how did you get over it?

[HeartBrokenInNY]

some of you who've read my other posts know i've been with John for ten years now. he was my best friend my lover my confidant.

 

we've been NC now since the weekend before thanksgiving when i told him to get his stuff out of my garage. a few times i bumped into him at work, he said to me "hey stranger" and i looked up and smiled, he tried to ask a question "so who stole your idea?" (in reference to a FB post i put up) and i smiled and nodded to my office, then i walked into the elevator and left him standing there.

another time, i saw him with his co-worker, i said hi to his coworker but not to him, it was pretty obvious... i noticed him turning around to look at me, but i was busy at the moment and didn't look back at him...

 

he texted me about some nonsense (something mundane "hey call me or call XXX he told me about this great deal about whatever") and i didn't reply. after a few minutes he texted me "can i call you?" and i still didn't reply.. he texted me a few more times after that "whatever, call XXX yourself then" and i STILL didn't reply even though it was killing me. finally he texted me "it's a good deal and saves alot of money" and then left it at that.

 

but when i went on FB, i see him "liking" pictures and postings of how "grateful he is to have his family and friends in his life"

 

and today (i don't know why i keep doing that to myself), he posted someone's story about how a donkey fell into a well and was feeling sorry for himself, crying etc etc, and the owner didn't know what to do so he decides that the donkey was too old to be saved and the well had to be covered anyway, starts throwing dirt to bury it, but the donkey steps aside, shakes off the dirt and steps up with every shove of dirt that is thrown on him, and eventually steps out of the well... (moral of the story is that life will throw dirt on you but you have to move up past it, and free your heart from hate etc etc)

 

after seeing this, i'm so pissed, hurt and devastated once more. easy for him to say since he can pretend everything is fine and dandy! if his wife would have found out and left his ass, he would be singing a different tune!

 

he has my in the palm of his hand and he knows it. i can't jeopardize my job to out him to his wife and he probably realizes this.

 

what does him texting me mean? how do i get over this?!?!?!?! will the pain ever go away...

[Jeanie12]

Hi HeartBroken,

It's not easy but when I was low, I kept telling myself "Living Well is the Best Revenge" he's not happy, how could he be? You have the potential to be infinitely more happy than he is. MY MM is chubby so I started working out more, he's not well read - so I dived into the classics and his house is a dump, so I've been sprucing mine up. PUT HIM TO SHAME!

 

I realized my MM was a worthless human being, even though he had been my friend for 15 years. Today when he contacted me and I emailed him back that I was now seeing someone else, he actually seemed offended! So selfish.

 

Your MM doesn't deserve you. All he is trying to do with his stupid texts is to keep you on the line so you won't look at someone else.

 

The pain will totally go away! Do you have a passion for something else? Working on your house? Working out? If not, that might help. And the power you feel by telling him you've moved on is just great and what you deserve after all this.

[Mount]

The practical point you talk about this is to ..........? to achieve what, since you and the guy already ended?

 

 

some of you who've read my other posts know i've been with John for ten years now. he was my best friend my lover my confidant.

 

we've been NC now since the weekend before thanksgiving when i told him to get his stuff out of my garage. a few times i bumped into him at work, he said to me "hey stranger" and i looked up and smiled, he tried to ask a question "so who stole your idea?" (in reference to a FB post i put up) and i smiled and nodded to my office, then i walked into the elevator and left him standing there.

another time, i saw him with his co-worker, i said hi to his coworker but not to him, it was pretty obvious... i noticed him turning around to look at me, but i was busy at the moment and didn't look back at him...

 

he texted me about some nonsense (something mundane "hey call me or call XXX he told me about this great deal about whatever") and i didn't reply. after a few minutes he texted me "can i call you?" and i still didn't reply.. he texted me a few more times after that "whatever, call XXX yourself then" and i STILL didn't reply even though it was killing me. finally he texted me "it's a good deal and saves alot of money" and then left it at that.

 

but when i went on FB, i see him "liking" pictures and postings of how "grateful he is to have his family and friends in his life"

 

and today (i don't know why i keep doing that to myself), he posted someone's story about how a donkey fell into a well and was feeling sorry for himself, crying etc etc, and the owner didn't know what to do so he decides that the donkey was too old to be saved and the well had to be covered anyway, starts throwing dirt to bury it, but the donkey steps aside, shakes off the dirt and steps up with every shove of dirt that is thrown on him, and eventually steps out of the well... (moral of the story is that life will throw dirt on you but you have to move up past it, and free your heart from hate etc etc)

 

after seeing this, i'm so pissed, hurt and devastated once more. easy for him to say since he can pretend everything is fine and dandy! if his wife would have found out and left his ass, he would be singing a different tune!

