Author number122 Posted April 25, 2013 Author Share Posted April 25, 2013 Geez what a brutal couple of months that had to be. I think you saw it coming all along just didnt want to believe it, we never do. She was young and that definitely played a factor here. I think she cared for you but is not really sure what love is yet. The things you did for her.... that next man has a hell of a mountain to climb. I think you did the right thing by ending things, she wanted out and you loved her enough to let her go to be happy. It ended on a good note, respects for that. We definitely have to cut out any kind of physical or virtual contact. I didnt do this at first and it nearly killed me. They seem to go on like nothing... I think she needs to grow up a lot in order to be ready for the things you have to offer and to give you the things you want and need. Im sorry to hear about this dude it is similar to what I went through, its not easy and I have changed a lot emotionally. But im trying not to become that cold person. People say I have a good heart and I see you do too, we have to keep putting good out there man and one day good will come to us. (I hope) Best of luck, be strong, and take care! Hell of a mountain? And I didn't even mention any of the programs/gifts/smallthings/care/support/etc I've done for her. This was my first relationship which I took very seriously. She was the first woman I loved this deep. Well **** happens... Cutting out all contact is a bit hard, since sometimes I saw my other friends liking her facebook posts (even though I didn't follow her anymore) and it hurts quite a bit... Well maybe the fact that I'm working abroad, totally alone and deviod of any kind of connection (friends, partying etc etc) is taking it's toll on me. Life is hard for now, but I hope it will improve. Oh and one more thing? Not becoming a cold person? Well that will be the hardest of all I think... Link to post Share on other sites
Author number122 Posted May 1, 2013 Author Share Posted May 1, 2013 Okay, another update! So today she liked my tumblr posts, rebloged em then I received a message from tumblr that she follows me now, while she was following me from the beginning... and now I don't see her in my followers list. I did unfollow her when we BU. For some reason this unsettled me very much. Still NC, she didn't contact me since that e-mail. From now it seems she ceased any contact she had with me too. Is it for the best? I don't know, hopefully, but I still miss her very much. I wonder when these feelings will disappear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author number122 Posted May 6, 2013 Author Share Posted May 6, 2013 This will not be an update, rather a question. So... Me and few of my friends play a certain online game. Sometimes she played with us too. The problem is she can see me, text me in the game. Will she do it? I don't know, but the thought only makes me shiver. Oh and she sent a message to tumblr (I don't follow her): "Our relationship is comical. We only stalk each other, but that's all.. :D" Basicly this.Okay... WHAT relationship? We broke up, she dumped me while crying that she wants to be friends and such. I was the one who said the final words (after she cried for 1,5 hours, telling me how bad she feels, how much guilt she has etc etc), but we broke up, because she has totally cold on me(does not loves me, but 'likes' me and doesn't feel the spark anymore) and ignored me, while going out with new friends/people. She made me do this whole thing. What the heck is this? Does her mind not realize that she dumped me?! And I "stalk" her? Okay, I done a test with myself how much I'm healed and viewed her tumblr page and reblogged a few pictures I liked. I still don't follow her though. (thing is I couldn't bear much longer watching her tumblr so I quit right after a few pictures...still need more nc) So the chance that she would contact me in the game is high. Ignore her flatline? She can still write to me even if I delete her from the friends list. What to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 Dude, if you're seeing her tweets and tumblr posts, then you are NOT in NC. NC means completely dark. Blocking her on Facebook, figuring out a way not to see her tweets and DEFINITELY not be in a game where she's at. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author number122 Posted May 28, 2013 Author Share Posted May 28, 2013 Okay, I don't see her tumblr posts, tweet (she even made it protected, which she didn't do before). A few weeks ago, one of her friends wrote an e-mail too me, we were talking about small stuff, but then she asked that why I am not talking to her and she would gladly hear from me. (and for her it was natural that after such a long time we would still continue to talk) I answered that I need to be in NC now, not to mention I'm busy with my life and furthermore I told her that I'll cease contact with her so she knew what would happen. Not to mention that men don't change that fast emotionally (with almost 3 years of hard investment into her..I know that was a mistake..). After we only talked about small stuff (what happened to me, what am I doing etc). Now I do realize that she was only used for a communication-port or waccsamacallit in English. However NC remained (not full NC, because I can see her liking/commenting at my friends posts). She only wrote that one breadcrumb e-mail at the beginning, since then it's nothing. Sometimes I still see her on my FB