i dont understand what my ex wants nor what i want

[my body is a cage]

My ex is a great guy, and we had a very loving communicative relationship. He treated me very well, but at the moment his life circumstance are hard. I'm 23 and hes 27, we are from very different backgrounds [i grew up wealthyish area in the North East, he grew up poor and is from the Bible Belt although no longer religious. I just finished college, and he never finished high school. He has a 5 year old son, and is always struggling to support him and pay rent - quite literally often broke. Also, it occured to me towards the end of the relationship that he used weed and possibly other drugs much for frequently than I had realized.

 

Despite the difference in backgrounds, we would always have so much fun together and loved [love?] each other and had a great relationship. He contact me pretty much every day, and we had a great time together. Sometimes there would be some class tension, but I loved him for him and I hoped he would resent me for my background.

 

We broke up recently because his financial and work situations were so nebulous, and because his babymamma got married and his son is moving soon and he felt he needed to focus on being a father. I initiated the breakup, not him, and said that I felt he was stressed / no longer happy about it. He wanted to be together and continue hooking up visiting each other and being companions, but no longer make it a serious relationship bc of his life circumstances. I said OK well in that case it seems we shouldnt be together, but I can't be your friend and sole companion any more and we can't hook up, and got up to book my ticket back home.

 

He was shocked that I planned to leave and crushed that I said we couldn't still be best friends and hook up anymore. I was crying and saying I didn't want to lose him either, but that it would be painful for us to be friends. He said he still loved me and I said I still loved him. Eventually I caved and we ended hooking up again before I left. Then it was as if he didn't realize we had broken up. When he drove me to the train station he said if he is talking to any girl it would be me, that he still loves me and isn't interested any other girls and hasn't been, and that he would come up to see me soon [under the guise of working on a project we had spoken of together].

 

The next day, he called me multiple times while I was at work and texted hope you're having a good day. Finally I answered and he asked how I was and I said OK but talking to him makes me confused and he said, 'why? because you think I still like you? because I do.' We talked some more and he asked if he could call me the next day and I didn't know what to do so I said yes and he asked if he could come up and visit me soon. Eventually I called him back and said he couldn't call me or visit me if he doesn't want to be a relationship, which was very difficult for me. I have trouble laying down boundaries and I felt like he would resent me for it, especially since he was so worried that I would resent him if we didn't keep in touch when he called.

 

After that we didnt speak for a couple of days, but then I caved and called him. We ended up talking for a long time and having skype sex. Then he called me multiple times that week.

 

Two Saturdays ago, he called me and told me his babymamma was getting married. I knew she was getting married, but I didn't realize it was so soon. She is going to move far away with her husband and son, but I've been afraid to ask when. Maybe I should.

 

Anyway, we talked for a very long time because I figured he needed emotional support and I love and care about him. He said that I'm still his girl, if he would be dating anyone it would be me, etc. I said he was still my guy too and he said cool. Then later he wrote on his facebook that "his girl" [ie me] lives up north. I was totally confused, I don't know if that meant he thought we were still together.

 

After that, we hardly talked for a week. I fb chatted him once and he mentioned he was going to a club that we had gone to and then left to have sex, how charming. Other than that, he seemed cold and distant. I finally called him on Sunday and he seemed distant on the phone as well. I said I missed him and he said he missed me too and that he promised we would hang out soon, even though I hadn't mentioned anything about us hanging out. I said well that depends on a lot of things... nevermind and he said like what? and I just said oh work and distance etc, and he was like thats true. He said we would talk this week.

 

Sorry for the length of this, but I am totally confused. I have not contacted him since then, and he has not contacted me, other than to comment on something on facebook. His post saying his girl is up north is still up, but I can't understand why he would make such a stink about being in touch and then not call me for so long.

 

I understand that he has a lot to think about re his son moving etc, and that takes priority to me as it should. Honestly, I can't even begin what having a son is like and what it means to him, but he is a very devoted father. Maybe he is not calling me because he is preoccupied with this and working hard in general [he is also trying to quit weed]. I have been working hard too, juggling three different professional endeavors, one of which is quite major.

 

Right now my focus is work work work [as is his, and his son], not boys [or men] but I can't help but be hurt that he hasn't called. I think about him alot, and I love and miss him. I think about the summer when we met and were both in better circumstances, and how romantic it was.

 

I also don't know if he is not calling me because he thinks I don't want to really be in touch, or if he is accepting that we are not together and is moving on. For all I know, he could have moved on completely. He can sometimes be very detached, and last time I talked to him he already sounded detached about his son moving. I am worried that he doesn't love me anymore, and doesn't miss me at all.

 

At the same time, he could just assume that we are together but not together, ie the way he wrote "my girl" on fb and that talking once a week is fine. And honestly, sometimes I think it would be better or less confusing if we didn't talk at all, because its hard for me to move on in this limbo. Frankly, it is almost impossible for us to date considering the way our lives are right now, so I'm not really sure what I want either.

 

On the flip side, his feelings about me could have changed. That he resents me and doesnt want me and doesnt value me. I am really worried that this is the case. Is this the case? Or if not, how can I deal with this?