Wife is leaving

[Downtown]

Great, G, one down (the attorney) and one to go (the psychologist). Best of luck tomorrow!

[ioudas]

Great, G, one down (the attorney) and one to go (the psychologist). Best of luck tomorrow!

 

and Psychologist down. I am exhausted from all this for sure.

 

What next i wonder??? Meet with attorney again friday. Probably get served soon.

[Downtown]

Did the psychologist say anything insightful? Or did he spend the whole time just asking questions and taking notes?

[ioudas]

Did the psychologist say anything insightful? Or did he spend the whole time just asking questions and taking notes?

 

lots of time taking notes and talking to me. he did comment that she sounded immature.

 

I talked about acceptance and he says i need to get some tools to help with acceptance.

[Justtiredofit]

"I also find my self just talking to friends a lot. If i cant find someone to pass the time I dwell on the situation. Sure isnt easy.

 

She has taken everything from me."

 

This is going back a few days, but wow......this is EXACTLY what I have been doing. The past few days it's been getting better. But that's only because my STBXW has hit on the UN-interested OM, AGAIN (after he rejected her the first time). And now she keeps trying to text me to "talk as adults" about bs stuff, not even business. So it seems I have a little more control again.

 

But I have been where you are! I have HATED this. It is SO lonely! I'm with you brother!

[ioudas]

"I also find my self just talking to friends a lot. If i cant find someone to pass the time I dwell on the situation. Sure isnt easy.

 

She has taken everything from me."

 

This is going back a few days, but wow......this is EXACTLY what I have been doing. The past few days it's been getting better. But that's only because my STBXW has hit on the UN-interested OM, AGAIN (after he rejected her the first time). And now she keeps trying to text me to "talk as adults" about bs stuff, not even business. So it seems I have a little more control again.

 

But I have been where you are! I have HATED this. It is SO lonely! I'm with you brother!

 

 

Thanks for the support! I came on this morning after taking the day off cause the last few days have drained me. Some days i watch kids getting on the bus and wonder if i will ever get to see my daughter. I am in the middle of feeling like above.

 

Id like to think things get easier. I suppose they do. I just wonder how i will ever recover. I feel so broken.

[ioudas]

Long day. Tomorrow I meet with lawyer for filing. Cannot believe its come to this.

 

I suppose i should pick my self up. Im going to go meet family soon. So lonely.

 

Ive been texting people. Even met a few girls on some dating sites.... just so lonely.

[survivor74]

Even met a few girls on some dating sites.... just so lonely.

 

Be really careful there. I was in that valley about 2 weeks ago, right around Christmas, and I would have gone after just about anybody just to take away the crippling loneliness. You've got a ton of pent-up emotion that wants to direct itself at someone/anyone else. It sucks and it's painful to go through, but eventually it fades. Developing platonic friendships and getting out of the house and doing stuff helps a lot in terms of healing.

 

IMO, you've got to reach some point of stability and contentment before you start cultivating new relationships. I am at about 2 months into my separation and I'm not sure I'm there yet, but I know I'm getting better.

[Justtiredofit]

I know.....I know....

 

And what sucks is those girls are FAAAAAAR below your standards, right? The ones I have talked to don't EVEN compare to what I have been married to for the past 19 years.

 

The other thing is.....my sorta girlfriend is coming down in a week to spend the night with me. Don't know if I'm ready for this. We have wanted to be together for a long time. But I don't know how this will turn out. I went to a gentlemen's club a week ago and it just made things worse, I left out of there almost crying (I know.....wu$$y). I don't know if this encounter in a week will make it worse or what??? I hate to say this.....I'm kinda afraid! I'm afraid to do this.....but I'm not. I'm truly conflicted. I have to find out if I have feelings for this other woman. I am for sure still in love with my wife (unfortunately), but I have to find out what is going on with this other woman.

[ioudas]

I know.....I know....

 

And what sucks is those girls are FAAAAAAR below your standards, right? The ones I have talked to don't EVEN compare to what I have been married to for the past 19 years.

 

The other thing is.....my sorta girlfriend is coming down in a week to spend the night with me. Don't know if I'm ready for this. We have wanted to be together for a long time. But I don't know how this will turn out. I went to a gentlemen's club a week ago and it just made things worse, I left out of there almost crying (I know.....wu$$y). I don't know if this encounter in a week will make it worse or what??? I hate to say this.....I'm kinda afraid! I'm afraid to do this.....but I'm not. I'm truly conflicted. I have to find out if I have feelings for this other woman. I am for sure still in love with my wife (unfortunately), but I have to find out what is going on with this other woman.

 

Yes they are below my standards. Which makes it easier for me to just talk. I dont think i could start anything but it feels good to talk and be wanted, I am not going to start anything.

 

Just need to get the whole thing out there on the table and realize girls will still like me. Balding or not

[ioudas]

Update:

 

Met with lawyer today (and got called by work while at lawyers) never ends.

 

I have divorce papers filed now. By my lawyer. She should be getting them next week by mail.

