wife is leaving

[ataloss8270]

OK here's the situation and I'm going to be fully honest because if I am not I will only be lying to myself and not get any real help, my wife and I have had a very rocky relationship for the last 4 years. And we have 2 kids together a 4 year old and a 16 month old. I will admit that I was am not the greatest husband in many ways but never was physical until about a month and a half ago when she and I got into an arguement about some love letters I found from someone else and I confronted her about it when we were both drunk, bad idea I know. She started yelling at me and smacking me in the head and I went to push her back and I knocked her down and she said that I hit her. Which I didn't but I know I went way to far and I will never forgive myself for it. I am even to the point that I don't think I will ever pick up a drink the rest of my life. She left once before about 2 1/2 years ago for about 2 month in which time I went to anger management and learned alot but couldn't continue because we couldn't afford it anymore, but I slowly slipped back into my old ways. And once again I am back in anger management and I've even started personal therapy because I just cannot be this way around my wife or my kids anymore. And I'm planning on going for at least a year or even longer until I feel I'm ready to stop. She has been planning on moving out for the last month and it been I rocky road till this point. I keep searching for answers from her and its only making matters worse. Because I feel that she is moving out with this guy, but she tells me she's not. She tells me that they have only been talking until she that night that she decided that we we were done. But I have a hard time believing that. And our son has told me this guy has been around him lately. I have seen on her phone that her and this guy talk all day and they constantly tell eachother they love eachother all the time. But she tells me that she doesn't really love him and is just using him as a shoulder to cry on. I don't know what to believe. But what is confusing me is when I ask her if we could work things out, one day she will tell me that we will never get back together again and we need to get divorced because this relationship is just not healthy for our kids. And I do agree with her about that it is not healthy for the kids right now. But she has not filled for divorce yet but tells me all the time she has the papers and uses them as a threat when she's irradiated with me. But other days she will tell me when I ask her, she will tell me that she doesn't know what she wants to do and we will talk about it when the time comes. She still tell me that she does love me and I know she does because we have been threw alot and she has still stayed. I am at a lose here and don't know what to think or how to feel. I know I screwed up really bad and I know I have alot to prove to her. But because of my emotional ups and downs I have made this a rough month. It was probably a bad idea to live together this whole time but its all we could do because we have no family close to us. I have wrote he letters stating how I fell but she finally told me to stop because I am only hurting myself. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't believe in divorce but I know she has to follow her heart. Should I just stand back and keep working on myself and see what comes of all this or should I keep telling her how I feel? Or am I just making myself look weak by telling her how I feel. I really do love her and she does love me but tells me she can't be with someone like me. So I don't know what to think

[edwardo47]

Sir. You have a bad relationship. She has another man. You have both been physically and emotionally abusive. You definitely are hurting yourself by writing the letters. I did that too. Let her go. It is tough but do you really want someone who does not want you. She is seeing another man. This is not a healthy place for children. Continue to abstain from alcohol. It could make things get worse pretty quickly. You may even lose contact with your children. Let her go as I was told. Work on rebuilding yourself. This is the worst experience you will ever go through. Seek counseling and talk with your friends and family. I know it sucks. But you have to get out of the toxic mess you both created. Be Strong!

[Mr. Lucky]

