jealous of the foot fetish

[ninwife]

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I am about to get married in three months and yet I left my fiancee today. I decided to go back to him because I love him, but I need help with overcoming my jealousy of his desire to look at foot fetish magazines. I get so upset at the thought of him looking at another womans body and then, minutes later, him reaching orgasm. I don't want him to masturbate to other women. Am I wrong for asking this?

 

I admit that recently, since my jealousy has overwhelmed me, I have been trying to set him up. I have tried to leave the magazines in a way that I would notice a change in thier stack. I also tried buying a magazine for myself, but he demanded that he get one too. I believed that since he already had 50 foot fetish magazines at home, that it was only fair that I buy one for me to get me a little closer to his level. Al that did was make him mad, and he explained that men are going to masturbate(which I am aware of because women also masturbate, but not to the same things) and that men are always going to use magazines. I dont even mind if he uses magazines, just not the kind that have only women. What kind of crazy woman have I become? How can I stop myself from slitting my wrists because I am so depressed. I have no self esteem, and I wish I could buy some.

[Samson]

I've hardly ever heard of this struggle between porn's sweet fantacies and real live women?

 

 

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz>>>>>.....................

 

 

 

 

Are there any other threads about this on LS?

[Matilda]

Although Samson lacks tact, he is right, men, porn, and masturbation is a subject frequently discussed here on Loveshack. If you read some of the old posts, you will get a variety of opinions on the subject.

 

I will give you my own personal thoughts about the subject. I don't have a problem with my husband looking at porn and masturbating. I realize that there are some times, when this is a convenient way for him to obtain a sexual release. However, it does seem that some men, and women, do go to extremes in this behavior. For example, they masturbate so much that the quality of the couple's sexual relationship is reduced. I believe at this point, there is a problem.

 

I also believe porn is a problem, when one of the partners has a moral objection to it. Whether or not the porn user agrees with that objection is immaterial, if the porn objector feels very strongly, then that is a feeling that should be respected.

 

However, the problem you are identifying is jealousy, and I think this is a different thing altogether. I have a hard time understanding being jealous of a magazine, or even a video, unless the partner is looking at these images so much that they are taking away from the relationship.

 

There were a couple of things you said in your post that bothered me. First, that you don't mind him looking at magazines, just not the kind that have only women. (Besides gay magazines, are there really any other kind?) Second, that you have no self-esteem and are so depressed you want to slit your wrists. I don't know if the issue here is you, that you are having self-esteem and depression problems, or if it's your partner's foot fetish is to an extreme that you feel inferior in comparison. I tend to think it is mostly the first, and some of the second.

 

I would definitely NOT get married until you get these issues sorted out. You need to define more succintly your feelings about pornography. You need to cope with your self-esteem issues, and figure out why you are jealous of women's pictures. And if all that is successful, then you and your fiancee need to come to some sort of agreement about porn use, and what is acceptable for both of you.

 

Here is a link to a marriage builder's article on sexual addiction, that you may find helpful. There is also some information on that site on choosing a spouse and preparing for marriage.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5050a_qa.html