Cheating. lying GF. Possibly one of the most messed up stories about a relationship

[Christopher82]

After going out for two years and living together for the past year of that time, I decided to end my relationship with my now ex-girlfriend last week. The first year of our relationship was great. We did everything together, friends and family both loved and cherished her and it was a great fit.

 

Or so it seemed, until she decided to cheat on me last June - 2011.

 

Background story:

 

I met her just over two years ago - she was my best friends brothers girlfriends friend. She was just getting out of a 3 year relationship. We hit it off right away and sometime soon after, her and her ex ended their relationship. We decided to start our own relationship about 2 months after.

 

She was a sweet, caring girl at the time, but had a lot of insecurities. She was forced to drop out of high school when she was 17 b/c her Mom kicked her out. I encouraged her to do so and she did along w/ her friend who had originally introduced me to her. She didn't have a licence and after encouraging her to do so, she did as well. She was promoted at her job and didn't think she could do it and wanted to quit multiple times. I gave her emotional support and insisted that she give it an honest try and not to give up. She achieved a lot of success and I was rewarded immediately with the following....

 

Cheated on after encouraging her to get out w/ her friends more:

 

So, last June, she graduated from her adult ed school while working both a full time & a part time job. It was taxing for us both, as I would pick her up from work, drop her off at school, pick her up when she was done and return to her place afterwords 4 days a week.

 

During this time, she wouldn't spend any of her free time with anyone other than me and it was becoming a bit unhealthy. For months, I encouraged her to get out and socialize more. A week prior to her getting her diploma, she went to a house party which I dropped her off at. I asked to give me a call to let me know if she needed to be picked up or not. It was 2:30 am and I still hadn't heard from her, so I messaged her myself. She messaged me back at about 3:00 to say she was spending the night and so I went to sleep.....

 

I slept at a buddies house that night and the next morning received a message from her @ 11:00 am saying she was just dropped off by her friends boyfriend who lived in a very different part of the city. That coupled with her going into a bit more detail that she normally would had red flags going up in my head.

 

Two days later, she went to another girlfriends house. This friend in question was the one that originally introduced me to her. She messaged me to say she would be sleeping over there.... on a Monday night. In my gut, I knew something was going on and that there was another man in the mix.

 

We had an argument 3-4 days later because I kept questioning her as to what was going on. She was taking her cell phone everywhere with her. She was dressing up for very casual events. She just seemed off as a whole. That night, she disappeared and when I texted her, she said she was going to her friends house to hang out and watch a movie.... again, on a weekday night. She had work the next morning both of these times.

 

The next morning she messaged me while I was at work, saying that she was home now and would be ready for her graduation ceremony for when I picked her up. Although my gut said something was definitely going on, I picked her up at 5:00, had dinner and attended her ceremony, which she received top honors in her class. I attended this ceremony with her best friends boyfriend, who I had known for the better part of my life.

 

 

Afterwards we were watching a movie at home, when I received a text from her friends boyfriend who I had just seen. It said something to the effect of, "Hey man, I'm not trying to stir the pot and although I don't know for sure, I think your gf is up to something behind your back." I was sitting right next to her and immediately sprung up and went downstairs to converse with him. Upon entering the room again, I noticed that she was stiff as a board and would not make eye contact with me.

 

I waited a couple minutes, looking at her as she was noticeably nervous. I bluntly asked her what she has been up to, as I looked at my phone. For 2 hours she denied anything was going on, but then finally admitted that she had made out with another man, but did not have sex with him. We stayed up until 6:00 am talking, as I was absolutely deviated. I sat there at her graduation just hours earlier, applauding her as she finally achieved her goal and conquered a massive insecurity of hers. Unbeknownst to me, I looked like a fool the entire time as the entire table knew except me.

 

I met with her girlfriend the next day and she told me the following:

 

- That my gf had messaged a guy (who had a gf of his own) at the party saying she had wished things had been different, that they would've been good for each other.

 

- That, a few nights later, she had encouraged my girlfriend to invite this guy over to her apartment. He showed up at 10:00 that night. She went to bed, as my girlfriend and this guy made out on her couch.

 

- That the night before the graduation ceremony, she had bused over to this guys friends house. The owner of the house was out of town and the guy in question was 'dogsitting'. They didn't just make out. They had vaginal and oral sex. The night before the graduation ceremony AND the morning of, using absolutely no protection.

