wife is leaving

[ataloss8270]

hey ataloss.

 

In bold. Leave it at that then.

 

She may or may not of told anyone. But what you shouldn`t be thinking of is what she has said to you and told you.

Shes said she hasn`t told anyone.

leave it at that. Stop looking for things that aren`t there. She`s fed up with your BS? So drop it.

Why wouldn't she tell people that we had a physical altercation?.. maybe she`s embarrased? No one wants anyone else to know that their lives are less than `perfect`.

 

aM

 

Hey aM,

 

I posted that post about a month ago. I'm not digging into what she is doing anymore. I am doing my best just to go with the flow. At this point though she turned on me last night for no reason at all. I don't know what happened. I have been nothing but nice to her, and she baited me into a trap for no reason at all. The story is in my last post. I dont get what made her have a change of heart and do a complete 180 on me. I was alittle upset when we were talking. But I feel I was fairly under control. So idk I'm just going to keep working on me and try not to this k about things.

[ataloss8270]

Well she sent me a text today apologizing about what she did to me last night, and the only reason she did it was because she is scared. WTF I feel like I'm in the twilight zone right now.

[aMguilts]

Well she sent me a text today apologizing about what she did to me last night, and the only reason she did it was because she is scared. WTF I feel like I'm in the twilight zone right now.

 

ataloss.

 

she turned on you , then she apologizes,

So what?

 

Make nothing of either situation.

 

Put it this way.

Lets say she hit you in the face with a fist? how would you react?

Next day she is saying sorry. again how would you react?

 

chances are you would ignore her apology and just remember the smack in the face?

Accept it ok?

be ok with it.

take it on the chin cos you aren`t going to get down to her level, are you???

 

aM

[aMguilts]

Hey aM,

 

I posted that post about a month ago. I'm not digging into what she is doing anymore. I am doing my best just to go with the flow. At this point though she turned on me last night for no reason at all. I don't know what happened. I have been nothing but nice to her, and she baited me into a trap for no reason at all. The story is in my last post. I dont get what made her have a change of heart and do a complete 180 on me. I was alittle upset when we were talking. But I feel I was fairly under control. So idk I'm just going to keep working on me and try not to this k about things.

 

she turned on you for a reason.

Only she knows that and SHE was in the WRONG for turning on you.

 

I KNOW the reason why she `turned` on you.

 

Everyone else on here does too.

But listen

You done NOTHING wrong!!

aM

[aMguilts]

you need to forget what happened, its for your own good

aM

[ataloss8270]

she turned on you for a reason.

Only she knows that and SHE was in the WRONG for turning on you.

 

I KNOW the reason why she `turned` on you.

 

Everyone else on here does too.

But listen

You done NOTHING wrong!!

aM

 

OK I must be the only idiot on here that doesn't understand why she turned on me lol. Please explain

[ataloss8270]

ataloss.

 

she turned on you , then she apologizes,

So what?

 

Make nothing of either situation.

 

Put it this way.

Lets say she hit you in the face with a fist? how would you react?

Next day she is saying sorry. again how would you react?

 

chances are you would ignore her apology and just remember the smack in the face?

Accept it ok?

be ok with it.

take it on the chin cos you aren`t going to get down to her level, are you???

 

aM

 

No I am not going to bring myself to her level. Its a waste of my time. I have better things to do than that.

[ataloss8270]

you need to forget what happened, its for your own good

aM

 

It has already been forgotten. Saw her this morning and made no mention of the incident and just keep my head up high. Made my normal small talk and left it at that. She could barely look at me, I know she feels like an a** for doing it.

 

I have been thinking about what you said when you mentioned everyone here know why she did it. Is the reason because there is no conflict right now?

 

Because I know if there is no arguements than there is no reason to file for the D. And she may be doing this to cause a conflict to justify herself to file for it. I don't know. Like my name says I'm at a loss.

Edited January 18, 2013 by ataloss8270

[aMguilts]

It has already been forgotten. Saw her this morning and made no mention of the incident and just keep my head up high. Made my normal small talk and left it at that. She could barely look at me, I know she feels like an a** for doing it.

 

I have been thinking about what you said when you mentioned everyone here know why she did it. Is the reason because there is no conflict right now?

 

Because I know if there is no arguements than there is no reason to file for the D. And she may be doing this to cause a conflict to justify herself to file for it. I don't know. Like my name says I'm at a loss.

 

Hey ataloss.

 

Good reply

 

She will test you to hell and high water. Get this... she will not even be aware that she is doing it. men are from mars, women are from venus is a great book to understanding the differences between sexes.

 

The more relaxed and at ease you are with her, never argue with her, just agree on everything she says or does the better you will become.

 

But... really big but.!!

