Els Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 Yep! We broke up about a month after that. He has a new girlfriend now, but he treated his x wife the same way he treated me, and so I doubt he'll be any different with this new one. I feel sorry for her, because he really brings very little to the table and expects the world from his partners. :-( The only really good thing that came out of that was that it helped me establish my own personal deal breakers. My husband isn't a perfect man, but he has a generous soul when it comes to me and the baby and is always doing things to make my life easier. I completely agree. Personally, I think 'he cares about me and shows it' should be the top of anyone's list of 'requirements'. I don't understand how some people can have a laundry list of height, career, money, physique, etc.. and ignore this very important bit. The bf is not perfect, and we have had some incompatibilities and conflicts of our own, but seeing how much he cares for me (often to the extent of putting my needs above his own) has made all that inconsequential. Link to post Share on other sites
CarboniteCammy Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 For me, that was definitely one of the big ways I filtered out the boyfriends from my husband. The boyfriends didn't have a family mentality- it was, "me, gotta take care of myself, gotta buy some video games to amuse myself, need some beer, don't want to do anything when I get home, not ready to committ, not ready to get a real job," etc etc. Always something holding them back, ya know? No real direction, not sure who they were going to be as men, etc. My husband takes responsibility for who he is as a person and the decisions that he makes, and he feels like it is his *job* to take care of me and the baby. That's what I was looking for. Someone who was going to take my wellbeing as seriously as they took their own so that we could prosper as a unit and love each other forever. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 I think $550 is pretty excessive, unless it was a rare onetime gift like an iPad or camera or something. And even then I'd probably make it a Christmas/Birthday combo present. We usually end up spending about $200 at Christmas. This year my husband got me a kindle but the gift I liked even more were my stocking stuffers which were mostly inexpensive but he did a REALLY good job! A new magnetic notepad for grocery lists because ours is almost done, silver hoop earrings because I mentioned I lost one somewhere in the house a couple weeks ago, hair elastics because I've broken mine & have been using scrunchies, big box of Nerds (which I usually get him & then eat myself lol), a sparkly necklace to wear on our future "dates" in the backyard with our new fire pit... See where I'm going with this?? Link to post Share on other sites
Almond_Joy Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 I was ready to chime in and say he's cheap too, but someone brought up he may spend on his son which is important to note, I think. Does he spend a lot on his son or get his son things often? If he does, but doesn't make much like you said he may be placing a higher priority on his son. I wouldn't see that as selfish....maybe an adjustment of resource allocation would be in order but if he's looking after his son before his own living expenses how selfish is he really? My first bf was like that - spotty income, but always spending his money on his kids and friends in need. Would end up coming to me to pay bills and depending on family for room and board. The guy made money but just never kept it to take care of himself. He was by no means selfish, but his priorities were not in line with mine. Tell him you want to go half on ALL bills, not just rent. It sounds like he's ready to pull his weight when you bring it up. If you're getting mad because he only does it when you ask....well, that's just the way he is. Can't change that. Either it's a deal breaker or it's not. Good luck, Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Have you changed anything about this situation yet? Link to post Share on other sites
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