 

Hopefully she signs.

[ioudas]

Update:

 

Met with lawyer today (and got called by work while at lawyers) never ends.

 

I have divorce papers filed now. By my lawyer. She should be getting them next week by mail.

 

Hopefully she signs.

 

Update: Got served a protection of abuse order. Going to court this friday to fight it.

 

Also got served tanf payments.

[Downtown]

G, thanks for the update. The ugliness and nastiness began a week ago with the withholding of your child. Now she has upped the ante.

[ioudas]

Wonder how i win, i feel hopeless.

[bpdr]

Wonder how i win, i feel hopeless.

 

Don't feel hopeless. Nobody wins here in this situation - as you MUST stay focused on what you must do to save your sanity. It's hard - and much easier said than done...but it is what you must do to survive the ordeal.

 

Your W has left you with NO ALTERNATIVE, so - you get pi**ed and fight back. Arm yourself with the best legal protection you can get - and put on the mitt's - gearing up for a long haul battle. No other choice...

 

She has left you with no other choice. Man up - and grow a pair...and let her have it. She wanted it - now she's got it. Game up, battle on.

 

Change your perspective. Look at it in another way...flip the scripts....

 

Let her feel the pain for a minute. NC 180 Hard - let ALL correspondence go through your attorney, and make her feel the pain. 50/50 Custody of your child should be BARE minimum. 100% if you feel you can pull it off.

 

That will send a very clear message - that you are down for this boot party. Put on the mitts. Fight for yourself - but through your attorney....

 

REFUSE any negotiations with her. She made her bed - let her lay in it now.

 

Hope that helps,

All the best & Good luck!

 

BP

[ioudas]

Don't feel hopeless. Nobody wins here in this situation - as you MUST stay focused on what you must do to save your sanity. It's hard - and much easier said than done...but it is what you must do to survive the ordeal.

 

Your W has left you with NO ALTERNATIVE, so - you get pi**ed and fight back. Arm yourself with the best legal protection you can get - and put on the mitt's - gearing up for a long haul battle. No other choice...

 

She has left you with no other choice. Man up - and grow a pair...and let her have it. She wanted it - now she's got it. Game up, battle on.

 

Change your perspective. Look at it in another way...flip the scripts....

 

Let her feel the pain for a minute. NC 180 Hard - let ALL correspondence go through your attorney, and make her feel the pain. 50/50 Custody of your child should be BARE minimum. 100% if you feel you can pull it off.

 

That will send a very clear message - that you are down for this boot party. Put on the mitts. Fight for yourself - but through your attorney....

 

REFUSE any negotiations with her. She made her bed - let her lay in it now.

 

Hope that helps,

All the best & Good luck!

 

BP

 

 

Thanks for the reply.

 

I came here tonight feeling hopeless, but through the week ive been putting up my defense. Tomorrow i am going to write a point by point rebuttal. Accusations of her abuse and misdeeds. Ive been thinking of stuff. The more i look at our lives i realize how ****ed up they are. I wonder what else she can bring up in court.

 

Im gonna say my side, im sure she gets to say hers. Im sure she will say the moon. So i gotta bring the moon.

 

The lawyer does want to make a deal of finding for abuse, but the agreement would be to drop DD from the protection order and establish some form of temporary custody. I am not sure how i feel about this.

[ioudas]

To Whom it may concern:

 

 

In regards to Wifes allegations I would like to say that while some of what is said is may have some truth, I feel a gross majority of this is over blown and does not reflect the real conversations or fights. Rather segmented parts of conversations.

 

 

To start I question that If i know how not to leave bruises why would I hit her breasts repeatedly? According to my doctor and the web, breasts are one of the easiest to bruise places on a womans body. Yet she does not have pictures, bruises, she never called the police to show them or have me arrested. She claims I abused her on the most easily bruisable part on her body. To me that does not add up. Now Wife and I sexually would play or slap/pinch a breast. I have never punched Wife with or without an open fist. How does someone punch a breast without leaving marks?

 

 

 

During our relationship I had found Wife on many dating sites, personal forums, craiglist, and mailing her old fiancé. It turns out she had over 4 separate email accounts and multiple facebook accounts all to hide from me. When confronted about these problems Wife threatened to leave and take DD from me forever. So I considered my options and tried to do my best. I consider this emotional abuse. I also found during our relationship that she had been talking to men on the playstation. Something she told me her ex fiancé had problems with. Some of these exchanges were emotional affairs. I would confront Wife about this only to have her say she would take my kid away. Many fights over time left me saying "Or what" are you going to leave? Every conversation listed with "Or What" in this complaint had her threats of taking DD away. So I finally gave up and kept saying “Or What” simply because I had no other options and I wanted her to leave if this was how she was going to threaten me. Her stories never added up in terms of why she went some where or when or how. Or why she was late. Or why she only went one place and spent a quarter of a tank of gasoline to go 16 miles.

