Work-Life Balance?

[Samara11]

Hello everyone,

I'm wondering.. with some jobs, is a work-life balance actually possible??

 

I have a very stressful full-time job. I work as a school psychologist in 2 schools in a very high-powered, wealthy school district with demanding parents and high-achieving kids.. this is my first full-time job out of grad school and there's a VERY steep learning curve. I've been struggling to even do my basic tasks, all while trying to be someone who is seen as dependable and knowledgeable. Not to mention, I have a commute of 1 1/2 hours home everyday.

 

I live with my fiance. We moved to this area about 5 months ago.. He also works full-time and commutes. We have no social life whatsoever. On weekends, we go grocery shopping, do laundry, watch movies, and go out to eat. We don't usually have enough energy to see friends or do anything. I have a few friends in this area already, but they never initiate anything, and I'm always too tired to do so..

 

I feel like my job is taking over my life. But, I also feel that it's a rewarding job, and I enjoy it. I wish there was some way to also have a social life, but I don't know how.. I get home at 6 pm every night, and I get to work at around 7:45 am-8, so I'm always too tired to do anything after work. Is this the way everyone lives these days? I know that the economy is still in bad shape...

 

Should I choose a different career? for a while, I've thought about it. My career is inherently extremely stressful and demanding. It has a high burnout rate, as well.. just like teachers. My friendships are suffering, and I feel like I don't do anything except work.. I even take work home on weekends. I don't know what to do.

[Els]

Hello everyone,

I'm wondering.. with some jobs, is a work-life balance actually possible??

 

I have a very stressful full-time job. I work as a school psychologist in 2 schools in a very high-powered, wealthy school district with demanding parents and high-achieving kids.. this is my first full-time job out of grad school and there's a VERY steep learning curve. I've been struggling to even do my basic tasks, all while trying to be someone who is seen as dependable and knowledgeable. Not to mention, I have a commute of 1 1/2 hours home everyday.

 

I live with my fiance. We moved to this area about 5 months ago.. He also works full-time and commutes. We have no social life whatsoever. On weekends, we go grocery shopping, do laundry, watch movies, and go out to eat. We don't usually have enough energy to see friends or do anything. I have a few friends in this area already, but they never initiate anything, and I'm always too tired to do so..

 

I feel like my job is taking over my life. But, I also feel that it's a rewarding job, and I enjoy it. I wish there was some way to also have a social life, but I don't know how.. I get home at 6 pm every night, and I get to work at around 7:45 am-8, so I'm always too tired to do anything after work. Is this the way everyone lives these days? I know that the economy is still in bad shape...

 

Should I choose a different career? for a while, I've thought about it. My career is inherently extremely stressful and demanding. It has a high burnout rate, as well.. just like teachers. My friendships are suffering, and I feel like I don't do anything except work.. I even take work home on weekends. I don't know what to do.

 

I think it's quite normal to not feel like getting all dressed up and going out for social events when you're back from work on a weekday. That doesn't mean that you necessarily need to let everything else in your life slide. You can give your friend a phone call or text and chat a little, and arrange to meet on the weekend. You can spend a bit of quality time with your SO just lying on the couch and watching TV together. And so on and so forth.

 

That being said, if you are really unhappy with your work stress and feel it might be taking a toll on your mental well-being, it would not hurt to put out feelers for new jobs just to test the waters, while remaining in this one.

[xxoo]

Talk to some colleagues with more years in the job. Does balance get easier after the first year or two?

 

Is there any possibility on cutting down the commute?

 

Do you enjoy your job?

 

I agree with Els that it seems normal to me to put on pjs and crash at the end of the workday. A warm seat next to my love on the couch is all I need. A glass of wine can make it feel like a special occasion

[Ross MwcFan]

I think you should definatley choose a different career.

[Got it]

Are you set on those hours or can you adjust them? I do think that some of this is just adulthood and the early stages of your career. You guys need to discuss what things you want to do and put it into your calendars.

 

It's hard, my friends and I set up "dates" to get together. I am up at 4:45 to get ready and to commute as traffic is awful in my area. I am at work by 7 and work until 5 usually. I have an 1:30 minute commute home, walk the dog, etc. It is hard but it is rewarding.

 

I think you need to look at your career and where do you want it to go? Is this just putting in your time now for a pay off later? Can you switch into private practice for easier hours?

 

It is about prioritizing and time manage. I think I have just gotten used to being tired as an adult. :eek

[newmoon]

Hello everyone,

I'm wondering.. with some jobs, is a work-life balance actually possible??