 

he has my in the palm of his hand and he knows it. i can't jeopardize my job to out him to his wife and he probably realizes this.

 

what does him texting me mean? how do i get over this?!?!?!?! will the pain ever go away...

[HeartBrokenInNY]

The practical point you talk about this is to ..........? to achieve what, since you and the guy already ended?

 

i don't know you and i don't really have the strength to get into any kind of online squabble with you Mount. I'm devastated and i have no one to talk to, i know that no one really feels bad for me "since you already knew" and maybe i shouldn't think about it like you say "it already ended"

 

if you don't really have anything consoling to say, please refrain from making any comments. i don't have really any practical point to talk about this, i don't know what i'm trying to achieve, maybe just hearing someone out just to make myself feel a little bit less hurt at this moment

[ThatJustHappened]

It's the same as any normal break up. You mourn, you eat ice cream and candy, you cry to your girlfriends (or your LS friends), and then you move on. You'll be ok eventually..break ups suck. Block him and picture him 60lbs heavier..that always helps me.

[RickFox]

Simply block him on FB, step one.

 

Block his number from your phone, step two.

 

Grieve it all and then, you'll feel that moment when you realize he was never what you thought he was and you'll move right along.

 

He only has you in the palm of his hand because you say he does and so ...he does.

[Tenacity]

The practical point you talk about this is to ..........? to achieve what, since you and the guy already ended?

 

Mount, I have supported you in the past and now I'm wondering why. Why are you making these posts?

 

You made the decision in your life to stay in an A with a guy who doesn't love or respect you, and you two are perfectly fine with that. So great. Enjoy what you have, but why are you making these posts to OW here if you are supposedly so happy with your decision?

[Tenacity]

some of you who've read my other posts know i've been with John for ten years now. he was my best friend my lover my confidant.

 

we've been NC now since the weekend before thanksgiving when i told him to get his stuff out of my garage. a few times i bumped into him at work, he said to me "hey stranger" and i looked up and smiled, he tried to ask a question "so who stole your idea?" (in reference to a FB post i put up) and i smiled and nodded to my office, then i walked into the elevator and left him standing there.

another time, i saw him with his co-worker, i said hi to his coworker but not to him, it was pretty obvious... i noticed him turning around to look at me, but i was busy at the moment and didn't look back at him...

 

he texted me about some nonsense (something mundane "hey call me or call XXX he told me about this great deal about whatever") and i didn't reply. after a few minutes he texted me "can i call you?" and i still didn't reply.. he texted me a few more times after that "whatever, call XXX yourself then" and i STILL didn't reply even though it was killing me. finally he texted me "it's a good deal and saves alot of money" and then left it at that.

 

but when i went on FB, i see him "liking" pictures and postings of how "grateful he is to have his family and friends in his life"

 

and today (i don't know why i keep doing that to myself), he posted someone's story about how a donkey fell into a well and was feeling sorry for himself, crying etc etc, and the owner didn't know what to do so he decides that the donkey was too old to be saved and the well had to be covered anyway, starts throwing dirt to bury it, but the donkey steps aside, shakes off the dirt and steps up with every shove of dirt that is thrown on him, and eventually steps out of the well... (moral of the story is that life will throw dirt on you but you have to move up past it, and free your heart from hate etc etc)

 

after seeing this, i'm so pissed, hurt and devastated once more. easy for him to say since he can pretend everything is fine and dandy! if his wife would have found out and left his ass, he would be singing a different tune!

 

he has my in the palm of his hand and he knows it. i can't jeopardize my job to out him to his wife and he probably realizes this.

 

what does him texting me mean? how do i get over this?!?!?!?! will the pain ever go away...

 

What his texting means is that he wants to be in control again. Your not allowing that is what you should KEEP doing. The SECOND you text him back you lose your control. Don't do it.

 

I know it hurts. I do. He doesn't have you in the palm of his hand, though. You are the one in control now. Keep No Contact and keep it that way. Don't give up your self-respect by giving in to his fishing. Please don't ... trust me, it is SO much worse in the long run.

