How do you know when to walk away?

[lostlostinlove]

My SO and I have been together for coming up on three years. We are 8 1/2 years apart in age, which has never gotten in the way previously. Our most obvious differences lie in the way we were raised. I was raised in a family with 6 children, of which I am the youngest, with a mother who sometimes struggled to keep food on the table. My mother has since remarried and doing quite well, but those childhood years formed much of the person I am today.

 

He was raised in an obscenely wealthy family. He did not have large amounts of money for which he was responsible until recently. His grandfather passed away a few years back and left much of his vast fortune to his children and grandchildren. When he and I first met, he had already had this money and seemed to be handling it quite responsibly.

 

Fast forward a few years. I understood why when all this money was dropped on his lap, he decided to take some time to sort out what to do with it, and what to do with his life. I was patient. But now, three years later, I still have an unemployed boyfriend. Not only is he unemployed, but he is becoming lazy. We fight about this relatively often. I am an extremely driven individual. I know this is most of the reason he even fell in love with me. But I'm getting sick of being in a relationship with someone who is a glorified/rich deadbeat essentially. He sits at home and plays video games.

 

Being a hard working individual pursuing a degree in Physics, I keep myself busy. Which means I am usually never able to accompany my SO on his many trips. Trips that I suppose, I thought I might get used to? But now they just make me mad. They are NEVER necessary, purely for enjoyment. Example: I finally finished exams and we arranged a ski trip, wanting to be home in time for Christmas festivities (aka yesterday). Apparently that trip was not enough. He has forgone all Christmas festivities we have planned, because he felt like taking ANOTHER trip to the SAME place we were just at with some of his buddies. We got home yesterday, they left today.

 

I only get 2 weeks off classes, is it too much to ask for some time? His rebuttal is that he always spends time with me, yet you will hear nobody complain as much as him when I get swamped with coursework, saying "I SEE you, but you're always busy, I never get any quality time".

 

All those frustrations being aired, he is also my best friend. We laugh like I have never laughed with anyone (he get's my dry sense of humor), we are so compatible in so many ways. He is so supportive of my dreams, and loves me like I never thought I would be loved. But it is clear to see that that is not enough. My relationship is falling apart, and I have to decide whether it's just too big of an ambition gap?

 

Extremely lost. Opinions greatly appreciated.

[oldshirt]

If you are a golddigger who doesn't care about the person but just wants the money and lifestyle you will be fine with him untill the money runs out and then you'll just walk away from him like water rolling off a ducks back. A golddigger will walk away when the money is gone regardless of decent, hardworking, ambitious and dedicated a man is.

 

If you are an honest woman and care about the person and want to have a real relationship, you will be unable to respect and admire a man who does nothing but lives off the resources provided by someone else. And women can't be attracted to or desire men who they have no respect or admiration for so the relationship flounders regardless of how much money is actually in the bank.

 

Own your standards and don't be afraid to make people earn your respect. Money comes into and flows out of people's lives day by day. Character (or the lack there of ) is something that is often permanant.

[NervisPervis]

I can GUARANTEE that he would be FLOORED to hear that you wrote a post on a relationship website asking people when to leave him. I know, I know... you've "told him 100 times" how you feel. I know. I know... you've TOLD HIM 100 times that you will leave him if he doesn't shape up. I know, partly because I've been on these websites for a few years myself and have seen it many, many times.

 

But mainly, I know because I was FLOORED when I found out MY wife had checked out of the marriage years before, never to return. I knew what her issues were. I knew VERY well what her issues were. But you know what? The bad was a miniscule % of the time we were together. But besides that, she was also my best friend. We laugh like I have never laughed with anyone (she get's my dry sense of humor), we are so compatible in so many ways.

 

Make SURE he knows what your issues are. Write it down. Talk about it. WHEN he doesn't change, leave him. Let him know you will consider taking him back if he changes. If he doesn't, it was time to leave anyhow it sounds like.

 

Almost all husbands of walk-aways are FLOORED when the wife leaves. And unfortunately, it's too late for them to come back once they do (we don't change, don't you know that?). Well. I DID change. There is NO WAY I will ever partake in behavior that caused the destruction of my marriage. NO WAY. Yes, my marriage is already over. But I will not be the kind of man that acts that way again. NEVER. It's too late for me. Probably is for you as well. But if you want to build this man up to the man you think he should be, the man he CAN be, you need to tear him down first. Thinking he's lost you will do it.

 

Good luck.