when my friends like her/reblog her posts and such, but the impact is not that great anymore. (it still hurts though). She has completly moved on, found new friends, a guy who can make photos of her (she cosplays), an another guy who plays online with her (a cosplay guy, I know him too) etc etc. Do I care? Yes, a little, but it's fading. It's only two months, but I can feel I'm healing slowly. Slowly, but surely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 N1222, I'm glad you are healing - it is interesting to read your whole progression and the only comment I can say is that everything she did and all her actions were completely indicative of being a woman/child, as I indicated. She is NINETEEN and you wanted or hoped for the actions of a mature adult - something she is clearly not capable of yet. I think you will see - in a few years - just how much of a bullet you dodged when/if you start dating someone your own age. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Sometimes I still see her on my FB when my friends like her/reblog her posts and such, but the impact is not that great anymore. (it still hurts though). She has completly moved on, found new friends, a guy who can make photos of her (she cosplays), an another guy who plays online with her (a cosplay guy, I know him too) etc etc. Do I care? Yes, a little, but it's fading. It's only two months, but I can feel I'm healing slowly. Slowly, but surely. Hey, do what works for you. She's probably not bugging you because you never blocked her on Facebook. She can keep track of what's going on in your life, see your pics and read your status updates. She's even "liked" a few things on your wall. However, you can see hers too! Which would explain why you know about other guys and the guy she cosplays with and her hanging with your friends...You're TECHNICALLY not in NC. True, you're not communicating with her directly, but you know everything that's going on in her life for the most part. And that's not NC. That's probably why you're healing slowly. But, do what works for you.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author number122 Posted May 28, 2013 Author Share Posted May 28, 2013 Hey, do what works for you. She's probably not bugging you because you never blocked her on Facebook. She can keep track of what's going on in your life, see your pics and read your status updates. She's even "liked" a few things on your wall. However, you can see hers too! Which would explain why you know about other guys and the guy she cosplays with and her hanging with your friends...You're TECHNICALLY not in NC. True, you're not communicating with her directly, but you know everything that's going on in her life for the most part. And that's not NC. That's probably why you're healing slowly. But, do what works for you.... Hm...she does not liked anything on my wall, only on my friends wall. Furthermore during this two months there was only two occasion where her posts got reblogged by my friends. It's a good test to see how I can react (or more like how will I not! ). Dodged a bullet, probably. Usually kids like these are unable to make a happy family, as "taught" by their parents. We shall see. Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Well, no offense man but if I had a 16 year old dating a 24 year old I'd do what I could as a parent to talk her out of the relationship too.... Also, it's not likely that she's as over you as you think. People make posts and comments to try and convince themselves that they're doing better than they are. But, in the end, it doesn't really matter how she's progressing, only you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author number122 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 Well, no offense man but if I had a 16 year old dating a 24 year old I'd do what I could as a parent to talk her out of the relationship too.... Also, it's not likely that she's as over you as you think. People make posts and comments to try and convince themselves that they're doing better than they are. But, in the end, it doesn't really matter how she's progressing, only you. I think it was over for her since December or even more back. (She said back then that her turning point was somehere last summer) She doesn't post much, and about her mother convincing her/saying many times "that ye, he was the FIRST man to love you this deeply", I can understand some reason, but I don't she cared that much who she was involved with. (even said it to me) OH well, no use dwelling on the past. I can only hope that I've learned and gained an adequate ammount of experience from this relationship so the next one will be even better. (If I can find a good woman...I'm actually very picky.. ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author number122 Posted June 19, 2013 Author Share Posted June 19, 2013 Another update. Three months have passed almost, I don't see her anywhere now, although I didn't block her in FB. I wrote a post to something yesterday and she replied by helping and giving me link to some info. I thanked her, and that was it. Nothing else happened. I was only a little stirred up, I still remember her, but it started to fade out completly.. Sometimes I miss her, sometimes I hate her, I think she cheated on me, but then I conclude she didn't and I start to miss her again, but these cycles starts to be less and less frequent.. maybe once a week now? Recently I started to talk to/meet with girls and I realized a few things. First their "levels" are waay below me or my ex, and I don't sugarcoat it. I spot an extreme ammount of "faults" now, which would only bring issues into a LTR... It's not hard to find a date...but it's really hard to find a woman who's worth the chase and their "level" is close to mine... Maybe I'm picky, maybe I'm unlucky, I dunno. Anyway, I'm healing. Slowly, but surely. Only God knows how long will this take... Link to post Share on other sites