 

I confronted my gf that night. She literally swore on my life, multiple times, that she had not had sex with this guy..... which is when I showed her screenshots that her 'friend' sent to me, going into full detail of what exactly she had done.

 

To make this long story a bit shorter, like a fool, I decided to take her back, which I fully acknowledge was a very weak and foolish thing to do. I have had ulcer issues because of the stress I've endured this entire time.

 

4 months ago, after her being extremely distant ever since and not doing anything on her own to better the relationship and let me heal properly, I told her I needed some time to myself. That night, she went to the bar and made out with the same guy, who still had a girlfriend of his own. I knew this full well because I awoke to a facebook notification that she had been tagged in 7 photos. In those photos, she was backed up into his crotch, making out with him, etc. I was absolutely devastated again. She told me that she thought we had broken up. Like a fool AGAIN, I took her back.

 

Within the last month, she had been supposedly going to her girlfriends quite a bit. Had been sexually and emotionally distant. Last Wednesday night, I told her that I had emotionally flatlined myself and couldn't live like this anymore. That I had done an injustice to myself by allowing this to continue and to have been so foolish. She responded by saying she needed at least two weeks of apart and that spending Christmas together was probably not a good idea.

 

And this is how I ended it:

 

As this discussion was going on, I had intense pains in my stomach. I left to go to the washroom and coughed up blood, which scared the living hell out of me. As I returned, I told her of what was happening and that I didn't know what to do. Facing me, she flipped over, turned her back to me, picked up her phone and said, "3:30 am? Great, looks like I'm not going to get any sleep for work tomorrow" and promptly fell asleep.

 

As I laid there, in both emotional and physical pain, I knew that the line had been crossed and that there was no going back. The next morning she mentioned that I had blood on my face in a very cold manner. I showered, got dressed and went to work.

 

Days later, on Sunday, I wrote her an email and told her that I did not feel she respected me, nor loved me and that I was moving out. I asked her to pack up my belongings and that I would pick them up the following Wednesday. When I did, I noticed that a few items of my clothing, cooking supplies, a heater that always sat in our bedroom next to the TV and a few other items were missing.

 

On top of that, I had a journal that I had been writing in, as motivation to end the troubled relationship. It went without saying that it was mine and mine only. She made a point writing me a note on the page after what I had written, saying: "You will always have a place in my heart. I'm sorry I could not be the person you deserve. You deserve to be happy. I'll miss you.....". I took this as being a mind game from someone who thrived having control over me. I was offended. I haven't seen or spoken to her in a week and a half now.

 

How did i become like this and how did it become like this? Why the HELL do I continue to miss this girl and why is it that there's still a part of me that want to see her on Christmas and New Years? Is she playing mind games with me? Does the girl really love me, but is just incredibly messed up and insecure because of her childhood? Why/how could someone do this to someone else?

 

I posted this as a method of getting it all out there in the open. If you've actually taken the time to read this, PLEASE give me your true take. Any comments and thoughts will be genuinely appreciated. Thanks everyone.

 

 

Sidenotes:

- She grew up in a house w/ her Mother and Brother who intentionally milked the welfare system. Her Mother made excuses as to why she couldn't work. They had to live at the Salvation Army for a week when she was younger. Her Mom had sex with men, intentionally trying to become pregnant so that she could get more money from the gov't. This would traumatize me.

- The house she grew up in was infested with cockroaches, mice, bed bugs, etc.

- She has insecurities about smelling since the places she lived in were filthy, she was made fun of in school for smelling and carries this trauma with her till this day.

- Did not grow up with a father.

- Did not want me meeting her mother, who she hadn't taked to in 5 years. She finally agreed for me to meet her once, but was incredibly ashamed as she both looked and acted like a bag lady / 'crazy cat woman': Bussed everywhere, had hollow, yellow eyes, her gums receided to the point where her teeth looked like they would fall out from coughing, messy hair, smelled, etc. Her Mom, without doubt, had psychological issues.

- Her grandmother supposedly killed her twin daughters before they reached a year old and burried them out back, in a field. I only mention all of this because I believe it backs up my belief that there are mental health issues in her bloodline and might explain her actions and lack of empathy for others.