 

I have a very stressful full-time job. I work as a school psychologist in 2 schools in a very high-powered, wealthy school district with demanding parents and high-achieving kids.. this is my first full-time job out of grad school and there's a VERY steep learning curve. I've been struggling to even do my basic tasks, all while trying to be someone who is seen as dependable and knowledgeable. Not to mention, I have a commute of 1 1/2 hours home everyday.

 

I live with my fiance. We moved to this area about 5 months ago.. He also works full-time and commutes. We have no social life whatsoever. On weekends, we go grocery shopping, do laundry, watch movies, and go out to eat. We don't usually have enough energy to see friends or do anything. I have a few friends in this area already, but they never initiate anything, and I'm always too tired to do so..

 

I feel like my job is taking over my life. But, I also feel that it's a rewarding job, and I enjoy it. I wish there was some way to also have a social life, but I don't know how.. I get home at 6 pm every night, and I get to work at around 7:45 am-8, so I'm always too tired to do anything after work. Is this the way everyone lives these days? I know that the economy is still in bad shape...

 

Should I choose a different career? for a while, I've thought about it. My career is inherently extremely stressful and demanding. It has a high burnout rate, as well.. just like teachers. My friendships are suffering, and I feel like I don't do anything except work.. I even take work home on weekends. I don't know what to do.

 

it is possible to have balance, but i don't think that it's possible just yet in your situation. you're new in town, new to the job, and just settling in to your life and career, so it'll take some time. i think, at least for me personally, work-life started to align once i became good at my job - once the job is more routine and 'easy' for you it takes up less and less space in your head because you can do things with more efficiency. sadly, your commute might be the thing that is hurting you as well - that is a lot of time wasted in the car/traffic each day - if you were closer to your job it would alleviate stress and give you back time in the morning/evening - consider that the next time you guys move. make it a rule for yourself to go out at least once a week - any time/day you like to just rejuvenate - and don't do chores while you're out, make it about yourself, or your fiance and you. there is no need to switch careers - you just started yours - focus on learning your job and learning it well, so it can take up less of your time (eventually).

[KraftDinner]

Do youi get summers off like teachers do?

 

Are you off this week?

[MsSmurf]

Hello everyone,

I'm wondering.. with some jobs, is a work-life balance actually possible??

 

I have a very stressful full-time job. I work as a school psychologist in 2 schools in a very high-powered, wealthy school district with demanding parents and high-achieving kids.. this is my first full-time job out of grad school and there's a VERY steep learning curve. I've been struggling to even do my basic tasks, all while trying to be someone who is seen as dependable and knowledgeable. Not to mention, I have a commute of 1 1/2 hours home everyday.

 

I live with my fiance. We moved to this area about 5 months ago.. He also works full-time and commutes. We have no social life whatsoever. On weekends, we go grocery shopping, do laundry, watch movies, and go out to eat. We don't usually have enough energy to see friends or do anything. I have a few friends in this area already, but they never initiate anything, and I'm always too tired to do so..

 

I feel like my job is taking over my life. But, I also feel that it's a rewarding job, and I enjoy it. I wish there was some way to also have a social life, but I don't know how.. I get home at 6 pm every night, and I get to work at around 7:45 am-8, so I'm always too tired to do anything after work. Is this the way everyone lives these days? I know that the economy is still in bad shape...

 

Should I choose a different career? for a while, I've thought about it. My career is inherently extremely stressful and demanding. It has a high burnout rate, as well.. just like teachers. My friendships are suffering, and I feel like I don't do anything except work.. I even take work home on weekends. I don't know what to do.

 

I think it is wonderful that you have a job that while demanding you still find so rewarding. Most people spend their whole lives hoping to find that and don't get close. I don't think quitting is the solution.

 

I also don't think that you can expect a perfect work-life balance right away because of all of the changes.... fiance, new city, new job, commuting, just out of grad school, etc. Those are all things that require adjusting to, but I think you can start working on it.

 

Suggestions for working on it:

Hire a housekeeper. Now before you sit there thinking you can't afford it or would feel ridiculous hiring someone to clean up after you hear me out. You and your fiance are both working full time and neither of you are minimum wagers. Housekeepers don't earn much, its what 8-15 bucks an hour depending on the area you live in? Many have a 4 hour minimum so that's 32-60 bucks, not bad at all. In that 4 hours they can accomplish all of the stuff that you normally spend your weekend doing (including laundry) instead of relaxing. Plus they do all the stuff most hate doing, like cleaning the fridge. If you and your fiance are fairly neat or just not home enough to really be messy then you may not need someone every week, but every other week instead. If you're still hung up on the money look at it this way... what is your well being worth? You know the risks of burn out and poor self care, that's all covered in Psych 101. A housekeeper doesn't have to be a permanent solution, but could be a great temporary one while you and your fiance adjust. If the money still bugs you look for coupons and specials, in this economy nearly everything is on sale. Plus you'd be giving someone who has a family to support a job in a challenging economy, which contributes to the greater good.