 

Wife was abusive, she emotionally withheld my daughter and left with my daughter to run to her families multiple times. In September she took my daughter from our household because she did not want to live with me and took DD. She said it was a "break" but i had to beg to have her come back. When I would not agree or just accept what she was doing she would call me an ******* (which she knew hurt me deeply) in front of our daughter. She would also throw objects at my head and at me in general. One time my brother witnessed a baby monitor being thrown at me because Wife was left outside on the ATV when my brother and I went inside for a moment. During the time from October to December she would throw books, hard plastic objects or anything that could do some damage at me.

 

I did not realize all this was abuse until it all culminated one night when after buying a little ceasears pizza in early December where she was having an argument with me. She cocked her arm back and said "do you want me to hit you cause that’s what I’ll do". Our daughter was in the car at this time and she was also swearing and would not stop even though I had asked her repeatedly to stop. I told Wife she was acting childish. I told Wife if she was to hit me I would call the cops. Her reply back was that she would have DD taken from me.

 

Several times Wife left DD alone on a counter top and Wife went up stairs. When confronted Wife would tell me that "she was a parent and I was not. That I had never changed a diaper or fed her." All of which is not true. I find this to be emotional abuse.

 

According to Wife I tried to kill her and rape her yet she continued to have sex with me up until the day she left. She even initiated sex on several occasions during those months between the alleged rape and her leaving. Why would you not call the cops if someone tried to kill you? I find the story she has laid out has many holes. I admit I am not a perfect person, but I should not have to live in abuse and fear.

 

 

-G

 

P.S I can also post her orig complaint if anyone wishes.

 

Thoughts?

Edited January 17, 2013 by ioudas

[ioudas]

Update:

 

Court went well!

 

She went for the deal. I now get to see my DD 2-4 hours every week. Supervised visits at 50$ an hour...

 

DD is removed from protective order.

 

Protective order is temporary from now till april 12th.

 

Boots were stomped and lawyers take all.

 

Almost went and bought a lotto ticket.

[Downtown]

Congratulations, G, on winning access to your DD14! Is also good that the protective order is being terminated.

[ioudas]

Thanks DT. It is appreciated.

 

Today was a bad day. Just could not stop the water works from all the fallout over this. So sad for my daughter. My ex has taken her life from her.

 

Fears about affording to see DD to how to manage everything. How to afford child support. ETC. I got now 112$ to my name. Next week im sure i can afford the child support but i wont be banking money.

 

 

Just miss her so much.

 

 

Very hurt here for some reason. Need to be strong. DD will give me strength.

 

-G

[ioudas]

Update:

 

Wife served with divorce papers sunday. Should help getting the ball rolling toward shared custody. Work has been hectic. Miss my daughter. Suppose to see her for the first time this weekend, but i dont think the agency or my wife has their heads out of their ass.

 

-G

[Downtown]

G, thanks for the update. I'm glad to hear you are keeping active and continuing to work. Best of luck with seeing your daughter this weekend -- I hope that works out.

[ioudas]

G, thanks for the update. I'm glad to hear you are keeping active and continuing to work. Best of luck with seeing your daughter this weekend -- I hope that works out.

 

 

Update: Didnt get to see daughter this last weekend. Got a call from visitation center that we are setup for this saturday at 1:30 pm.

 

Also found wife on okcupid today....

 

Quite low lately. Hopefully I can make everything work out.

[Mack05]

Update: Didnt get to see daughter this last weekend. Got a call from visitation center that we are setup for this saturday at 1:30 pm.

 

Also found wife on okcupid today....

 

Quite low lately. Hopefully I can make everything work out.

 

Its so hard mate. I feel your pain I really do. Its so hard to keep moving forward when we feel so low and sad. It seems the easiest option is to feel sorry for ourselves and hide away.

 

Its when times are at their toughest is when you must dig your heels in and keep positive and keep fighting. Its hard mate, god its hard!We have all been there one way or another, but you cant quit...Things WILL GET BETTER if you keep fighting, keep believing..

[ioudas]

Its so hard mate. I feel your pain I really do. Its so hard to keep moving forward when we feel so low and sad. It seems the easiest option is to feel sorry for ourselves and hide away.

 

Its when times are at their toughest is when you must dig your heels in and keep positive and keep fighting. Its hard mate, god its hard!We have all been there one way or another, but you cant quit...Things WILL GET BETTER if you keep fighting, keep believing..

 

Thanks Mack, today was a mixed bag of emotions. I finally got to see DD for 1 hour under visitation.

 

At first she didn't recognize me and was a little scared by the room. Then she started crying cause I couldn't stop crying. After 15 minutes of playing her and I were having hugs and having fun. She even gave me a kiss and called me DAD. I did have some christmas presents I gave her which i let her take one home she liked. Next week i get 2 hours. Money is super tight but I cant wait to see her.

 

Im still a little bit torn up hours later.. I am glad I went though.

 

Good news is I got in the mail today that the first Case Management Conference is set for feb 19th. Which is soon. I am not sure what will happen but am anxious.

 

-G