Edited December 22, 2012 by Christopher82

[Keenly]

I know it sounds a lot easier on paper than it actually is, but its really time to ditch and proceed.

 

She actively pursued another man, AND she didn't care about your potentially life threatening health issue, she LITERALLY did not care. Its nice to see that she she will sacrifice sleep to be a whore, but not to take you to the Urgent Care Center, or something.

 

Find a woman who would actually worry about you in this situation, because its obvious that she is selfish and immature.

[GSB81]

Damn dude, Im sorry. Its starting to look like a lot of women just don't know how to act in a relationship. Its like they are stuck in whore mode. From reading around on here and from my own personal experience, a seemingly good girl goes all to hell as soon as she starts going out with her friends.

[sweetkiwi]

Everyone has issues. My childhood was worse in many ways than that of your ex. She does not respect you though she may love what you can DO and GIVE her.

 

Get therapy. It will get easier. You've just survived a war. Consider yourself lucky and stay away. No contact.

[cre8r]

Best advice - I also have had my share of heartbreak. It happens to EVERYONE. As time has healed, I absolutely positively have no regrets as to any of the women who have broken my heart, in fact, I'm glad to have not have stayed in those relationships. After time heals, you'll see the pain she caused from an unemotional perspective and be glad it ended (if that's what you chose). Guaranteed.

[Sal Paradise]

She's an awful person, not much else to say.

 

I never understood why people ask the person they're leaving to pack their stuff for them. They often end up regretting it. Pack your own stuff and leave. Asking them to do it is just melodramatic and just begging for someone to steal your crap.

[Christopher82]

She's an awful person, not much else to say.

 

I never understood why people ask the person they're leaving to pack their stuff for them. They often end up regretting it. Pack your own stuff and leave. Asking them to do it is just melodramatic and just begging for someone to steal your crap.

 

I completely agree with you, but here's the thing. 2 days prior to our final argument, I had lost the house key. The argument actually started because she promised for us to get a key cut, but she decided to go to her friends house (who knows if that's true) and said that she didn't look at the clock/wasn't mindful of how late it was.

 

I wasn't able to walk into the house and pick up my stuff. It boiled down to her picking up my stuff and running that risk, or me having to see her face to face and have to deal with anymore of her b.s. Of course I chose the first of those two option I had in that situation. It was my best possible option, unfortunately.

Edited December 23, 2012 by Christopher82

[BetrayedH]

Look, I really am not one to jump on the "dump her" bandwagon around here but the fact is that she has cheated multiple times, you are not married and don't have children together. When that's the case, cut your losses.

 

I think your real question though is more of an internal one. With all that she has done, why would I still miss her and want to spend Christmas with her? I can't entirely answer that except to say that it is completely normal. It is VERY common for a betrayed person to still want to cling to the person that betrayed them in the immediate days (and even months) after it happens.

 

You need to emotionally detach. The best method to do this is to go complete "no contact" with her and stay that way. It has taken me a year of separation from my (now) exwife to finally get to a point where I actually feel grateful to be away from her. Time gives you a much better perspective. I had accepted a pretty crappy relationship with her. Now I look back and thank God that I am no longer dealing with that unhealthy idiot any more than absolutely necessary. I have a GF that treats me well and I see my broken exwife in a completely new light.

 

Stay away from her, forget about your stuff, and look forward to the day when you say, thank God I'm not with that crazy bitch anymore. It will happen.

Edited December 23, 2012 by BetrayedH

[xpaperxcutx]

Honestly the amount of forgiveness you've given her was wasted. You need to cut yourself off from her completely in order to move on and heal.

 

Like someone said, no matter what childhood one had, the emotional trauma she suffered as a child does not justify cheating. What she did was cruel and wrong. Going out of her way to cheat on you and subsequently have unprotected sex is wrong on so many levels; and if you have had sex with her, please, please get yourself tested.

 

I commend you if you are actively seeking a professional for help through this. You are going to need to give yourself time and place to let go of her. Please throw out whatever you ahve that reminds you of her. You also need to erase her contacts and block her from contacting you.

 

Do know in time, you will be able to move on, but right now, learn to accept that the person you fell for is gone and what she did to you is something you should be angry about, not sad for.

