Do u communicate or cheat after arguing?

[Sweett]

do u communicate or cheat after argument?

I still question myself day in and day out as if I caused my ex to cheat, leave me, and marry the girl. Do disagreements and arguments lead to cheating? Doesn't everyone go through this? Why couldn't he just listen to what was bothering me when we disagreed instead of always over talking me and having to "win" the argument as if it were an attack? I feel the main reason we argued is because deep down I felt something wasn't right & I sensed it was someone else but he denied it calling me insecure and everytime we disagreed he'd say things to make me think he wanted out of the relationship. I cried a lot because I felt the emotional distance but just couldn't put my finger on it but yet he told me he loved me. I was down a lot and to him it looked like I hated myself and it was a sign of weakness but I was this way because he seemed angry all the time and not happy so I felt it was my fault, but I still cannot figure out what I did or said wrong that any other married or other relationship wouldnt go through.

I cannot stop picking this apart! After I caught him with her and he left me I constantly asked him why. I heard him say he Needed space, He wasn't happy, He never loved me, hes not leaving to be with another girl, he said maybe Hes the reason i cry, He said he thought about getting back with me but i didn't give him his space! All of this is bull he told me he loved me everyday! And he wasn't thinking about getting back with me cuz he was with her!!!

 

Months after he left me I read a letter he wrote saying that he had been courting the girl for awhile and he couldn't date her because he always had a schedule conflict! Well he couldn't date her because I was the conflict the sob was still with me when he started up with her.

 

This crap is making me feel like I am sick! I don't know what to do!

[todreaminblue]

do u communicate or cheat after argument?

I still question myself day in and day out as if I caused my ex to cheat, leave me, and marry the girl. Do disagreements and arguments lead to cheating? Doesn't everyone go through this? Why couldn't he just listen to what was bothering me when we disagreed instead of always over talking me and having to "win" the argument as if it were an attack? I feel the main reason we argued is because deep down I felt something wasn't right & I sensed it was someone else but he denied it calling me insecure and everytime we disagreed he'd say things to make me think he wanted out of the relationship. I cried a lot because I felt the emotional distance but just couldn't put my finger on it but yet he told me he loved me. I was down a lot and to him it looked like I hated myself and it was a sign of weakness but I was this way because he seemed angry all the time and not happy so I felt it was my fault, but I still cannot figure out what I did or said wrong that any other married or other relationship wouldnt go through.

I cannot stop picking this apart! After I caught him with her and he left me I constantly asked him why. I heard him say he Needed space, He wasn't happy, He never loved me, hes not leaving to be with another girl, he said maybe Hes the reason i cry, He said he thought about getting back with me but i didn't give him his space! All of this is bull he told me he loved me everyday! And he wasn't thinking about getting back with me cuz he was with her!!!

 

Months after he left me I read a letter he wrote saying that he had been courting the girl for awhile and he couldn't date her because he always had a schedule conflict! Well he couldn't date her because I was the conflict the sob was still with me when he started up with her.

 

This crap is making me feel like I am sick! I don't know what to do!

 

The last guy I was with i am a mediator in an argument, only when i cop abuse do i get offensive.....or defensive....ill guard up....So i hardly ever ague i prefer to discuss with people who are like minded.He did cheat on me not because of arguments but because i got sick and couldnt handle everything.....he wasnt there to pick me up he went and picked up else where in some other womans bed held her up, while i crashed (kamikaze crash test dummy style) into a brick wall of too much too soon and too late.........

 

 

 

guys cheat because they can .....because they want to , and because they are not committed.same goes for females.I was too committed i neglected everything about me.I was meant to hold it together because that is what I do, if something isnt perfect Ill do it again and again and again if i cant find the right words I will keep trying to find them .....

 

 

he didnt feel the need to tell me" hey thats good enough stop now and release me from feeling nah not good enough i have to keep trekkin"....I havetn had that, just once recently just journaled about it actually.........i am not to blame for cheating behavior....neither are you,,,not for arguments not for sickeness not for any reason nor does anyoen deserve to be cheated on ebcause they disagree or fail to perform perfectly or know exactly what to say to end cheating behavior....schedule conflict..pffffffffffft..really...the guy needs a clue and a brain to process it with..dont be sick i just cleaned the carpet in here hang on a sec ill get a bucket.....here is the loveshack sick bucket.. awww yuck what have you been eating thats chunky....hugs....deb

Edited December 23, 2012 by todreaminblue

[sadpanda87]

depends on the person. if he/she was serious abuot the relationship they would try to work it out. i think cheating is a weakness in character

[Sweett]

depends on the person. if he/she was serious abuot the relationship they would try to work it out. i think cheating is a weakness in character

 

If he wasn't serious he should have never gotten in a relationship, that's makes him a selfish dog especially since I was committed and loyal. He tried to use that as an excuse also that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship but got in one while with me to become engaged.