OK here's the situation and I'm going to be fully honest because if I am not I will only be lying to myself and not get any real help, my wife and I have had a very rocky relationship for the last 4 years. And we have 2 kids together a 4 year old and a 16 month old. I will admit that I was am not the greatest husband in many ways but never was physical until about a month and a half ago when she and I got into an arguement about some love letters I found from someone else and I confronted her about it when we were both drunk, bad idea I know. She started yelling at me and smacking me in the head and I went to push her back and I knocked her down and she said that I hit her. Which I didn't but I know I went way to far and I will never forgive myself for it. I am even to the point that I don't think I will ever pick up a drink the rest of my life. She left once before about 2 1/2 years ago for about 2 month in which time I went to anger management and learned alot but couldn't continue because we couldn't afford it anymore, but I slowly slipped back into my old ways. And once again I am back in anger management and I've even started personal therapy because I just cannot be this way around my wife or my kids anymore. And I'm planning on going for at least a year or even longer until I feel I'm ready to stop. She has been planning on moving out for the last month and it been I rocky road till this point. I keep searching for answers from her and its only making matters worse. Because I feel that she is moving out with this guy, but she tells me she's not. She tells me that they have only been talking until she that night that she decided that we we were done. But I have a hard time believing that. And our son has told me this guy has been around him lately. I have seen on her phone that her and this guy talk all day and they constantly tell eachother they love eachother all the time. But she tells me that she doesn't really love him and is just using him as a shoulder to cry on. I don't know what to believe. But what is confusing me is when I ask her if we could work things out, one day she will tell me that we will never get back together again and we need to get divorced because this relationship is just not healthy for our kids. And I do agree with her about that it is not healthy for the kids right now. But she has not filled for divorce yet but tells me all the time she has the papers and uses them as a threat when she's irradiated with me. But other days she will tell me when I ask her, she will tell me that she doesn't know what she wants to do and we will talk about it when the time comes. She still tell me that she does love me and I know she does because we have been threw alot and she has still stayed. I am at a lose here and don't know what to think or how to feel. I know I screwed up really bad and I know I have alot to prove to her. But because of my emotional ups and downs I have made this a rough month. It was probably a bad idea to live together this whole time but its all we could do because we have no family close to us. I have wrote he letters stating how I fell but she finally told me to stop because I am only hurting myself. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't believe in divorce but I know she has to follow her heart. Should I just stand back and keep working on myself and see what comes of all this or should I keep telling her how I feel? Or am I just making myself look weak by telling her how I feel. I really do love her and she does love me but tells me she can't be with someone like me. So I don't know what to think

Paragraphs and punctuation, my friend. You'll get a lot more responses if your post is readable.

 

It sounds like she's done and, hard as it is, you're going to have look forward and not back. You've got some big issues ahead in terms of separation, living space and shared parenting. That's where your focus should be. Keep posting...

 

Mr. Lucky

[ataloss8270]

I forgot to mention in my first thread that the big blow out arguement did not happen in front of our kids. We rarely argue in front of them and I know we shouldn't. When she said this isn't healthy for the kids she talking about us being mad at one another all the time and not being truly happy.

 

I am feeling really low today. I feel horrible about everything I have done. I find myself blaming myself for what is going on to my family. Because I feel if I treated my wife better she would still be with me not him. And my kids would have both of us in one house. And I'm mentally beating the crap out of myself about things.

 

I wish I could reconcile with my wife. Not to try and work things out because I know she doesn't want me right now, and there is probably only a slim chance that she ever will. And I can't blame her. But to at least let her know how truly sorry I am for everything. And for her to actually believe me. Because I have said I'm sorry about so many things just to do them again. And a sorry coming from me holds no meaning to her anymore.

 

I know I have a long road to improve myself. And I know I must do it for myself or else I will never learn. I am just really scared because everything I read online says that abusers never change. And its making me afraid of the future, because I never want to do this to anyone again. I don't want my son to think it's OK to treat women this way. Or for my daughter to think its OK to be treated badly.

 

I am also afraid of being alone on this journey that I am about to embark on. Because I am afraid to bring anyone into my life before I fix my issue. And its just scary to think about being alone for a few years. That how long I feel its going to take to truly be a good man. Because I have some serious deep seeded issues from childhood. They are going to take some time to crack and get rid of. But I don't want to bring anyone into my life until I know for sure I will treat her the way she should be. Its just depressing to know I am going to be alone for that long. It is also scary to think that by telling someone in the future that I was once an abuser, they are going to think twice about me and decide to leave in fear I may do it to them.