[Mount]

I was trying to help here because I don't see you have a firmed point in your mind - that is why you are struggling.

 

Realistically, you only have two choices/points to make 1) go NC 2) not go NC, stay where you were with him.

 

Only when choice is being made you will feel relieved other than "devastating". So just do/make the point.

 

i don't know you and i don't really have the strength to get into any kind of online squabble with you Mount. I'm devastated and i have no one to talk to, i know that no one really feels bad for me "since you already knew" and maybe i shouldn't think about it like you say "it already ended"

 

if you don't really have anything consoling to say, please refrain from making any comments. i don't have really any practical point to talk about this, i don't know what i'm trying to achieve, maybe just hearing someone out just to make myself feel a little bit less hurt at this moment

[Mount]

I was trying to straighten her out as "get to the point" is my style. I see her having been whining about the 10 years A, and now the (seem-to-be) break-up with the MM but her messages are full of him/his details, it does not look like ending at all.

 

Once she makes the point which end is her want, she will be out of misery.

 

 

Mount, I have supported you in the past and now I'm wondering why. Why are you making these posts?

 

You made the decision in your life to stay in an A with a guy who doesn't love or respect you, and you two are perfectly fine with that. So great. Enjoy what you have, but why are you making these posts to OW here if you are supposedly so happy with your decision?

[Tenacity]

I was trying to straighten her out as "get to the point" is my style. I see her having been whining about the 10 years A, and now the (seem-to-be) break-up with the MM but her messages are full of him/his details, it does not look like ending at all.

 

Once she makes the point which end is her want, she will be out of misery.

 

Okay, so you -- who tried to go NC with the MM during which pages of support were given to you on this very forum not even a month ago - and who failed at it, couldn't do it, went back to MM -- so you now somehow feel qualified to give advice to a person trying to get out of a 10-year affair, and by calling her "whining" because she is hurting? Are you serious?

[Mount]

I don't think the NC at that time was failed, that was clean cut all whole time from the beginning. Then I decided to re-connect with MM so I chose to proceed.

 

At that timeframe during NC, I wanted it happened (because it was just after some argument) and I feel relieved during NC. But when the days went on, the negative feeling after the argument went away, so NC discontinued.

 

All I did was two clear things, either executing NC or executing A, to suit my point that I want it happened/happening.

 

 

 

Okay, so you -- who tried to go NC with the MM during which pages of support were given to you on this very forum not even a month ago - and who failed at it, couldn't do it, went back to MM -- so you now somehow feel qualified to give advice to a person trying to get out of a 10-year affair, and by calling her "whining" because she is hurting? Are you serious?

[EmptyHeartGirl]

some of you who've read my other posts know i've been with John for ten years now. he was my best friend my lover my confidant.

 

we've been NC now since the weekend before thanksgiving when i told him to get his stuff out of my garage. a few times i bumped into him at work, he said to me "hey stranger" and i looked up and smiled, he tried to ask a question "so who stole your idea?" (in reference to a FB post i put up) and i smiled and nodded to my office, then i walked into the elevator and left him standing there.

another time, i saw him with his co-worker, i said hi to his coworker but not to him, it was pretty obvious... i noticed him turning around to look at me, but i was busy at the moment and didn't look back at him...

 

he texted me about some nonsense (something mundane "hey call me or call XXX he told me about this great deal about whatever") and i didn't reply. after a few minutes he texted me "can i call you?" and i still didn't reply.. he texted me a few more times after that "whatever, call XXX yourself then" and i STILL didn't reply even though it was killing me. finally he texted me "it's a good deal and saves alot of money" and then left it at that.

 

but when i went on FB, i see him "liking" pictures and postings of how "grateful he is to have his family and friends in his life"

 

and today (i don't know why i keep doing that to myself), he posted someone's story about how a donkey fell into a well and was feeling sorry for himself, crying etc etc, and the owner didn't know what to do so he decides that the donkey was too old to be saved and the well had to be covered anyway, starts throwing dirt to bury it, but the donkey steps aside, shakes off the dirt and steps up with every shove of dirt that is thrown on him, and eventually steps out of the well... (moral of the story is that life will throw dirt on you but you have to move up past it, and free your heart from hate etc etc)

 

after seeing this, i'm so pissed, hurt and devastated once more. easy for him to say since he can pretend everything is fine and dandy! if his wife would have found out and left his ass, he would be singing a different tune!

