really past is past!!!I should just look past these lies and disgusting behaviors

 

No! and it is clear you won't look past them. What I am wondering is why do you still sleep with her? Why don't you sleep on the sofa if you find her so disgusting?

Edited January 20, 2013 by stillafool

[stillafool]

So you attack me ?? Tell me there were red flags???iasked the right questions I treated her right I loved her was honest!!so what would you say to her? I'm curious what would you say to her ....?i don't care what you say I didn't deserve this and I tried to avoid women like her for years I tried to marry someone with values and morals of love sexuality .i was an AMAZING man husband father step father foster dad !!so don't flip this on me and say I need help ive been to 2 indavigule counselers and 1 marriage counseler and guess what they all said to leave her she had no right to treat me so bad and to lie! So no what ...I'm the bad guy because I post to adults online for advise ? I seem upset because I feel judged for being sad and upset? Of course I'm upset I've spent years with this women and stayed faithful and was treated horrible but in your eyes I'm the guy that's to blame.

 

If you've been to two counselors who told you to leave her why haven't you done so? If you continue on like this with your wife you won't have to worry about leaving her, she will leave you. There is only so much she can take. She cannot go back and change her past. You are going to have to accept what she has done and forgive her and move on if you still want your marriage. Sooner or later your wife will get tired and realize you are never going to forgive her for what she did before she met you and it would be best for her to move on and find happiness elsewhere.

[Nyla]

So you attack me ?? Tell me there were red flags???iasked the right questions I treated her right I loved her was honest!!so what would you say to her? I'm curious what would you say to her ....?i don't care what you say I didn't deserve this and I tried to avoid women like her for years I tried to marry someone with values and morals of love sexuality .i was an AMAZING man husband father step father foster dad !!so don't flip this on me and say I need help ive been to 2 indavigule counselers and 1 marriage counseler and guess what they all said to leave her she had no right to treat me so bad and to lie! So no what ...I'm the bad guy because I post to adults online for advise ? I seem upset because I feel judged for being sad and upset? Of course I'm upset I've spent years with this women and stayed faithful and was treated horrible but in your eyes I'm the guy that's to blame.

 

SO LEAVE YOUR WIFE. Why are you torturing yourself?

[DarrenK]

If you've been to two counselors who told you to leave her why haven't you done so? If you continue on like this with your wife you won't have to worry about leaving her, she will leave you. There is only so much she can take. She cannot go back and change her past. You are going to have to accept what she has done and forgive her and move on if you still want your marriage. Sooner or later your wife will get tired and realize you are never going to forgive her for what she did before she met you and it would be best for her to move on and find happiness elsewhere.

 

Well thank you for you advice and I just want to point out this is not just about what she did "before'" its about how she treated me and was emotionally abusive ,crule,unsexual,and admits this all. I am seriously considering leaving and trying to find someone that's a better match and would treat me better.I would also say where do you get off saying she will leave me?lol I will say this again I'm still very respectful to her and am a great husband I'm just hurting inside .

[Nyla]

DarrenK, my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry that you are being abused on top of having to deal with the turmoil of being deceived.

 

It would make sense to leave your wife in this situation, but I know that is easier said than done.

 

Is your wife open to IC and MC? Are you?

[sarah.H]

First she know early on that OP was a good man with values and was a great catch and hansom if I do say so and she wanted the dream guy if you will .

 

Problem is he would not have chosen her if she was honest .that's so wrong on many levels .if I was him or if my husband dropped this bomb on me id leave him and find someone that's honest kids or no kids. I'm a women and I say women that lie don't take responsibility for there actions don't need forgiveness they need to be single .

[DarrenK]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TripperX

Look at your first line: You are tired of this subject.

Then quit posting about it.

 

And if by all the sluts (your wife) leaving those of you with values alone...keep in mind you chose her!

 

Your constant rambling on the subject would give one the impression you are not tired of it....maybe even obsessing over it? Keep out of the psychology books and websites.

At this point it would appear you have some sort of mental issue and should seek help.

 

You come across as insecure, a inferiority complex, immature and of low education as you seem the have problems with spelling in all of your posts.

 

And BTW......I'm sure we all buy just how handsome you are

 

 

 

Lol here we go again another hater attacking me for judging but your doing the same thing and I'm not surprised you don't care about numbers !your most likely a promiscuous guy that's been around the block and could careless.

 

 

As for me no I'm not a hypocrite and I have morals I value love and relationship .and here's a picture of me you can judge if I'm some ugly dude as you claim?http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/...ps3abd576d.jpg

 

 

I get angry because people always attack the victim .

Let me lay this out for you I did not dig for details I actulluy was drilled by her on my past she said she was cheated on several times and she was worried I was the player type based on my looks and attention from women but I was not like that .i answered honestly and treated her amazing for years ..