 

I am also thinking about starting a NC relationship with her when she is finally out of the house on thrusday. But I don't know if that's a good idea. She said she want to us to become really good friends, because she still needs me in her life. But I don't know how to feel about that. Or if she will ever really be able to except me as a friend. Or if I am even going to be able to because I have a hard time even looking at her right now. Or maybe she setting me up for something in the future. But we have been living together separated for the last month and a half and she's had plenty of chances to do it. I just don't know.

 

She also got mad at me when she asked me to build her new kitchen table and I told her to have her new man do it. And I don't understand why that upset her so much. She told me she's not with me anymore. And I don't feel I should have to take care of her as if we were.

 

Its just all really bring me down right now.

[Caldespair]

Hang in their my friend. You can handle more then you know, as I am learning. Going through pretty str8 divorce, but it's killing me. We will survive , we must believe it and we will thrive

[Mr. Lucky]

I am also thinking about starting a NC relationship with her when she is finally out of the house on thrusday. But I don't know if that's a good idea. She said she want to us to become really good friends, because she still needs me in her life. But I don't know how to feel about that. Or if she will ever really be able to except me as a friend. Or if I am even going to be able to because I have a hard time even looking at her right now. Or maybe she setting me up for something in the future. But we have been living together separated for the last month and a half and she's had plenty of chances to do it. I just don't know.

 

She also got mad at me when she asked me to build her new kitchen table and I told her to have her new man do it. And I don't understand why that upset her so much. She told me she's not with me anymore. And I don't feel I should have to take care of her as if we were.

 

Its just all really bring me down right now.

 

You can't go NC if you've got children, just too many ongoing details to work out. And your kids should really be your focus right now, both for their well-being and your sanity. If you want to show your W a better side of you, work on being a great Dad. That's a win/win regardless of the outcome of your M.

 

Where is she moving to? Have either of you filed yet?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

BTW - Thanks for the format of your 2nd post in the thread ...

[ataloss8270]

I know my kids are my world right now. And I will always do my best by them. And luckily with our work schedules I have my kids 3 nights a week and my weekends.

 

She is moving to an apartment about 2 miles from where I am. And no one has filed for divorce yet. But she made the comment today about talking to her boss about set days so we can figure out custody. I didn't make any comments about it though.

 

Today was very unusual though. We had a great Christmas as a family, which was awesome for the kids. And I treated her with the up most respect today. And had a few good conversations with her about this and that, nothing about us though. But if I wasn't playing with the kids I was just reading stuff online. But I keeper catching her out of the corner of my eye looking at me. I know I really shouldn't be reading into things she's doing but I do understand why. But I am probably over thinking things right now.

[standtall]

Sorry to hear your grief ataloss...to put it bluntly, don't get your hopes up on the fleeting glances. Your wife has checked out of this marriage, and there is nothing you can do to force her to change her mind. You can only change yourself for the better and hope she notices if the affair fog ever lifts. Do the 180..no sniveling/begging/pleading/groveling...plan, since you will ruin what little chance you have since women do not love men they do not respect.

[aMguilts]

I know my kids are my world right now. And I will always do my best by them. And luckily with our work schedules I have my kids 3 nights a week and my weekends.

 

 

 

She is moving to an apartment about 2 miles from where I am. And no one has filed for divorce yet. But she made the comment today about talking to her boss about set days so we can figure out custody. I didn't make any comments about it though.

 

Today was very unusual though. We had a great Christmas as a family, which was awesome for the kids. And I treated her with the up most respect today. And had a few good conversations with her about this and that, nothing about us though. But if I wasn't playing with the kids I was just reading stuff online. But I keeper catching her out of the corner of my eye looking at me. I know I really shouldn't be reading into things she's doing but I do understand why. But I am probably over thinking things right now.

 

hey ataloss8270

 

As blunt as it was, standtalls got it right .

Ride one wave from now on, your own.

You will get all kinds of things thrown at you but as long as you focus on you, you will ride it out.

Any chance of reconcilling?