Edited December 23, 2012 by Sweett

[Sweett]

The last guy I was with i am a mediator in an argument, only when i cop abuse do i get offensive.....or defensive....ill guard up....So i hardly ever ague i prefer to discuss with people who are like minded.He did cheat on me not because of arguments but because i got sick and couldnt handle everything.....he wasnt there to pick me up he went and picked up else where in some other womans bed held her up, while i crashed (kamikaze crash test dummy style) into a brick wall of too much too soon and too late.........

 

 

 

guys cheat because they can .....because they want to , and because they are not committed.same goes for females.I was too committed i neglected everything about me.I was meant to hold it together because that is what I do, if something isnt perfect Ill do it again and again and again if i cant find the right words I will keep trying to find them .....

 

 

he didnt feel the need to tell me" hey thats good enough stop now and release me from feeling nah not good enough i have to keep trekkin"....I havetn had that, just once recently just journaled about it actually.........i am not to blame for cheating behavior....neither are you,,,not for arguments not for sickeness not for any reason nor does anyoen deserve to be cheated on ebcause they disagree or fail to perform perfectly or know exactly what to say to end cheating behavior....schedule conflict..pffffffffffft..really...the guy needs a clue and a brain to process it with..dont be sick i just cleaned the carpet in here hang on a sec ill get a bucket.....here is the loveshack sick bucket.. awww yuck what have you been eating thats chunky....hugs....deb

 

Right, but I just don't understand this and it makes me think all men are selfish and are only there to make 1 commit and be loyal while they can't seem to be and we are the ones left feeling like crap because of their selfishness and insecurities they may have but bblame u for!

I used to tell him u don't give up on someone u love and his jump back would be well I never loved u so I'd say why did u stay with me 2 years, tell me u loved me everyday, take me on trips, meet ur family, buy me expensive things, etc. and he responds saying his feelings changed and he needed space but it wasn't anyone else. LIAR!!! Because he was already with her! See how this can make one sick emotionally! Why can't men tell the truth if they are cheating? The hurt doesn't lessen by lying!

[Ninjainpajamas]

People are selfish in general, but women and men differ how they accomplish this.

 

This guy clearly didn't seem ever that in love with you, seemed like he was with you just to be with you, probably until he found the "perfect" girl which once he did he got out of dodge.

 

Why did he do this?

 

He did this because telling you the truth would hurt you, make him feel bad/guilty and furthermore he may not have been aware that he'd actually find that girl. He probably didn't know how to break up with you or face and you and let you go.

 

You like a defiant love monster insisted on this relationship staying together, ignoring the flags or sweeping over them because of how you "felt" justifying it by him telling you things were ok even though you knew better...after all someone can only trick you for so long because the cracks start to show before not too long...so why didn't you save yourself from this? do you really expect him to be something he was not?...brave enough to be honest with you, confident enough to let you go and move on, and strong enough to be able to deal with the backlash in spite of all the things that he did for you in the past which clearly justified to you that this was something special.

 

But someone who feels the same way as you do for them doesn't have to be scolded, forced or convinced to fight for a relationship, that's a lesson you clearly needed to learn...because if you were using your brain instead of trying to believe in what you wanted to and this "hope" that so many women like to do by looking into the sky and wishing upon a star...relationships take work and communication, and that comes with will, desire and motivation...which obviously you cannot make or force anyone to do.

 

So as soon as your partner doesn't want to do something anymore...guess what?....it's over...game over, end of relationship, because the more you try and hold onto and it and impose your will in this belief in this "romance" the more pressure you'll apply and this will cause that person to break...because you can't pretend to try forever.

 

You need to realize that the person who is going to tell you the truth and when to walk away has to be yourself, you can't depend on someone else...why? because even if they are are truthful or in denial, you've got to use your own brain and intuition for yourself to know when to walk away instead of hold on like you did...regardless of what this guy told you.

 

Trust me...women are just as selfish as men, they think about their own lives, that maternal clock, that desire to be in a committed relationship or whatever it is...not ALWAYS in the best interest of that man...those are the woman's feelings, but how often do women really dig and try to figure out how a man feels? not very much, they usual settle for little BS vague answers that have more holes than a homeless mans boxers so they can tell themsleves that this man was duping them...c'mon, be for real...you're a big girl and the more you think this through the more you realize what was coming and that he was emotional distant for a while, you saw the cracks but you covered them with wallpaper...you also have yourself to blame because in the end everyone is looking out for themselves....sorry thats the real world, and guess what! you do it too you just do it in a different way.

[Mme. Chaucer]

If your ex boyfriend responded to your arguing by cheating on you, this just speaks to his character. Please don't extrapolate this behavior to all men. Men are just as capable of being honorable and honest as women are - and just as capable of failing at it.