Author number122 Posted June 25, 2013 Author Share Posted June 25, 2013 (edited) Hm... I need advice once again... There will be a huge event soon, a cosplay con, where I usually go to take photos (since it's my hobby)...however there's a 100% chance that my ex will be there.. AND in the afternoon I'll have to go to one of my good friends wedding which starts from 5PM.. So to summarize: - Rare chance to make some good photos of cosplayers - Ex will be there - Will have a wedding shooting afternoon - Have to buy ticket now or forget the whole thing - I could spend 2-4 hours there...roughly... - It's a good chance to meet up with other people and the models I've been talking with! So I'm thinking whether I should go there or leave the whole thing and go next year... Edited June 25, 2013 by number122 Link to post Share on other sites
Bozena Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 I am sorry to tell you that your relationship is over unless she doesn't find a better guy than you. Don't take seriously the crying part. She just wants you to break up and don't lose you as a friend. And that is all. Just break up with her and tell her that she cannot have everything both your friendship and not being with you because you cannot be with her as a friend since you have feelings for her. And then just leave her. Spoiled little girls always chase the guys that they cannot have. I think this is the only way that leaves a possibility of having her. Otherwise she will just dump you because she will find another guy that will provide the spark that she wants just now. I am a woman at my 30s and this is my only experience that I can give you, based on the psychology and the interactions with a lot of my friends (girls). Link to post Share on other sites
Author number122 Posted June 25, 2013 Author Share Posted June 25, 2013 (edited) I am sorry to tell you that your relationship is over unless she doesn't find a better guy than you. Don't take seriously the crying part. She just wants you to break up and don't lose you as a friend. And that is all. Just break up with her and tell her that she cannot have everything both your friendship and not being with you because you cannot be with her as a friend since you have feelings for her. And then just leave her. Spoiled little girls always chase the guys that they cannot have. I think this is the only way that leaves a possibility of having her. Otherwise she will just dump you because she will find another guy that will provide the spark that she wants just now. I am a woman at my 30s and this is my only experience that I can give you, based on the psychology and the interactions with a lot of my friends (girls). Erm..thank you, but you are 3 months late? I've already broken up with her (basicly she broke up with me, but I put the dot on the 'i'). Oh and she doesn't chase me, nothing at all. She found plenty of other guys who talk/play/makephotos of her in my stead. I've learned that girls feelings are worth nothing in terms of accountability. They are "built" like that. I'm asking whether I should attend an event where the chance that I'll meet her is quite high. Edited June 25, 2013 by number122 Link to post Share on other sites
Bozena Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Oh sorry! Probably I skipped some pages. well yes if she found another guys it was more than obvious that she would have done that. But she broke up with you. If you had done it first then you might have some chances. Well if you feel that you are ok and that you won't have problem being in the same place with her then why not? If you feel that this might be a step backwards then don't. But if you really haven't any problem at all, I guess you wouldn't have asked. So if you still have doubts then you then it might be better not to attend. But on the other hand why to lose this chance if you like the event? Do you feel like if you see her your mood will be ruined? Link to post Share on other sites
sweetkiwi Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 I've learned that girls feelings are worth nothing in terms of accountability. They are "built" like that. Great guy right here. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 That's the thing. She doesn't want to break up, but I don't know it's worthvile to continue. She no longer feels an emotional attatchment to you (beyond friendship). You don't think she wants to break up?? She might not feel comfortable without you as a security blanket but in that case you're just a placeholder until someone comes along that does does feel that missing spark with. I mean both of us do care for each other (note: she always said that I do love her more she does me) and it is I who tries to hold things together. So I'm a little confused. She doesn't want to break up, but she doesn't do anything to keep me. She does want to break up. I don't know anyone who has ever wanted to continue dating someone who has become their bro. Link to post Share on other sites
