What is going on here?

[Hopeful714]

I'm guessing I already know the answer to this but I will ask anyhow. Here is my story:

 

Where I work, we have contractors come in and do jobs. About 12 years ago, there was a contractor at our facility and I will call him B. One day I was sitting outside for lunch and happened to look up and see B gazing at me through a window. Our eyes met and odd as it was there was this spark of electricity between us. I really didn't think much of it, but then I noticed B would always make his way to be around me when possible and would always look admiringly at me and/or with an intense stare. I would look back because for some reason there was something that pulled me in with his stare and I found him somewhat attractive.

 

As time progressed, there were very brief conversations and flirtations. He would park next to me in our parking lot. And it seemed when I arrived in the morning he was hoping for conversation with me. I found this odd, almost stalker-ish, and weird considering B had a baby seat in his car. B did seem like a nice guy however and the smiles and brief conversations continued. At one point B did mention something about being married. B knew I was attracted to him, but I never pushed things, and aside from his "leers and smiles" he was always respectful of me and never mentioned anything about us getting together. I wouldn't have anyhow as I know it would be trouble.

 

B remained at my facility for about 1.5 years and this continued for the duration of his stay. I always felt sexual tension and frustration between us. One day then, B came to my office and told me he was taking another job and would no longer be there. He wanted to say "good-bye." Jokingly I said "if you ever get divorced, come look me up." At that time he left and I must say I missed him for a bit, but life went on.

 

About a week ago, I was in my office doing my work and a man appeared in my doorway and said hello. I looked up and said "hi". He continued to stare at me so I figured he needed assistance so I asked "can I help you"?

The man walked all the way in my office and looked me direct in the eye and said "you don't remember me do you"? It was at that time I took a good hard look and the was aghast because it was B! Once I recognized him I said "oh my God", and had a huge smile that I could not hide. So did he. We talked a little bit and he said he would be doing work there for a couple weeks.

 

Since he has been back B has been up to the same games. The looking, smiling, purposely trying to be near me when possible. Yesterday he even stopped by my office to wish me a Merry X-mas before he left for the day. I have been friendly as I am with everyone but yet, I sense this chemistry, drawn in sense, sexual tension...what ever it is to this man who now appeared back in my life 12 years later out of no where. It is obvious B has something for me, and me for him ...but who knows what it is. Its just a weird, connected type of feeling. I'm not for positive, but Im guessing B is still married.

 

So what is this? Is he just looking for an ego boost? Looking to see if I still find him alluring? Why is he "pursuing" me when in essence he shouldn't be and it really can't go anywhere? Am I to believe this guy is/has been unhappily married all these years? Or is just a dirt bag looking for attention even though he really doesn't seem like one. All I can say is all my encounters with this man from the very beginning are/were highly charged and it really is odd. Is this just a bizzaro attraction or what? Either way I think its kind of unfair to do something like this to me if he is unavailable. Thoughts, opinions pls.

[justwhoiam]

Not to be cynical... but what is your position in the company?

[Hopeful714]

For what its worth, I hold a position of middle management in the company....but our place is really layed back, and on the small side.

 

What is even more odd is I just am out of a 1.5 year relationship with someone who treated me poorly and I had been mourning that loss which has been very difficult. As soon as B appeared again...its like I totally snapped out of my mourning period and totally forgot all about my ex bf. It was almost a God-send for him to come and snap me out of that I was so sad.

 

I'm not pining for B, nor do I want to get involved with a married man. I know I deserve someone who is able to be with me and care about me and love only me.

 

I guess this whole thing just seems sooooo weird. Odd. That he would appear now, and this connection would be as strong as it was years ago. And he in no way seems disrespectful (although a married man flirting is) I even wondered if he could be some type of spiritual guide....lol because of the intensity we feel around each other. I must be losing my mind...or have sucker written across my forehead but for the most part I am a confident woman with healthy self esteem. Weird!

[carhill]

'If you ever get divorced, come look me up'

 

Said a married man.

 

Turn the tables. Ask him directly if he is married and, if so, use the line.

 

What's going on is, if he is married, then and now, he's engaging in inappropriate behavior and probably has throughout his marriage and with other women. That he makes you feel so good, then and now, underscores his easy attractiveness and how he prosecutes the gifts he has.

 

If you want to know how he treats people in relationships (you said you just got out of an unhealthy one), ask his wife. She knows him better than anyone. How he treats you at work, then and now, is social Astroglide. It's easy to be smooth and convincing with relatively superficial contact.

 

I've been an OM and MM in the past and understand the male side of the dynamic pretty well. Do what you do but keep your eyes open to the realities. You have choices. Good luck.

[whichwayisup]

I'm not pining for B, nor do I want to get involved with a married man. I know I deserve someone who is able to be with me and care about me and love only me.

 

So many years later.. you've moved on and even though you broke up with someone and you're vunerable, do NOT let this MM close to you. you were grieving the loss of your previous relationship, then boom! This guy flirts with you and put a band aid on your wound. Walk away..

 

it's like I totally snapped out of my mourning period and totally forgot all about my ex bf. It was almost a God-send for him to come and snap me out of that I was so sad.

 

This is dangerous. You can easily get sucked in/hooked on what you feel (sexual tension, ego feed from the flirting) for him, based on lust. Don't go there. You don't know this man well at all. He IS married and looking for an ego stroke.

[Hopeful714]

Well on the attractive scale...he's not all that outwardly attractive. I would say I am more attractive then him and Im sure he's just digging my niceness and attention.

 

I will tread carefully and stay far away from potential danger as for a married man I know this is inappropriate. If I was married, I would not like my husband doing this behind my back.

 

Anyhow, wow....attraction "IS" such an odd, strong thing. People either have it or they don't. Guess I'll just chalk this one up to there is hope for me yet to find the guy for me and if anything, I'm really happy it basically "healed" me from pining over my ex bf.