 

A lot on here will just say to forget her, but i`m not one of them.

Like i say to my wife, my vows still mean the same now as the day when we got married.

 

From what i`ve quoted you on and my reply, you seem to be doing the right thing.

small talk, happy talk with each other is the way to go.

You have a good head on your shoulders and you are using it.

Good for you

 

keep posting

 

aM

[ataloss8270]

I am not going to get my hopes up from anything unless she says that she loves me and want to work things out. That is the only way I am going to allow her to get my attension. I did alot of research the other day about mind games and how to not allow them to affect you. Because I don't want to be played and I don't want to do anything that makes it seem I am playing her. I even wrote her a note the other day stating that " I reread all my letters the other day and I came to the realization that they all are me trying to convince you to see things my way. You have the right to your own opinions about this situation and to feel how you want to feel. And any changes in me must be seen threw your eyes, not told by me." Because that is how I truly feel. There was no hidden meaning in it.

 

I do love her regardless if she want to be with me or not. She is the mother of my kids and will always hold a place in my heart because of that. And I feel I need to always treat her with respect no matter what her decisions are or where we end up in life.

 

The chances of us reconciling are very slim, if any at all. There are some serious wounds between us right now, that may never heal. She tells me that she love me but she can't be with someone like me. And like I said one day she will tell me there's no chance of us working things out, then other days she will tell me she doesn't know what she wants to do and we will discuss it when the time comes. I asked her the other day if she is going to fill once she moves out, she told me she doesn't know. But after reading about mind games I am going to stop talking to her about things, and just be there for her and rekindle our freindship. And being stuck in the affair bug she not full focused on things. And only hope she sees that this dude may be great now, but remember how great her and I were at one time. So I am only going to work on myself and remember that today is only tomarrows yesterday. Because it is the healthiest thing I can do for myself.

[ataloss8270]

Thank you for you thread Landygray. I am sorry to here that, that happened to you. Please know that some of us really do feel heart ache for what we have done, and truly have remorse for our actions. But I'm glad to here that someone that is an abuse survivor believes people can change. I thank you for that comment it makes me feel better about everything I am doing for myself right now. I feel that I am going to become a better man, because I truly want to become one.

 

I feel I have shown that I am strong in some ways, like making her find her own place instead of me getting a room and paying half the bills like I said I was in the beginning. But i decided i was not going to allow her to sleep in my bed with another man. And she keeps trying to make me feel bad by saying things like "well I'm going to have to sleep on an air mattress until I can afford a bed." Or " i think that unfair because you make more than twice as much as me" when I told her she needs to pay half of the kids medical bills. And all I've been saying back is "there your kids to", "you'll figure it out" and "you made you bed, lay in it". She has been really dumb with her money right now. And that's been her main complaint is how much I make compaired to her. And when I told her to have her boyfriend build her new kitchen table and do things around the house, she blew up on me saying "well I've never need you anyway. I will just build it myself." I just bit my tongue but was thinking in my head, what kind of man are you with that you don't even trust to do things for you. My sister is married to a man like that and it drives her, my father and I up the walls that he can't do anything around the house, no matter how nice of a guy he is to her. And I feel she is afraid to find out this guy is the same way. Because she knows if he is she will be stuck in the same boat as my sister. And I know she is really stressed out about all of this because her hair is falling out like crazy. I can see bald spots starting to form. And I've had to clear the shower drain of hair twice in a month.

 

What do you all think about things like car insurance and issues of that nature. Should I remove her from stuff like that or should I just keep having her pay for her part of them. I don't know how I should go about them. I don't want my kids in an uninsured car with her. And I know she can't afford a down payment on a policy, she can barely afford to pay me her half of the bills.