Being this way with her , will sometimes make her `shi**y` towards you.

Because you are always on her side she will feel the `need` to `lash` out at you, just to get some sort of reaction from you that WILL, like you said, `justify` that what she is doing is right.

And you hit the nail on the head. That is exactly what she is doing.

And she may be doing this to cause a conflict to justify herself to file for it.... She is looking for a reason to justify her actions.

And you done GREAT by not getting sucked into it!!

 

From what you post, you are doing better than you give yourself credit for.

 

aM

[ataloss8270]

Hey ataloss.

 

Good reply

 

She will test you to hell and high water. Get this... she will not even be aware that she is doing it. men are from mars, women are from venus is a great book to understanding the differences between sexes.

 

The more relaxed and at ease you are with her, never argue with her, just agree on everything she says or does the better you will become.

 

But... really big but.!!

Being this way with her , will sometimes make her `shi**y` towards you.

Because you are always on her side she will feel the `need` to `lash` out at you, just to get some sort of reaction from you that WILL, like you said, `justify` that what she is doing is right.

And you hit the nail on the head. That is exactly what she is doing.

And she may be doing this to cause a conflict to justify herself to file for it.... She is looking for a reason to justify her actions.

And you done GREAT by not getting sucked into it!!

 

From what you post, you are doing better than you give yourself credit for.

 

aM

 

aM,

 

Thanks for the support, I'm am doing my best to put it all off to the side. I still slip here and there but I'm working on it. Nothing major though. Everything takes time to master.

 

But most importantly I am still working on improving myself and figuring out who I am once again, for me. I know if I can figure that out it will only be a win/win situation for myself and anyone else who decides to be in my life. My councler told me she is very impressed with some of the breakthroughs I have already made in figuring out my own personalliy issues. Which was nice to hear.

[Oberfeldwebel]

I know this is a very emotional time for both of you and definitely under stress. This makes folks do strange things. Also it appears that she may have been coached by someone do say these things to you. However, her behavior is a little scary for me. I think that I would give a VAR and keep it with me for such events, so that you can CYA in case she does something out of character again.

[ataloss8270]

I know this is a very emotional time for both of you and definitely under stress. This makes folks do strange things. Also it appears that she may have been coached by someone do say these things to you. However, her behavior is a little scary for me. I think that I would give a VAR and keep it with me for such events, so that you can CYA in case she does something out of character again.

 

I agree with you about her being coached. And I know she felt sorry for doing it the next day. I don't feel there are going to be any further attempts in the future. But I am going to tread softly, until whatever outcome happens.

[Oberfeldwebel]

Be careful using the force too much there Luke. Obviously you know her better than I do, but after 20 years in the military, I have found that people under stress, do things you would never think that they would do. You would not be the first person that was surprised at what their spouse had done. The VAR does not have to be used negatively, if nothing comes of the event, delete it if nothing comes of the meeting. I say this only as a way to cover you just in case, please take it under advisement.

[ataloss8270]

Be careful using the force too much there Luke. Obviously you know her better than I do, but after 20 years in the military, I have found that people under stress, do things you would never think that they would do. You would not be the first person that was surprised at what their spouse had done. The VAR does not have to be used negatively, if nothing comes of the event, delete it if nothing comes of the meeting. I say this only as a way to cover you just in case, please take it under advisement.

 

I agree, but personally the way she acted the next day I don't feel she really was proud about what she did. But I will take your advise under consideration.

[ataloss8270]

I feel like I'm making progress for me, not "us":D. Its been a good week. I have left all relationship BS behind me when having to talk to my wife about things. Had alot go on this week that I had to stay in contact with her I.e. kids being sick, problems with babysitter, and a problem with auto insurance. Keep all conversation short, sweet, funny (just because that's who I am ), but to the point. Stood my ground about some issues that didn't involve "us" as a couple. Was not a jerk about them and keep my cool, no arguements at all and she understood where I was coming from about them . Damn proud of myself.

 

Spent an hour with her and the kids this morning before work when she pick them up. Didn't ask her to, I was sitting on the couch and she came over and plop down the other couch. She told me she had to talk to me about our sons attitude. I said OK let go outside. We went out on my patio and discussed the boys attitude, she told me how he's been at her house ( I.e. telling her he hates her, wants daddy, wants to be at daddies house, and doesn't listen to her at all). I just sat there and listened to her vent and listened to what she though she had to do to handle it, and made sure she knew I was actually listening lol. All I said was yes I agree what she thinks she needs to do about his attitude problem was the best way to handle it ( and I really did feel that way).