 

he has my in the palm of his hand and he knows it. i can't jeopardize my job to out him to his wife and he probably realizes this.

 

what does him texting me mean? how do i get over this?!?!?!?! will the pain ever go away...

 

You get over it by going NC, and focusing on you. I don't think you really want be NC, I think the things you have done is to get a reaction out of him, (which you did with him sending those text messages)but lo and behold he got a reaction out of you (his fb message). You need to get real with yourself first and foremost, you will lose everytime trying to play games with this guy. He goes home to his wife everyday and As you saw from his FB he will always have his family.

 

If you really want to "get over it" you have to end it. That means stopping all forms of communication: Block him from facebook, change your phone number/email. If you can't because of work, you ignore the messages.

The fact that you have not taken these steps, tells me you really don;t want things to end. You just want to force his hand. You're hoping that he will miss you and be so distraught without you that he will leave his wife.

 

When you finally let go of that idea and make the personal decision to move on with your life, the pain will begin to go away. The longer you continue on this path, the longer that pain will continue. The choice is yours.

[jwi71]

Nothing has changed because nothing has changed.

Still the same ebb and flow of pain and hurt.

 

Every unchanged day is a trigger which reignites that painful of loss, the sense of "could have been".

 

Rinse and repeat.

 

It gets better when YOU make a change.

 

What ACTIONS can you DO to CHANGE things.

( after ten years, most of it in a bad place, think BIG).

 

Got any ideas?

[PurpleGal]

I don't think the NC at that time was failed, that was clean cut all whole time from the beginning. Then I decided to re-connect with MM so I chose to proceed.

 

At that timeframe during NC, I wanted it happened (because it was just after some argument) and I feel relieved during NC. But when the days went on, the negative feeling after the argument went away, so NC discontinued.

 

All I did was two clear things, either executing NC or executing A, to suit my point that I want it happened/happening.

 

Really?

 

1. Going NC for 3 weeks, then contacting MM isn't "successful NC". It's plain old breaking NC. 3 weeks is nothing. Maybe after 3 years you could claim that.

 

2. Your relationship has lasted how long, not counting the time apart? And you're questioning someone's need, after 10 years together, for support in navigating her emotions? This is a public forum so you're entitled to post what you want, but if your intent is to help this poster, it's obvious that you are not.

 

3. On what planet does making a decision to do something automatically relieve a person of negative emotions associated with pondering the decision? So if someone decides to break up with someone, they won't feel sad about the relationship? That's not how it works for people. Robots, maybe.

[LostSoulTrain]

We broke up three times. First time she left me when her husband came home. It was tough as hell and I tried to get her back for two months. The breaking point was one morning when I woke up and felt tired of it all. From that point on it felt just natural to be NC with her and I felt I am moving on. Funny, about that time she started coming back.

 

Second time I broke it up because she could not say that she will leave her husband. This time I felt from the start I am in right mindset and moving forward. Yet, she came week ago and said she is leaving him right after holidays. I caved in. Finally, two nights ago I ended it again. I could feel something is not right. Also, I felt frustration is accumulating inside me and that I cant stand having her hands around my neck. I exploded that night and told her that this is final end of us and that I wish to be with her in total NC. I feel hurt now. Even though I know she wanted to have her cake and eat it too it hurts to know that she did not even wish me merry christmas and gave up on us again. But guess life goes on

[canuckprincess]

some of you who've read my other posts know i've been with John for ten years now. he was my best friend my lover my confidant.

 

we've been NC now since the weekend before thanksgiving when i told him to get his stuff out of my garage. a few times i bumped into him at work, he said to me "hey stranger" and i looked up and smiled, he tried to ask a question "so who stole your idea?" (in reference to a FB post i put up) and i smiled and nodded to my office, then i walked into the elevator and left him standing there.

another time, i saw him with his co-worker, i said hi to his coworker but not to him, it was pretty obvious... i noticed him turning around to look at me, but i was busy at the moment and didn't look back at him...

 

he texted me about some nonsense (something mundane "hey call me or call XXX he told me about this great deal about whatever") and i didn't reply. after a few minutes he texted me "can i call you?" and i still didn't reply.. he texted me a few more times after that "whatever, call XXX yourself then" and i STILL didn't reply even though it was killing me. finally he texted me "it's a good deal and saves alot of money" and then left it at that.