Edited December 26, 2012 by ataloss8270
spelling

[ataloss8270]

Well I just ****ed up. I came home and told her I don't know if we could be friends. And she started crying, telling me she can't handle this mental abuse from me anymore that I am big polar and if there ever is a shred of us working things out in the future that I keep making it smaller and smaller. And that she's never truly been able to be herself with me, because I've been so controlling. That this is about her finding herself. And that she doesn't really love this guy because they are just getting to know one another, but she doesn't know where it may go. And I asked why do you tell him you love him? She said that they are just words. I need to start thinking with my heart not my head and just move on. And stop screwing up at least a good friendship with someone I know does care about me.

Edited December 27, 2012 by ataloss8270

[Mr. Lucky]

I need to start thinking with my heart not my head and just move on. And stop screwing up at least a good friendship with someone I know does care about me.

And you're going to do this by building a table in the kitchen while she sleeps with someone else in the bedroom ???

 

Your W sounds almost sociopathic and you're trying to be "good friends" with someone who's plainly not interested in returning the favor. While she weighs her options with this new man, you've should be weighing your options for legal representation. She will continue to yo-yo your feelings until you do...

 

Mr. Lucky

[ataloss8270]

I asked her last night why she hasn't filed for divorce again, and she actually told me because she lost the paper lol. How dumb does she think I am lol. I think I'm going to go file to show her how serious I am about being done with her if she is really done with me. And put some pressure on her to really decide what she wants. Because I can't sit here and be worried everyday for months thinking to myself is today the day I'm going to get served. I feel its time to move on. She's checked out of our marriage I need to be as well.

[Mr. Lucky]

I asked her last night why she hasn't filed for divorce again, and she actually told me because she lost the paper lol. How dumb does she think I am lol. I think I'm going to go file to show her how serious I am about being done with her if she is really done with me. And put some pressure on her to really decide what she wants. Because I can't sit here and be worried everyday for months thinking to myself is today the day I'm going to get served. I feel its time to move on. She's checked out of our marriage I need to be as well.

Amen....

 

Mr. Lucky

[Chi townD]

Well, if I were you and if she's moving out. The first thing I would do is take half the money out of the checking and savings account and put them into your own personal account. Don't tell her you're doing this, just do it. Then, I would make sure that your check gets direct deposited into your personal account. Do not pay one red cent towards the up keep and rent of this apartment of hers. That's her responsibility; not yours.

 

Then, I would talk to a lawyer and find out what bills you are responsible for and only pay those that he or she says you are supposed to pay. Also, talk to the lawyer about an injunction to keep the kids with you as the primary parent. So, if she wants to be free and independant, she's going to have to pay her own rent and ultilities and, hopefully, child maintence fee's to you. You're not divorced so you shouldn't have to pay her alimony.

 

If you do this, reality is going to punch her dead in the nose.

[ataloss8270]

Chi town I agree with everything, and I have already done all of that except the child part because even with child support I can't afford daycare. I make just enough above the margin for anything subsidized so I need her to watch the kids when I'm at work. Unfortunately I can't afford to upkeep the bills and pay for daycare. Even with the little bit she can afford to give me.

 

Today was the first day that she is completely moved out and I do feel a little relieved that this day has finally come. And she looked like a train wreck. She told me that she was sick but I see threw all that crap. She had a look on her face when she looked at me of I really don't want to do this. I feel that reality finally hit her and all this fun and games she though was about to happen isn't going to be what she thought. She had a hard time with the reality of the fact that she wasn't going to see the kids for 2 days. I feel if I am patient and let reality seep into her head and she begins to notice all the things I've done for her the last 5 years things may come around. She is only 23 and has never had to make a serious decision in her life, and now she's faced with the upkeep of a whole house. Ever sense she was about 5 months pregnant she hasn't had to work till the last 7 months, and that's only because she wanted to. I don't think I'm going to file for divorce because of 2 reasons #1 after seeing her face today she looked scared as hell and #2 I do have serious control issues and if I file she may feel that I am trying to control another situation. I am just going to be patient and see what unfolds over the next few months as things begin to crumble around her. I have so many things I need to working on for myself before I even get involved in another relationship I have nothing but time anyway. But if dude moves in with her I will file. But from what I've heard he is only 22 and doesn't have any kids. I don't see that relationship lasting very long lol. No matter how nice of a guy he is.

