ritenow Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 I got caught up in an semi-emotional affair with a guy I met through work. He is in a different office in a different part of the country. We became really close as we were working on a company project together and after 2 months I found out he was married with kids. I was a bit disappointed as we really clicked but it did not effect our working relationship. Anyways, we had great chemistry and months went by and we became really quite close, lots of simmering attraction and friendship. Then after a sexual conversation on the company website he panicked and removed himself from the project and assigned me a new manager. He ignored me until I chased him up to find out what was going on and he said things had got out of hand and he was really icy cold and mean. He cut me off. We had been so close for over a year and worked together every week. I know he cared for me a lot and I can't believe he has done this. I think he panicked that he was slipping down the slippery slope. My question is do these men ever come back once the dust has settled? I wrote a very nice email saying I felt very sad but would respect his wishes. He never responded. This was 10 days ago. The worst part is I realize now I had much deeper feelings for him than I realized as this is hurting me so much - I am crying every day, can't eat and wake up dreaming of him. I truly think he must be missing me too as he was just as wrapped up in this. But he is married. And I know it is wrong. I just wish he would contact me and that that horrible last email he sent me is not the last words I ever hear from him Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 (edited) Hi there, ritenow. I am sorry you're hurting at the moment. Your story is one of the lesser read ones here. The MM in question cut off your "semi-emotional affair" before it got too hot and heavy. I understand that right now, you're hurting a lot. I know it's hard that he cut you off so quickly and in such an impersonal manner, but please understand that it was for the best for both you and the MM. In his case, although you two had a close relationship, MM realized that he crossed a boundary (whether because of work or because he personally knew it was wrong) and cut it off, rightfully so. In doing so, he can refocus on his job and more importantly, his wife & family. For you, him ending the relationship has saved you from a whole lot more hurt, which if you read more threads here, will see. Him ending the relationship, although painful, was a good thing for you. In all of this, please respect his wishes/actions. You know he is married. Don't go further. Why would you want to? Don't put yourself in that position. Whether he cared for you as much as you think and hope or not, don't go there. Although you already sent that email, he hasn't responded. Don't send another. Don't fish for the relationship. He is married. From now on, go NC (no contact), in the way he is doing. I know it hurts the way he ended it, but the best way of grieving and healing is not contacting anymore. Distract yourself with fun activities, hang out with friends, focus on your job, etc. Edited December 22, 2012 by sweet_pea 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 Hi, ritenow, and welcome. he did you a favour. i would say he realised his own feelings and put a stop to things before they went any further. he hasn't replied to your email not because he's rude or doesn't care about you. he's shielding himself and you should respect that. give it time, you will start feeling better. i'm sorry you're hurting, i know how much it sucks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 Good lord. I hope this man doesn't own any bunnies or he's likely to come home and find it boiling on his stove one day. What a pointless comment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ritenow Posted December 22, 2012 Author Share Posted December 22, 2012 (edited) Hi, ritenow, and welcome. he did you a favour. i would say he realised his own feelings and put a stop to things before they went any further. he hasn't replied to your email not because he's rude or doesn't care about you. he's shielding himself and you should respect that. give it time, you will start feeling better. i'm sorry you're hurting, i know how much it sucks. Thanks all. I know it is probably for the best, but it just hurts so much. We were very close. He did this to me before once when we got too close - he backed off and disappeared for 2 months - and then came back and missed me. I just wondered if it wasn't the push and pull dance again. After 18 months of being so close and such confidants, it's just shocking how he wrote that horrible message. It truly feels like unfinished business. But I will not pursue him. I have to be careful anyway because of company policies. I just hoped that in these situations the men sometimes come back once their panic attack was over. I don't want a physical affair with him. I just would like to restore our friendship, though I know that is in some ways unrealistic as clearly we had both developed some strong feelings. I did think having read a lot of articles here that these guys often do break no contact and come back. I don't think my guy's wife found out. I just think he got a scare as our simmering turned to bubbling. Emotionally we were always close. Thanks for your insights and thoughts. Edited December 22, 2012 by ritenow Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 You just admitted you have much deeper feelings than you realized. You're crying and losing weight and desperate to know if he will ever contact you again. You cannot be friends with this man. Ever. Time to come to terms with that and start healing and moving on. I'm sorry you're hurting and I hope you feel better soon. Link to post Share on other sites
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