[Christopher82]

You need to emotionally detach. The best method to do this is to go complete "no contact" with her and stay that way. It has taken me a year of separation from my (now) exwife to finally get to a point where I actually feel grateful to be away from her. Time gives you a much better perspective. I had accepted a pretty crappy relationship with her. Now I look back and thank God that I am no longer dealing with that unhealthy idiot any more than absolutely necessary. I have a GF that treats me well and I see my broken exwife in a completely new light.

 

Stay away from her, forget about your stuff, and look forward to the day when you say, thank God I'm not with that crazy bitch anymore. It will happen.

 

I completely agree....Thank you. I haven't seen or spoken to her in 10 days and the last time I made any contact with her was a week ago, when I emailed her to say it was done. I'm a traditionalist in a lot of ways and prefer to say and do things in person to their face. But, in this case, I just couldn't. I knew that she would more than likely be quite rude/cold to me and I that I would more than likely become upset to some degree because of that. I just couldn't do it.

 

My plan is to make absolutely NO contact with her whatsoever and I've fully decided to cut my losses in regards to the few belongings of mine that she still has.

[Christopher82]

Honestly the amount of forgiveness you've given her was wasted. You need to cut yourself off from her completely in order to move on and heal.

 

Like someone said, no matter what childhood one had, the emotional trauma she suffered as a child does not justify cheating. What she did was cruel and wrong. Going out of her way to cheat on you and subsequently have unprotected sex is wrong on so many levels; and if you have had sex with her, please, please get yourself tested.

 

I commend you if you are actively seeking a professional for help through this. You are going to need to give yourself time and place to let go of her. Please throw out whatever you ahve that reminds you of her. You also need to erase her contacts and block her from contacting you.

 

Do know in time, you will be able to move on, but right now, learn to accept that the person you fell for is gone and what she did to you is something you should be angry about, not sad for.

 

I was tested immediately after finding about the infidelity and I was in the clean. I plan on going back to get checked out, just in case she was cheating again.... in my gut, I feel that she was and that's a good enough reason as any to make sure I'm okay.

 

I`ve been seeking professional help since this past July, off and on. It`s helped, but the bulk of the progress I`ve made has been internal and through places like here. I appreciate each and every one of these replies.

 

I`ve come to realise that, the person who I fell in love with is essentially dead/gone. In saying that, I've been in denial for months and months by trying to deny myself from this truth. In the end, it was bound to happen again and I had to get the hell out. There's no sense in staying with someone once they're past the point of help ---- especially if they refuse help for themself, the relationship and can watch the person they're with in pain and just sit there, allowing it to happen. She was the epitome of selfish, lazy and immature.... traits that no one is fond of or attracted to.

[GSB81]

This is a good place. The people here have experienced just about every type of relationship hell known to man. Sometimes we just need to lay it all out.

 

 

She was the epitome of selfish, lazy and immature.... traits that no one is fond of or attracted to.

 

My ex talks about being selfish as if it were something to be proud of. "Haha im way too selfish to have kids!"

[Darren Steez]

Christopher82 The true test is not now but maybe a month or two or three down the line, when the initial hot stages of the romance wear off and things quieten down a little, I guarantee she will contact you again and during this time you will have softened slightly in regards to thinking you can be friends again.

 

You have already shown yourself to be weak in regards to this girl who probably thinks she can have her fun and if things don't work out, manipulate her way into your heart even though you have broken things off.

 

I urge you during this time not to think about what you did wrong or how you could have fixed this. Focus on yourself! Not her, you. You did nothing wrong, unfortunately this woman was so callous to do these things behind your back, having sex with this man and is probably continuing to do so right now.

 

You done good getting this far. If you had cancer and cut it out, you wouldn't then bring it back after a couple of months..it's still the same cancer and it's still life threatening. Yes that's a bit extreme but it's just to make a point, if something is bad for you, then no amount of rationalization will make it good for you.

 

This girl is no good, you cut her out of your life, make sure you stay strong and it stays that way!

[sadpanda87]

very sorry to hear that pal, reminds me of my own... good times.

 

walk away, you deserve better. i know it'll be difficult, and you keep taking her back. but you need to realize she is not going to be good for you, and you are really the only one that can help yourself.

 

be strong, let us know if you need someone to talk to.

[Christopher82]

Christopher82 The true test is not now but maybe a month or two or three down the line, when the initial hot stages of the romance wear off and things quieten down a little, I guarantee she will contact you again and during this time you will have softened slightly in regards to thinking you can be friends again..