 

I'm also having a hard time seeing how being a complete jerk to her is going to make her come around, when she left because I was such a jerk. So if this family has a chance patients and hard work on myself for myself is the key to see where things go. And if anything I am teaching myself a lesson on how to not fear the unknown, which is a really hard thing for me to handle. But if I can't handle it anymore I will just go and file. I just need to keep going on with my life as if we are divorced and see what time will bring me. I am not going to be her friend and not do favors for her, but I will always have a smile on My face and be as pleasant as possible when I have to be around her. I look dumb I know, but like I said I have nothing but time to play games anyway.

[whichwayisup]

All you have to do is, when talking to her it is only about the kids and the house. Nothing else. She needs to grow up and see that her little bubble that has kept her safe and immature is about to pop. She's not a child, she's (well was) a wife and a mother. She needs to live life without you in it and not rely on you for support (moral support), only if it has to do with the kids and the house, bills etc..etc..

[ataloss8270]

All you have to do is, when talking to her it is only about the kids and the house. Nothing else. She needs to grow up and see that her little bubble that has kept her safe and immature is about to pop. She's not a child, she's (well was) a wife and a mother. She needs to live life without you in it and not rely on you for support (moral support), only if it has to do with the kids and the house, bills etc..etc..

 

That is my plan. She has a lot of growing up to do I know this. Life isn't a movie. I know she got pregnant young. And so am I, I'm only 29. But I've been told by many people that I act way older than I am, don't know if that's good or bad lol. I have been taking care of this family for 5 years all on my own. She's going to find out that I have really worked hard to provide for this family. And I work a very physical and stressful job. And I know that's some of my anger issues, but I do it because I have no college and its all I could do to feed my family. And I worked my butt off to be where I am at today. One of the biggest problems is she works with all people her age that don't have kids, not married, and do whatever they want when they get out of work. And that's what she wants, but its going to catch up with her real soon.

[ataloss8270]

Here is one thing I keep rapping my brain around though. She told me one day that she hasn't told anyone about what really happened that night. She told me that she has told people that we just had another big argument and she is feed up with my BS. Why wouldn't she tell people that we had a physical altercation?

[ataloss8270]

Well my wife asked me today if I'm only being nice because she hasn't filed yet. I said no the way I am is the way I'm going to be regardless of what her decision is. So she told me she was thinking about filing because she didn't want to make this drag out longer than it needed to be. I said fine do what you want. You want to file for separation go ahead, you want to file for divorce go ahead, but if your willing to work it out I'm willing to give this relationship 110%. But whatever you want to to is fine with me. She gave me a dumfounded look and I left it at that. So we will see what happens.

[Yasuandio]

Here is one thing I keep rapping my brain around though. She told me one day that she hasn't told anyone about what really happened that night. She told me that she has told people that we just had another big argument and she is feed up with my BS. Why wouldn't she tell people that we had a physical altercation?

 

Because she is lying. Most women tell their friends (and anyone that will listen, for that matter) everything, because they are emotonal creatures and crave sympathy and feedback. Some folks may be looking at you sideways, and perhaps you haven't noticed it yet. Plus, others may not have your side of the story.

 

If you file the divorce papers - you probably won't mention the altercation under these curcumstances since she supposedly ins't dicsussing the matter (but she will most likely delve into it in her response to your filing, which makes it look like you left out something important).

 

If she files the divorce papers, that will be where she will spring on you in graphic detail, taking you by surprise. The you will be like, "what?" "I thought, this and that?" "Huh?" (At least you will know up front what she's gonna do).

 

This is called the "Gotcha" Game. See how it played?

 

The best thing to do is blame the altercation on her. Or KISS the filling. Not really sure - need to know the complete truth about altercation - and you really need legal advice on how to proceed wit hthe history of altercation up in the air. Whatever you do, don't be manipulated into believing "the event" just disappeared, if it is something she can use to discredit you.

