KandiceHanson Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 So, to put this simple - I have always had a SLIGHT inkling that my husband could possibly be bi-sexual. He gets turned on by me/attracted to me, so I know he loves me. However, he has this best friend (I guess he calls this a bromance?) that he is VERY touchy-feely with & has known for a year or so. I'm talking "I love you" and "I miss seeing you" and "I'm always here for you love". Normally, I wouldn't care about this, but his texts with this guy have always sparked me the wrong way. Is this normal in a guys life? To treat a best friend...like a boyfriend? Sometimes the way he talks to this guy is so odd. Why would you tell your best guy friend "I will always love you, so don't worry ;)" Is he gay or is he just truly invested in his best friend? He has been like this with other guys (nothing ever happened sexually between them) but he has always been overly affectionate with his best friends. Should I be worried? And to add, my boyfriend will get offended when I call him 'gay' for what he says to his BF. Like...really offended. He hugs this guy all the time, is always texting him and making sure they each get home safely and whether or not the other is mad at each other for whatever reason. And my BF will literally drop ANYTHING if this guy is sad/not happy/anything. Also, one final thing, my boyfriend has not had a best friend in a LONG time. He finally has one and maybe he is compensating for lost time? He has been wanting a best guy friend for a long time (I always occupy his time) so now that he has one...he's acting like a dehydrated camel in a desert. Does he just miss a best guy friends attention? Or am I barking up the wrong tree now... I really don't think he's gay, I just think he likes a 'guys attention' if that makes sense...help? D: Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 Guys don't talk like that to other guys unless they're gay or bisexual, period. That doesn't necessarily mean he's sexually cheating on you, but it still does indicate his sexual inclination regardless (and a bit of emotional cheating, IMO). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KandiceHanson Posted December 22, 2012 Author Share Posted December 22, 2012 Yeah. I know that he is utterly repulsed by sexually being with a man (just trust me on this one) however, he seems to enjoy emotionally connecting with a guy? What would that even classify as...? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 For some gays and bisexuals, there is a discrepancy between who they are emotionally attracted to and who they are sexually attracted to. Link to post Share on other sites
Carenth Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 (edited) Little bit different.. I think but maybe shine some light onto this. My best friend and I have known for 22 years and I seriously love this guy, but it is like a love for a brother. I've known him since we were very little, grew up together. I would seriously do anything for him and him the same for me. Though I wouldn't go as far to say I check up on him to make sure he gets homes safe, however we are very close. He's one of the few people I know who I can talk to about anything really. Most certainly a bromance though, his girlfriend once joked that we would ride off into the sunset together if she wasn't around. However being like that with someone I've only know for a year... yeah I dunno. I'm not constantly texting him or anything like that either, we are both quite busy these days but we usually catch up once every two weeks at least. We spent a stupid amount of time together when we were growing up though. Edited December 22, 2012 by Carenth Link to post Share on other sites
CptObvious Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 depends, does he use the word "bro"? I love you bro Missed you bro I'm always here for you bro Link to post Share on other sites
Carenth Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 depends, does he use the word "bro"? I love you bro Missed you bro I'm always here for you bro or does he do this both are pretty safe. :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwork Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 I'll be blunt there is a red flag here. No guy who is straight ever calls one of his other friends "love". Ever. We do things like smack each other on the butt (in a Football style type of way because it's okay to do it that way) but it is more of a male bonding thing to do that. Getting emotional with another guy to the extent of your boyfriend is a little strange. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetkiwi Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 Yeah this all sounds like a cover on his part. I've known guys who were outwardly repulsed by gay sex and secretly sucking dick. Not saying your guy is but there are some issues i would have with this. Unless you get to join in on the fun. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 He calls another man "love" ???? Okay. Yes he does sound at least bi from your post. I am also wondering how you know he is "repulsed" by gay sex...have you considered that is a front? Over-compensation perhaps? Why does he do things that most people would think sound gay if he is repulsed by homosexuality?? You should ask him that. You should also tell him you are uncomfortable with him talking to ANYONE (male or female) other than you the way he talks to his best friend. Sorry but he def sounds like he is gay or bi and just repressing it. How did he meet this best friend? Does the best friend reciprocate these sentiments? I guess it's POSSIBLE to find a straight man who talks / acts like your man does, but to find two?! I don't know man....doubtful! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cre8r Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 Doesn't seem like he's gay from what you said, it sounds like he's secure in his sexuality. If he likes show tunes you may have reason for concern. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 UHHHH, Kandice, is it the same boyfriend you posted about a year ago where you said THIS stuff: So originally, I am on the LDR forms, but today I have a question about dating in general. My bf and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years and we have a very steady and firm relationship. However, today I accidently did some snooping and I found this... "Thank you for working with me, you're a great seller!!!! I'll leave amazing feedback when I receive the items! Also, that's a great picture of you, very cute :)" But guess this...The person he sent this to was a guy o.o I never would have pictured my bf to be gay, but he does have slight tendencies. He's very homophobic but he casually jokes about a guy being 'cute' I guess And yes, he jokes about being gay which is what I was referring to - But then when I ask, he denies everything. He called this guy cute and now he has fb friended him...I just don't know what to think. I'm moving to be with this guy in less then 5 months and now I am confused. He also asks me all the time stuff like, "Well if I cheated on you, would you care?" or "If I cheated, would you still give me a second chance?" HE IS GAY!