 

Here's the thing: There's a big part of me that wants my gut to be right. My gut says she was cheating and if she was cheating, she is more than likely with the guy she was cheating on with me before. The guy has a girlfriend, or at least did back in the summer. Her friend told me that my ex told him that she wouldn't have sex with him until if/when he broke up with his girlfriend (Another example of a manipulative bitch). Well that ultimatum didn't hold up, cause she ended up having sex with him twice.

 

This big part of me that I'm talking about wants to see her used by this guy, wants to see her realize it, wants to see her have a massive amount of guilt, wants her to realize wtf she has done and what she threw away. Now, do I think this is likely to happen? No. Do I NEED this to happen in order to be happy? No, not at all. But what I've come to realize is that the girl who I loved had a lot of insecurities, a lot of issues and a lot of lessons to be learned. She has never been cheated on and again, that part of me that I'm referring to wants her to experience what it's like to go through heartache, paranoia, remorse and to learn a life lesson.

 

You have already shown yourself to be weak in regards to this girl who probably thinks she can have her fun and if things don't work out, manipulate her way into your heart even though you have broken things off..

 

Over the last 6 months, she threw me away multiple times. She mistreated me on a weekly, if not a daily basis and it naturally broke me down.

 

My question is: What would be the insentive for someone like her to have me back in her life? I personally think she's too weak and cowardly to even attempt to appologize and try to rope me back in, and I hope I'm right. I hope I don't have to contend with anymore of her crap. Not even remotely.

 

I urge you during this time not to think about what you did wrong or how you could have fixed this. Focus on yourself! Not her, you. You did nothing wrong, unfortunately this woman was so callous to do these things behind your back, having sex with this man and is probably continuing to do so right now.

 

Not once have I thought about what I could've/would've done. Our relationship was unfixable and she would not put in any genuine effort to try and help herself or 'us'.

 

I did everything I could possibly do. Her friend that I have mentioned is vile, psycho of a woman. She literally gets off on causing chaos. She is a homewrecker. I know what you're going to say... that my girlfriend is an adult and she makes her own decisions. Correct. But, she's the one that suggested, urged and housed many of these acts. My ex is very easily manipulated (ironic, huh?) by certain people.... it's how she builds report with people... and as long as the two of them are friends, there is no way in hell that she would even remotely entertain the idea of trying to get back with me.

 

And you know what? You're probably right. She's probably having sex with the guy right now, as that's what she does. She can't be alone. She's a parasite in the sense that she has to gradually move from host to host, sucks them dry and once one is ready for dead, she'll move on to the next one. Why else would/could a woman suggest at having no contact 2 weeks before Christmas? The writing is on the wall.

Edited December 23, 2012 by Christopher82

[Darren Steez]

Well done boss you're well on your way to freedom. Here's the things though, for anyone who's been cheated on we want to see justice, we hope that the wayward have their fun, get their comeuppance, and come crawling back to us after realizing what they lost.

We want them to feel the pain we're feeling, the loss. We agonize over all the investment we put in them, the feeling, that's what makes the betrayal more acute.

 

You think it's about you but it's not, it's all about them. So to your question that you don't think she has the courage to come back to you and face you. Maybe not directly. It will start off small, a little text, how are you doing, just wanted to see if you're ok etc etc. You give it enough time, it will be I'm missed us, I've been thinking about you alot lately blah blah blah. Ever so lightly tugging at those heart strings.

 

Waywards are selfish, she wont be thinking about you but rather about herself and her needs. I'm glad you are angry, and I'm glad you are rid of her.

 

Look forward to the rest of your life bro and be happy. This girl is no good.

[Christopher82]

Well done boss you're well on your way to freedom. Here's the things though, for anyone who's been cheated on we want to see justice, we hope that the wayward have their fun, get their comeuppance, and come crawling back to us after realizing what they lost.

We want them to feel the pain we're feeling, the loss. We agonize over all the investment we put in them, the feeling, that's what makes the betrayal more acute.

 

You think it's about you but it's not, it's all about them. So to your question that you don't think she has the courage to come back to you and face you. Maybe not directly. It will start off small, a little text, how are you doing, just wanted to see if you're ok etc etc. You give it enough time, it will be I'm missed us, I've been thinking about you alot lately blah blah blah. Ever so lightly tugging at those heart strings.