 

BUT, from the way you describe your relationship, it sounds like it was a very bad one with poor communication on BOTH sides. It sounds like you were incompatible and that he, at least, was seriously unhappy and needed to get out of it. It sounds like you were miserable as well. The way he did it was not good, but it sounds like it needed to happen. Don't blame yourself. But in the future, if a relationship starts to go bad and your efforts to improve it fail, it's most likely time for YOU to move on.

[Sweett]

People are selfish in general, but women and men differ how they accomplish this.

 

This guy clearly didn't seem ever that in love with you, seemed like he was with you just to be with you, probably until he found the "perfect" girl which once he did he got out of dodge.

 

Why did he do this?

 

He did this because telling you the truth would hurt you, make him feel bad/guilty and furthermore he may not have been aware that he'd actually find that girl. He probably didn't know how to break up with you or face and you and let you go.

 

You like a defiant love monster insisted on this relationship staying together, ignoring the flags or sweeping over them because of how you "felt" justifying it by him telling you things were ok even though you knew better...after all someone can only trick you for so long because the cracks start to show before not too long...so why didn't you save yourself from this? do you really expect him to be something he was not?...brave enough to be honest with you, confident enough to let you go and move on, and strong enough to be able to deal with the backlash in spite of all the things that he did for you in the past which clearly justified to you that this was something special.

 

But someone who feels the same way as you do for them doesn't have to be scolded, forced or convinced to fight for a relationship, that's a lesson you clearly needed to learn...because if you were using your brain instead of trying to believe in what you wanted to and this "hope" that so many women like to do by looking into the sky and wishing upon a star...relationships take work and communication, and that comes with will, desire and motivation...which obviously you cannot make or force anyone to do.

 

So as soon as your partner doesn't want to do something anymore...guess what?....it's over...game over, end of relationship, because the more you try and hold onto and it and impose your will in this belief in this "romance" the more pressure you'll apply and this will cause that person to break...because you can't pretend to try forever.

 

You need to realize that the person who is going to tell you the truth and when to walk away has to be yourself, you can't depend on someone else...why? because even if they are are truthful or in denial, you've got to use your own brain and intuition for yourself to know when to walk away instead of hold on like you did...regardless of what this guy told you.

 

Trust me...women are just as selfish as men, they think about their own lives, that maternal clock, that desire to be in a committed relationship or whatever it is...not ALWAYS in the best interest of that man...those are the woman's feelings, but how often do women really dig and try to figure out how a man feels? not very much, they usual settle for little BS vague answers that have more holes than a homeless mans boxers so they can tell themsleves that this man was duping them...c'mon, be for real...you're a big girl and the more you think this through the more you realize what was coming and that he was

 

emotional distant for a while, you saw the cracks but you covered them with wallpaper...you also have yourself to blame because in the end everyone is looking out for themselves....sorry thats the real world, and guess what! you do it too you just do it in a different way.

 

 

So basically I'm right to beat myself because it was my fault? So just continue on my path of self blame? In a nut shell he just wanted sex and after a few times his feelings changed is that it? Ok I see its my fault he was right and I wasn't he did the right thing. She's perfect and I'm not I'm to stupid and weak.

[Sweett]

If your ex boyfriend responded to your arguing by cheating on you, this just speaks to his character. Please don't extrapolate this behavior to all men. Men are just as capable of being honorable and honest as women are - and just as capable of failing at it.

 

BUT, from the way you describe your relationship, it sounds like it was a very bad one with poor communication on BOTH sides. It sounds like you were incompatible and that he, at least, was seriously unhappy and needed to get out of it. It sounds like you were miserable as well. The way he did it was not good, but it sounds like it needed to happen. Don't blame yourself. But in the future, if a relationship starts to go bad and your efforts to improve it fail, it's most likely time for YOU to move on.

 

Thanks but it was all my fault! I'm stupid ugly and weak and am not worth anything. I understand now.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Thanks but it was all my fault! I'm stupid ugly and weak and am not worth anything. I understand now.

 

What are you talking about? You had a crappy relationship with a cheater. I'm sure both of you played your roles in having a crappy relationship, but the cheating's on him.

 

This dramatic self flagellation of yours is probably not a benefit to having a healthy relationship with any guy, though. You might want to see about changing that.

[Sweett]

What are you talking about? You had a crappy relationship with a cheater. I'm sure both of you played your roles in having a crappy relationship, but the cheating's on him.

 

This dramatic self flagellation of yours is probably not a benefit to having a healthy relationship with any guy, though. You might want to see about changing that.

 

The other poster is making it seem like my fault because I did not walk away but shouldn't my ex be held accountable for even asking me to be his girl in the beginning!!!!!! If I had known we didn't want the same things at the beginning I would've never took up with him. Has nothing to do with a maternal clock or so called dream as the other person stated.This person asked to be in a relationship with me, said he was tired of dating and wanted a commitment and when he got caught cheating it all changed to I never loved u, I don't want a marriage, etc,