[ataloss8270]

Well we will see what happens when she files. I'm not going to file because I want to see if we can reconcile, I'm leaving that decision up to her. I know it has have been eating at her and I don't feel she is 100% sure of what to do. I think she talked to me about filing last night in hopes for an arguement between us to justify her a little more about doing it. Why waste the breath if you already made the decision to do it? But I was completely honest and sincere about my responce. I feel it took her a little off gaurd when I said do whatever you want to do im fine with your decision. But who knows I don't know what she is thinking, doing, or saying. All I can do is observe her reactions to what I say. And her reaction last night to my answer was a look of "what your not going to argue?". I also feel she may have people telling her to file and just get it over with. So I'm going to avoid bringing up relationship BS because there's no point in it and just go with the flow. She has made the comment a few times that she really enjoys the way we are right now, and I'm going to keep it there because its the best thing for our kids.

 

So im just going to stay on the path I'm on right now. And keep working on me for me and see where things go. I can only deal with things as they arise, and handle them the best I can with the new skills I am learning and the new me I am finding. I can't worry about the past or the future just the here and now.

 

But believe me I haven't forgot that the incident happened. I think about it everyday, and I will regret it the rest of my life.

Edited January 16, 2013 by ataloss8270

[ataloss8270]

OK, I think the STBXW has lost it. I think she is starting to go crazy. We have been nothing but civil the whole time sense she moved out. She called me last night asking if I would like to met up with her and the kids for dinner. I agreed and met them at a restaurant. She shows up and pulls out an envolpe out of the car. So I think OK she wants to be civil about how she is going to fill out the D papers. So we go inside and sit down. I can tell she was crying before she got there. We order our food and have some small talk. Then she proceeds to tell me that she want more legal custody of the kids over me because she doesn't want me and my family to do anything f***ed up to her. I say what are you talking about I thought we agreed on doing everything 50/50. And I said well you could very well do the same thing to me. And she starts going on about "look how your acting, this is why I can't be with you. My life is so much better now with out being with you. And look how you are acting in a public place, in front of your own kids". And all this other crap that has just came out of nowhere. So I said fine if we can't come to a civil agreement then I will just get a lawyer, but I don't want it to come to that point. Mind you I was completely calm during this whole thing. She said "see this is why i cant be with you". So I am just completely f***ing confused at this point. How the hell did we go from being civil to this! I even asked her at one point if she was recording this, with the way she's was wording things she was making it seem like I was pacing in the restaurant and yelling. I mean did she really just expect me to not be a little upset about her changing the agreement we had. I said why can't we just have 50/50 all across the board. And she says we will see how you are over time.

 

I asked her before she left if she thinks we can reconcile and she said "no, not after the way you were acting tonight". I asked her what I was did wrong tonight and she wouldn't give me an answer. Then right before she left she tells me that the envolpe just has a bunch of blank papers. And she's going to go tomarrow and get the real D papers. I leave completely confused thinking to myself what the f*** happened to make her do a complete 180 on me. I think she has someone getting into her head and making her do this, or is she just losing it.

[aMguilts]

Here is one thing I keep rapping my brain around though. She told me one day that she hasn't told anyone about what really happened that night. She told me that she has told people that we just had another big argument and she is feed up with my BS. Why wouldn't she tell people that we had a physical altercation?

 

hey ataloss.

 

In bold. Leave it at that then.

 

She may or may not of told anyone. But what you shouldn`t be thinking of is what she has said to you and told you.

Shes said she hasn`t told anyone.

leave it at that. Stop looking for things that aren`t there. She`s fed up with your BS? So drop it.

Why wouldn't she tell people that we had a physical altercation?.. maybe she`s embarrased? No one wants anyone else to know that their lives are less than `perfect`.

 

aM

Edited January 17, 2013 by aMguilts