 

but when i went on FB, i see him "liking" pictures and postings of how "grateful he is to have his family and friends in his life"

 

and today (i don't know why i keep doing that to myself), he posted someone's story about how a donkey fell into a well and was feeling sorry for himself, crying etc etc, and the owner didn't know what to do so he decides that the donkey was too old to be saved and the well had to be covered anyway, starts throwing dirt to bury it, but the donkey steps aside, shakes off the dirt and steps up with every shove of dirt that is thrown on him, and eventually steps out of the well... (moral of the story is that life will throw dirt on you but you have to move up past it, and free your heart from hate etc etc)

 

after seeing this, i'm so pissed, hurt and devastated once more. easy for him to say since he can pretend everything is fine and dandy! if his wife would have found out and left his ass, he would be singing a different tune!

 

he has my in the palm of his hand and he knows it. i can't jeopardize my job to out him to his wife and he probably realizes this.

 

what does him texting me mean? how do i get over this?!?!?!?! will the pain ever go away...

 

Oh sweetie I think about you all the time and wonder how your holding up. I'm so proud of you for not responding to his calls or emails, you are so much stronger then most. Ten years is a hell of a long time to just cut ties and go cold turkey, your doing great! I know it doesn't feel like things are good but your doing such a great job at not letting him have control. You need to distract yourself, you are a gorgeous woman and you need to treat yourself well. You have my email addy so contact me anytime, I'm here for you ((hugs)) and I hope your christmas didn't suck too badly.

[canuckprincess]

The practical point you talk about this is to ..........? to achieve what, since you and the guy already ended?

 

Mount I don't know how long you have been in your Affair, but if it's not been years and years like the previous poster then your trying to compare apples to oranges. Please if you have nothing supportive to say then say nothing. Us AP's need to stick together because most have no where else to turn for support.

[goldengirl11]

Simply block him on FB, step one.

 

Block his number from your phone, step two.

 

Grieve it all and then, you'll feel that moment when you realize he was never what you thought he was and you'll move right along.

 

He only has you in the palm of his hand because you say he does and so ...he does.

 

Re blocking his number, only if your phone can do that. I've got quite a modern phone which I am pretty happy with, but it doesn't have that facility, so am really considering changing my number instead, which is a shame as have had this no. for years. It is a married new friend of mine (met him on a forum several months ago but only actually met him once with his wife at a concert recently), who is now calling me his special friend and being v generous e.g sent me some money over Xmas as was unemployed. He later got angry with me over the holidays though accusing me of disappearing and playing games on him and screwing up his NYE (I felt it was too fresh to meet with him the following night), but he recently apologised for his words and promised never get angry with me again and booked me another ticket to a show. I really do not want anything to do with him anymore, but he seems persistent and makes me feel guilty after "helping out a good friend." I am also afraid he will get angry again I guess and say more possible hurtful things, despite him previously begging for forgiveness. He also said in a recent message that "when I said I want to see you soon, you know what I mean don't you". Then the next night he said "golly I hope I didn't say anything wrong before" and asked how my new job went. As yet I haven't responded and both of my friends who know about the situation told me to ignore him, but admit am scared to do so. I would be grateful for any advice.

Edited January 8, 2013 by goldengirl11

[switchblue97525]

He later got angry with me over the holidays though accusing me of disappearing and playing games on him and screwing up his NYE (I felt it was too fresh to meet with him the following night), but he recently apologised for his words and promised never get angry with me again and booked me another ticket to a show. I really do not want anything to do with him anymore, but he seems persistent and makes me feel guilty after "helping out a good friend." I am also afraid he will get angry again I guess and say more possible hurtful things, despite him previously begging for forgiveness. ..... but admit am scared to do so. I would be grateful for any advice.

 

You said twice you were afraid of things he'd say or do, he got angry with you (over stuff in his head, apparently), and makes you feel guilty. Don't walk, RUN. This guy is bad news, never mind the fact that he's married. Why would you want to be around someone who makes you feel bad? Moreover, he is doing it with full intent. Giving gifts and "help" followed by weird emotional explosions is a classic abusive control play. Erase him from your life before he hurts you.