 

 

I fell in love with her based on LIES she told me everything she could to get me interested in her she lied and lied and lied some more about everything not just sex.she hid money she talked to ex **** buddies behind my back she added men on Facebook she used to fu%# but insisted I never have female friends or talk to women she stopped having sex ,started treating me horrible ,I had three surgeries on my larynx and was never there to help me out during that.

 

 

I spent my entire adult life trying to be a good dude that respected women.

I didn't sleep around I only had sex with those I truly cared for .i still remember her talking trash about girls that slept around and how "they were trashy"those are her words !she said she slept with ten guys I was ok with that it seemed reasonible .she also said she never did one night stands ,she said she never did lesbian things or 3 ways 'she stated "those people that do that have no values in themselves "these are her words !lol

 

 

So heres the real truth!she admitted to at least 25+guys she had 3 ways .orgies,two men in same night,screwing a guy in the ass with a dildo!!eating a women out,having sex with men that were 30 when she was 16'screwing a young kid just to take his virginity ,giving blow jobs to guys she barly knew,getting chlamydia 3times!!!dating and marrying a gang member ,lieing to him to have kids saying she could not get pregnet because of a disease she had!

 

 

She dated drug dealers ,gang members ,drug addicts ,she was involved in money scams ,arrested for lying to police hindering prosecution ,she slept with engaged,and guys with girlfriends in the other women's bed!

She even took me on my birthday to the Restaurant where we met and knowingly had a guy she used to screw be our waiter !!i had no clue I went there a few times she never said a thing!!..?

Bottom line she lied for her own selfish needs as she did her entire life of course I'm upset knowing I adopted her kids raised them as my own ,provided for her ,love ,kindness ,faithfulness ,I wanted true love I want a happy marriage ,I put up with her dis functional family,drugs,meth,let her family live in my house to help them,I gave my all for years because I believed she was like me and valued love,sex,relationship,

 

 

I can just say this I did absolutly nothing wrong and I'm not in the wrong for being angry or hurt! I wanted a classy girl a love story not Jerry springer .

 

• Share
  
  • 
    
  • [/url]
    
  • 
    
  • 
    
  • 
    
  • 
    
  • 
    

[Nyla]

I think your wife's history of criminality is even more troubling than her promiscuity.

 

What are you going to do about this situation?

[DarrenK]

I think your wife's history of criminality is even more troubling than her promiscuity.

 

What are you going to do about this situation?

 

I respect your opinion but for me the sexual history personally hurts much worse .

Sex to me is a special bond not something to just throw around ...

And she has scaring from multiple stds which affects our sex life can't have deep penatration .and I get these images of all these multiple guys inside her it does not feel good knowing these disgusting gang members shared her body as I do

 

Its simple she had the right to do what she wanted with who she wanted but I had the right to know ..not a fairy tail so she could get what she wanted .

 

Answer to your question .I'm going to try to pick up the peaces of my heart and be the best dad I can be and. Move on in my life ..leave divorce most likely because I don't want to hurt this bad anymore ..or her and the kids

 

With love and respect ..sincerely darren

[KungFuJoe]

I respect your opinion but for me the sexual history personally hurts much worse .

Sex to me is a special bond not something to just throw around ...

And she has scaring from multiple stds which affects our sex life can't have deep penatration .and I get these images of all these multiple guys inside her it does not feel good knowing these disgusting gang members shared her body as I do

 

Its simple she had the right to do what she wanted with who she wanted but I had the right to know ..not a fairy tail so she could get what she wanted .

 

Answer to your question .I'm going to try to pick up the peaces of my heart and be the best dad I can be and. Move on in my life ..leave divorce most likely because I don't want to hurt this bad anymore ..or her and the kids

 

With love and respect ..sincerely darren

 

You're going to stay with her?

[Nyla]

I respect your opinion but for me the sexual history personally hurts much worse .

Sex to me is a special bond not something to just throw around ...

And she has scaring from multiple stds which affects our sex life can't have deep penatration .and I get these images of all these multiple guys inside her it does not feel good knowing these disgusting gang members shared her body as I do

 

Its simple she had the right to do what she wanted with who she wanted but I had the right to know ..not a fairy tail so she could get what she wanted .

 

Answer to your question .I'm going to try to pick up the peaces of my heart and be the best dad I can be and. Move on in my life ..leave divorce most likely because I don't want to hurt this bad anymore ..or her and the kids

 

With love and respect ..sincerely darren

 

If I was so scarred from STI's that my husband could not penetrate deeply, he would have left me.

 

Please get tested; even condoms do not protect against everything.

 

Our morals determine what is most reprehensible to us.

 

If I was single, I would date a man who was promiscuous in the past (not present) over a criminal any day.