Why is my boyfriend so jealous around his best friend?!?!

[babybear]

Hey guys,

Maybe someone out there can relate a little bit and give me some input. I have been with my bf for 2 yrs...and we have a pretty good relationship. He has a best friend he's known since birth, so the three of us hang out all the time. But, my boyfriend gets really edgy when his friend is nice to me, or when he thinks he's being too friendly. But, the problem is that I think his friend is just being courteous! My bf starts creating scenes where he and I just end up having to leave restaurants, parties, whatever. And then he says that his friend is overstepping boundaries. Now, I'm walking on egg shells because I feel like I have to ignore his friend in order to prevent my bf from throwing a fit. So, today I just flat out said that I love my bf, his friend is a sweetheart, but that I will not hang out with both of them at the same time. I'm 24 yrs, old and I feel like I'm dealing with a kid!!! Is this normal???

 

Babybear

[honey2005]

You really need to talk to you boyfriend about how you feel, and your boyfriend needs to talk to his best friend. It seems like your bf would have a little more trust in the both of you.

[reservoirdog1]

You might want to ask your BF if he's been cheated on in the past, and if it was with somebody he knew. That might make him a bit shellshocked and prone to unwarranted jealousy in the presence of something like what he'd witnessed.

 

So, to answer your question, I can see it as being "normal" only in the context of your BF having some past infidelity issues.

[havNfun]

It doesn't sound normal UNLESS

 

A) there has been an incident or situation in the past where his friend had betrayed him or stoled his woman or something like that.

or

B) If you are giving off too flirtatious of signals, or if you have a history of being overly permiscuous etc.

Have you slept around in past relationships to give him cause to worry?

 

otherwise,

Your dude should probably chill out or get a new best friend he can trust

[babybear]

I havent ever cheated or given him reason to suspect that I would....although he has done it to me in the past. Maybe he figures I'll do it to him since he did it? I dunno....I mean, I definitely am not promiscuous...maybe a little flirtatious at times...but nothing that isn't normal.

 

 

babybear

[honey2005]

Maybe he's still doing it...sometimes the one who is doing the accusing is the one who is cheating.

[babybear]

I don't really think he's still doing it, or going to do it again...but maybe it's just insecurity that I'm going to leave the relationship and it's coming out in all these other ways. I don't know...

 

 

BB

[reservoirdog1]

Well, since he's cheated on you before, there are two possibilities:

 

1) He's worried that you're going to have a revenge affair. Of all the people who have been cheated on, some have done so and most, I think, have at one time or another at least contemplated it to varying degrees.

 

2) He's still cheating and is trying to displace his own guilt onto you. My TBXW did that with me; after she'd already had three affairs (of which I was oblivious at that point), I returned to university full time, and on several occasions, she talked about how worried she was about me being in school each day surrounded by eligible single women.

 

Do you live with him? If so, I'd install keylogging software on his computer so you can check his emails undetected. And if you don't, keep an eye on him and watch for inconsistencies.

[kellydontwanttasleep]

he may be cheating on you but you can never tolerate that kind of behavior. it's putting you into a cage and stopping you from growing.

[treegirl]

Originally posted by reservoirdog1

You might want to ask your BF if he's been cheated on in the past, and if it was with somebody he knew. That might make him a bit shellshocked and prone to unwarranted jealousy in the presence of something like what he'd witnessed.

 

Good point indeed reservoirdog1, maybe he has been cheated on in the past but still that shouldn't make him not trust you after you've been together 2 years and his best friend who he has known all his life..

 

I personally think he needs to lighten up a bit and trust you both more...

 

Talk to him about it....

 

Love TreeGirl

xoxo