HopelessRomantick Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 She's getting everything she wants. You're not. God i wish i had a man that would travel every mouth across the world just to see me!!!! She obviously doesn't appreciate you. Its up to you what to do now. Not her. Why do you let her call all the shots? Why not leave, heal, and move on? SweetKiwi... They're out there for sure. And I'm one of them. But LDR's are extremely difficult and often fail. I had a 3yr LDR with a filipino woman that I met on a business trip. I had gone there often and fell in love with the country and culture. I visited her not once, not twice, but many times in a year [mind you it's at least 19 hours flying time] and we hoped to one day be able to physically live our lives and grow old together. 11 months later, still broken-hearted as she is now in a relationship of which I understand is physically abusive to her. Sad... Link to post Share on other sites
Author number122 Posted June 26, 2013 Author Share Posted June 26, 2013 Great guy right here. That was too harsh, I know. But you can't deny that fact. Even you probably experienced it. They change their feelings and opinions like nothing and FAST. This was not the first time, nor the last one I guess. Just learn to live with it that one day even the sweetest, cutest loyal girlfriend/wife will stand in front of you and say "I'm not in love with you anymore.". Link to post Share on other sites
Author number122 Posted July 21, 2013 Author Share Posted July 21, 2013 It's almost 4 months of NC now and I'm still so hurt. Went to my best friends wedding and it kinda torn my heart apart, thinking of her. Although I'm not thinking about her at all in these days (trying to move her out of my brain), but a friends friends just started talking to me all of sudden about she heard how my ex expected me to "fight for her" and how should I have "went back to her". Odd, nonetheless. Anyway, my heart still cringe from the pain when I think about her, or when something reaches my ear. I expected that after a few months I would be better, but not yet it seems. I wonder how more do I need, how long this will keep up. I'm kinda getting fed up with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author number122 Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 (edited) Once again I need advice. I feel kinda down, these recent days. I'm finally home, but I'm not happy somehow. My ex memories keeps bugging me. There was that event where everyone takes photos of others, and I keep seeing her somehow. (she isn't tagged in the photos) I was thinking of talking to her so we can friends again, but I dunno if it's a good idea. Would it solve it? Would my soul be finally at peace? I don't view her as a romantic interest anymore, but somehow it still hurts, when I see her. NC doesn't seem to be working anymore. She would gladly accept I think....but she didn't contact me since then, probably doesn't care about it much, she was the type that didn't care about others if it wasn't benefical to her some way. My life is in order now, I "built" myself up once again, but this little thing is still inside me. I wonder what should I do to finally release this stress from my heart. Edited July 23, 2013 by number122 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Once again I need advice. I feel kinda down, these recent days. I'm finally home, but I'm not happy somehow. My ex memories keeps bugging me. There was that event where everyone takes photos of others, and I keep seeing her somehow. (she isn't tagged in the photos) I was thinking of talking to her so we can friends again, but I dunno if it's a good idea. Would it solve it? Would my soul be finally at peace? I don't view her as a romantic interest anymore, but somehow it still hurts, when I see her. NC doesn't seem to be working anymore. She would gladly accept I think....but she didn't contact me since then, probably doesn't care about it much, she was the type that didn't care about others if it wasn't benefical to her some way. My life is in order now, I "built" myself up once again, but this little thing is still inside me. I wonder what should I do to finally release this stress from my heart. Stay NC. Dont open that can of worms. Cav Link to post Share on other sites
Author number122 Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 (edited) I ate a huge dinner, drank 1L of water... and I feel fine! The urge to meet my ex has totally gone..I was hungry it seems... Gotta love being a guy, I thank thee heavens! (okay, that was a joke, but I really feel fine now. ) So stay NC? Basicly if she doesn't want anything from me, then suck it up princess? Edited July 23, 2013 by number122 Link to post Share on other sites
HopelessRomantick Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I suggest NC too... You say you can be "friends" with her... Imagine this and then answer that question: You see her with a man who is her boyfriend, they are holding hands perhaps even arms around each other. They turn to each other and kiss. Do you feel indifferent? Or do you feel even the slightest bit of jealously or heartache? If you can't feel 100% indifferent then you cannot be friends with her. Simple as that... Hang in there and continue NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author number122 Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 Okay, I'll remain NC. We shall see what the future brings! Link to post Share on other sites
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