My Boyfriends Relationship with his EX is ruining ours

[ninelives]

I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years. He has children with his ex wife of about 10 years ago. He goes to see his children at her house. Considering they are 16 & 19 years, I think it would be appropriate for him to pick them up and visit at a restaurant or elsewhere. I have resounded that if they are quick visits I will deal with that. About 6 months ago he found out he had a daughter from another girlfriend. The ex-girl friend with the baby demanded supervised visit, so my boyfriend decided his ex wife would was the only choice he had after she would not agree to his first three choices. I argued that he does have a choice, checked with the court and offered pay for a court appointed third party. He was firm that to do anything that was not in agreement would be bad for his court case and this was his only choice. Considering I am supposed to help raise this child I came along for the visits. It was not a good experience visiting the ex girlfriends child at the ex wife’s house. The ex-wife controlled the visits of the child and my boyfriend took her every suggestion and disregarded any of mine. I am still a bit resentful from the closeness my boyfriend and his ex-wife shared during the visits too. I am able to put it to the side finally but expected in the future distance is maintained. I told my boyfriend how much it bothered me and asked him to never again ask his ex wife for help or give her help with anything outside her two children. He admits it is a strange relationship as he went even went on family vacations for several years with her after their divorce. Now she has asked my boyfriend to help her with a business project that will likely require more communication. My boyfriend plans on helping her even after I told him how much it would bother me and don’t like it one bit. I do think he is faithful to me and understand they need to maintain a nice relationship for their boys, but I can’t understand why he feels the need to go above and beyond with his ex’s when it is harming his relationship with me. I love him but this situation is driving me crazy. There is more, like him calling her to check to see if his phone is working instead of me. Am I wrong to be jealous of his ex-wife and expect a certain distance? I don’t have these feeling towards the ex-girl friend as he maintains it more like a professional relationship. Where do I draw the line? I need some advice and feedback please.