 

Waywards are selfish, she wont be thinking about you but rather about herself and her needs. I'm glad you are angry, and I'm glad you are rid of her.

 

Look forward to the rest of your life bro and be happy. This girl is no good.

 

Darren, you're a good man. Thank you for your insight. It's genuinely appreciated and well thought of.

 

This is my biggest worry: Her contacting me in any shape, way or form and me caving in. I haven't caved in whatsoever thus far, but we all have our moments of weakness. Truth be told, this is the first time in my life where I've put my foot down and stood committed to NC. In retrospect, I wish I would've done it immediately after being cheated on 6 months ago. Should've, could've, would've though, right? I'll be much stronger and committed if and when I'm ever in such a scenario again.

 

Another question for you (or anyone else that would like to give their take): If/when she decides to contact me, what exactly do I do? Do I completely stand by the NC rule, or do I give a somewhat humble, but firm reply? I know this sounds incredibly weak on my part, but I'm still in this strange, almost vegitative state at times. In some ways, my brain doesn't feel like it's ticking right at times.

 

What I'm really looking for is, in all likelihood, what am I to expect from the bitch in the following weeks and months ahead? What are the possibilities and how do I counteract them?

[Marie0708]

Damn dude, Im sorry. Its starting to look like a lot of women just don't know how to act in a relationship. Its like they are stuck in whore mode. From reading around on here and from my own personal experience, a seemingly good girl goes all to hell as soon as she starts going out with her friends.

 

Not necessarily; I'm still one of them! I've just become jaded about men because of my own recent experiences...too many of them flake out from pursuing a real relationship.

[drifter777]

Darren, you're a good man. Thank you for your insight. It's genuinely appreciated and well thought of.

 

This is my biggest worry: Her contacting me in any shape, way or form and me caving in. I haven't caved in whatsoever thus far, but we all have our moments of weakness. Truth be told, this is the first time in my life where I've put my foot down and stood committed to NC. In retrospect, I wish I would've done it immediately after being cheated on 6 months ago. Should've, could've, would've though, right? I'll be much stronger and committed if and when I'm ever in such a scenario again.

 

Another question for you (or anyone else that would like to give their take): If/when she decides to contact me, what exactly do I do? Do I completely stand by the NC rule, or do I give a somewhat humble, but firm reply? I know this sounds incredibly weak on my part, but I'm still in this strange, almost vegitative state at times. In some ways, my brain doesn't feel like it's ticking right at times.

 

What I'm really looking for is, in all likelihood, what am I to expect from the bitch in the following weeks and months ahead? What are the possibilities and how do I counteract them?

 

Focus on two things:

 

1) After a couple of weeks of no contact with her it will begin to get easier. You are addicted to her because it is scary to start over and you don't want to be alone. You've forgotten how strong you are and how much fun it is to be independent and play with other girls.

 

2) Regain your self-respect. Only you can give this gift back to yourself by refusing to allow yourself to be pissed on by this girl. You don't deserve this treatment, you didn't cause her behavior. She is just not ready to settle down and you simply accept that and move on.

 

You will be happy again.

[Darren Steez]

Darren, you're a good man. Thank you for your insight. It's genuinely appreciated and well thought of.

 

This is my biggest worry: Her contacting me in any shape, way or form and me caving in. I haven't caved in whatsoever thus far, but we all have our moments of weakness. Truth be told, this is the first time in my life where I've put my foot down and stood committed to NC. In retrospect, I wish I would've done it immediately after being cheated on 6 months ago. Should've, could've, would've though, right? I'll be much stronger and committed if and when I'm ever in such a scenario again.

 

Another question for you (or anyone else that would like to give their take): If/when she decides to contact me, what exactly do I do? Do I completely stand by the NC rule, or do I give a somewhat humble, but firm reply? I know this sounds incredibly weak on my part, but I'm still in this strange, almost vegitative state at times. In some ways, my brain doesn't feel like it's ticking right at times.

 

What I'm really looking for is, in all likelihood, what am I to expect from the bitch in the following weeks and months ahead? What are the possibilities and how do I counteract them?

 

You don't owe this girl anything, she's not your friend or your relative. She contacts you don't answer, if you're that weak simply block her number, her email etc. There are ways to cut the cancer out your life and keep it that way.