 

Order groceries online. Not sure where you live, but many large grocery stores offer this option for busy people. Usually you can have your items delivered to your work or home as well.

 

Exercise. And don't even think about saying you don't have time. All you need is 20 minutes. You can even fit it into your work day by taking a break (you are taking your breaks aren't you?) and going outside for a walk. If the weather isn't good then find some stairs indoors and walk. There's also chair yoga and pilates which you can do at your desk without any props, a google search will turn up plenty of how-to's. Who cares if anyone else thinks you look silly, your well being should be worth it. You may even find a colleague who also wants to go for a walk and then the two of you can motivate each other and maybe even become friends.

 

Sleep. I hope you and your fiance are getting enough sleep. If you aren't then it is time to start going to bed at a decent hour (at least during the week) right away. You're no use to anyone if you're tired and the damage to your well being isn't worth it.

 

Designate a gap of weekend time to be get out and have fun time. For the sake of example I'll go with Saturday 2pm - 10pm, but you can adjust how you like. What this means is that prior to 2pm you and your fiance handle any mundane tasks you have time for....errands, tasks your housekeeper doesn't do like mowing the lawn (or you could hire a lawn service), bill pay, any spillover work stuff, returning phone calls, etc. When the clock hits 2pm it is officially fun time. You stop whatever mundane task you're doing because it can wait. You get out of your house and meet your friends, explore your new town, etc. If you don't commit to having fun then you won't have any.

 

Designate biweekly friend night. You mention you already have some friends in the area, but no ones initiating anything. My guess is you're all busy, tired, and trying to balance everything. Well who says seeing friends has to be this big deal where you go out and do something crazy? Every other week you could pick a night (a weeknight is fine) and gather at someones house for a potluck and conversation. Not expensive, doesn't have to go until the wee hours, you can mix it up by picking a food theme, and it'll give you something to look forward to in your hectic lives. If your friends don't want to do this then table this idea for the new friends you'll be making during the weekend get out and have fun time.

 

Give your mind a break. Meditate, enjoy some silence, take a hot bath, curl up with a good book, etc. Just make sure that several times a week you are spending time recharging your batteries. This is that whole self care piece that was probably also covered in Psych 101 so you know that if you neglect yourself then you have nothing left to give your clients. Not good. Slacking on this will just continue the I'm-too-tired-to-do-anything-else cycle you're already in. Even when you're flat out exhausted taking time for you is just what the doctor ordered.

[carhill]

I'd take a lesser job closer to home, presuming you mean your commute is 90 minutes each way and that your current economic situation doesn't support living in the wealthy, high powered school district you work in.

 

What's your career goal? Do you want to have your own practice? Go into psychological research? Retire as a school psychologist? Etc, etc.

 

If you weren't in a relationship, how would you feel about your current circumstances? Have you ever faced a stressful job and personal life alone?

 

Life is about choices. No one forces you to follow any particular path. It's up to you. Good luck.

[Samara11]

Realistically, I know that most jobs have some amount of stress involved.. afterall, it IS called "work." I also want to clarify that this is not actually my first job out of grad school. It's my first full-time job. Last year, I worked as a part-time school psychologist (3 days/week).

 

In any case, thank you everyone else for your words of advice. I have spoken to veterans in my field (my mentor and supervisors) and it seems that this job becomes more routine as time goes on, but the stress level does not subside much. However, I suppose the reward of helping children tends to balance out the stress somewhat.

 

To answer another question: I am unable to cut down my commute at this time. My field is very competitive, and I basically took the first job that I was offered.. I went on a bunch of interviews, but I did not hear back from a lot of school districts. There are others with more experience who got hired first. My fiance's job is in another town, and so in order to compromise, we moved halfway between our two jobs. Soo.. we both have to commute. It's just the way things are right now.

 

I do try to do some relaxing activities when I can- I've gone for a few massages, tried yoga/meditation, I joined a gym... I guess my biggest worry is that my social life is suffering a lot. We are in our late 20's, and I feel like we are 50.. I'm usually too tired to travel to do activities after driving home from work.

Edited January 5, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Samara11]

MsSmurf- thank you very much for all of your suggestions.. I completely forgot about ordering groceries online! That's a great idea that would help us out.. I also love your idea of designating "fun time" every weekend. I think this is something that we forget to do.. We usually end up doing all of the "mundane" tasks, because they are necessary and we were unable to do them during the week. Thank you again.