 

Funniest thing was when she was leaving we were sharing a cigarette at her car and I gave her one because she was out. And she looks me dead in the eye and said "I love you, your awesome ". I just looked at her and smiled (laughed about it in my head), and continued on with the conversation as if the words were not even said. It felt good not to get baited into her BS. Until I hear the words "I love you, I want to work it out", anything out of her mouth right now does not effect me. It was a great feeling

Edited January 25, 2013 by ataloss8270

[2sunny]

She may be seeing another man.

 

If you expect to be married and she doesn't expect the same - you two aren't on the same page.

 

Why aren't you filing for D? She moved? She abandoned the family unit?

 

File and ask for at least 50% custody. Since she's willing to state that she doesn't intend to be fair - you file first. And be sure she understands you are only following through on what she wants.

 

Still be neutral - be fair - but take control of the situation before she screws you over! That's what she was telling you - that she intends to screw you over in the D.

 

Get busy taking action to make sure she doesn't do that.

[aMguilts]

I feel like I'm making progress for me, not "us":D. Its been a good week. I have left all relationship BS behind me when having to talk to my wife about things. Had alot go on this week that I had to stay in contact with her I.e. kids being sick, problems with babysitter, and a problem with auto insurance. Keep all conversation short, sweet, funny (just because that's who I am ), but to the point. Stood my ground about some issues that didn't involve "us" as a couple. Was not a jerk about them and keep my cool, no arguements at all and she understood where I was coming from about them . Damn proud of myself.

 

Spent an hour with her and the kids this morning before work when she pick them up. Didn't ask her to, I was sitting on the couch and she came over and plop down the other couch. She told me she had to talk to me about our sons attitude. I said OK let go outside. We went out on my patio and discussed the boys attitude, she told me how he's been at her house ( I.e. telling her he hates her, wants daddy, wants to be at daddies house, and doesn't listen to her at all). I just sat there and listened to her vent and listened to what she though she had to do to handle it, and made sure she knew I was actually listening lol. All I said was yes I agree what she thinks she needs to do about his attitude problem was the best way to handle it ( and I really did feel that way).

 

Funniest thing was when she was leaving we were sharing a cigarette at her car and I gave her one because she was out. And she looks me dead in the eye and said "I love you, your awesome ". I just looked at her and smiled (laughed about it in my head), and continued on with the conversation as if the words were not even said. It felt good not to get baited into her BS. Until I hear the words "I love you, I want to work it out", anything out of her mouth right now does not effect me. It was a great feeling

 

hey ataloss

 

Great post!

 

but for 1 small detail. may i ?

(forgive me if i`m wrong, i get slammed on here enough as it is!! ))

 

 

It`s good that you `thought` you `listened`, but you didn`t.

If all the while you were `"lol" , inside your head `..then you weren`t `listening`

It isn`t a game!

Well ok, i guess it is.

But too see the real `end game` you have to be sincere, and if all the time you are thinking to yourself` yeah , i WON that one` good for me,

you will lose in the end

 

understand??

 

I`m not putting you down, you have one of the best attitudes on here, and i`ve seen what you have replied to others:cool:

 

aM

[ataloss8270]

hey ataloss

 

Great post!

 

but for 1 small detail. may i ?

(forgive me if i`m wrong, i get slammed on here enough as it is!! ))

 

 

It`s good that you `thought` you `listened`, but you didn`t.

If all the while you were `"lol" , inside your head `..then you weren`t `listening`

It isn`t a game!

Well ok, i guess it is.

But too see the real `end game` you have to be sincere, and if all the time you are thinking to yourself` yeah , i WON that one` good for me,

you will lose in the end

 

understand??

 

I`m not putting you down, you have one of the best attitudes on here, and i`ve seen what you have replied to others:cool:

 

aM

 

I do understand.

 

To me this isn't a game, this is my life, my marriage, and my family. I guess I need to look at the way I post things, because its not the way I precieve them. I'm not looking at this as rounds to win. My wife is not a prize for my to win and put on a shelf to collect dust.

 

My lol's were only meant that I actually achieve somethings for myself that I've always struggled with I.e. listen to other people when they are saying something to me, and being able to control my emotions and allowing my brain to do the thinking and talking, not my heart. It was more about me being proud of myself for growing than anything else.

[aMguilts]

I do understand.

 

To me this isn't a game, this is my life, my marriage, and my family. I guess I need to look at the way I post things, because its not the way I precieve them. I'm not looking at this as rounds to win. My wife is not a prize for my to win and put on a shelf to collect dust.

 

My lol's were only meant that I actually achieve somethings for myself that I've always struggled with I.e. listen to other people when they are saying something to me, and being able to control my emotions and allowing my brain to do the thinking and talking, not my heart. It was more about me being proud of myself for growing than anything else.

 

hey ataloss

 

you`re doing ok.

 

aM