[goldengirl11]

You said twice you were afraid of things he'd say or do, he got angry with you (over stuff in his head, apparently), and makes you feel guilty. Don't walk, RUN. This guy is bad news, never mind the fact that he's married. Why would you want to be around someone who makes you feel bad? Moreover, he is doing it with full intent. Giving gifts and "help" followed by weird emotional explosions is a classic abusive control play. Erase him from your life before he hurts you.

 

Thank you for your advice there. I feel he has a hold on me already and to be honest is making me a nervous wreck. I'm hoping to change my phone soon, so hopefully can still keep my no. Also I was thinking of replying out of politeness via a PM on the forum we both still go on (although don't go on there much now incase it sparks off conversation e.g he's mentioned when he's seen me on there), so hopefully he gets the message that I would prefer to keep contact on there like how it was. When I had suggested this though in the new year, he said "well that's why I'd suggested recently," but then when we started talking on friendly terms again, he'd said that he'd send me another FB request soon! He now seems to mainly contact either on FB or text, which seems a bit insensitive. Particularly as I'd mentioned had started seeing someone recently (hoping this would make him keep his distance a bit and after he wondered why I was still single (the time he was rude)).

[goldengirl11]

You said twice you were afraid of things he'd say or do, he got angry with you (over stuff in his head, apparently), and makes you feel guilty. Don't walk, RUN. This guy is bad news, never mind the fact that he's married. Why would you want to be around someone who makes you feel bad? Moreover, he is doing it with full intent. Giving gifts and "help" followed by weird emotional explosions is a classic abusive control play. Erase him from your life before he hurts you.

 

I feel I can't just unfriend him, because most likely he will text me instead and ask what's going on. It feels a dilemma.

[goldengirl11]

Thank you for your advice there. I feel he has a hold on me already and to be honest is making me a nervous wreck. I'm hoping to change my phone soon, so hopefully can still keep my no. Also I was thinking of replying out of politeness via a PM on the forum we both still go on (although don't go on there much now incase it sparks off conversation e.g he's mentioned when he's seen me on there), so hopefully he gets the message that I would prefer to keep contact on there like how it was. When I had suggested this though in the new year, he said "well that's why I'd suggested recently," but then when we started talking on friendly terms again, he'd said that he'd send me another FB request soon! He now seems to mainly contact either on FB or text, which seems a bit insensitive. Particularly as I'd mentioned had started seeing someone recently (hoping this would make him keep his distance a bit and after he wondered why I was still single (the time he was rude)).

 

*what I'd suggested not why I'd suggested

[goldengirl11]

You said twice you were afraid of things he'd say or do, he got angry with you (over stuff in his head, apparently), and makes you feel guilty. Don't walk, RUN. This guy is bad news, never mind the fact that he's married. Why would you want to be around someone who makes you feel bad? Moreover, he is doing it with full intent. Giving gifts and "help" followed by weird emotional explosions is a classic abusive control play. Erase him from your life before he hurts you.

 

Basically, I'm scared to do ANYTHING on FB, but at the same time am scared to unfriend him on FB, mainly because no doubt he will text me to ask what's going on. He also has my address (as he was going to pick me up on NYE), but doubt that he would go that far to contact me, which then leaves the forum we both go on, who said they would be able to do something ie. block him or delete my account which is v nice of them. Should I feel guilty though that this man has bought me tickets to two shows later in the year though, one in Apr and July to see our favourite singer with him and his wife? It has gone quiet between us for a few days i.e no contact from either side. Thanks.

[switchblue97525]

Basically, I'm scared to do ANYTHING on FB, but at the same time am scared to unfriend him on FB, mainly because no doubt he will text me to ask what's going on. He also has my address (as he was going to pick me up on NYE), but doubt that he would go that far to contact me, which then leaves the forum we both go on, who said they would be able to do something ie. block him or delete my account which is v nice of them. Should I feel guilty though that this man has bought me tickets to two shows later in the year though, one in Apr and July to see our favourite singer with him and his wife? It has gone quiet between us for a few days i.e no contact from either side. Thanks.

 

Don't feel any guilt AT ALL about acting to protect yourself. You owe this man nothing. Gifts are nice, but what makes them a gift is that they do not create obligation. If the giver thinks it does, it stops being a gift and becomes bait on a sharp, sharp hook. Don't bite. If you are scared to unfriend him, listen to your instinct, which is telling you this man is not good for you. I would strongly urge you to block him on FB and any other forums you know he's on. Block his texts or change your number. And don't spend another minute feeling bad about it, he does not intend anything good for you.