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted December 22, 2012 Share Posted December 22, 2012 I've known guys who've been close enough to where they frequently tell each other "I love you". Some guys are just wired differently emotionally. Also men in general are becoming less Alpha and more Beta and emotional. Look around online like Youtube and you frequently see comments from guys admitting to crying over songs, movies and even video games like Final Fantasy. That being said it does sound fishy and raises red flags because he hasn't known him that long. And the hugging (unless its a typical guy hug which isn't really a hug but more of an embrace) is kinda weird as well. A lot of what you describe does sound like they're having a relationship. To me its not even about their gender, I don't know too many females who are good friends who constantly check in to make sure the other got home ok. Unless its snowing or something. So yes I would be worried. Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 Yeah... Id be worried. Ive got buddies that I love like brothers and its known that we love each other like family. But we damn sure dont call each other "love" and text each other all day like a couple of 13 year old girls. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Carenth Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 Yeah the whole calling each other "love" thing is kind of.. well off. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 Well... Take a look in his closet, under the floorboard you will find a pink tutu, red heels and a shoe box full of the brightest red lipstick. Seriously, this guy sounds on fiiiiiiiire! What else does he need to do, twirl a feathered boa in your face while in his Marilyn Monroe getup? The only time straight men do this is when they are completely hammered and they're reminiscing about old times/adventures and showing some man love, but other than that this guy sounds super twinkle toes, I'm not sure how you are present for all of this and it's not extremely disturbing...the fact that he's super defensive is the tall tale flag of him hiding something, or at least in denial of it for himself...If he's married to you he's obviously trying to either cover it up, or in denial...I don't really buy the whole "bi" thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 Have you tried slipping a finger up his ass while giving him head? Link to post Share on other sites
Nightsky Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 Yeah this all sounds like a cover on his part. I've known guys who were outwardly repulsed by gay sex and secretly sucking dick. Not saying your guy is but there are some issues i would have with this. Unless you get to join in on the fun. I've heard of "gay" guys who have wives or gf's who are like "I'm straight and fcking dudes is gross" but than they like have sex with men and love it. UHHHH, Kandice, is it the same boyfriend you posted about a year ago where you said THIS stuff: HE IS GAY!! My guess is yes it's the same person and yes he is gay. Good detective work vegiggigieairl So what does it mean that she's married to a gay... well it means that he is probably "cheating" on her with this man. He's much more likely to give her some nasty STD. He's going to be a half assed partner to her. Oh and finally good chance he'll leave her for a man he really cares about. Yeah if you don't have children maybe you should end this marriage. If you do have children than consider your options but ending it might be best too. Link to post Share on other sites
sadpanda87 Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 seems odd. i had pals that wanted to 'get in my pants' but that was jokes, couple hugs when we meet once in a while is all... Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 Girl you need to worry about what he and his friend are doing. Their friendship started with him calling him cute. Would you have accepted that if the text was sent to a girl? The last thing you need to worry about is his sexual orientation. You need to find out if he is cheating on you. And if not phsically it sounds like he is emotionaly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KandiceHanson Posted December 24, 2012 Author Share Posted December 24, 2012 Alright, well thanks for the ones who answered in an intelligent way instead of mocking the situation. I love this man and I know he loves me and is attracted to me, however, I wouldn't be surprised if he was curious or testing the waters. I'll just have to keep my eyes open I guess. And this 'friend' has a wife and kids, which is what makes this odd. What is the chance of two married men being gay just because they deeply care about each other? That is why I am SO conflicted. It would make sense if this other guy seemed different, but he is just like my husband. You would never guess he was even remotely gay! And just to add to Ninjainpajamas, this guy doesn't show signs of being gay other than what I have found myself, so why make me look like an idiot dating a super gay guy? He's extremely masculine and quite the opposite in person, so honestly I have no idea where you were going with your post. Link to post Share on other sites
Nightsky Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 I had a friend who didn't seem gay. Accept for the odd things he would do. You know like the things he would say to other men. Look you're used to seeing this strange anti man lesbian gay bi transgender culture. Most gay men through history have been people who were very manly and wanted other manly men. They also wanted wives and families etc. Saw wives as more a means to an end to a family. I say he's gay based on the evidence and the feelings he's put in you. The way you write these posts is like "I think he's gay" "but no he couldn't be gay" so it's like you're in denial. You have cognitive dissonance Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 Are you actually married? You call him boyfriend and husband. Why don't you ask him why he calls guys love etc ? Link to post Share on other sites
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